


Band of Bosh'tets

by gedoens



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Action, Action/Adventure, Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Rewrite, Drama, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Garrus the best bro, Gen, Mindoir (Mass Effect), Romance, Science Fiction, Slow Romance, Some Humor, Squad tactics that actually make some sense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:27:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 135,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26987467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gedoens/pseuds/gedoens
Summary: Tali'Zorah was just looking for a worthy pilgrimage gift, but is sucked into the adventure of her liftime instead. At the helm: Commander Shepard, greatest hero of the Alliance. But with a life of violence and loss behind him and the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders, Tali soon finds that perhaps John Shepard needs her just as much as she needs him...Violence, Language. Written mostly from Tali's and Shepard's POV, but everyone on the squad (including Joker) gets to be POV at least once. Even Kaidan.
Relationships: Male Shepard/Tali'Zorah nar Rayya
Comments: 48
Kudos: 85





	1. Ch1

Tali paced up and down the alley, looking behind her every couple of seconds, checking both entrances for the umpteenth time in the last half hour. She kept close to a large crate that stood perpendicular to the alley's direction; this way if things went sideways and the shooting started, she would have cover no matter from where they came. Unless of course, they came from both sides at once...

_Dammit. Fre'eg._

She was in over her head, and she knew it. When she had set out to capture a Geth memory core, she would never have imagined that suddenly every thug in citadel space would be after her. Well, she never would have imagined to find an ancestors – damned audio file of a council spectre discussing his treason either. Life was funny like that, apparently.

_I could be safe with C-Sec right now, and Saren could be in jail. But no, why listen to the vagabond. She's probably a thief, too. Turian det'kazuat fre'eg._

She wasn't even sure which of the two Turians she hated more, the murderer or the C-Sec officer who had turned them away. Her train of thought continued to worm its way to Keenah, her friend who -

_No. Not now. Or I'll end up like her._

She checked the time again. Fifteen minutes late. The shadow broker was supposed to be the top information broker in the galaxy. Would such a person be late? Probably not. Every hair on her head and neck down to her shoulders was standing up, or at least they tried underneath the helmet. Again, her hand searched for the reassuring form of the improvised flashbang she had hidden at her waist, under her realk. Again, she checked the safety of her shotgun at the small of her back. It was back, which was not supposed to be possible in the weapon's collapsed state, but she had modified that. She did not want to die because her trembling fingers failed to tap a little switch.

_Alright that's it, five more minutes and I'm getting out here..._

Half way through her self imposed deadline, three beings entered the alley from the direction of Chora's Den. Two salarians wearing light armor with enclosed helmets and a Turian. His markings were strange, but it wasn't like Tali was very familiar with these things. Still, the man rubbed her the wrong way. A couple of meters out, the salarians stayed back, one leaning against the wall, the other crossing his arms over his chest. It was obvious that they were very comfortable with this situation. She was not. Which got only worse when the Turian stepped in uncomfortably close and asked: “Do you have it?”

“Yes. And half a dozen copies that will be sent to the press if I don't deactivate the timers.”

That a was a lie. Tali didn't know anyone from the press, if she had, that's where she'd have gone first. Right now, she was thankful for her mask, because it appeared to actually give the Turian pause. If he had been able to see her face, there was no way he had ever fallen for it.

_This guy isn't the broker. You stupid girl, you've gotten yourself set up. Dammit!_

She did not like how the Turian looked at her. Was that...lust in his eyes? She shivered. “Where's the shadow broker? Where is fist!?”

“Don't you worry. They will be here...”

He stepped closer, touched her elbow and then slid his hand up her arm to her shoulder. She froze at the spot.

_This isn't happening. He's not going to touch me underneath my realk,no. Not happe-_

His hand snaked its way across her shoulder, sliding along her collarbone towards the edge of her hood, and she realized that that was exactly what he was about to do. From somewhere within her, white hot rage came rushing in and replaced the crippling terror she had felt a second before. She slapped his hand away with force.

“No way! The deal is off!”

The thug, that's what he was, she was sure of it now, she should have known from the start, stupid, stupid girl, withdrew his hand, a surprised expression on his face.

_Didn't expect the little Quarian to have strength, did you det'kazuat?_

The surprise made way for anger. “Get her!” He reached underneath his jacket for ancestors knew what, but unfortunately for him, Quarians were an agile people with strong legs, and Tali was an extraordinarily agile Quarian with extraordinarily strong legs. His hand had only just closed around the object as Tali's three – toed right foot already thrust into his abdomen, pushing him back violently and propelling her backwards. In the back of her mind, a tiny, strangely detached voice cursed the suit as she had done so many times before; if not for the shoes holding her claws captive, that kick could have disemboweled him on the spot. Instead she threw the flashbang at the Salarians with her left and drew her shotgun with her right mid-flight as she fell, landing hard on her butt and lower back. Not taking any risks, she fired the Overload that had been pre- loaded on her omnitool for the entire time she had been here, and indeed, he had shields. They collapsed immediately from the assault of her custom - tuned and overclocked program. By the time the thug had recovered from her kick and began to bring up the pistol that he had reached for earlier she was already holding her shotgun with both hands and on target.

“BOSH'TET!”

From this distance, the entirety of the pellets were still grouped tightly enough to impact exclusively on his bony face, turning it into a blue-brown pulp. He went down without another sound. Scrambling on her butt and feet, keeping the gun up, she frantically crawled deeper into cover. The salarians had to come around the corner of the crate any second now...

“Come on you fre'egs! I'll kill you like the other bosh'tet! Damned det'kazuat -”

She didn't even realize that she was screaming obscenities until one of the Salarians did indeed stumble into her field of fire and she reflexively pulled the trigger, turning his chest into a greenish mess and vaporizing his head...what? No, the head had already been missing...what?

A figure cautiously entered her field of view, their hands empty and held away from their body. Human, definitively male. Heavy armor...rank markings...a soldier?

“Are you okay? Did you get hurt?”

_Wha-What?_

Lowering her shotgun, still sitting on her buttcheeks, she blurted out: “I can take care of myself!”

_The fre'eg !? Nice way to thank him for saving you, you were dead._

Dropping the muzzle to the floor, she quickly added: “Not that I don't appreciate the help...”

More aliens came into view now. Two more humans, also in alliance armor, a Turian who looked like C-Sec, and... a Krogan?

“Uhm...who are you, anyway?”

“Commander John Shepard, Alliance navy. And your name...?”

Beginning to feel a little silly, still sitting on the floor with her gun out between her legs, she got up, flicked the safety back on and stowed it on her back before answering.

“Tali. Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. Just call me Tali.”

“Nice to meet you, Tali. My companions here are Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, Urdnot Wrex, mercenary and Garrus Vakarian from C-Sec. Listen , I am looking for evidence to prove that Saren Arterius is a traitor and works with the Geth.”

_Ancestors be praised! Someone who'll listen!_

“Then I have a chance to repay you for saving my life. I have what you need. But...could we go somewhere safe first?”

The commander nodded. “I'll take you to the human embassy. We'll need to show this evidence to the ambassador, anyway. Come on people, I want a ring around Tali, we're not getting sucker punched by any last ditch efforts from Saren's cronies.”

They formed up around her and got going, and so she followed. Even if she hadn't felt like she could trust the commander, she was spent at this point, and besides, she did trust him. The man had just saved her life, after all. Walking, she inspected him a little closer. She had not met many humans yet.

_They really do look remarkably similar. Bigger, kind of ...blocky...and these weird legs. But still..._

The walked most of the way in silence, until they reached the elevator to the presidium.

“I know you've been shot just days ago. Do you need medical attention?”

It took her a few seconds to realize she was the one being addressed. Why was this man so concerned about her, he had what he needed either way? First Dr. Michel now this guy, maybe humans were just nice? But there was Fist, so...

“Tali?”

“Oh! Yes! I'm fine, the bullet only grazed me, I didn't lose much blood really, the polonium was the problem, I , uh, had a bad fever, but Dr. Michel helped me, and it's been a few days, so I'm fine. Mostly.”

_Babbling again. Stupid girl..._

He cracked a smile. “Relax, it's over. You can slow down a little.”

_Keelah, ten seconds of conversation and you've already talked the poor man's ear off._

He didn't seem to mind though.

“Polonium, huh? Bastards. Been there, had that. Not pleasant. I feel you.”

“Y-you've been hit with polonium rounds too?”

“Yes. Terminus and Traverse pirates love the stuff.”

“Oh. Yes. It makes sense that's what a human soldier would be dealing with. We know these types pretty well, too. They don't dare going near the fleet, but when we send out mining parties or trade ships to other systems, they're a constant danger.”

Shortly after, the elevator opened and they stepped onto the presidium. They walked in silence now, everybody visibly relaxing. Tali had enjoyed talking to Shepard, but here, she felt the disapproving looks of many of the pedestrians of all the various races on her, and it made her want to make herself small and silent. So she tensed up and walked with her eyes on the feet of the human woman, Ashley, walking in front of her. Until a Turian in the same armor as Garrus, but different markings, passed them by. “Garrus! Isn't that a bit much citizen's help just for bringing in one little thief?” She could feel herself blush under her mask as the shame set in. Not even a minute here and someone reminded her of her place.

Garrus didn't seem too happy either. “Eat a foot, Olvis.” Olvis just laughed as he went his way.

Shepard shot Garrus a glance. “Friend of yours?” The Turian pressed his mandibles to the side of his head and tilted it before answering. A sign of...unease, maybe?

“Colleague. Not the sharpest fang in the maw.”

“What was that about?”

“He..uhm, was trying to make a...joke. Insinuating that...”

Tali hang her head low. “It was about me.”

The commander turned his head to her. “You? Why?”

_What does he mean why?_

“You know...”

“I don't.”

'”I-Its because I'm a Quarian. Many people look down on us. They say we're vagabonds and beggars. Or...thieves.”

Shepard blew air through his nose, his nostrils flaring as he stopped and turned, clearly searching the crowd for Olvis. “Hm, can't see the asshole anymore. Damn shame...”

_Keelah, he's furious. Who is this man?_

“Please, Commander, don't concern yourself with it, I...am getting used to it.”

“My ass are you getting used to it. At least not as long as you're with me.”

_This can't be a general human thing. This man is just something else._

“Commander...he was just the first who said something. Half the people here on the presidium are looking at me.”

He raised his eyebrows and started scanning their surroundings. After a while, he turned back to her, a look of barely contained anger on his face.

“Not sure why I'm surprised. Not like space racism is new or something....Batarians taught us that much.” Ashley snorted at that while the Lieutenant's expression grew grim. Wrex gave a deep, rumbling chuckle. She decided to tell Shepard some more details,his empathy had emboldened her and he seemed to be inclined to listen, and as always when the topic was her people, she felt the words basically bubbling to the surface.

“What do you think why I went to some shady thug like Fist with my information? I went to C-Sec first. They called me a vagabond and threatened to throw us off the station. “ Suddenly, she was struck by the thing she had been successfully keeping out of her mind for most of the day, and certainly for the entire time since she'd been saved. “Oh, Keenah...she would still be alive. If this...this _bosh'tet_ had just listened to us...I...I'm sorry...” Her emotions overwhelmed her and a sniff escaped her as tears welled in her eyes and she had to shut up and stop for a moment in order to force down the sobs that were threatening to shake her body. Before she knew it, Shepard had stopped again and a hand was on her shoulder.

“Are you telling me someone _died_ because C-Sec wouldn't look at your evidence!?”

She nodded, but could not yet speak again. As she struggled to regain her composure, the detached voice from the back of her mind wormed its way to the front, musing about how weird human hands were. Five fingers like Asari. So technically, it wasn't human hands specifically that were strange, but human and Asari hands...the absurd train of thought calmed her down enough to continue speaking. “My friend Keenah. We were part of a group of pilgrims. After acquiring the evidence from a Geth unit we ambushed we landed on Illium. Saren's men were there. Surprised us completely. The others...they all died. Only Keenah and I got away. Stowed away on a ship to here. We got caught. They took us to C-Sec. We thought that would be just what we needed. Instead, the Turian officer sent us away. Later that day, the other Turian, the one who worked for Saren, found us. That's were I got shot. I got lucky, he just grazed my arm. Keenah...he got her in the belly.”

The group had halted and listened to her story with increasing levels of concern on their faces. Garrus seemed to be squirming uncomfortably. Wrex was unreadable. Ashley's eyes had opened wider and wider and her jaw had come wider and wider apart with every word, until it seemed that either would not go any further and she held a hand in front of her mouth. Shepard's face was petrified as he asked: “What about that assassin? Is he still out there?”

“No. I killed him.”

The mood changed, from shock to respect. “Girl's got a quad”, Wrex grumbled. Shepard nodded approvingly.

“Alright, before we go inside...do you remember the officer's name?”

She shook her head, casting her gaze towards her toes.

“Shame. Tali, I'm sorry. Hell of a story. Let's get inside, so you don't have to tell all of it twice.”

…...........

Wrex leaned on the wall of the human embassy, his expression neutral as usual, but in his head, he had to admit that this was an interesting day. Teaming up with the humans and their Turian had been normal enough, these things happened all the time. But exposing a rogue Spectre, a Turian to boot? Priceless. And the company had turned out quite enjoyable, too. Shepard was a warrior of renown, and from what he had seen so far, for good reason. The other two humans were uninteresting, but watching the Turian squirm as the Quarian told her tale about how the narrow-mindedness of one of his colleagues had cost one life, endangered another and almost ruined the entire investigation had been the best thing he'd seen this week, if not month.

The Quarian herself was fun, too. She was a pup, but she had spunk. Right now, she was explaining absolute basics of her culture to the surprisingly ignorant human ambassador. At least he had the sense to understand when he had been a pyjak and ask politely after making a fool out of himself.

Wrex listened, half-hearted at first as none of this was new to him, but increasingly interested later, when she played the audio file of Saren gloating over his 'major victory'.

_Great victory you got there Turian, butchering a bunch of farmers and a token garrison with a dreadnought and an army. Pyjak..._

His interest peaked even further when the other voice, a woman, started talking about Reapers. Wrex was old, it did not happen often that he heard something that was genuinely new to him. Only minutes later, the entire group filed out of the office to make for the council chamber, Shepard, the other humans and the Turian, who seemed to have a real axe to grind with Saren – a Turian who'll shit at another Turian, and alongside a bunch of humans no less – were positively gleeful at the prospect of bringing down their quarry, the Quarian pup, Tali was the name, seemed about ready to burst from excitement after Shepard had accepted her into his team – a good decision, she had a quad, could shoot and was obviously smart, if a little green, but then again, she was a pup- and as for Wrex himself, he just wanted to see where this went.

_Maybe I'll keep tagging along. Got nothing better to do anyway, and this_ krannt _seems entertaining enough..._

During the elevator ride, a terribly embarassed Tali tried, stammering it out feverishly like she just realized what she had done, to apologize to Shepard for using “foul language” during the fighting in the alley. The commander seemed just about ready to piss himself, and Wrex felt the same. Even the Turian seemed somewhat amused. The laughter got the pup only more upset, so they quickly got a hold of themselves and Shepard assured her that in combat, she was allowed to curse as much as she wanted, but still, even after cutting this particular amusement short, Wrex was confident that he was making a good decision. This _would_ be entertaining.

…...

Garrus was ecstatic. Not even the council had been able to dismiss the evidence they had found, and now Saren was officially a traitor, with Shepard, the newly appointed first human Spectre, sent after him. And he, Garrus, would be along for the ride. Working with a Spectre! No more bureaucracy in the way, no more stupid rules. A dream come true. The company was strange for sure, but he'd deal with it. At C-Sec, he had worked with humans enough to know that the ill will most older Turians held towards the younger race was simply born of ignorance and prejudice. The Quarian...Garrus had no particular love for the Quarian people, they tended to be involved with trouble , but this one seemed alright. Certainly capable. The Krogan though...he was not even sure why the mercenary had decided to tag along. But he had to trust that Shepard knew what he was doing, he wasn't going to second guess the man five minutes in. Right now, they were headed towards C-Sec to change elevators and continue towards the alliance docks. There would be a detour, though; Shepard was determined to have some choice words with the executor and demand an investigation into the officer responsible for the death of Tali's friend. The commander had already been mad at Olvis' – bloody idiot- lame joke at the Quarian's expense, and when he had heard how C-Sec had failed her, he'd gone absolutely livid; he had kept his composure well, but Garrus was good enough at his job to notice it anyway. For his part, he was tagging along to turn in his badge. If he got to watch Pallin squirm while he was at it, all the better.

Shepard brushed past several agents trying to tell him that he couldn't just barge into the executor's office, and then did just that, Garrus and Tali following in his wake. A human officer stepped forward and tried to stop Tali from entering the room, but Garrus gave him a turian death glare and he thought better of it, and they were in. Garrus closed the door behind them and settled in to enjoy the show.

“Commander Shepard!? Wha – stand by, I'll call you back. Shepard, what do you think you are doing!?”

“You a favor.” he answered, stepping up to Pallin's desk and resting his hands on the tabletop. “By alerting you to an utter moron in your ranks who got a someone killed and almost ruined my entire investigation.”

“What are you talking about, Shepard?”

“I take it you're aware of the results of the council's last meeting?”

“Yes.”

“Then you know who she is.” , he said, pointing over to Tali, who was visibly uncomfortable with the whole situation.

Pallin's anger had subsided at this point, replaced with wariness. “Yes...”

_The old man might be as flexible as a rock, but he's not stupid. He knows Shepard's about to give him a major headache._

“You might also be aware that she almost got killed by Saren's hired thugs trying to get this evidence to the authorities. In fact, that's exactly what happened to her friend whom she initially arrived here with. What you probably don't know is that C-Sec could've had this evidence days ago. She and her friend tried to give it to you, but the officer they spoke with turned them away and threatened to throw her off the station. Now a young woman is dead, and Saren almost got away with it, all because one of your officers is an incompetent racist!”

The executor sat back in his chair and raised his browplates, taking in Shepard's outburst. “I see. That's...unacceptable. Thank you for coming to me with this, Commander. The press would just love this...”

“Oh, I'm sure they will. I have a contact whom I'll be meeting about something else later, and I will tell her all about this.” A predatory smile spread across Shepard's face, while Pallin's darkened.

_He really wants to blow this up. I almost pity the guy at fault, can't say I'd be too inclined to listen to some random stowaways either...almost. He should've known better._

“I see. So why are you even here?”

“Consider it a courtesy, we might have to work together in the future after all. I will make sure the story isn't released until tomorrow afternoon, so you should have all the time you need to have the culprit found until then, maybe that way you can at least limit the PR debacle.”

“Which you are going to inflict on us.”

“No, that idiot did. Blame him, not me. I'm not turning a blind eye to this kind of bullshit.”

“Fine.” he sighed and turned his head towards Tali. “So Miss, what can you tell me about this officer?”

“I didn't get his name or number. He was a Turian with white markings. We met on dock H-15, three days ago, around noon. We...were being presented to him by the crew of the ship we stowed away on.”

“Stowaways? Why?”

“Saren's men tried to kill us on Illium. We were on the run.”

The executor grunted. “Should be enough to clear the matter up. Thank you, Miss. And...my condolences, as well as my apology in the name of C-Sec. This was a major error. The man will be punished, I guarantee it.”

Shepard nodded and took a step back. “I'll take my leave, come on Tali. Let's get to the ship. See you later, Garrus.”

Garrus just nodded and turned back to Pallin, who was already looking at him with an expression that made it very clear that he wanted to have his office back to himself yesterday.

“What is it, Garrus?”

“I'm quitting.”

“What!?”

“What I just said. You know me. I'm fed up with this place. I know it's not your fault, but the Saren investigation was the last straw. I'm going with Shepard. Getting done what C-Sec wasn't allowed to.”

Pallin grunted, but didn't argue.

_Old man knows me better than trying to stop me. He's probably happy to get rid of me, anyway._

“A pity, Garrus.”

_Huh?_

“But I can't say I'm surprised. You're a good officer, but you've never really had the right...attitude for this kind of work. Good luck out there. Just don't forget that most of the rules are actually there for a good reason.”

He was surprised to hear this reaction from the executor -the two had been butting heads almost constantly- and so it took him a second to find words.

“Thank you, Sir. Here's my badge. I'll swing by the armory and turn in my pistol, too. Farewell.”

Leaving the office, he pondered that perhaps, his appraisal of Pallin had been unjust. The man respected him despite their constant differences of opinion? Perhaps he should have been big enough of a man to feel the same way about him...

After getting his affairs in order, he headed up to the dock. Shepard was leaning on the railing, talking to Tali. As Garrus drew closer, the two of them broke it off and went for the airlock, but when the Commander saw Garrus, he stopped and waited for him. “Got everything taken care off, Garrus?”

“Yes, Commander.”

“I gotta ask...are you sure about this? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to have you. But quitting your job on the spot? Some might call that a little rash. “

Garrus reached him and they entered the airlock together. “It's more than that. C-Sec is completely bogged down with regulations and red tape. Hell, you've just seen it first hand. If Tali hadn't come along, Saren would have gotten away, because I did not have the clearance to dig up his really dirty stuff, and then the case was closed. I could go on and on with stories like this. Spirits, get me a beer or two and I will.” They shared a chuckle at that. “I've been putting up with this for years. “ he continued as they made their way through the CIC, “ getting more and more frustrated. This whole affair was just the...what's the human saying? The nail in the coffin?”

“Yeah, that's the one. “

They entered the elevator and Shepard pressed the button for the cargo hold. “I'd like to thank you again for bringing me along, Commander. This is a dream come true, in a way. Finally, I'll get to do something my way.”

Shepard didn't seem to like that one too much, raising a brow. “Well, when we out there its my way Garrus...”

“Of course, Commander. I didn't mean it like that.”

“Good. As long as that's clear and you do your job well, I won't tell you how to do it.”

“Thanks Commander. Either way, I intend to make the most of this. Speaking of jobs, is there anything I could do on board? Between missions, I mean?”

The door opened as they finally arrived in the cargo hold. It was dominated by a large armored vehicle.

_Hmm...M35 Mako? Not bad._

“I'm not sure. What are you good at Garrus?”

“Well, I do have some experience with maintenance of armored vehicles. Someone taking care of that pretty lady over there?”

Shepard laughed and gave him a pat on the shoulder. “She's all yours. See you later, Garrus.”

“I'll get to it, Commander.” he said, and moved to acquaint himself with his new charge while the Commander made his way towards engineering.

….............

“Keela se'lai, auntie. I know I'm not supposed to call home during my pilgrimage, but it's important. There was...an attack. They're all dead, auntie. I'm the only one left.”

She struggled to keep her voice steady for a second before continuing.

“After we left the fleet, we heard about Geth activity outside the Veil and decided to investigate. We ambushed a Geth unit and I managed to extract something from its memory core. It was an audio file that proves that a council Spectre, Saren Arterius, is working with the Geth and is responsible for the attack on the human colony of Eden Prime. You might have heard about that already. We docked at Illium and were attacked by his thugs. They killed everyone, only Keenah and me got away. We stowed away on a ship to the Citadel. We tried to give the evidence to C-Sec, but they wouldn't listen...Saren's man followed us. He...he shot Keenah dead. He shot me in the arm. I...” again she had to pause, the memory of Keenah slumping against the wall, her lifeblood seeping from her wound, bringing her close to tears again.

“I killed him. I tried to sell the information to the shadow broker for protection, but I was set up. I would've died there, but I was saved by a human. Commander Shepard. You might have heard about him, he was appointed humanity's first Spectre and sent to stop Saren. He is a great man, auntie. He treats me well. He gave C-Sec hell for what they did. He has even taken me into his crew! I work on the most advanced ship in the alliance navy! And he even said he'd help me find a great gift. So...don't worry about me, Raan. I'm fine now. I just wish I didn't have to report so many dead. Say hello to father for me, will you? Keela se'lai.”

She sent the voice mail and got back to trying to find some sleep. She wouldn't do so until much later that night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this is my first serious story, I experimented with different perspectives a bit at the start. As youll see, this chapter switches to first person about half way through; for those who dislike that, please bear with me. The story returns to third person after chapter four and will then stay that way.

Garrus had had better days. It had started alright, with him going to work on the Mako's main gun, which had been in dire need of calibrating; and while there was, as always, still room for improvement, the thing would now shoot straight at least. So he had been in a good mood when Shepard had come by a couple of hours earlier. The commander had been curious about the inner workings of C-Sec, and Garrus had been happy to answer his questions, but couldn't keep himself from going off on tangents about all the things that had driven him mad back there. And so he had told Shepard about Dr. Saleon. That particular tale still got his blood boiling every time. And so he had of course ended up butting heads a little with Shepard, who agreed with the decision by his superiors to not shoot Saleon down. He could see his point; but still, Shepard telling him that if he didn't care about the hostages, he was just a terrorist with a badge, rubbed him the wrong way.

_Where does he get the idea that I don't care? It's just that they were dead anyway...or worse, probably._

That had soured his mood for the afternoon, as he went over every detail of that case again in his head, thinking about what he could have done differently. When he, as usual, finally concluded that he'd do it all the same again and there had simply been nothing he could have done, he hit up some of his contacts, checking for any leads on Saleon, as he did every couple of weeks. And like every time, there was nothing, leaving him in an even worse mood. Which was probably the reason he had been a little bit...blunt with Tali. The Quarian had come by on her way to the elevator and started a chat. When he thought about it, that had probably been not that easy for her, she seemed to be a little awkward.

_And you kicked her in the teeth for it, great job..._

She had stormed off angrily and not looked at him when she went back to engineering later. He found himself annoyed with her behavior. He had only meant to tease her a little, and yes, he probably could have worded it better, but what he had said had simply been the truth. It was only natural for people to mistrust homeless nomads, and it really was the Quarian's fault that the Geth problem existed. She really didn't need to be this offended.

Coming up from under the Mako, where he had checked the suspension of the left most forward wheel, he caught a brief glimpse of Williams. He had hardly exchanged a word with the Gunnery Chief so far, but he could tell she didn't like him. He had a pretty good idea of why that was, too. The relay 314 incident wasn't that far back, it was only logical that on both sides, many still held resentments. Especially in the armed forces. He didn't even blame her, perhaps she had lost a grandfather or some such in the fighting. He was just happy most people on the ship seemed to not share her attitude; he had even joined a human card game with some ensigns the evening prior.

Sitting down on top of his baby, he took a moment to relax. His gaze wandered around the cargo hold, eventually falling on the Krogan. Urdnot Wrex. Garrus was still not exactly sure what he was doing here. Was he hoping to make a good sum of money? He would have said so, then. Was he just bored? In that case, could they rely on him when the going got rough?

"See something you like, Turian?"

_Ah damn, I stared at him._

"No."

_That came out wrong..._

"What is your problem? Mercenaries...or krogan?"

"Is there a difference?" Probably not the most diplomatic thing he could have said, but he was still irritated. Surprisingly, the mercenary didn't seem offended at all, instead he laughed with his deep, rumbling voice.

"Hah! Fair enough. Just don't forget _why_ that is."

_Because you're a bunch of idiots?_

"Oh? Care to tell me?"

"Sure. What exactly is a man to do when he has no future? Our own stupidity and your sterility plague have taken good care of that."

"Well, at least you recognize that you've brought it on yourselves."

_Spirits Garrus, what has gotten into you. Antagonize the big Krogan, why not_ _._

He laughed again, but it sounded decidedly less amused now.

"You're a real pyjak,whelp, you know that?"

_Whelp?_

"Well I don't know what bosh'tet means, but it's probably something like that, so yes, I know."

Wrex looked like he was about to burst into laughter again, but he was beaten to it by Williams, who had put down the rifle she had been cleaning and held a hand in front of her mouth, obviously having a grand time of it.

_Great, now I'm an entertainer._

"Got something to add, Williams?"

"Oh, no, no, Vakarian. Just enjoying the show."

Wrex laughed again, evidently not uncomfortable with the situation at all.

"Looks like you're a real hit with the ladies today, Turian. The Quarian certainly seemed impressed..."

_Had to rub that in, huh..._

"It's not my fault she can't stand the truth. If her people hadn't slipped up, we wouldn't be having this problem now."

"Yeah. And since the Quarians on the fleet are older than three hundred years, and where therefore alive back then, it makes sense to blame them for it. See the issue here?"

"I didn't blame her, I- "

"No, just asked her if her people were 'properly contrite'."

Both Wrex and Ashley were guffawing now. Garrus would have loved nothing more than to shut them up somehow, but for once, he was at a loss for words. Thankfully, the Krogan got himself back under control relatively quickly.

"You don't know a whole lot about the fleet, do you?"

"You do?"

"I am over a thousand years old. I've been around."

_Damn, I knew they get old, but that..._

Williams too was visibly astonished at the Krogan's casual mention of the fact that he had been around when her people were still waging war with spears and axes.

_Fine, I'll humor you._

"Care to share some of your wisdom?"

"You saw that fuckup back on the Citadel. This hunt almost ended before it began, because some idiot didn't listen to the girl. Because Quarians are all beggars and thieves , just like we Krogan are all violent thugs." Garrus shifted his weight uncomfortably. That had indeed been a complete disaster, and the part that got him most was that on a particularly bad day, he might have made that mistake himself.

"Well, that's true, but it's not like there is no reason for these stereotypes. It's just natural that people are suspicious towards strangers, and when you don't have a home, you're a stranger no matter where you go. And it's no-ones fault but their own that they lost Rannoch. Or their ancestors fault, I guess, but it hardly matters. They should just find some new planet."

"You do realize that the Quarians already tried that, and you Turians bombed them?"

"What?"

"Yeah. Forgot the name. Some dextro planet, the Quarians found it first. Started colonizing it, asked for permission after they'd already begun work. Council denied. When some of the Quarians wouldn't leave, your people bombed them into submission."

"Well, if they had followed the procedures, that would not have happened..."

"True, but also a damn convenient thing to say for a Turian."

Garrus scoffed. Things didn't stop being true because of who said them.

"Imagine you're living on a fleet of old rundown ships, you have to wear a bloody suit because of it even in your own damn home, everyone treats you like trash, and your people have been looking for a planet for hundreds of years. Then you finally find one. And you're surprised they didn't wait for permission?"

He had no answer for that.

"When you put it that way...I suppose it is somewhat understandable..."

"Hah. I knew you're not a lost cause. You're quite smart for a Turian."

"For a Turian? The hell that's supposed to mean?" He would not be talked down to by this Krogan.

"You Turians get your heads screwed on just like the Hierarchy wants it when you do your military service. All nice and the same. Know one Turian,you know all of 'em. At least on most matters."

Again, Garrus found himself with little room for argument. What Wrex was saying was pretty much the same thing he had been saying himself for years...he had never been a good Turian.

"Don't worry your head, whelp. I'll teach you..." the Krogan laughed again, deep and long, and Garrus finally had enough. He climbed down from the Mako and went to check the suspension on the wheels on the other side, away from the others. As he got to it, he felt the gears turn in his head. Maybe he _did_ have some apologizing to do...

* * *

Tali stood at her terminal in engineering and looked for things to do. Her shift had ended half an hour ago, but she was stretching it out, running some additional diagnostics. They weren't strictly necessary, but it allowed her to remain in close proximity to the drive core and marvel at the technological wonder in front of her. It also gave her an excuse to not go up to the CIC and...

"Tali, come on. " She turned around, Adams was looking over to her. "Your shift has been over for half an hour, and I know you're just going over the emission readouts a third time now."

She tried to put up a counter argument. "Well, you can never be too thorough, can you?"

He put a disapproving look on, but his mouth was smirking. Still, he told her off. "Yes, you can. You're doing it right now. There'll be need for overtime work soon enough. Now go relax. That's an order!"

"Alright, I'll go..." Slumping her shoulders, she trot out of the engineering bay, the eyes of her amused colleagues upon her. Arriving in the cargo bay, she went over her options. She could chat with Ashley...who wasn't there. Wrex scared her. Garrus...she was not interested in a conversation with the bosh'tet after he had asked her yesterday if her people were "properly contrite for setting the Geth loose on the galaxy".

So she got into the elevator. As it rose painfully slowly – the most advanced ship she'd ever seen, but an elevator one would expect from a poorly kept batarian tugboat – she pondered her other options. It wasn't any of the usual mealtimes, but one could always find some people in the mess, perhaps...no. She would do this now.

From the first time setting foot aboard the _Normandy_ , she had had this idea. The bulkheads, the deck, it was all so new and...it looked smooth. The second she had realized that the laser – decontamination unit of the ship's forward airlock was as state-of-the-art as apparently everything on this ship, she had had this idea.

She wanted to take her gloves off.

It had not been that long since her last clean room appointment, if she was honest, only three months before the start of her pilgrimage, so now it was four months ; but in a real clean room, one had better things to do than feeling up the walls, and this was the best she was going to get until she returned to the fleet. And it shouldn't be an issue...she was not sure which uses clean rooms, or in the case of the airlock, relatively clean rooms, could even have for humans outside of keeping foreign contaminants out of the ship, but she was sure there had to be a place to be found somewhere in whatever schedule existed, if some existed. She had seen that the medbay had a clean room for invasive surgery, so it definitively would not collide with that...

The elevator reached the CIC, and she stepped out, her heart pounding with increased frequency. They had left the Citadel for Therum two days ago to secure a Doctor Liara T'Soni, the daughter of Saren's Asari ally, and she had spent most of the time on the lower two decks, alternating between engineering, the cargo bay, the mess hall, and turning around mostly fruitlessly in one of the sleeper pods. So the CIC was, in a way, unknown territory for her. The humans on the Normandy had so far been mostly friendly to her, she had only seen a few stares, and those had lacked the sneer she was used to from Illium or so Citadel. They had probably just wondered how she looked under her suit. Everyone did. She didn't blame them. She told anyone who asked. Few did, they seemed to think Quarian physiology was some kind of secret. Where they had gotten that idea was beyond her.

Still, she knew barely anyone up here, and Shepard was not at his station next to the galaxy map either, so she was uncomfortable. Instead, the executive officer had the deck. She gulped. The XO was a large man with not a lot of hair on his head, but hair on his face instead – a facet of human physiology that fascinated Tali to no end - , and he was the one person who had looked at her with hostility when she had entered the _Normandy_ together with the rest of the ground team. She knew his name and rank; so she rehearsed them in her head as she slowly, very slowly, made her way up to his station, where he was working on a terminal.

She got to a halt in a respectful distance and waited until he seemed to hit a lull in his workflow. Noticing her, he turned his head, and a skeptical expression – one eyebrow raised, it was the same thing Quarians did, just that with humans, you could actually see it, and didn't have to extrapolate from body language and tiny changes in the eye's form – and inhaled, but she beat him to it.

"Excuse me, Navigational Officer Pressly. I was, uh, hoping to use the forward airlock, if that's not a problem, and I wanted to ask when that would be possible."

_Hey, not so bad..._

The eyebrow came back down as the man erected himself to his full height and frowned. "Use the airlock? In FTL? What do you want with it?"

"Well, I was hoping to...utilize the decontamination unit to achieve a relatively clean environment where I could take my gloves off for a while."

He looked staggered for a moment before catching himself, but his frown did not return. Instead, he looked almost...insecure. "Oh. I see." He looked away and it seemed like he struggled with himself for a second before continuing. "Look, Miss..."

"Zorah. But you can just call me Tali. We Quarians don't really use our clan names like that."

"Uhm, right. So, Tali, I don't really know anything about your people. Is this... the first time since you left your home that you can take something off?"

"Oh no, it's actually the first time in four months. I've been away from home for a month now, and before that, my last clean room appointment was three months back, so I would've had my next one just before leaving for my pilgrimage, like it's usually done, but that day, there was a malfunction, I didn't hear the details, but it was some spare part of the decontamination unit, and I had to leave before it could be repaired, so..."

Pressly had listened intently. As she came to a close, he gestured to the chair of the workstation next to his, and sat down. "If you don't mind, I'd like to learn about this pilgrimage. I have heard it mentioned, but I don't quite understand what its about, if I am being honest."

Now, Tali was in her element, giddy about how interested and friendly this man she had been afraid of had turned out to be. Accepting the offered chair with a thankful nod, she launched her well practiced speech about the pilgrimage, suitable gifts, and the nature of life on the fleet. Pressly seemed genuinely impressed with it all. Finally, he asked a question. "That seems pretty dangerous. How old are you, Miss?"

Somehow, he would not stop calling her that. She didn't mind, maybe that was just what he felt was the proper way to respectfully address a young woman. Humans had many differing cultures, after all, and Tali was not at all familiar with the intricacies. "I am..." she quickly had her mask display to the conversion for her "...21 of your years old."

He blew his cheeks up and puffed some air out of his mouth. "That's...young. My daughter is 22. I sure wouldn't want her being out in the galaxy like that, all alone...what if something happens to you?"

She nodded enthusiastically; Shepard had said much the same thing when he had visited her in engineering to thoroughly question her about Quarian culture. "Well, you probably didn't prepare your daughter for something like this, since you humans have no need for it. We get training before we get sent out, basics of survival and self defense. Additionally, we're all required to do all kinds of work alongside to school from the time we get our first suit, that's usually around fifteen years old, when most Quarians reach their definitive height. So we know how to take care of ourselves, and how to make ourselves useful."

Pressly actually grinned at her now. "Yes, I have heard about that. Adams sings your praises breakfast, lunch and dinner. According to him, you're the second coming of Christ."

_The second what? I'll have to ask Shepard about that, or Ashley...definitively not Adams, don't want him to think I'm fishing for compliments..._

"Are all of you that good?"

She felt herself blush under her mask, and her fingers started their frantic dance in front of her belly. "I...received additional training. I am actually one year older than most pilgrims..."

He looked like he was about to ask her why that was, but then he didn't; had he seen how uncomfortable she had become? She really didn't want to talk about the fact that her father was an admiral and what that meant...she had barely managed to skirt that topic with Shepard, and as much as she was overjoyed that Pressly seemed to have come around, she'd rather not speak about this at all, and if she had to, she'd prefer Shepard.

"Well, it's been interesting talking to you, thank you. But I need to get back to work. The air lock...we don't actually use it for anything else but entering and leaving the ship. So, as far as I'm concerned, you can have it for as long as you want, whenever you want."

"Oh." Her mind started to race with the possibilities. "Thank you, Naviga-"

"Please, just Pressly, Miss."

She nodded happily and bounced on her toes. This conversation had gone better than she had imagined in her wildest dreams. As Pressly turned back around to his terminal, she got going towards the airlock and opened the door.

"Hey, Tali."

"Hey, Joker."

The scrawny man didn't turn his chair around, but from the little she'd seen of him so far, he seemed nice enough, if a little strange. He seemed to always know who was coming up behind him; how he did it, she wasn't quite sure. Maybe ask him later. But not right now. Stepping into the airlock, she marveled at how new and smooth it all was. As the decontamination protocol was running, she imagined how it would feel to touch the walls, or the rubber inlay on the floor.

_How does the air taste here? Maybe...no. It's not a real clean room. Would probably not be an issue, but it's not worth it._

Finally the program was complete, and she opened the seals on her forearms, just underneath the elbow, and pulled the gloves off. Folding them so the opening wouldn't touch the outside of the suit, she stowed them away in one of her pockets before just looking at her own hands for a while.

_Our skin color is really similar to the one most humans I've seen on the ship have..._

Tali had not known about all the different colors humans came in. It would probably have some evolutionary reason to do with their homeworld, but what the colors meant and why the quarianesque light pink appeared to be most common one, she had no idea.

_Maybe ask Shepard later._

She took her eyes off herself and stepped to the inner door, hesitating for a second before she reverently put both her hands on it. It was cool, and exactly as smooth as it had looked like. She didn't recall ever touching something as smooth before, aside from her own skin of course. The surfaces on the fleet were usually worn down and corroded by age, even those of the clean rooms, which did not exactly help with keeping them clean. She moved her fingers up the metal, feeling how little friction there was. An idea formed in her mind, and she bent over to the dispenser on the wall, using her suited left elbow to put some liquid disinfectant in her right hand, and then repeating it with the other half. The liquid bit at her skin, but it didn't feel bad, instead she found it exciting, like most new sensations. They had liquid sanitizer on the fleet too, of course, but every brand felt a little different, and she obviously had never had this one before.

Returning to the door, she put her wand hands on them, applied pressure, and pulled down. It actually squeaked, just like she had hoped, and she failed to contain a fit of giggles. Then she heard a familiar, if muffled, voice through the door.

"Hey Joker, do you know what she's doing in there?"

"No idea Commander, but she sure seems to be having fun."

_Oh keelah, I didn't lock it!_

Panicked, she put her gloves back on in a blur of motion and opened the door, bursting out into the walkway. Shepard had moved up next to Jokers seat, but now both men turned towards her. Her eyes got hooked on Shepard's blue ones. Again. She had some trouble with human facial expressions, or facial expressions in general, but Shepard's eyes were very expressive. She found them fascinating. Then again, the entire man was fascinating, she was still amazed how angered he had been by what had happened to her and Keenah, and the length he had gone to to make sure there were consequences. And the way he looked...so different from a quarian man, but similar, too...

"Hey Tali. What were you doing in there?"

"Oh! Shepard! Hey! How are you?"

"I'm well, thank you. I hope I didn't interrupt...whatever it is you were doing in the airlock during FTL?"

"Oh no you didn't I...well actually you kind of did but not really, I was just worried you would, so I stopped on my own before that could happen, I should have locked the door. But I didn't want to hack it without asking first, It's not supposed to get locked from the inside after all..." she noticed that Shepard was beginning to lose the fight against a grin that was painting itself on its face, while Joker hadn't even tried to keep a straight face. "...I'm babbling again."

"Oh no, It's fine Tali. But just what where you actually doing?"

"I touched the wall. With my gloves off."

That swept the grins off their faces. "Oh. Sorry for interrupting you then..."

"No Shepard, it's okay, you don't have to be..."

"No, but I am. You don't get to do that often, do you?"

"No. Last time was four months ago." Joker whistled, whatever that was supposed to convey. "Damn..."

Shepard's face had gotten thoughtful. "What can you take off in there?"

"Well I took my gloves off this time, could probably have taken my shoes and lower leg parts off, too. I thought about taking the mask off, but...it's not a real clean room. The risk would not really have been all that high, but it's still a risk, and it's just not worth it."

He nodded, still thinking. "Could we make a real clean room out of the airlock?"

"Oh! You don't need to...besides, it isn't possible anyway. A real clean room requires regular disinfection with liquid agents, it can't have any columns between plates, things like that. The airlock won't do it."

"Shame..."

Joker cut in. "You seemed to have a grand time of it, touching the wall."

She laughed. "Yes, I made my hands wet with sanitizer to make a squeaking sound with them."

Both men chuckled.

"It's the little things in life, hmm?"

"Yes, Shepard."

"Alright, I have to do some paperwork...have fun, you two."

He got going. As he walked past her, she turned and looked after him for a second, her eyes traveling down from his broad shoulders to his firm...she snapped her head back...

_Keelah! Get a hold of yourself!_

...and flinched. Joker was still looking at her...and appeared to be barely holding it together. When he saw her startle, he finally lost it and turned his chair back around, laughing loudly. Resigned to her shame, she turned away and got going towards the elevator.

_Ancestors...why..._


	3. Chapter 3

As the _Normandy_ closed in on Therum, Ashley was putting the finishing touch on her shotgun. It hadn't really been too dirty as she'd barely used it. She was an AR girl. But she had gotten it out for the assault on Chora's Den, since in close quarters a good shotty was simply king. It had been a short action, and the weapon could go much longer without really needing to be cleaned, but that was a poor excuse in the Gunnery Chief's mind. When a soldier had time to spare, and there were guns in anything less than pristine condition around, that was their job.

Putting the parts back together, the conversation with Shepard from earlier that day came to mind again. Ashley had mentioned her concerns about the non-alliance crew. She had known it was a stupid idea, it had been obvious from the start how Shepard felt about this, but she just couldn't shut the hell up for once.  _ Ugh, he probably thinks I'm some sort of racist now. But it's not racism, It's just...caution. It's a dog-eat-dog galaxy. Humans need to look out for themselves. And I don't trust the Krogan. He's a mercenary, who says he doesn't work for...no, that's stupid. He helped us. And it was fun as hell watching him put the Turian in his place. _

Her thoughts were interrupted by Tali coming up to her locker. Since she was already in her suit, 'suiting up' for her simply meant getting her shotgun and pistol out and attaching her shield generator, which took her a grand total of ten seconds. Tali was the one Ashley was the least worried about. She was a good one.  _ Still, having her look at the drive core? That's classified technology! _ _ I wouldn't even blame her for copying it. I'd do the same. _

When Ashley finished the shotgun, she noticed Tali was standing there awkwardly, wringing her hands together in front of her waist, looking at her. She was kind of cute like that. All fire in that alley they had met her in, but then she could be this shy. Ashley decided to help her out a little, so she shot her a smile. "Can I help you?"

"Yes, I...meant to ask you something. I talked to Pressly earlier, and he mentioned 'the second coming of Christ'. What does that mean?" Ashley laughed.

"Oh yeah, that must be confusing. Jesus Christ...well, it depends on who you ask. Most people will tell you he was an influential teacher over two thousand years ago. If you ask me or others like me...well, we believe that he is the son of God. He died for our sins, but then he came back to life three days later and showed himself to his disciples, before he was lifted to heaven. He said that he would come back one day to bring, well, salvation, peace, justice. Back in the day, most people from most of the places where most alliance personnel originates from believed in him, but these days, not that many of us are left."

Tali had listened silently throughout this haphazard explanation, cocking her head to the side a little.  _ I'm _ _ s _ _ ure that means something, but no idea what. I'll have to look up some quarian body language. _

"So his second coming would be considered a good thing?"

"You could say that." , Ashley replied chuckling to herself.  _C_ _ ome on, Shepard told you to play nice and she came to you first. Ask her something... _

"So what do your people believe in?"

As she had hoped, that got the girl's tongue loose. From the little Ashley had seen of her, her people seemed to be her favorite topic.

"Well, we don't pray to a god. We revere our ancestors. We look to them for guidance, and we hope to join them when our life ends." Ashley nodded, she had heard of similar religions on earth, too. "I'm not so sure how many people really believe that, though. I don't think the ancestors have ever listened to any of my prayers...I think for most people, it's just something that holds us together."

_ No, you're not going to try and evangelize her now. That's probably a major faux pas in interspecies relations, and you already pissed the commander off enough today. Besides, does the bible even apply to aliens? _

Their chat ended as the rest of the team began to arrive, so the Chief got up and started getting into her armor, too. Her locker was next to Shepard's, and so she, even though she didn't even mean to sneak a peek, caught a glimpse of it's contents. "I'm sorry Sir, but...is that a K98?"

Shepard had been busy putting his breastplate over his undersuit and startled a bit at the question, but then took a step back and gestured towards his locker. "Yeah. Wanna take a look at it?"

"Sure! Thank you!" Ashley was already ready, so she took the old gun up and checked it. It was an honest to god Mauser K98, with wooden butt and casing and everything. After she had confirmed that it was indeed not loaded, she turned towards an empty corner of the cargo bay and aimed down the sights.

"I watched a ton of world war 2 documentaries a couple of years back, Sir. Hard to wrap your head around holding one of the guns such a big event in history was fought with..."

"I'm more amazed by the fact Wrex was already old when they invented that thing.." , Kaidan chimed in.

"Damn right, LT. To know someone who was around during the bloody  _ middle ages _ ...it's insane." The big Krogan just chuckled. He had probably heard similar things before. Tali came up to her side. Looking to Shepard who was still putting on his armor, the Quarian asked if she might hold it for a second as well, to which he just nodded. Ashley handed it to her, and she inspected it thoroughly.

"I've never held or even seen a black powder weapon before. It's...ingenious. Simple, but effective. How old is this weapon? When was this...world war two?"

"A little over two hundred years ago, " Shepard answered, who had finally finished and joined the little circle that had formed around his gun. "...but this model is even older, more than two hundred fifty years." Talis eyes widened under her mask, but before she could geek out completely, he put his hands up and stopped her. "Relax, this one is just some thirty years old. Belonged to my stepfather. They're still producing them as hunting rifles, so guns like these are pretty common on many human frontier colonies."

"What are the scratches for?" Garrus asked, who had stepped closer to look over Tali's shoulder. Now that he mentioned it, Ashley saw them herself, scratch marks on the inside of the butt, two sets of five, and three on their own.  _ Huh. Perceptive dinosaur man... _

Shepard's features darkened. "Batarians."  _ Ouch.  _ He extended his hand to receive the gun back from Tali, who handed it to him. "Might tell you about it one day, might not." He put the primitive weapon back in his locker and closed it. "Come on people, ETA is fifteen minutes. Details are as follows..."

* * *

After John briefed the squad on the mission ahead, everyone mounted up. Since he had been familiarizing himself with the vehicle for the past couple of days, Garrus was on the guns. On the system controls next to him, he had placed Tali. That job should be right up her alley. He probably should have had her take a look at the Mako beforehand, too, but he was sure she was up to it anyway. John himself was driving, of course. The rest was in the back.

"So Tali, you've ever deployed in a Mako?" He knew of course that the answer had to be no, but a man needs to have some fun sometimes.

"No, Shepard. We don't have many ground vehicles on the flotilla, and certainly no tanks."

"Well, in that case, it will be a surprise!"

The rest of the squad chuckled knowingly. As alliance marines, Ashley and Kaidan would have done this before, Garrus seemed like the type to enjoy something like this, and Wrex...was a Krogan.

"It's actually a first time for me too, Commander. I have to say when I read about this, I couldn't help but think that you humans might just be completely and utterly insane." , the Turian said cheerfully. "I'm looking forward to it."

By this point, Tali was visibly nervous, even with her mask obscuring her face. "Looking forward to what? What are you guys not telling me?"

Garrus flaired his mandibles in a Turian smirk, the ones in the back lost it, and Shepard was struggling hard to keep it together, too. "Oh, you'll see. You'll see."

Jokers voice came over the comms. "Cargo bay cleared, Sir. Opening the ramp in five, four..."

"B-but we're eleven kilometers above ground! Shepard!?" He just grinned and put the pedal to the metal.

"Shepard, what- oh! Oh no! Oh  ** KEELAH! ** "

"Weeeeeeeeehh!"

The rest of them hollering and whooping, safe for Kaidan who didn't seem to like it too much either, Tali pressed herself into her seat, eyes wide in panic, her hands grasping the console in front of her, her whole body tensed up. She remained in this position the entire way down, remaining silent after her initial outburst, until Shepard activated the thrusters, at which point she let out a surprised squeal, which thrust the rest of the squad into another fit of laughter. When the vehicle hit the ground, she finally relaxed, slumping into her seat for a couple seconds before opening her eyes again and turning her head towards John and his shit eating grin. "You..you...you bosh'ter!" Her eyes shot wide open and her hands bumped on her helmet as she tried to clasp her mouth with her hands. "Oh keelah! C-commander I am sorry, I-" They all lost it again.

"It's fine Tali, we had some fun at your expense. What is a bosh'tet, anyway?"

"It, ah, is not a nice word...it's related to ones...ancestry...I'd rather not say more if that's okay..."

"No problem. I'll get you to tell me of you're own volition eventually. Might buy some filtered dextro alcohol for that next time we hit the Citadel..."

She feigned indignation. "Commander! You would get a young woman drunk to take advantage of her?"

The squad howled with laughter, but before Shepard could make a comeback, Joker cut in. "Commander, I am getting some really strange readings here, like, off the damn charts. It appears to be coming from an underground complex a couple of clicks from the dropzone."

"Understood, Joker. Seems like our best bet."

He got the tank moving. Therum really was a hellhole. They made their way across jagged rock, fuel lines to their right, and a sea of literal molten lava to their left. John commented as much to the team, and everyone agreed that they would not be taking their next shore leave here. After about a kilometer, Tali suddenly jerked at her station. "Commander! We've got incoming, it looks like...Geth! A dropship!"

"The Geth are here? Looks like were just in time, and definitively on the right track."

The dropship flew past overhead, a strange design. It looked like some sort of bug. After dropping off two objects, it adjusted its course and made way in the direction of their objective. Hiding the Mako behind a ridge, Shepard hit the comms. "Joker, do you see that Geth dropship?"

"Yes, commander.”

"Well so do I. But I don't want to."

"Understood Sir. Keep your heads down, ETA for fire mission is one minute."

The team obliged, and just a minute later they heard the earsplitting thunder of the Normandy flying low through the atmosphere, breaking the sound barrier and firing two rounds into the Geth. They did not hear the hits, they were drowned out by the Normandy's own noise, but Tali confirmed them on her scanners. "It's going down, pretty hard too. Should hit the ground...fre'eg, they're going down directly on top of our objective."

"It's fine. That crash should take out the brunt of their force. Good thing, too. That ship was big, and I wasn't thrilled with the outlook of fighting our way through line after line like some damn video game. Now, to these walkers. Garrus, you take the one further away from us. Tali, divert power to the shields. Everyone brace for ramming..."

"Ramming!? Shep-"

"Relax, Tali."

"Keelah."

… _.._

About half an hour later, their advance reached a point where the terrain became so bad that even the Mako could not manage it. A narrow defile led up towards the entrance to the underground complex, which pictures taken by the Normandy during it's gun run had definitively identified as a dig site. Thinking it over for a second, Shepard made his decision. "Williams, I'll need you to stay here and radio Joker. Get the Mako back onto the ship. That way, we can deploy it directly to the dig site if needed. The rest of you, with me." The chief nodded and they all climbed out of the vehicle as she took Shepard's place and got on the comm. Outside, they took position next to the entrance to the crevasse. "Alright, Wrex and I take point. Alenko and Tali after us. Garrus takes the rear. Questions?" Everyone shook their heads. "Then let's go."

The squad entered and made their way forward slowly, weapons ready and half raised. The first two hundred meters went by peaceful enough, but eventually, after a turn of the path, it got to a point where the defile opened up to a a slight, wide slope. Immediately upon coming around that turn, the squad came under fire. "Kaidan , Wrex, barriers! Everyone move!" John took point and ran for a group of boulders ahead. Under the fire of at least one heavy machine gun and one or more snipers as well as an indeterminate amount of other small arms, their barrier collapsed about halfway there, and so his shields took a lot of damage, but they held on, if barely. After making it there, Shepard quickly scanned his surroundings. Everyone was there. "Wounded?"

Four "No"s answered him. Good. Now he took stock of the situation. The enemy were hastily dug in about fifty meters ahead, just in front of a point where the path narrowed once more. Now that their ambush had been sprung, they had activated some of the portable kinetic barrier generators he had already seen on Eden Prime. His quick glance counted at least six troopers as well as one really big, bipedal platform. That was presumably the one with the heavy gun. Just as Shepard pulled back his head, the rock around where he had just been got hit by a torrent of plasma. "We need to take that big one down first." John calculated quickly. With Tali, Garrus and Kaidan, three of them were capable of overloading shields...yes, that would be their best bet..."You three overload it's shields. Than Wrex and I come up and give it hell. When the Geth focus on us, Garrus comes up and finishes it. Kaidan, you give him a barrier so he can line up a shot in peace. All clear?" Three nods came back – only Tali, of all people, held up a finger. "Tali?"

"Just one second...yes...hah! Got you , bosh'tet!"

The heavy weapon that had been forcing our heads down was momentarily silenced, before roaring to life again, but this time followed not by plasma impacting our cover, but the electronic shrieks of destroyed Geth. Tali stood up and began firing, and the rest of them followed suit, seizing the opportunity even if they didn't understand what had happened. When John got his sights on the enemy, the big one had already mowed down three of them, Wrex and himself gunned down another, the one right to that one was riddled with holes from Kaidan and Tali, and Garrus blew the last one's head to pieces with his sniper rifle. Just as it hit the ground, the big one turned back around again and opened fire on the squad, but one against five, it had no chance. Overload attacks took down it's shields and so it collapsed under their assault. Scanning the area for further hostiles, they took a breather. Kaidan spoke up first. "Holy crap Tali! I thought Geth couldn't be hacked?"

The Quarian somehow managed to convey smugness despite of her suit. "And that is true. But we Quarians built the Geth, we know their systems. If you're good and know how Geth operate, you can flood their basic programs with junk data and then manipulate their friend/foe identification while they are busy clearing it out. It only lasts a couple of seconds at most, but obviously, that can be pretty long in a fight."

Shepard was impressed. "How the hell are your marines not owning these flashlights then?"

"Well, it's really difficult to do and it gets harder the more runtimes are controlling the platform you are targeting. Most combat engineers can only do this to basic trooper platforms that house only one Geth runtime. That's still useful, but the Geth always have the numbers, so it just evens the odds. Hacking a Destroyer like I just did...I'm sure Admiral Xen could do it, and maybe some of her techs, but apart from that...I haven't really met anyone except for myself." she explained, somewhat sheepishly towards the end.

_ God, she's adorable. And a genius, apparently. Well, Adams already told me that. _

"Destroyer, huh? You'll have to give us a lesson on Geth platforms when we're back on the ship. I should've thought of that sooner, honestly. Now, to the task at hand. Pictures from the gun run show that there's some scaffolding and silos at the entrance to the dig site. There's no way the ones we just took out were all that survived the crash, they just didn't want to let that good place for an ambush go to waste and those were all that fit into the cover available. So, there will be another gunfight just ahead. They will have the drop on us again, so I will throw a smoke ahead. Should get us to cover alive, and we'll proceed from there." Everyone nodded their understanding, and so they made their way towards our target. As they reached the end of the path, John threw the smoke and five seconds later, stormed forward with Wrex, the rest behind them. Sparse and inaccurate fire greeted them, mostly missing, the few shots that hit Shepard's or Wrex' shields ineffectual. Until the smoke was lit up in blue and a powerful impact slammed John to the ground. He caught himself on his hands and got back up immediately; whatever had just been fired at his team seemed to not have hit anyone directly. Everyone else was already scrambling back to their feet, too. "That was a siege pulse! They must have an armature, or..." Sliding into cover behind a large container, Tali immediately peeked out again for a second. "No, it's just an armature, thank the ancestors."

"One of the big walkers?"

"Yes."

John cursed. "Can you hack it?"

"No way. An armature holds dozens of runtimes, their computing power is far too high."

"Well, then we do it the old-fash-" He was cut off as a targeting laser appeared on his chest, coming from upwards and...behind them. He followed it with his eyes and was barely able to evade the plasma ball coming at him. The Geth that had fired it hung above on the scaffolding. Shepard brought up his gun, but just as he was about to pull the trigger, the thing made an impossible jump onto another metal beam over ten meters away. "What the...Tali what is that!?"

"No idea, never heard of them!"

"Great. We'll never hit these jumpy bastards. Wrex! Kaidan! Get 'em with biotics!" He leaned out of cover, just to pull back immediately, dodging the blast from another siege pulse that impacted on the crate he was hiding behind, blasting it apart. Suddenly exposed, Shepard's shields were assaulted by several small arms, leaving him no choice but to sprint for his life, finding new cover behind a pile of rubble, presumably from the excavation. It was solid, but John was now quite far forward and thus, isolated. Frantically, he scanned the scaffolding above for the new Geth. They'd have a field day flanking him like this. And indeed, one of them came jumping into his field of view, sticking to the wall of a silo like a Gecko, and lined up a shot. This time, Shepard was faster, and put t it down with a short burst from his rifle.  _ At least they're not very tough _ _ , he _ thought as it went limp and fell to the ground. Relieved for now, he was finally able to assess the situation. Two more of the Geckos were lying on the ground as crumpled messes, probably victims of the biotics. The armature was in the background, pressuring his squad with its siege pulse. Fortunately, they had found more solid cover than their commander. For now, it held. In front of the walker were a couple of basic troopers; as John opened fire, he could already see one of them turn to shoot its brethren in the back. The rest was mopped up quickly, and so after another minute, only the armature was left. 'Only'. That beam would probably kill with a single direct hit. They needed an opening. Shepard hit his comms; trying to shout orders over the noise would have been a fool's errand at this distance. "Alright, I want three simultaneous overloads on that thing. Wrex, you need to get in closer. Show me what those slugs can do. I'll try and distract it."

Seconds later, it's shields lit up, not collapsed, but weakened. Immediately, the team came out of cover as once and opened fire, except for Wrex who stormed forward, sticking to cover as much as possible. Fortunately, the walker was focusing on Shepard anyway. Seeing it's cannon charge, he hit the ground just in time. His cover shook under the impact and he was showered in dirt and stones, but remained unharmed. Coming back up, he saw that Wrex had made it almost on top of the thing. A second later, it's shields collapsed. "Now, Wrex!"

The Krogan didn't need telling twice. Emerging from the boulder he had been waiting behind, he shot the armature. The slug glanced from the rounded surface of the walkers head, but the impact was still enough to startle it, and so Wrex closed in, pumping his gun as he ran, and threw himself under the thing's weaker armored underbelly. He fired again, and this slug went right through, wreaking havoc on the walkers insides. The telltale Geth flashlight going out, it slumped to the ground, the Krogan rolling out from under it, laughing.

"Ha! I knew I was right to stick with you, Shepard. Good fight."

Walking up to him, John snorted. "You're crazy. Glad I took you with."

Garrus stepped into their conversation, his mandibles flaring in a turian grin. "I won't lie, that was impressive. Not exactly a display of finesse...but I suppose when you're about half a ton of muscle and anger, finesse is overrated." Wrex gave the Turian a toothy grin, and I turned around to look for the other two. They were making their way towards them, dragging one of the Geckos along with them. He raised an eyebrow."What do you want with the thing?"

"This is a completely new type of platform, Shepard. We should take it with us to analyze it." , Tali answered.

He had to admit he wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea of a Geth on his ship. "Is that safe?"

"Geth don't play dead, Shepard. If it still has power, it is possible that a backup of the runtime is still online, but it cannot physically do anything, and once we're on the ship I'll just disconnect the generator and then it is gone for good."

He nodded. "Okay. Good thinking there you two. “ He turned around appraised the entrance before them. “Alright, let's get inside. Still need to find T'Soni."


	4. Chapter 4

Liara was sitting in the mess hall of the Normandy for the first time. On her plate was human food she had never seen or heard of. Chops of some yellow fruit or vegetable served with what was fairly obviously fried eggs, but what kind of animal they might have come from, she could not tell. It tasted unusual, but not at all bad. And so, starved as she was due to her near thirty hour captivity in the prothean energy field, the Asari dug in fervently as she reminisced about the last couple of hours. She was on a human warship, among a race she had barely interacted with so far. They seemed friendly enough, though, or at least most of them. That Williams woman appeared rather hostile. Frankly, Liara felt intimidated by her. She was not sure what could have caused the soldier's stance towards her. Perhaps suspicion because of her mother's actions? _I suppose it is not entirely unreasonable..._ Mother. What had she done? Or gotten herself into? Her mother and her might not have spoken in some years, but Liara knew her. She was a good person. All of this was so unlike her. Liara was thankful the Commander had allowed her to remain on his ship, and not as a prisoner. She had to find out what had happened to her mother. Perhaps...it was not too late yet. This had to be some form of misunderstanding, it had to. The commander seemed like a reasonable man, he would surely see this too, if they could only find her and talk to her.

The commander. Certainly one of the most fascinating of this day's developments. A man who had interacted directly with a prothean beacon and retained his sanity. _His mind must be remarkable. And not only because of the secrets stored within now._ This of course would make what Liara was planning to propose to him even more complicated. But she just had to see it for herself. Especially after he had revealed his 'theory' ...if it even was a theory, and not a direct warning from the protheans. To have the solution for fifty years of study to barge in, save her from death or captivity and drag her off to their ship seemed hardly believable, but...it fit. As the leading scientist on the subject of the prothean's extinction, Liara knew that the galaxy was built on a cycle of extinction, and she had already begun to suspect that someone was deliberately destroying evidence. That the culprits should be hyper advanced machines certainly seemed hard to believe – but what better explanation did _she_ have? What else could exist for so long , work so methodically, and leave no trace at all? She just had to see it for herself.

Liara's thoughts were interrupted when someone sat down across from her. She looked up. It was the man himself. “Feel better yet, Liara?”

“Much better, Commander. Thank you.”

“Good. Look, we're on our way to the Sparta system, so, not that far. We'll investigate a missing platoon of marines there. That will be tomorrow. You feel up to being on the ground team? There is enough equipment around to outfit and arm you. You are a powerful biotic so even now, without proper weapons training, you could be useful, and you would be able to experience a Mako drop for yourself. It will happen anyway, might as well get it over with.”

Before Liara could answer, chuckling cut in as Tali'Zorah sat down beside her. “You are terrible, Shepard.” He just grinned. The Asari was confused.

“I am confused. Is it not safe? From how far up does the Mako get dropped?”

Shepard swallowed his bite and began gesticulating with his fork and knife. “Depends on the planet's atmosphere and gravity, but basically as high as the tactical situation demands, as long as it is indeed within the atmosphere proper.”

“Well I am sure if this vehicle is designed with such manner of deployment in mind, doing so should be perfectly safe. I...fail to see what Mrs. Zorah is insinuating.”

The young Quarian next to her interrupted her slurping and looked at her.“Just Tali.”

“Forgive me.”

“Oh no, it's fine.”

Shepard's grin just got wider, while Tali tilted her head looking at him. Unfortunately, Liara's knowledge of quarian body language was practically nonexistent.

The commander finally explained, “Well, she had her own first time earlier today. And I _might_ have neglected telling her any of that, so the first thing she noticed of it was me boosting out of the cargo bay...eleven kilometers above ground.”

Liara gasped at the mans audacity. “Commander! That is...devious!” Shepard snickered, and she failed to suppress a chuckle of her own. “I am afraid I have to agree with Tali. You are indeed terrible.”

They returned to their meals. Starved and hungry as she was, Liara practically wolfed it down and was done with her dinner sooner than Shepard. Tali was still eating, by Liara could not tell if that was because her portion would be considered a large one for her people, or if the process of eating out of a tube was simply slower than normal food consumption. So she brought up her request. “Commander...”

“Please, it's Shepard.” he answered between bites.

“Shepard, I have a...proposal. Or perhaps it's more of a request.”

He swallowed some more egg. “Shoot.”

“Excuse me?”

“Sorry. I mean, go ahead.”

“Yes. I would like to perform a mindmeld with you.” He had been drinking from his glass of water. At her words, he chocked and ended up spluttering a good amount of it, not all of it making it back into the glass. Liara sat in shock as Tali wiped her visor clean and he recovered from his coughing fit.

“I- uh...I am sorry, I am not sure what you just heard, Shepard? Perhaps there was a translation error?”

“We-” - he cleared his throat once more- “Well, to me it sounded like you suggested a mindmeld...?”

“Well, yes. Was that the reason for your...reaction? I...do not understand...”

“Well...maybe this is an cultural difference...I mean, I've heard that many Asari were quite...casual about these things, but I've always just figured that was exaggerated...” Liara was getting increasingly confused as to what the commander was talking about. Meanwhile Tali was following the exchange with a her head tilted to the other direction than before, and her eyes had changed. Even the inexperienced Liara was getting the impression that the Quarian was looking at them very skeptically underneath her mask. Shepard finally got his coughing under control and awkwardly continued.

“I suppose it is understandable that a species that has conscious control over their reproduction would be more...liberal about this...but Liara, I am sorry, I don't mean to say you're not...uhm...”

He was cut off by the deep rumble of a Krogan's laughter, accompanied by the melodic chuckle of a Turian, of all people. Liara was shocked. And embarassed. He thought she was suggesting they...! But how could he possibly...? Tali seemed as shocked as she was, but for some reason she was looking at her, not him!

_Oh goddess, I must have ignorantly broadcasted certain social cues and now they all believe..._

“Don't they teach you the basics about the council races in your fancy N7 training, Shepard? Mindmelds aren't just for sex. In fact, most are not. It's some sort of friendship thing, but can also just be direct transfer of experiences.”, Wrex explained. “Most Asari don't go around humping every first thing they see. So you pretty much just called her a whore.” He returned to his bellowing laughter. Now it was Shepard's turn to look embarassed; Garrus was fighting hard to keep himself under control.

Shepard cleared his throat for the umpteenth time in the last two minutes. “I am sorry, Liara. It seems I need to do some ...research about Asari...”

A smaller human man on one of the other tables - the pilot...Joker? - started laughing hysterically, and many of the other humans in the room tried, with varying success, to suppress smirks. The commander rolled his eyes. “Oh for Christ's sake...” He groaned. “I would tell you to get on the floor and give me twenty Joker, but given the fact you can't do that, I'll just threaten to lightly poke your ribcage if you won't shut the hell up right about now.”

'Joker' mockingly brought up his arms to shield himself. “Low blow Commander, looow blow.”

Shepard looked back at her. “ _Anyway_ , Liara, so, what exactly did you have on your mind?”

“Well, as Urdnot Wrex explained, mindmelds can be used to directly transfer information without any losses or misunderstandings in the transfer. I am very interested in your vision from the beacon.”

He scratched his chin pensively. “Hmm. You think having a look at it and cross – referencing it with your research might give us a lead on the conduit?”

Liara shrank a little, having expected this question and being fully aware her answer wouldn't be what the man would want to hear. “It is of course possible commander, but...highly unlikely. I am, frankly, asking out of professional curiosity.”

His expression grew wary. “I see. Well...how does the mindmeld work? What I mean is..can you promise me that you will access the vision and nothing else?”

“Even a matriarch could not truthfully promise that. It is possible to concentrate on specific memories or feelings, but I am not very experienced with mindmelds, and even if I were, it is not an exact science. There is always at least some exchange of...personal elements.”

He looked down on his plate in silence for a while. “Please don't think that means that I don't trust you as a part of my team, but...I'm not comfortable with that. “

She had to have looked a bit disappointed. Shepard shrugged apologetically.

“Maybe when we know each other a bit better? You know, for longer then, what has it been, seven hours?”

The way he said it, Liara almost had to laugh at her own haste. “That...seems reasonable, Commander.”

“Thank you. Now, if you ever believe that there's an actual chance this mindmeld might give us new information, I want you to bring it up immediately and we'll do it, my comfort be damned. Understood?”

“Yes, Commander.”

“Please, Liara. It's just Shepard. Now. Why don't you tell me something about Asari culture? Evidently, my understanding is sorely lacking...”

“Unlike his confidence!” , the Williams woman shouted from the other end of the table. “Uh, Sir.”

Shepard opened his mouth as if to say something, but he was cut off once more, this time by Dr. Chakwas who was walking by with a tray of her own, the shadow of a smirk on her face. “And rightly so. The commander is a very attractive young man. I have had ample opportunity to observe his impact on women. Though amusingly, he rarely seems to notice in time. If at all.”

Shepard actually blushed. The Krogan and Turian roared, Liara failed to control a smirk of her own, and everyone else who had heard this last bit seemed to struggle with similar problems. Tali's reaction was difficult to ascertain, as she remained completely still, seemingly very focused on the table in front of her.

_Humans seem...quite blunt. I should probably save the commander from further embarassment._

“Well, we Asari live in a number of democratic republics, which date back to...”

… **..**

„First evaluation of previously unknown Geth combat platform, designated 'Gecko' by Commander Shepard, after it's namesake earth reptile for its ability to cling to walls. Encountered during a Spectre operation on the planet Therum. Utilizes it's climbing and powerful jumping capabilities to achieve extreme mobility. Shoots high-powered laser guided plasma projectiles. Very difficult to line up a shot on, recommended course of action, in our limited experience, is tech attacks, or if available, biotics. They are the ideal way of dealing with them.” Zali paused the recording for now, having completed her rehearsed introduction. She was in the small workshop next to engineering, the Geth unit they had been able to take with them from Therum before the lava had forced them off lying on the table in front of her An alliance marine was in the room as well, his hand on the pistol at his hip. _Shepard isn't taking any chances. Good._ The team had all gotten a couple of hours of rest after the mission and were now doing some wrap-up. Garrus was working on the Mako's guns, Ashley was cleaning rifles, and Tali was doing this. At least for a couple of hours, trying to tire herself out properly as the ship's night – cycle approached. _Might actually be able to get some sleep tonight, even in this quiet._

She stepped closer and inspected the platforms torso, then it's limbs. Tali resumed the recording. “Unlike regular Geth platforms, who have solidly encased torsos, this one's is made up from the same synthetic muscle – equivalent as the arms and legs. Testing it between my fingers... it seems to be quite similar to the material I am used to from regular Geth platforms.” Searching for and finding an access to its insides, she checked the memory core. “Memory core is fried, as expected. However, I will still disconnect the generator...hmm...already is disconnected due to combat damage.” Tali glanced to the marine. “Uh, Sir? You can tell Shepard you're no longer needed here, this thing is going to stay dead, period.” He nodded and left the room. Resuming the recording, she took stock of the damage that had ended this platforms mockery of life. “ The platform was hit by several rifle rounds. All seem to have gone clean through the entire torso. Obviously, this platform pays a price for its mobility. It's very lightweight for such a large body, and it is effectively unarmored. Shields didn't seem like anything special in combat...checking now.” She rummaged through the thing, finding the shield generators just were she expected them. “The inner workings seem near identical to those of regular troopers...the torso simply lacks the outer casing and armor plates and has additional muscle instead, allowing for greater flexibility, agility and reduced weight...I will inspect the internal components one after the other now...”

Tali inspected the shield generator, finding that it was indeed the exact same one would find in a regular trooper. As she moved on to the generator, she heard the door open, and looked up to see Shepard entering the room. As usual when Tali saw him, she beamed at him before I realized it. Not that he could see it under the mask...

“Shepard! What can I do for you?”

He pointed towards the Geth on the table. “Find anything interesting yet?”

“Well. It's in many ways a normal Geth trooper, just that the torso's hull has been replaced with synthetic muscle. And the arms and legs look a little thicker...I also get the feel the 'muscle' might be an improved version of the baseline Geth muscle equivalent. Denser, probably. And then there's the weapon system of course. Haven't gotten to that yet.”

He nodded along, taking it all in. “We'll be handing it over to the alliance next time we're at either the Citadel or Arcturus. Not quite sure when that will be yet, have some errands for Admirals Kahoku and Hackett to run first, and who knows what else comes up along the way.” He seemed to think something through for a second. “As far as I'm concerned, you can spend all your time off-mission working on this until then. Adams will make do without you for a while.” He said that last bit with a slight smirk. Perhaps Pressly wasn't the only one Adams had sung her praises to. Somehow, it made Tali at least a little proud, not embarassed, when Shepard mentioned it. Or at least less embarassed than usual.

“Alright, Shepard. My means here are limited, obviously, but I'll do what I can.”

“Thanks. You've been recording your findings?”

“Yes...”

“Please get it all together in a report. Whoever ends up looking at this for the alliance probably doesn't have half as much experience with Geth as you have.”

She nodded eagerly happy to eb trusted with this responsibility – and a bit wary about what she needed to ask of him. “No problem, Shepard. I've been wondering...my people could use this information. As far as I know we have so far not met this type, if our marines know about it beforehand, it could save lives. So...would it be okay if I sent a copy of this to the fleet as well?”

He furrowed his brow, looking puzzled.“Of course! Why wouldn't it be?”

“Well, we salvaged this as part of an alliance operation, so it's technically alliance intel...”

Shepard waved it off. “Pah. This was a Spectre operation against an enemy of both you're and my people, and of the council as well. Anyone has a problem with it, they can take it up with me.”

Again, Tali beamed. She should've gotten used to it by now, but this man really was something special. “Thank you, Shepard! I'll sent a preliminary report to auntie Raan before I go to sleep today.”

His face took on a thoughtful expression. “Your aunt? She's a scientist? Could this be a pilgrimage gift for you?”

_Oh fre'eg, you spilled it._

“My auntie Raan is on the admiralty board. As for your second question...maybe if I would bring back the entire body, not just a report of a superficial inspection made without the proper tools and diagnostics. Should definitively be enough, in fact. For anyone else. Not for me. My people expect more than adequacy from me. More than excellence, even. Everyone is waiting for me to bring back something that will impact our lives in a big way.”

He had listened intently, especially to that last sentence. “That's quite a tall order. Why would they expect that of you? Because your aunt is an admiral?”

“No, but because of my father. He is an admiral, too. He's the senior member, in fact...”

He raised both his eyebrows. “What, both your father and your aunt are on the board? Are you some sort of royalty, Tali?”

“No, it doesn't work this way. I won't inherit his position. And Shala'Raan is not actually my aunt, she's just been a close friend of the family for a very long time. And I was, for the most part, raised like any other Quarian's child. I won't deny being an admiral's daughter brought with it some privileges, like the additional training I received for my pilgrimage, and just connections in general. But there are downsides as well, like the big expectations I told you about. My father has brought me up for greatness, and that is what I must deliver. I cannot fail him, or my people.” Shepard thought about that for a while before asking his next question.

“So what is he like, your father? What kind of father is he?”

“Well, he is and was busy. Even when he was there, he was somewhat... distant. The fleet was always on his mind. He's not the kind of person you bond with. But I don't blame him. All Quarians must do their duty to our people, and that was his. Actually, I...I've never even seen his face in person, only on pictures mom made in their clean room time. Didn't want to take the sick leave.”

He flinched at that, but did not comment. Tali was thankful for it.

“He did make sure I received the best education though, and that I always gave it my all. Sometimes I felt that he was too strict, but now...I understand he was preparing me for things like this. I don't think I would have survived until I met you, or could serve you like this now, without all the things he made sure I learned. ”

Shepard nodded, looking thoughtful. “What about your mother then?”

“Oh, she was wonderful...she was a little bit in the background, my father is the kind of personality that does that to people. But I loved her very much. She...passed on about five years ago. Some airborne virus swept trough the fleet, it happens sometimes when the filters fail. Mom hated her suit, she spent as much time out of it as possible. Worked well enough most of the time, as an admiral's family, we had a room to ourselves. In there, she never wore it. She had built up quite the strong immune system over time, almost never got sick from this even though the rest of us would obviously have contaminants on our suits. But the virus...no chance. Dad took it pretty hard I think...he got even more focused on his work after that. It's his way of dealing with the grief, I think.”

Shepard rubbed his forehead. “Tali...I'm sorry.”

“Don't be, it's not your fault. And I've...moved on, I think. I can now remember and feel the good times we had stronger than the loss. She really was the most lovely person, and she had such beautiful hair...most Quarian use chemicals to stay hairless or at least keep it very short, it's just more practical that way with the suits. I don't. I keep my hair long, I like to remember her that way.”

Shepard gave her a long look, probably wondering what she looked like. _I wonder if he would find my hair pretty...ugh, stop it, silly girl._ Still, Tali looked straight into his brilliant blue eyes and said nothing, she just couldn't tear herself away from them.

His omnitool pinged, and the moment was gone. He cleared his throat. “Right, Pressly needs me. I'll see you tomorrow. Don't keep at it too long, you hear me? You ought to get some sleep, it's been quite the day.”

“I'll try not to, Shepard. No promises though.”

“Hah! That's my favorite Quarian.” Tali resumed her work, but now she kept catching herself bouncing on her toes and humming as she took the Geth apart.

_Wood splinters flying around. I close my eyes and pray to God I won't get one in them as I crouch away from that position. I drag myself behind a concrete pillar. Too much fire. Can't risk to pop up. So instead, I quickly reach into my pocket and retrieve two single rounds. Load them into the rifle. I'm full again. Should get me a proper weapon if I get the chance. There's a lull in the fire as most Batarians seem to be reloading. We pop up. The militiamen around me with their Avengers, me with my hilariously outdated K98. Doesn't matter too much, most slaver scum don't have shields. Most of us fire wildly and hit nothing, they're afraid. I'm not. Not anymore. I'm a good shot, so I don't take long to line up a shot and see one of the squints' brains blow away. Duck back into cover as shots begin to pepper the pillar I'm behind, reload. Stay down for now. Take the time to make another scratch in the butt._

_Firefight has been going on for fifteen minutes or so. Have somehow not lost a man yet. Well, we're in a building and the squints are stuck in some crappy bushes on the other side of the open field. They're not being reinforced either, most of them have already taken off. These ones are greedy. Have seen us bring the children in here. They seem to prize children. Fucking degenerates. Crouch low along the wall, to another window on the right corner of the house. Mister Lang is already shooting out from it. “John, come here, they're making a- “_

_I flinch as several rounds shut him up, splattering blood and brains over the floor and wall. Lang's avenger drops to the floor. Never held one of these before, but a gun is a gun. I pick it up and lean against the wall, peeking out in an angle so I won't be seen from the batarian's position. Sure enough, three of them are flanking us in a low ditch, the others can't see them it seems. I bring the gun up and fire a couple of rounds semi auto, one of the assholes goes down. Damn, this is easy. Kicks way less than the K98. They turn to return fire, but I've already corrected my aim and they have to actually search the schools many windows for my muzzle first. No chance._

_With this low recoil, I go for full auto and simply mow them both down with a long burst, still mostly on target. I get down and jump away as rounds start impacting the wall around where I was. Don't trust these walls too much. I look at the old rifle on the floor and pick it up, hanging it on my back. It might be completely inadequate compared to the beast I'm holding in my hands now, but it has killed far too many of these bastards for me to just let it lie there._

_We fight on. One more of us dies, this time it's Jane Delaway. Knew her, funny woman. Mechanic. One more death the Batarians will pay for. Suddenly, a lot more gunfire from outside. We get down, but then we notice nothing is hitting the house any more. I get up and look outside. The Batarians are all dead or dying, Alliance soldiers standing over them, some finishing the scum off with knives or sidearms, others making their way over to the primary school we're in, a dark skinned man taking point. We did it. I collapse to the wall behind me and slide down to the floor. No more of them to kill. Mom, Brad, Elly and Bernd still dead, just like Jenny. The hell will I do with my life now?_

John shot up in his bed and blinked furiously, blinded by the light the rapid movement had triggered, as he found his way back to reality, the image of Lang's brains splattered across the wall of the very primary school he had visited himself still vivid in his mind. With a groan, Shepard heaved his legs out of the bed and rested his head in his hands. That damn beacon. Nightmares were nothing special for him, everyone had them, and he knew most soldiers who had seen action tended to geta little more of them than most people. Or a lot. So John never thought of himself as particularly plagued with them; before Eden Prime, it had been weeks since the last really bad one. But since that bloody beacon had gone ham on his brain, John was having them pretty much every night. Sometimes it would be the vision again, other nights events from his life, often Mindoir, sometimes Elysium or Akuze. He looked at the time; he had only slept for a little over an hour. Experience had taught him that there would be no going back to sleep for at least an hour, so he put on some pants and a shirt – Shepard had some civilian clothes in his cabin, it wouldn't do for the captain to be seen hobbling about in half a uniform every time he went to get a bottle of water in the middle of his sleep cycle - and left his cabin to do just that. He found the mess empty safe for Tali, who was sitting at one of the tables, reading something on her omnitool. When he exited his cabin, she collapsed the holo display and looked over to him. “Hello Shepard.”

“Hey. Why are you up at this hour?”

“Can't sleep.”

“Hmm.”

John got himself a bottle of water and sat down across from her. “Me neither. What are you reading?”

“Just going over some of my notes from the Gecko. Already did so once while sitting here, but I don't really have anything else to do.”

“Well, you _could_ go to back to your pod and try again. Why aren't you?”

“I'm not tired enough yet.”

“Sounds like you've got experience with not being able to sleep.”

Tali shrugged. “Not a lot, but yes. It's because of the _Normandy_...she's too silent.”

“How so?”

“Well, Quarian ships are old, especially the birthship I grew up on. The _Rayya_ actually predates our exodus.”

Shepard whistled, he had not known that. “Wait, wait. You have ships that are over three hundred years old!? That's impressive.”

He could've sworn he saw her proud grin through the mask. _I wish she'd react like that to praise directed at herself, too..._

“We work tirelessly to keep them running. And it works, by and large. But it does not run nearly as smooth as a new ship, of course. Especially not as smooth as such an advanced vessel like the Normandy. So there's pretty much constant background noise. Crew on shift, or the humming of the drive core. The ventilation systems. Things like that. Silence means something has stopped working. It means danger. You get used to it from birth, so now that it's suddenly gone...It'll just take some time to take used to, I think.”

John nodded along.

“So what about you, Shepard? “ The question startled him a bit, he had been thinking about what she had said, and how different it had to be living in a place that was constantly being repaired. And he was not too keen on talking about the contents of his dreams.

“That prothean beacon on Eden Prime...ever since I interacted with it, I've been having nightmares. This...vision, mostly. Of the Reapers. And sometimes other things, too.”

Tali looked at him for a long moment before talking again.

“So...you have a gun that was designed two hundred fifty years ago?”

John snorted. Quite the segway, but he was thankful. She could obviously tell he wasn't in the mood to talk about certain things. Wasn't her fault that she unintentionally stumbled into the exact same topic she had been trying to get away from.

“Yes. It belonged to my stepfather. He was from a place on earth called Germany. Never been there myself. They designed that gun and used it in both of our world wars, and afterwards it was still used as a hunting rifle. Hell, still is. It's a good gun, very precise. Obviously can't compare to mass accelerators in any way, and it is a repeater rifle, so for combat, its hilariously outdated in more than one way. But that doesn't really matter when you're gunning for game, and it is one of the reasons guns like these are so easy to get a license for, and because of that they're relatively common in the more rural colonies.”

“You grew up on a colony?”

He suppressed a sigh. “Yes. Mindoir. Farming colony, small communities. Lived there with my mother, stepfather and my half brethren, their two children. Beautiful place. The main continent, where most of the colonists live, is nothing but fields and the occasional forest as far as the eye can see.”

“Why did you leave?”

John groaned inwardly, but it wasn't her fault. She couldn't know.

“Batarians raided it in '70. Killed a lot of people, dragged even more away to slavery. My family...didn't make it. The survivors rebuilt it, but...there was nothing left for me there.”

Tali was obviously shocked by this revelation, sitting up straighter, eyes wide. “Keelah, Shepard...thats terrible...I'm sorry I made you talk about that, I-I didn't know...”

He waved it off. “Forget it. You could not have known, and it's been thirteen years. I can handle talking about it.”

There was a bit of an awkward silence as he tried to think of another topic but was beaten to it by Tali. “So you joined the alliance?”

“Yes. I have an aunt left, Hannah. She's been with the alliance since before I was born. She and Captain Anderson pulled some strings and so I spent the last two years to adulthood on alliance ships, finishing school among the children of alliance personnel. That's where I first met Chakwas, by the way.”

She laughed. Quite the infectious laugh, enough to lift his spirits a little. “I did get the impression she might have known you for a little longer today.”

Shepard cringed at the memory of that dinner. God, he had made a complete fool of himself. “She's been friends with Hannah since school. And she also new Anderson from some assignment early in their respective careers. So that's why I ended up on that ship. She was only there for one year though. She always preferred postings on frontline warships, and those don't have any minors, obviously.”

Tali's next question came immediately, the Quarian sitting there at rapt attention, her large fingers folded together on the table in front of her. “How long have you known the Captain?”

“Since Mindoir. We met there first.”

I decided to go on the offensive a little, before we could accidentally stumble over Elysium, too. “You got any more family than you mentioned earlier?”

“Well, yes. My little brother, Han. He's sixteen. Every family is encouraged to have two children. One is frowned upon, three or more are forbidden. Most people just get sterilized after their second kid. That way, the population stays stable, which is of course crucial for the flotilla.”

I raised both eyebrows, barely suppressing a surprised curse.“It's been like this since the exodus?”

“Pretty much. Sometimes, when the population is shrinking, people are being allowed to have more children, and other times there were surpluses, so a one-child policy had to be implemented. Overall, the population of the migrant fleet has been at roughly seventeen million for the last three hundred years. We cannot afford to grow our numbers. Our resources are barely enough to maintain what we have...” She trailed off.

“That...is pretty rough. Your people have to live with quite some limitations. Have you ever tried to find a new planet?”

She waved her hand dismissively. “Yes, but it hasn't been going well. Most planets with life aren't even potential candidates, because they are levo biospheres. And among the dextro planets, there are still all manners of problems. Like a location within the Terminus systems, which is obviously dangerous, or aggressive microbial life. The problem is our immune system. It has evolved on Rannoch, and Rannoch is rather unique because it does not have insect life. The details of that are a whole other story, and I'm probably not the best person to ask about it, but basically Quarians, and most other large life forms on Rannoch, have a symbiotic relationship with the plant life, and that is the reason our immune systems evolved to be weak. So it would be very difficult for us to adapt to a new world. We did find one where it could have worked, though. “

“Why did it not work out?”

She folded her arms across her chest and reclined in her chair. “The council threatened to bomb us off the planet, so we left it.”

“What?”, he asked incredulous. “Why?”

“We did not ask for permission first. We were not a council race anymore, and we found it first, but they considered the planet council space anyway. So they set the Turians on us.” She sounded bitter now. John could understand why.

“Huh...I knew how the council tends to treat the 'lesser races' when they interfere with their own interests, but that is just ruthless.”

Tali scoffed. “We didn't even interfere with their interests, not really. The Elcor wanted the planet too, but we could have just shared. There's only seventeen million of us, after all. But the Turians were hellbent on driving us away. They hate us. We are to be punished for 'our mistake' forever. As an example for the rest of the galaxy.“

Shepard sat silent, recalling some of the things he had heard members of the various races say about the Quarians. It was sad that such attitudes would be this prevalent in a galactic community; all this time humanity had imagined hat if they ever met whoever was out there in space, they would have advanced far beyond such things. Turns out they were indeed far advanced, but only in some things, not in others. Some were even a good bit behind humans, at least as far as Shepard was concerned. _Goddamn squints...well, Hegemony. There have to be decent Batarians...somewhere._ In the end, it seemed aliens were only human, too.

“Well, maybe this aggression on part of the Geth will prompt the council to take action against them.”

“Yes, maybe.”, Tali answered half heartedly. John didn't actually believe that, and from the look of it, neither did she; at least that was what he took from her downcast look towards the tabletop and her slumped shoulders. Noticing that he had been staring, Shepard decided to try and get her to talk about something happier. “What's your brother like?” She perked up immediately.

“Oh, he's a bit of a rebel. Father and him are constantly butting heads. He is not lazy or anything, he always does all his duties and has performed well in school.”

“He's like you? Smart and into machines?” She lowered her head for a second, which John had come to believe usually meant she was blushing. She just couldn't take a compliment. “He is very smart. But not into machines at all. He knows the basics of course, all Quarians do. But he wants to be a doctor.”

“What is your brother's problem with your father?”

“Well I told you father is strict. And not around very much. Han...doesn't understand it. Maybe he doesn't want to, I'm not sure. We fight sometimes because I don't share his position. Sometimes I think...maybe he was just too young when our mother died.”

_Jesus Christ, now you made her sad again. Commander Shepard, conversationalist par excellence._

In a bit of a recurring theme of this conversation that somehow just kept finding its way into unpleasant matters, there was another rather abrupt change of topics, this time initiated by Tali who was probably trying to get away from the topic of her dead mother just as Shepard had tried to get away from his past earlier. “I've been researching about humans since I got on board. Not a lot, and just basic stuff about culture and history. I've seen these world wars mentioned a couple of times now, and this morning again. They seem like they were quite the big deal. They certainly sound...serious. World Wars.”

“You could say that...well, the world wars were a period of thirty years in the early twentieth century. The first one happened because several nationalist empires clashed over their interests. Eventually, the tensions boiled over and so they fought, for four years. It was the first war where automatic firearms saw widespread use, same for planes. And more artillery than ever before. Millions dead. Eventually one side lost. That side was led by Germany. The land my stepfather was from, remember? The victors neither completely destroyed them nor treated them fairly, and so they had motive and ability to start another war twenty years later. This one was even worse. The whole world was fighting. The Germans had gone completely insane in those twenty years and committed some of the worst atrocities in human history in that war, and so did their allies. The other side did some shady things too, but it doesn't even come close. At all. A hundred million people died. Those years are generally seen as the darkest in all of human history. That's why they're still seen as relevant today, over two hundred years later.”

Tali had listened to the whole thing wide eyed. “That's...unsettling. Quarians, like most races, were united before we had any kind of advanced weapons. A war fought with such firepower must have been devastating.”

“It was. I've only seen pictures, never been to any of the sites, but even pictures are quite impressive. There are lots of good documentaries about it, and movies too.” She yawned, and apparently those are contagious even when you only hear them and cant see them. “Speaking of documentaries...those are a good way to fall asleep. You should try it...”

She nodded. “Yes...I'll try that...but what about you?”

“Hmm...got some paperwork to do. That should get me sleepy soon enough.” He grinned. “I'll have to introduce you to some human movies and shows. There's a lot of good ones about the world wars.”

She seemed surprised, but he could tell it was a pleasant surprise. “That would be nice. Good night, Shepard.”

“Hmm. Good night.” John shuffled back into his cabin, grabbed a datapad from the desk and went back to bed. Typing in the darkness, fatigue set in quickly and he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep not long after.


	5. Chapter 5

**Tali** finished her last assignment from Adams, reported to him, and then made her way towards the Cargo hold, nervously wringing her hands. She wasn't sure what Urdnot Wrex wanted from her.

After their unsettling find on Edolus yesterday, the _Normandy_ was now one day out from their new target in the Century System of the Hawking Eta Cluster. Some ex- alliance officer had apparently gone off the rails and now lived a life as the leader of a community of radical biotics. Kaidan had told the group some things about how human biotics had been treated in the past, with more than a bit of bitterness involved, so Tali could understand that some of them wanted to get away from the alliance and to be left to themselves. However, two Alliance negotiators had gone missing, presumed killed, and that could not be overlooked. But this was not what was on Tali's mind. What was on the young Quarian's mind was the fact that this 'morning' , Shepard had ordered her to report to Wrex after her shift in engineering for some "training". So Tali had spent her entire shift wondering with no little amount of trepidation what training with a Krogan would look like. She opened the door to the cargo hold and, after a short moment of hesitation, made her way over to Wrex, who was already looking in her direction with one of his big, red, alien eyes.

"Quarian. Come 'ere. " Tali made way to follow his demand, but then that little voice in the back of her head acted up again.  _ Shepard says you shouldn't get used to this. _

"My name. Is. Tali."

He just laughed. "I know! Good answer. You have fire, young'n. Just needs to be stirred up a little. All part of training."

He pushed himself off the wall he was leaning against and stood up to his full size. He really was a giant. With 172 centimeters, Tali was tall by Quarian standards, but in front of him she felt like a child.  _ Don't show it.  _ So she put her chin up and feigned confidence. "Shepard said you want to teach me something?"

He nodded. "Shotguns. You're crafty with 'em. Your marines trained you well. But there's still things you don't know. When you spend a couple of centuries doing dirty work across the galaxy, you pick up a couple of tricks along the way. And I'll show 'em to you."

"Wh-why me?"

"Because you're the one here who's good with a shotgun. The Turian over there is too scared to get close - "

"Hey! I heard that!" , came the muffled protest from somewhere under the Mako.

"I'm counting on it, Vakarian!" came Wrex's response, but it didn't sound angry. Tali had noticed that the two of them seemed to be building some sort of positive working relationship. It was mostly founded on insulting each other, so she didn't really get it, but it worked for them. And Garrus wasn't _that_ bad. He was insufferable most of the time, but he had apologized to her for what he had said about her people the other day, and he appeared to mean most of what he said in good fun. Tali could tolerate him. Meanwhile, Wrex continued. "That squishy Asari we picked up would break her arm if we tried to give her a real gun. Williams back there swears on her rifle. Alenko tries to stick to his pistol so he doesn't strain himself too much for his biotics. And Shepard already knows everything there is to know about shotguns. Now come on."

He opened his locker and gestured Tali to do the same. After getting out his gigantic shotgun, he walked to the middle of the hold and waited until she was next to him. "Good, you already got it turned off. What I'm gonna show you..." He noticed the engineer's wide eyed stare at the absolute  _ cannon  _ in his hands. "Like it? Too bad. This one here is for Krogan only. If any of you tried to shoot this, it'd break your arm. Illegal too. Hehe. Now. I'll show you how to fire two shots at once."

Tali's interest was peaked immediately."Two shots at once?"

"Yes. It's easy. You just unfold the gun normally. It's gonna shear off a load of pellets from the ammo block to be ready to fire. Now you could fire a round, then pump to shear off the next batch of pellets, and then fire a round again. But what you can do  _i_ _ nstead _ , is just pump the rifle without having fired. Now you have twice the amount of pellets in the chamber. When you fire the gun now, it will generate twice the heat which of course means you'll come closer to overheating, but with the pellets fusing together 'cuz there's more of 'em than there are supposed to, you'll not only shoot more down range, but a lot of it will have more juice to it. It's a good way to end a fight with just one shot, or to combat armor if you're stuck on a shotty that doesn't have slugs. Which would be most of the shotguns non Krogans use. It's not ideal; better use a heavy pistol against armor, or a rifle. But in a pinch, it's okay. "

Tali was completely enraptured by the technical aspects of what he was explaining now. "Yes, I can see that working...if pellets fused together, they have more mass, like little slugs..."

"Exactly. Just don't miss, 'cuz if you do, you're standing there with a damn near overheated gun in your hands and nothing to show for it."

"Obviously." She lowered her gun. "Well, I'll have to try that out on the next mission, or if that happens before, when Shepard takes us to a shooting range. But, I have to say...that gun you have is ...interesting. Can I see it?"

The old Krogan laughed. "Be my guest. It's a Claymore. Human design made specifically for Krogan, and if there's one thing we Krogan really know how to appreciate, it's big guns." His enthusiasm died down for a moment, and he grumbled to himself. "About the only thing we're appreciating these days...anyway. It's obviously too big for all of you squishies, but that's not even the best thing." He flipped a switch. "This thing can fire either buckshot  _ or  _ slugs. 21 milimeter slugs. Not from an ammo block, obviously. Have to lug em around in magazines and reload manually. And not as accurate as rifles. But it's worth it. Outside of strong biotics, shielded vehicles like those armatures we met on Therum, or a damn thresher maw, I've yet to meet the thing that doesn't go down from just one of these."

Tali was impressed. "It's so simple, but effective. It's like a handheld cannon...no wonder the Turians didn't know how to help themselves in the rebellions except for - " She jolted as she realized she had been about to bring up the genophage to a Krogan.

_ Oh keelah, what did you just say!? _

Wrex just laughed, but there was no mirth in it. "Yeah. The Turians would agree. Good thing you can always just sterilize your opponent, ain't that true, Garrus!?"

Muffled curses from underneath the Mako. These two really were strange together.

Wrex turned one of his eyes back to me. "Now, young'n. Training's not done yet. Put that gun away." Tali obliged, and he too stowed his one into his locker. Then they returned to the middle of the hold.

"Now. Got any experience in hand to hand ?"

"No? I mean...I was taught the basics of self defense before I left the fleet...I know how to do a proper kick...but aside from that..."

He nodded. "Gotta make use of what you have." He looked down over my body. "You're a fit one. Strong legs. Good. Now put those to the test, show me your technique. Kick me."

"I-I don't know, I don't want to - "

"Girl. You're not going to hurt me. Just take care you don't hurt yourself."

He just stood there expectantly, so Tali took two steps back, remembered what her training, what she had done to that Turian in the alleyway on the Citadel, and went for it, turning with the left foot as a pivot and slamming the right one into the plate protecting Wrex's abdomen. He swayed ever so slightly backwards before stabilizing himself and grumbling approvingly. "Good. Might have actually felt that if I wasn't wearing armor. Which is all you can really expect from kicking a Krogan. A Turian would be lying on the ground now." His lips spread in a toothy grin. "But you already know that." She blushed a little,embarassed by the compliment for violently killing someone. Tali didn't feel guilty, but still, it felt strange being responsible for the death of a sentient being, and it wasn't something she was as comfortable with as the old mercenary obviously was. Which made a lot of sense, of course.

"So think wisely the next time you're about to make her angry, Vakarian!"

Garrus finally crawled out from underneath the Mako and whatever he had been doing there. "I imagine this is what Krogan fathers do with their little girls, teaching them how to shoot and kick things. It's cute, honestly. Wrex, I can really picture you as her dad, or perhaps her uncle."

Now Tali was just getting more embarassed.

"Oh, I like that one. So behave yourself Vakarian. If you make my new niece angry, I'll kick your ass."

Garrus feigned terror. "Oh please no. Please don't hurt me, Uncle Urdnot."

Before Wrex could respond, the hold was filled with Ashleys laughter. The gunnery chief had seemed a little more friendly to us non- humans the last couple of days, especially to Tali, but this was still a surprise for the Quarian.

"Oh please Wrex, don't hurt him...too bad. You two are my entire entertainment down here, I don't want him to sulk and no longer talk to you because you hurt his pride."

Now even Tali started giggling, and Wrex soon joined in with the deep, rumbling chuckling of his own. So Garrus just climbed on top of his vehicle and presented his talons to them all in a turian gesture that probably meant nothing polite.

"Well then, niece. You can kick, that's good. I'm not the right one for you to train punches with, you'd just break your fingers. “ Tali raised a hand to object, but he cut her off. “Yes, I know Quarians have armored digits. Still gonna break hitting armor full force, believe me. And I'm not stripping here. Wouldn't want the other guys to develop feelings of inadequacy, after all. So we'll train movement instead...try to keep kicking me.  _ Without  _ me swooping you off the ground and putting you on my hump until you beg me to let you down again."

So they went on training. Wrex moved slow, much slower than what Tali knew he was capable of, but it was still hard to not get caught while also finding the time to deliver some kicks with decent technique. It was good training though, towards the end of the hour Tali was already much better at kicking from positions that were not the basic guard she had been taught on the flotilla. When the hour was up, the Krogan suddenly moved very quick and scooped his 'niece' up from the floor as if she weighed nothing. Tali found herself sitting on his hump, trying to keep her balance as Wrex raised his arms triumphantly and roared his victory cry. Ashley just about lost it, and Garrus looked very amused , too; and their fun only got better when Wrex began to stomp towards engineering and the Quarian on top of him had to desperately cling to his armor in order to not fall off. "Wrex! Where are you going!?"

He just laughed. "To engineering of course. I'm sure they'll find the sight of you like this very entertaining..."

"Oh keelah..."

* * *

  
  


Ten hours out from the next mission, the ship was in FTL on autopilot. Joker was bored. Being in FTL was nothing unusual for a pilot of course, so they all had their methods to keep themselves occupied in ways that allowed them to still snap back to action in the blink of an eye if needed. Most of the time Joker just played  _ Galaxy of Fantasy _ _.  _ But today he just wasn't really feeling it. He had already read all the news articles he had downloaded before entering FTL, too.

_ Well, he could think of one thing... _

Jeff went into his personal files and scrolled through, spending some minutes deciding on the right video. After all, he had time. Imagine you're sitting in a fancy restaurant; yes you could just take the first entry on the menu and it will probably be alright, might even be good. But why not take your time choosing something that really tickles your fancy that day. He finally settled on one he actually hadn't watched in a while...skip all the useless 'plot'...and play.

The loud moans of a woman filled the cockpit. Joker slammed down on the mute button, but not before hearing a horrified: "Joker!" The voice had a somewhat synthesized undertone to it, so he knew exactly who had just busted him. Fighting down the embarassed cringe on his face, the pilot turned his chair around and gave Tali his most innocent face.

"Sorry, uh, that was supposed to go to my earpiece..."

She crossed her arms over her chest and tilted her head. "I hope so. So this is what you're doing all day, huh?"

"Hey, FTL flight is every pilots nightmare. I have nothing to do. For hours and hours on end. And no, I don't actually spent all the time watching porn."

Nothing about her stance changed, but her eyes shifted slightly, giving the object of her scrutiny the impression of a skeptic look on her mostly concealed face. Joker gave her his most shit eating grin. "I play video games instead..."

She could no longer keep it up and doubled over laughing. "Keelah Joker, you're terrible." She sat down in the co- pilot's seat. He didn't mind; he had already had a couple of short chats with Tali and liked her. She neither pitied him, nor made fun of him; she simply treated him normally, and for a man like him, that was quite rare.

He decided to tease her a little. "Don't give me this shit, Tali. I bet that mask can function as a display. I bet that's all you're doing when you're standing on your console in engineering waiting for some lengthy diagnostics to finish." She shot up from the backrest she had been comfortably snuggled into, sitting up straight and clamping down on the armrests with her big strong alien fingers before bringing them together in front of her to wring them frantically.  _ Huh? Oh...oh! _

"I-I don't...this isn't...at work I...rarely ever..."

It took everything he had to not lose his deadpan.  _T_ _ his is much, much better than I anticipated. _

Joker was still thinking about where to take it from here when she suddenly stopped her fidgeting and went on the offensive. "Screw this! I am a young woman who is forced to live in a suit and I have...needs! I can't even _kiss_ someone without risking my health! It is completely natural that young Quarians sometimes seek _some_ _s_ ort of relief!"

His jaw dropped. Damn, he hadn't even thought about this. Alright, stop the teasing. Mostly. "Hey, you think the guy who just got caught red handed is gonna judge you?" She relaxed. Good, crisis averted. "I didn't even think about that. How do Quarians even ...you know...do it?"

"Well, when a couple wants to be intimate, they have to go to a clean room. And even then, that just eliminates the risk of external contaminants. The two still have to adapt to each other. It usually takes about half a year until we have gotten used to each other enough to be able to...you know...without getting sick."

"Sounds...complicated."

"It is. Which is why almost all Quarians only ever take one partner. We were always very loyal to our partners compared to most other species, though its not like some of the crazy stuff you'll find on the extranet..." she trailed off for a second, "and now on the flotilla, with the suits and the added difficulty of intimacy, divorce and re-marriage, let alone infidelity, have basically vanished. There are less risky ways to be together of course, but it's just not the same..not that I would know, but...that's what everyone says."

"So, most of you basically go like what, ten years plus from being a horny teenager to being able to actually live out your sexuality? Yeah, I can understand doing some handiwork from time to time. Hell, we humans have none of that shit to deal with , and we still.."

_ Aight, so I'm casually discussing masturbation with an alien right now. This is weird even for me. _

He decided to change the subject before things could get even weirder. "Anyway, did you want something?"

She perked up, having sunken back into the chair before. "I'm going to use the airlock again. I'm gonna lock it this time, too."

"Wanna make the wall squeak again?" A short giggle.

"Maybe. But mostly, I want to take my mask off. "

Now he raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that dangerous?"

"That's the thing. The airlock is not a real clean room, so I could theoretically get sick. Which is why I left the mask on last time. But I thought about it, and any contamination in there would be so minor, if I get a reaction it should be so weak that it should not affect my work or my mission readiness, and it could even help me train my immune system. But most importantly it will allow me to take this damn thing off for a couple of minutes." She pointed at the visor.

Joker nodded understandingly, even though he doubted that he _could_ _truly_ understand it. "Well, have fun. I'll make sure our dashing Commander doesn't interrupt you again."

"What? I don't – I mean..oh, shut it you bosh'tet."

He just grinned to himself as she stood up and got into the airlock.  _ Yeah, I've definitely put my money on the right horse... _

* * *

Ashley's face contorted in a grimace of disgust as cold water splashed against her butthole. _Ugh..._ Reaching over to the toilet paper, she ripped some off and went to work. It came black clean on the first wipe. _Well, that makes up for it...almost_ _._ Just as Ashley was about to get up, she heard the door to the women's restroom open and someone coming in. It didn't sound like boots, more like someone walking barefoot, yet not at the same time. The strange footfalls interchanged with the soft chime of an omnitool notifying it's owner of an incoming call. The next moment, the owner of the strange sounding feet became clear when a voice with a slightly synthesized ring to it spoke out in it's distinct accent. "H-hello, father. It's good to see you." _Tali's getting a call from her dad? Damn, this is awkward. I'll just stay in here for now..._

"Tali. Raan informed me of your message. I thought I had brought you up to be responsible and think of the fleet, yet now I hear you are dallying on a human ship! Explain yourself."

_ What the...? What an ass! _

"Th-this is important, father. Saren.."

"Saren is a problem of the council races! The races that let our people die and cast us out!"

"But father, the Geth..." At mention of the Geth, the man actually shut up, but the poor girl still stopped talking for some seconds, as if unsure if she was actually allowed to talk. Ashley had noticed that the Quarian presented the curious paradox of being headstrong and outspoken in one moment and insecure and shy in the next, depending on the situation; the Gunnery Chief was definitely witnessing one of those situations right now, and she suspected that she was listening to the man responsible for it all,too. "Saren commands the Geth, father. I do not know how, but I...I intend to find out." 

Her father seemed to calm down a little. "The involvement of the Geth is indeed curious. However, that is none of your concern. Your task is to find a suitable gift and return as soon as possible."

Seconds went by in silence. "Shepard saved my life. I have to repay him. And I'm being paid here, father. That will help me with my pilgrimage."

The man on the other end of the call scoffed. "You already repaid that human by giving him the information that made him a Spectre. You owe him nothing."

Now Tali seemed to become agitated herself. "Owe him nothing? Did Raan not tell you what he did? He came down on the C-Sec executor for how they treated me, and he went to the press too! The man has been nothing but good to me! And you want me to abandon him!?"

_ This is getting more and more personal...guess I'll have to sit here and not move a muscle until she leaves. _

"The commander seems to be a good man, I'm not denying that. But your duty is to your people, not aliens you meet on your pilgrimage. "

Tali continued to raise her voice. "The pilgrimage proves that we are willing to give ourselves for the greater good. If I walk away from this, what does that say about me? About our people!? The geth are our creations! And I am to just look away as they go around killing!?"

_ Uh-oh _ , Ashley thought. If she had figured this father-daughter relationship out right, the man would not be used to, and not take kindly to, being talked back to. She was proven right. "What the Geth do is neither our responsibility, nor our problem! Return to your pilgrimage immediately, Tali!", the girl's father all but shouted at her. 

"I _am_ on my pilgrimage!" 

An ominous silence followed, before Tali's father spoke again, his voice dangerously low. "I hoped that you would see reason, but it seems I have not taught you as well as I hoped! Tali, I _o_ _rder_ you to leave that ship at the next port." 

Tali gasped "Y-you wouldn't dare!"

"I do. You will-"

"No."

"...no?"

"No! No! No! How dare you! My pilgrimage is my responsibility! You have no right to tell me how to get it done! You cannot order me! Not even you! This is...this...you..."

"Tali! I am your father! You wi-" The voice was cut off abruptly. _She hang up on him_ _, Ashley_ realized. _You go, girl! Show him._ _Her_ jubilation for the younger woman did not last long, as seconds later, she could hear her sobbing. Scrambling to rise and pull her pants back up, Ashley burst out of the stall and hurried over to Tali, who was slumped against the wall, still sniffling. Not thinking about it, the older woman enveloped her in a hug. Hugs work wonders, and she didn't really know what to say, or If she hould even say something at all. Tali tensed up at first, but after a second or two she responded eagerly and clung to her like a vice, obviously happy for someone to hold on to right now, albeit a human who she didn't even know too well. In that moment, she reminded Ashley a lot of her sisters. "H-how much did you hear?"

"Well...all of it."

She tensed up again. "Keelah...I can't believe my father would try that. How can he not see how important what I'm doing here is?"

Ashley did not answer, for she had no answer. So she asked a question instead. "Your dad's a bit of a hardass, huh?"

Tali giggled in her arms. "Yes..." She untangled herself from the human and looked at the floor. "I...I've never before told him no." She started to tremble a bit. "On one hand, I'm terrified of how he will react to this. But on the other hand...keelah, this feels so good."

Ashley grinned. "You're growing up, girl."

The Quarian's head snapped back up. "I am grown up! I fight as well as you do! I-"

"Woah!" , the Gunnery Chief said, holding out her hands in defense. "Not what I meant. I know you're a big girl and can look after yourself. But this is part of growing up as well. Drawing that line between your parents and yourself. All parents have ideas and plans for their children. Some of it is good, some is bad, a lot of it might be good for someone else, but just not for you. Sometimes, you have to fight to break free. To become your own person."

The younger woman looked at her for a long while, mulling over her words. "Did you fight with your father a lot?"

Ashley laughed. "You wouldn't imagine. Me and my sisters were a handful. But we had a point...sometimes at least."

"You have sisters?"

"Yes, three of them."

"Four children!? That...makes sense, I guess. Living on a planet and all."

"What, don't you have siblings?"

"Just one, my younger brother. Families on the flotilla are only allowed two children. It keeps the population stable without outstretching our resources."

Ashley turned towards the mirror over the sink. "Damn." She washed my hands before, following a spontaneous impulse, opening her bun to run her wet fingers through her now free flowing hair. Tali was watching her throughout the entire ordeal. Through the mirror, Ashley caught her staring in the mirror and cocked an eyebrow. "Tali?"

"N-nothing, I'm sorry..."

"What, no, I was just wondering what you were thinking."

"No, it's stupid and bad..."

"Spill it already."

"It's just...I was thinking about how you can just do that, while my nose is blocked right now just because I wanted to touch my face for the first time in four months. You were nice to me and now I'm being envious, it's nor fair, and I'm sorry."

Ashley turned around and stared at her, dumbfounded. She shouldn't have been, really, but she was. "What no, forget that. What did you just say!? Are you sick?"

"Not really...just a little. I use the airlock sometimes to take parts of my suit off after doing a decon cycle. At first I only took off the gloves but...I wanted to feel fresh air on my face again, and...touch my hair. Last time before that was over four months ago..." She looked to the ground again, seemingly embarassed. _Jesus Christ, she is stuck in that thing and can't do any of the things we all take for granted, and we're shoving it in her face the whole time just by being around her._ Struggling to come up with something nice, Ashley went for one of the things she knew would almost always work at least a little to cheer a woman up, as long as it wasn't coming from some random creep. "Quarians have hair? I bet it's beautiful. What does it look like?"

Tali seemed to look for words for a couple of seconds, perhaps a little flustered. "A lot like yours, actually...it's a little thicker I think, but it is black too, and I keep it long for a Quarian...it's probably a little longer than my shoulders right now...I think I might actually need to cut it soon, it's getting kind of bothersome in here..." she trailed off again, probably pondering how she could not even freely choose her hairstyle because of the damn flashlights.

Ashley sighed. "You could help me with my hair, you know...I have this boring bun, but I know prettier ones, too. Just can't do 'em alone. Maybe you could use something like that to stow away your own hair inside of your helmet..you know, that way it would take up less space. You could have it grow much longer that way."

Tali stood in front of her, her freaky, but also kind of beautiful glowing eyes wide, wringing her fingers in front of her waist. "Y-you would teach me that?"

Ashley gave her her best smile, for she knew that she had her now, and laid a hand on the Quarian's shoulder. "Sure. I taught all my little sisters, I'm a good teacher. " So she turned back around to the mirror, got the small stool from the corner of the room and sat down. "So, this is what we do first..."

  
  


  
  


  
  



	6. Chapter 6

Garrus stood at the ready with the rest of the team safe for Liara, who was not yet cleared by Shepard to go on combat missions because he wanted to take her to a shooting range first, and waited for the docking tube to connect to the MSV Ontario, where their next mission would take place. He didn't truly understand the details, but apparently many human biotics had suffered abuse in the early days of humanity's foray into the galactic community, and some of them had turned to terrorism. And so the team, just two days after talking down Major Kyle who had been connected to a similar group, were at it again, this time to hopefully rescue a politician. Or not, Garrus had little love for these people. Shepard spoke up. "Alright, we are here to rescue an Alliance representative by the name of Burns. The biotics kidnapped him because as chairman for the subcommittee for transhuman studies he decided to deny them reparations for what has been done to them. As I'm sure Alenko would agree, I wouldn't be too sorry to see that idiot go. However, we can't have terrorists murder elected leaders, even if their grievances are legitimate, so we will not let that happen. Still, I would prefer to keep the bloodshed to a minimum. Questions? Good. Open the lock, Joker."

The airlock opened and they quickly crossed the docking tube, opening up the lock on the other side and filing into the Ontario's docking area. As had quickly become standard procedure, Garrus was in the back, though he was holding his assault rifle this time. The interior of a ship was not really the best environment for a sniper or a designated marksman. Still, he got into position to fire into the next room as the rest of them positioned themselves to the sides of the door to the main cargo hold. Shepard silently counted down from three, and Tali opened it. Wrex and Shepard took point as usual.

Inside, they both came under fire immediately, but seemed unperturbed. Garrus was last into the room, and by the time he had surveyed the area, it was already over. Shepard was getting up from the ground to which a biotic throw had knocked him, Wrex struggled to peel the squashed remains of a human from his right foot, and two terrorists were shivering with their hands in the air, standing among the bodies of their comrades who had been too stupid or too stubborn to surrender.

"Williams, Wrex, keep an eye on them. The rest is with me, let's go." Shepard didn't waste time. With their defense smashed, the terrorists would most likely get even more unhinged. The rest of them were probably on their way to execute Burns right now. The team hurried through the corridors of the ship, clearing room after room with no resistance, until they finally came across their target.

An older human man was kneeling on the ground, with a younger one pressing a pistol to the back of his head. Two more humans were standing in the corners of the room, aiming their guns at the squad.

"Stay back! Take your ship and go, or I'll kill him!"

Shepard sighed. Garrus knew why – the hard part of this assignment had begun.

"Listen, I cannot do that and you know it. I will not leave here without Burns, and all of you. You simply need to decide if you want to leave alive or dead. You know you can't take us on."

The man cursed. "And why would I want to live? You...you don't know how it is! We have terrible headaches every day, and we are the lucky ones! Have you seen the rows of young people, crippled for life!? Or the ones who aren't even themselves any more? There's nothing left for us. Might as well go out in a blaze and take this bastard with us."

Shepard held out a hand, not aiming his gun at the terrorists anymore – there was no need, the other three of them had that more than covered. "Wait! Think about how that will reflect on you! There are still people fighting to make things better for you and your people. You think murdering Burns will help their cause?"

Garrus was intrigued. They were past the point to which any Turian operative would have bothered to plead with these people. Himself, he would've just shot them already. The biotic seemed to waver.

"Y-yes, they're trying. And where has it gotten us? Nowhere! All the petitions, and this bastard has just waved us off!"

"I was wrong!" , Burns yelled. "I didn't realize how desperate the L2s were. I will revise my decision! I promise!"

The younger man scoffed. "You just want to save your skin!"

_He probably isn't wrong about that._

The biotic scowled at Shepard. "You tell us to go through the official channels, to be patient. Again. You can only say that because you don't know how it is! You haven't lived this!" Shepards jaw worked, but no words left his mouth. Perhaps we'd just have to shoot them after all...but Alenko spoke up.

"Well, I do. I'm an L2, just like you. I have the migraines, just like you. You don't see me holding people at gunpoint over it, and believe me, I have reason to be bitter. I was at braincamp, I got beaten up by the Turians. Hell, you look so young, you probably weren't even around to see the really bad times. So how about you calm the hell down and give up, instead of not only throwing your life away, but making it even harder for the rest of us, too? I get enough shit already, I don't need a bunch of murderers making people mistrust us even more."

The leader looked just about to lose his mind."You're one of us, and you're with them!? You sold us out!"

"No, he decided to do something useful with what he's been given, and make the best of his life!”, Shepard bellowed harshly. “Like most biotics. You would destroy their efforts. You would harm the people you claim to want to help." The biotic was shaking now. Shepard's voice softened. "Come on boy, put that gun down and live."

The pistol fell to the floor, and so did the weapons of the other two. Garrus rushed in to secure the one who had spoken, while Kaidan and Shepard did the same to other two, with Tali helping the old politician up. As the Turian led his prisoner out of the room, he could hear Shepard hissing to Burns. "Listen closely now, Burns. This entire mess is your fault. I had to kill four young people today, because you couldn't be arsed to do your research properly before deciding – or perhaps you did and you're just a heartless bastard. I don't care. What is important is this: You better stay true to your word, or next time, I won't bother trying to talk 'em down, and if that means your brains end up on the floor, I'll piss on them."

Garrus couldn't help but smirk. Shepard's methods were certainly not Turian, but perhaps that wasn't so bad.

**….......**

"Hey you two. Sleep well?"

John blinked and startled to consciousness. He was sitting in the mess hall next to Garrus, who was digging into his breakfast. Across from them was Tali who appeared to be about as surprised with the situation as he was. "Di-Did we fall asleep here?"

Shepard groaned. "Looks like it. I told you those documentaries are the best soporific there is." He stretched himself, his back and neck hurting like hell. "Shouldn't have watched one here. I feel like I was mangled."

Garrus chuckled. "What were you two watching?"

"Documentaries about world war two."

"Yeah, I heard about that. Humans are crazy. No wonder your military is this good. Trained against each other all that time."

Tali, who had gotten up in the meantime, returned to the table with a tube of nutrient paste. "Keelah, everything hurts. Shepard, if we want to watch something like this again, we need to find another place. Like the floor for example. Would still be an improvement." He just nodded and got up to get some breakfast himself.

When John returned with bacon and eggs, Garrus set down his cutlery and cleared his throat. "So, about that hostage situation yesterday. Was that human standard procedure?"

Shepard shrugged. "I don't even know. I'm a soldier, not a cop. I wasn't trained for this."

Garrus chuckled. "So it's just the Shepard method. Thought as much. Well, it served you well. Burns is alive and who knows, he might have learned something."

John returned to his plate, but saw Tali looking at him wide eyed. "Keelah, you came up with that on the fly? I thought for sure we'd have to kill them all, and that that old man would be dead."

He shrugged again, getting a little embarassed now. "I just tried to appeal to what they cared about. If you ignore pirates and other scum like that for a second, most of the time people have a good reason for what they do. They just have twisted logic, or they can't see the better way to act because they are too angry, or desperate. I would've hated to have to kill these people. I'm just happy it worked out."

This hardly helped, now even Garrus was looking at him. "You really are something else, Shepard."

John occupied himself with his breakfast to escape their praises and grumbled something about just doing his job.

After a while of silent eating, he found a new topic. "So Tali...I think I've had enough of world war two for now..." The quiet little slurping sound Tali made when she ate stopped as she looked up to him. He had to fight for a second to keep it together; the sight of her looking up to him with a nutrient tube sticking out from underneath her masks 'chin' was just too much. "Do you still want to learn about human culture?"

"Well, yes. Though somewhat disturbing, it has been interesting so far.", she nodded.

"That's just the point. I directed you headfirst into humanity's darkest years as your first introduction into our history. I don't want you to think we're all insane warmongers."

She cocked her head. "I could never think that Shepard. After all, aside from Fist, you humans have been the nicest to me out of all the species since I left the flotilla."

Shepard didn't know what to say to that at first, so Ashley, who had by now sat down beside them, beat him to the punch. "Well Tali, you're definitely _my_ favorite alien, so the feeling is mutual. "

Even with the mask, I could see Tali beaming at the Gunnery Chief, while Garrus just looked skeptical – and got a tongue stuck out at him for it. "Suck it, Vakarian."

John snorted; it was good to see Ashley finally let loose around the non-alliance crew. He nodded to her. "I didn't know the two of you get along so well. I'm happy to hear it."

Tali perked up. "It's true! Ashley explained human religion to me, so I explained the worship of the ancestors to her. We've been chatting ever since."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "You're preaching the lord's good word to the aliens, Williams?"

"Uh, no, Sir. Might be a good idea though. Maybe Vakarian just needs Jesus."

The Turian looked completely exasperated. "I need...who?"

"Jesus.", John said. "And thinking about it, you definitely need Jesus, Garrus." By now the Turian was completely lost, so he just flared his mandibles in exasperation and retreated from the table. Shepard felt the need to reign this in before it got out of hand. "In all seriousness though Ashley, I trust you're not actually going to try and evangelize our alien crew members?"

She sighed. "No, Sir. Unless they come to ask me about it, I won't pester them. I'm not some damn Jehova's witness!" She had gotten rather worked up. "Uh, Sir."

Now it was his turn to sigh. "Didn't mean to imply that, Ashley."

"I'm sorry Sir, it's just...I'm used to being condescended to by my superiors whenever they find out about my faith."

He shrugged. "Well, it's your lucky streak. I'm not the kind of Commander to do that, and especially not about the faith."

She raised an eyebrow. "The faith? Not 'ones' faith? Are you saying...?"

"I don't know. I was raised that way, but I haven't read the bible or prayed in years. It just kind of sticks with me. Half the time I'm really not sure if I even believe at all anymore, but then I think about this galaxy we live in and all the races in it and how ridiculous it is that it's supposed to be a giant coincidence. So, yeah. Wouldn't exactly call myself a proper Christian if that's what you mean, but I get it."

Ashley shrugged. "More than fine with me, Sir. I meant it when I said I'm not some crazy person. I'm happy you have an open mind at all." She decided to change the subject. "Now, I believe you were about to try and pick a movie to watch with my little sister here."

Tali sat dumbfounded. "Ashley, y-you mean that?"

"'Course I do. We've fought together, I've given you big sister advice, hell, you've helped me braid my hair. That makes it pretty much official. And as your bigger sister, I have to make sure this _man_ here doesn't make you watch any indecent flicks." As Tali practically melted, John found himself slightly annoyed at Ashley's shameless insinuations. Looking back at these days in retrospect, she was pretty much correct of course, but still.

"Williams..."

"Sorry, Sir. Still, please don't make her watch some disgusting horror movie. Sir."

"Williams, we're watching stuff because we can't sleep. You really think I'm gonna whip out the human centipede 27?"

"The human centipede?", Tali asked skeptically.

"You don't want to know!", Ashley and Shepard answered in unison.

* * *

„Any more life signs on the ship?“

Shepard hoped sincerely that the answer would be no. He had thought the Husks on Eden Prime would remain the most horrific thing he'd ever have to see in his life, but Dr. Saleon's pitiful victims had blown the cyber- zombies out of the water. Their bloated bodies, sunken in faces...and the claws! What in god's name had this madman tried to achieve? John would have been angry at the Salarian, or wondering how he justified any of this. But the way he saw this, the situation seemed clear: Saleon had been killed and devoured by his hungry creations. A fitting end. He'd have to lie to say that he pitied the bastard at all.

He was about to be disappointed.

„Just one, Sir.“

This answer brought exactly those emotions he'd just thought about right to the front of his mind. It seemed to be the same for Garrus. „The bastard is still alive! He's locked himself away somewhere here. He's probably thanking his lucky star for his rescue right now.“ He flared his mandibles as he advanced down the corridor without having been ordered to do so. „He'll be wishing he'd never been born soon enough...“

Shepard frowned, but did not yet stop the Turian. He'd have to find the right words first. Garrus had been worrying for the entire time they had been here now; for the entire last two days, honestly. Ever since he had come by to inform Shepard of his lead of Saleon and asked him to go after the man, the Turian had been on edge. John had wanted to believe that it was just the tension of finally being able to catch a horrific criminal that got away, and perhaps it was just that, but Garrus' demeanor hinted at something deeper, and no later than when they had set food on the _Fedele_ and laid their eyes on the atrocities here it had become absolutely clear that this case held a very personal meaning for the former detective. With every horrifically deformed monstrosity they had gunned down, his expression somehow darkened even more, until he was visibly fuming. Not that Shepard wasn't angry himself; he was, anyone with a heart had to be furious at what they had seen here. But Garrus seemed to be baying for blood like his life depended on it.

They followed him down the corridor, three humans and a Krogan. Liara and Tali, bless their hearts, had been impacted the most by what the team had found on this ship, and after they had chanced upon a group of smaller abominations – must have used to be kids- Tali had first thrown up, then thrown up more, and then continued to dry heave. He didn't blame her. So they took the pitiful Quarian, her usual fortitude thoroughly shattered by the vomit pooling in her helmet, back to the _Normandy_ , and even though she argued against it, he decided to leave the already quite queasy looking Liara there, too. He'd have to talk to both of them after this, see if they were okay. Hell, even he already knew he was going to relive this day in his nightmares - and he had seen a lot.

“Garrus, slow down!”

The Turian didn't listen. “Garrus!”

Finally, he stopped and waited to let them catch up. He sighed. “I'm sorry Shepard. It's just...he has to die. Painfully. “ His speech degraded into growling. “This...it ends now. He chokes to death on his blood, I...”

Shepard cut him off. “We all want to bring this bastard to justice. Doesn't mean we go running off like bloody amateurs. Keep it together,Garrus.”

The Turian froze for a second as his anger seemed to grow further, but in the end he just nodded. “Yes, Shepard.”

Satisfied. John took point again. “We already cleared out all the holds. Over there is the access to the main corridor of the crew compartment. Only place he could be. We'll find him there.” They made their way through the ship in silence, keeping their weapons half way up even though they knew there shouldn't be any more of the experiments left stalking around. The experience that lay just behind them had gotten under everyone's skin and kept them on edge. John's mind was made even more uneasy by knowing that there was a heated argument ahead. He would have to teach Garrus a lesson today, or at least try. If he messed it up, the Turian's attitude and loyalty might end up compromised. Still, as much as he wanted to go over what he would say in his head, he forced himself to concentrate on his surroundings instead; he had learned that he always found the best words when he was just winging it. Two minutes later, they reached the other end of the ship. There was a locked door. The team exchanged glances. Shepard nodded, and Garrus banged at the door. “Open up! Rescue party!”

A couple of seconds later, the door opened, revealing a small room with a cot, a table with some monitors, and an aging Salarian inside. “Oh thank you! Thank you for saving me from these...things! They came out of nowhere and ate the entire crew! If I hadn't locked mys-”

John didn't even let him finish. “That him, Garrus?”

The Turians face was a grimace of barely contained fury and glee in equal parts. “Yes. That is Dr. Saleon.”

Saleon's eyes shot wide in terror. “Saleon? No! My name is Heart! Heart! Please, he's insane, you can't-”

Garrus stepped forward and grabbed the scrawny man by the throat before headbutting him to the floor and beginning to take off his gloves, revealing his talons. “I wonder, did you even bother with anaesthetics Doctor? Because I won't.”

Shepard could feel his human companions being taken aback. Wrex most certainly didn't care, or maybe he approved. It was irrelevant. He stepped forward and put a hand on Garrus' shoulder. “No.”

The Turian's head shot around and came to rest glaring at him, their faces only centimeters apart. “What!?”

“You heard me. If we were to kill him, we'd do it quick and clean. But we're not killing him. We- “

“Shepard! What!? Are you blind!? You've seen what he did! He deserves to die! Die screaming!”

John ignored the blatant insubordination; it wasn't the point now. He valued his crewmember's opinions, and sometimes, that meant dealing with things like this, especially if he wanted to actually make someone understand instead of just forcing them in line. “Yes, he does. And he will rot in prison for the rest of his life. Not the same, but that's the best we can get. Think, Garrus. There is no way he did this on his own. He must have had suppliers who brought him material and new subjects. He must have had some type of...customer, or customers. To whatever fucked up end. You kill him now, we'll never find out, and they all go free, unpunished.”

In Garrus' face, John could see understanding and frustration battling it out. Garrus knew that he was right, he just hated it. “Come on, what is worse? This filth getting to live out his days in prison instead of the violent death he deserves, or who knows how many others like him going free and doing this to even more people?” The Turian closed his eyes and slumped. Shepard knew he had him now. A frustrated growl escaped Garrus, and he whirled around to deliver a savage kick to the abdomen of the Salarian still reeling on the ground. Shepard was about to speak up, furious about Garrus apparently blowing his advice, and orders, to the wind, but then the Turian got out his cuffs out and restrained Saleon, not without twisting his arms a little more forceful than perhaps might have been needed. John had never been a friend of excessive violence, but in this instance, he really did not find it in himself to care; instead, when the Doctor squirmed and protested in Garrus' grip as the Turian pulled him on his feet and shoved him forward, he got a punch at the bastard's face in himself, and he enjoyed it.

_Guilty pleasure._

They made their way back to the Normandy in silence; even Saleon kept his mouth shut now. Entering the ship proper through the forward airlock, they found Tali waiting for them. Garrus wordlessly rushed off to deliver his charge to the brig, Wrex and Ashley, visibly tired, following him at a much slower pace. Shepard found himself in a triangle made of himself, Tali, and Kaidan.

“So,” Tali said somewhat awkwardly, “you actually brought him in? I could've sworn Garrus would rip his throat out with his teeth.”

John was too drained to be amused. “Yeah, he would have.”

“Why didn't he?”, she asked. Kaidan beat him to the punch. “Because our Commander has a silver tongue if I've ever listened to one.”

Her head tilted in her 'skeptic' stance. “A what?”

“A silver...never mind. He just always knows what to say.”

She looked at John again, and chuckled. “Yes, yes he does.”

Shepard stared at his feet, half from exhaustion, half from embarassment. Kaidan seemed to sense it. “I mean it, Sir. I was impressed when you managed to talk those biotics down...”

“We did that together, Kaidan.”

“...still. You did more than well today, Sir. Garrus is a good guy, just needs some...guidance? I think you might have done more for him today than you might realize right now.”

John just nodded weakly and the Lieutenant walked off, leaving him with Tali. He remembered her earlier state. “So, you're doing better?”

She nodded. “Yes, me and Liara both. Thank you for...understanding. It's just these...things...”

He held up a hand to stop her. “Forget about it. _I_ felt like vomiting, and I'm a career soldier. I've seen shit. The fighting wasn't even tough, and still, even Wrex is completely drained. Why you think that is? None of us got out of bed this morning expecting to mow down _zombiefied children._ ” She didn't answer, and he didn't push, trusting that this had gotten it into her thick skull, and hoping to drop the dreadful subject. She either agreed, or at least got the hint, because she changed the topic. “Kaidan is right, you know.”

He grinned for the first time in hours. “Yeah well, it's just like I told you guys the other day. Garrus wanted to kill the bastard, sure. Hell, I wanted to kill him, too. But that would have meant all his accomplices might get away. He knew that already, just had to remind him.” John swept a hand across his face. “I should check up on him...”

Tali nodded and turned towards her right, walking over to the Co-Pilot's seat. “See you later, Shepard.”

John found the Turian in the cargo bay, for once not working on the Mako, but sitting on top of it, rested on his hands, his legs hanging off the side of the vehicle. His head turned towards Shepard as he approached. “Shepard. I wanted to apologize for my behaviour.”

John waved it off. “Screw that, it was a special situation. Hold this.” He produced two beers he had been holding in his left and handed them up to Garrus, who took them, and so John , his hands now free, climbed up the Mako's side and sat down next to the Turian. “So. Good day at the office, huh?”

Garrus chuckled. “Saleon's finished. So yes, I guess.” He shook his head. “Those people on that ship...that was exactly why I wanted to shoot him out of the sky way back when.”

Shepard nodded and took a sip from his beer. “Yeah, maybe that would've been better.”

Garrus looked at him wide eyed and cocked his mandibles.”Surprised to hear you say that. We discussed that matter before, and you seemed to disagree.”

“No, I disagreed with your attitude, or what I thought your attitude was. I told you if you don't care about bystanders, you're just...what did I say?”

Garrus snorted. “I believe your exact words where 'a terrorist with a badge'.”

John frowned. “Yeah, a little harsh maybe, but true in principle. It's just evident that you indeed do care. It really would've been better for these people, and a whole lot of other people too, if they had been blown up back then. “ They drank in silence for a while, until Shepard continued. “C-Sec still made the right call that day.”

Garrus seemed to disagree, but he did not flare up, instead he just calmly asked: “How so?”

“They couldn't know, Garrus. You can't make a call like that unless you're absolutely certain. And even then, there could have been further casualties from the debris if they had shot that ship down.”

The Turian nodded. “Yeah, I get it. Now. It's just...frustrating. But I'll get over it. The bastard is locked up. He won't hurt anyone else. With his evidence and his files, C-Sec will track down all of his partners. I can finally get it out of my head.”

Shepard raised an eyebrow. “You blamed yourself for him getting away?”

“No. Yes. I don't know. I knew it wasn't my fault, but it felt like it was.”

John nodded. “After Akuze, I spent months going over and over it again in my head, every little detail. Intellectually, I knew from the second the first thresher came out of the ground, that there was no way I could have predicted this. Hell, I was just a corporal, it wasn't even my job to think about such things, I led four men, not the bloody platoon. But in my heart...”, he took a moment to gather himself. “The distress beacon had hinted at light pirate forces, so command sent one platoon to investigate. After the first assault, our Lieutenant and all the higher ranking NCOs were already dead. I had ten people left with me. We remained on solid ground. Got picked off with acid spit one by one...in the end, it was just me and three others. There were fifty meters left to safety, but it was soft ground. We all ran at the same time. Three men got eaten, one man survived. I wasn't even the fastest sprinter of us final four, just the luckiest. Hardly a day goes by where I don't wonder why the hell I'm alive and all those others are not. So yeah...I think I know how you felt.”

Garrus huffed. “Spirits. I had read about Akuze on the extranet, but...”

“Yeah.”

“Well...for what its worth, I think this day will finally give me some peace of mind. Maybe one day, you will find that too.”

“Maybe.”

Garrus raised his bottle. “To peace of mind, then.” They clinked and drank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Garrus is one perceptive dinosaur, Shepard loses it, and Tali has a crush, but it turns out there are some dents in this knight's shining armor. Longest chapter yet and I'm actually quite happy with it, but I'm thrilled to see what you think.


	7. Chapter 7

“Anyone's been giving you any trouble that I missed?”

Shepard was walking across Zakera Ward's market's fifth's floor, making his way to a shop called “Sirtus Armor and Equipment”, Tali in tow. Before this, they had visited an electronics store with a large subsection of military-grade omnitools to get the young woman a more modern model. She had protested, of course; in fact, she had not even mentioned that her model was outdated and frankly, worn down. It had been Kaidan who had admiringly told Shepard how astonished he was that somehow, Tali managed to get her, as he had called it, 'hunk of junk' to perform at, and often above, the level of his own, Alliance – issued, and five years younger model. She had of course said that Shepard shouldn't spend so much money on her equipment and that her heavily modified model was up to the job, but he had simply showed her his sizable bank account (courtesy of Barla Von) and asked her if she wouldn't agree that if she could get an old model to perform like that, her capabilities with an up-to-date model would be even more valuable, and that therefore it was in the best interest of the mission and the entire crew to get her a new one. She had not had another answer to that than a meek 'yes', and so now, during a quick stop for resupply and an evening of shore leave at the Citadel, he had grabbed her and headed off to the ward, accompanying her both to make sure that she actually bought something top of the line instead of something modest and to take care of any problems which were sadly expected to arise for a Quarian on the Citadel. The first reason had already come to pass, just like he had anticipated, the second one had not, a pleasant surprise.

“No, no. There's been the occasional stare, but nobody has said anything. It's not the presidium after all, these people are used to seeing...undesirables - “

“You're not an undesirable.”

“I know, Shepard. It's just that that's how most people see us...anyway. I think having you with me helps a lot. Thank you.”

“Don't mention it. This nonsense is getting me worked up, I almost wish some dumbass would say something so I could go off on them.”

She squirmed a little. “I'd rather not attract any more attention than necessary...”

“I wasn't serious, Tali. Though I do think I'd enjoy it at least a little...” She giggled. “Maybe I would too. You're good at shouting at people.”

They walked in silence for a little until Tali spoke up again. “Where are we actually going, Shepard? We just passed a public transport terminal. Is there something else we're going to pick up?”

He grinned. “Indeed. We're going to an armor shop.”

She cocked her head. “An armor shop? But you just bought that Scorpion armor two weeks ago, and I thought you liked it. Did it take some damage I didn't notice?”

His grin widened. “We're not buying anything for me, Tali.” They arrived at the shop. “I'm not letting you go into combat like this any longer. You're the most vulnerable out of all of us, you need to be protected adequately. “

She turned to voice protest. “These suits are made out of tough material, and I have the strongest shields out of all of us Shepard. I _am_ protected - “

He held up his hands to silence her. “I know your shields are strong and that your suit provides some protection, but it's not enough, Tali. As it stands, any round that gets through your shields is a mortal danger even if it doesn't hit anything vital, and that's even more true for knives, or the claws of these husks the Geth use. Your suit is not armor. I know that you cannot wear a complete hardsuit like I would prefer you to do, but from what the owner told me on voice call, this shop should be able to provide a workaround of sorts. And don't give me the money talk again, you know I have enough of it, and you know I am right. So shut it now and let yourself be equipped like our mission demands, no more arguing.”

Giving up her argumentative stance, she slumped a little, nodded and they entered the shop, where a Turian wearing a practical overall filled to the brim with all manners of tools and gadgets approached them. “Spectre Shepard! It's an honor to have a member of your ranks in my shop. The licenses for anything your kind might be interested in are simply impossible to obtain for someone like me. I am Sirtus, we spoke already.” They shook hands.

“Pleased to meet you, Sirtus.”

The man's eyes shifted to Tali. “So this is your quarian associate.” He let go of Shepard's hand and extended his one to Tali, as well. “Welcome in my shop, Miss...?”

She stood silent for a second, most likely perplexed that a Turian would be so polite to her. “Z-zorah, Sir. Thank you.”

The Turian laughed and turned. “Don't thank me yet. Wait until you've seen what I have in store for you. I think I've come up with something worthy of a Spectre's team. Come then.” With a purposeful gait he led them around a corner into another room which was mostly empty save for a couple of benches which had pieces of armor for various races scattered across them as well as some mounted tools. He halted and stood by a table in the corner. On top of it, there were numerous pieces of ballistic mesh and plates as well as a couple of unopened boxes.”So. I can't say that I've had a lot of experience outfitting Quarians, but since you said a hardsuit is out of the question, we'll have to make something work with a more modular setup. “ He gesticulated towards Tali. “I take it you stow grenades and other such equipment in those pouches on the suit?”

“Yes.”

“Well, no longer. We can't have you fumbling underneath your armor in the middle of a firefight, and it would impede the armors effectiveness and even potentially hurt you, anyway. What we will do ...” ,he picked up a chestplate, “... is to empty them and put the contents into the pouches on the outside of your plate instead, just like everyone else does it. You've got anything on you right now?”

“Nothing of the sorts, no...”

He set down the plate and took a step towards her.”Good. Turn around. She obliged, and he got out a measuring tape. “Lift your arms for a second please...” He got to work taking measure of her chest and waist, and John , watching the ordeal, couldn't help but notice that he liked what he saw. _She really does have a nice figure._ “That one won't do it...” Sirtus briefly returned to the table, rummaging through the different pieces he had laid out there, and returned with another chest piece. “Put this on...yes, like that...hold on to it, I'll put the back on you...” He got the back plate out, a smaller piece that covered from the shoulders until just below the ribcage but let the lower back free for unimpeded movement. He clicked the connections in place and fastened them before patting Tali on the shoulder and stepping back. She turned around, bending her body, testing her mobility in this armor. John paid close attention; she was used to moving a certain way in combat, upsetting that too much would be a problem. However, there seemed to be little risk of that. Just as in the back, the frontal plate covered only the ribcage;“We will cover the lower torso with ballistic mesh “ Sirtus explained, “ I just could not find actual full-torso plate armor that would fit a Quarian, and I've never even heard of it to be honest. Your people don't really believe in it, do they?”

Tali shrugged. “Our marines mostly wear special suits with pieces of mesh over them. We prefer speed and maneuverability over armor. With the plasma weapons the Geth use, most affordable armor plating is outmatched anyway, so we put our faith in our shields instead, and in being quick so we're not getting hit in the first place. It's not ideal for dealing with anyone else, but ballistic mesh is a decent solution for when we have to deal with pirates.”

Sirtus and John nodded; it was interesting how different enemies and philosophies produced different approaches to personal protection. “Okay. Well, you know your suit best. Here is a whole bunch of different mesh pieces, the attachment is self explanatory. Armguards and all that are over there, I see you're not in need of shinguards. I suggest you strap in yourself, you will know best what does and doesn't impede you and your emergency injection ports.” She nodded and got to work, leaving John and the Turian to converse in the meantime.

“I like your shop, Sirtus. You are correct that I wouldn't buy here myself, Spectre gear is a level above, of course. But I think I would have a lot of trouble trying to get her outfitted half this well anywhere else.”

The Turian laughed. “Ah well, you could find this stuff pretty much anywhere...”

John insisted. “Yes, but not your help, finding a solution for her special needs, and preparing this all. Before I found you, I talked to three others, and they all blew me off. You know how it is with Quarians on the Citadel.” He could see Tali tense up, but he was sure he was right about this man.

And indeed, the Turian nodded solemnly. “Yes, it is a disgrace. I...can sympathize, I think I have an idea of how it feels, albeit for different reasons.”

John lifted an eyebrow. “How so? I did have the impression that you were a little, uh, different from most Turians I've met. No offense.”

Sirtus laughed again. “None taken, for you would be correct, or at least not too wrong. What you need to understand is that a lot of the uptight attitude you probably associate with Turians in general is actually just the Hierarchy. Age fifteen, they all get drafted into the military, where they get their very own state-issued stick up the rectum and their head screwed on just how the Hierarchy likes it. I grew up in the Terminus. Not an easy place to live in for almost anyone, but we're free.”

“Why come here then?”, Shepard asked.

“I have a family now.”, the Turian shrugged. “If you're not wealthy, the Terminus just isn't safe, not even Illium is, really, so I got them out of there. I have lived six years here on the Citadel now, I will be a Citizen by next months' end. And all of that without being part of the Hierarchy, or getting abducted by pirates or pressed for protection money by mercs. It's a good life here.”

“I think I'm done.” , Tali interrupted their conversation. They turned to look at what she had come up with. It certainly followed the philosophy she had outlined earlier, but it was much better than what she had had before. She had donned hardshell armguards that protected her forearms as well as the back of her elbow but had removed the gauntlets; Shepard understood why. For her work, tactile sensation was important, and having gauntlets on over her suit's gloves would ruin that. Her shoulders and upper arms were protected by mesh, and so was the lower portion of her torso. Her upper legs were strapped into plates that left the knees free, with her lower legs stuck in her trusty 'boots' as usual. The only other addition was a plate codpiece that seemed to have been taken from a human or Asari hardsuit, probably a Phoenix, judging from the shape.

John nodded approvingly. “Very good. You can move well in it?” In way of an answer, she bent down with straight legs, touching the floor with her fingers before performing a number of jumping jacks. _Damn, she jumps high. Quarian legs are no joke._

“It doesn't impede me, Shepard. And it doesn't weigh much at all.” She put her hands to her hips. “I am pretty sure even with me in armor and you not, I can still outrun you.” He grinned. There was a way to go still, but she was definitively becoming more confident in their banter.

“We'll find an opportunity to test that.” He turned towards Sirtus. “Well, this is certainly satisfactory. We'll take this, as well as a full set of spares. Can you have it all delivered to our ship by tomorrow morning?”

Sirtus flared his mandibles. “Yes I can, but we're not all done yet.” He stepped towards Tali. “This is great, but there is still one glaring weakness here.” He knocked on her visor like one might knock on a door. “These visors are remarkably resilient for glass, but at the end of the day, they're glass. Can't help it of course, buuuut...” he walked over to the table and retrieved one of the boxes, “...we can put something over it.” He opened the box and pulled out an object that looked like a copy of Tali's visor, just larger and not opaque. Tali gasped. “An overvisor! Where did you get it?”

The Turian shrugged. “Back in the Terminus days, actually. Bought it from a Batarian. No idea where he got these, but somewhere down the line they're probably from pirates or other scum who pilfered it from Migrant Fleet Marines. Doesn't matter either way. What matters is that it's for a female helmet, and I have models of all three visor sizes. Now, lets see...yes I guessed right. It will fit.” He went to work on Tali's helmet and with just a few movements fixed it into it's proper rails on Tali's helmet. The result was a transparent mask on top of Tali's original, purple one, with a millimeter of air in between. Sirtus looked upon his handiwork with visible satisfaction. “This setup is over half as resilient as the faceplates of any heavy helmet you'll find the Alliance using, and twice the strength of the visors of those. Won't stop a bullet from most distances of course, but that's not really the point anyway. The free space between the visors protects very well from blunt force. If she takes a bad fall or a blow to the face, it will crack the overvisor but not her actual visor, leaving her personal sealed environment intact.”

John whistled, now thoroughly impressed. “This is much better than anything I expected to come from this whole visit. Good job, Sirtus. I'll have what we already agreed on as well as this and all spares of this size that you have. Have it delivered to the _Normandy_ , docking bay 422. “ They remained for a couple more minutes, Tali getting out of her new armor while Shepard and Sirtus took care of the payment and said their goodbyes.

Exiting the store, Tali turned her head towards her commander. “Thank you, Shepard. I mean it.”

He smiled at her. “Nothing to thank me for. I won't have any of my team go out there with anything less than the best we can get our hands on. Combat is never truly safe, but at least it's notably safer for you now.” He knew her well enough by now to know that she was beaming at him.

“Thank you anyway. You've been better to me than I ever dreamed of any pilgrimage captain being. Keelah, even having a captain in the first place is such a...privilege. I wish I had something more to offer you in return than what you already have.”

His smile widened. “The Intel that made me a Spectre, a valuable teammate, a skilled engineer, and a friend all in one? I think that's a good deal for some armor, Tali.”

She looked down, and he was sure that if Quarians could blush, she was doing it right now. She remained silent for a long moment, before speaking in the most serious tone he had heard from her all day. “Thank you for being my friend , Shepard.”

His smile faded and he halted, putting a hand on her shoulder. This was not a moment for playful banter anymore. He damn well would have Tali understand completely that he genuinely thought of her as a friend and not just a combat engineer who also happened to be good company, and if he had to get sappy for it, so be it. “No Tali, thank _you_. I think you underestimate how much I like having you around. ” She tensed up and stared at him, apparently dumbstruck by his declaration. _She just can't believe someone actually values_ her _, and not just her work or skills. Damn._ His smile returned as a smirk. “Come now, the others are already there.”

“Where?”

“At the restaurant, of course. You think I'm gonna spend an evening on the Citadel without treating us to some decent food? And yes, the place does have sterilized dextro food.“

…..

Later that night, the crew incrementally made their way back to the Normandy. Kaidan and Liara had left first, citing their eagerness to get some extra sleep, then Garrus and Wrex had gone off on their own to find some, as Wrex put it, 'proper alcohol' , and so Tali had remained with Ashley and John for about another half an hour after that until they decided to leave. For Tali, the evening had been absolutely amazing. She had eaten solid food for the first time in years – the restaurant was apparently really high quality, and had had sealed bubbles for their plates that had grip-in 'gloves' worked into them that allowed Tali to actually grip fork and knife and cut her food. She had to eat in quite small bites, of course, since even the larger induction port underneath her indicator light was only about two centimeters in diameter, but compared to nutrient paste, it was heavenly. And the kind of food it was – it had been steak. Juicy and tender steak of some Palaven animal. It had not just been the first time in years Tali got to actually chew something, but the first time in her life that Tali had experienced the texture of meat in her mouth, and she found that it was well worth the slight ache of her atrophied jaw muscles. And with the rest of the team, with whom she was getting along greatly at this point – Liara was a little awkward, Kaidan was a little reserved, and Garrus still teased her sometimes, but it was all good, and she liked them all anyway- being such great company, a group of actual friends, she had been the happiest she had been in a long time. And so, when Shepard and Ashley decided to use the toilets at the C-Sec academy since they apparently could barely walk anymore (complete with a tipsy declaration from Ashley about how she 'wouldn't mind one of these suits right now, just relax and ...let it flooow...' ), Tali didn't even think about the potential trouble of her traversing the Citadel alone, she just set off on the rest of the way to the _Normandy_ on her own. This would turn out to be a mistake.

Surprisingly enough, the trouble actually did not occur in the C-Sec academy full of officers with less than favorable ideas about Quarians – but then again, it had been about twenty meters from the elevator they had come from to one that one had to take to get to the dock- but in the docking area. Less than three seconds after exiting the elevator, she found herself ambushed by an olive skinned human woman with a camera drone.

“Tali'Zorah?”

“Uh, yes?”

The camera drone came to life, blinding Tali for a second before her mask adjusted for the light that was being shone directly at her face.

“Khalisa bin Sinan al-Jilani, Westerlund News. Miss Zorah, you have been cited- “

“Wait! I know you! You're that reporter who tried to make Shepard look bad on camera!” She remembered the bosh'tet now, she had seen the interview after the fact. The woman had twisted Shepard's words at every turn to make it look as if he was selling humanity out to the council. Shepard had of course not fallen for any of it, but the intention was bad enough.

“I was merely doing my job, asking the hard questions humanity deserves answer for. If the Commander was here right now, I'm sure he would agree.”

“M-maybe...” She was definitively not going to tell this woman about how the Commander was probably peeing like a cut fuel line right now due to drinking a little too much of this amber liquid the humans called beer which apparently just passed right through the human kidney, no filtering whatsoever.

The reporter didn't let up for a second. “However that may be, your testimony to independent reporter Emily Wong made quite the big waves here on the Citadel. Do you think that the punishment the officer in question received was enough?”

“The...what? He did? I don't actually know anything about what happened about this...I did not really expect anything to come of it...” Before she knew it, Tali was wringing her hands and looking slightly down. _Keelah, what have I started? If C-Sec is in hot waters, will Shepard get into trouble for this? They'll want revenge after all...oh keelah, now I'm squirming on television...wait...can she even just record me like that? Doesnt she need-_

“Are you really not aware? C-Sec launched an investigation into the matter and suspended the officer who almost lost the evidence against Saren for three months, and demoted him. He also got his pay cut by thirty percent for a year. The human ambassador - “

Tali gasped. Udina had gotten involved in this!? Why? And that det'kazuat was getting what he deserved? She didn't know if she should be amazed or terrified right now.

“The human ambassador got involved!? But...why?”

Al-Jilani's expression somehow managed to convey clearly how she not actually meant what she said, while still speaking with a voice that would leave anyone who watched the recording -which only showed Tali – utterly convinced of her conviction. “The Alliance opposes racial discrimination in every form, against anyone.” Her tone then became much more aggressive. “This 'mistake', made by a Turian in favor of another Turian, almost cost humanity a great deal, and you, a Quarian, your life. Humanity knows how it feels to be treated like second – class citizens.”

Tali was taken aback. Was this woman serious? Udina did not strike her as the kind of man who let himself swayed by a bleeding heart. And while humans had by and large been the people that had been best to her since she'd left the flotilla, she had made contact with less friendly elements of that race, too. “I- I guess...”

“So you would agree that the council is treating humanity like step children, trying to throw us a bone by appointing one man Spectre and acting like that solves the Saren problem, instead of sending their fleet in to protect our colonies from these attacks, which are clearly motivated by racial hatred?”

“I, uh...I suppose a fleet would help, but...” Tali's hand wringing intensified. She was falling apart in front of this woman and she knew it, and she had no idea how to get out of this situation without making it even worse.

“Do you not think that there would have been more drastic action taken if a turian colony had been attacked in the manner that Eden Prime was?”

“M-maybe, I don't know, I mean-

“That's enough.” a firm voice interjected, and Tali relaxed. _Thank the ancestors, there he is._

“Commander Shepard! What do you say to-”

“I'll tell you what I say to all this: I say you get the hell out of here. _I_ am a Spectre and an Alliance officer, so there is an argument to be made that _I_ have a duty to talk to you. That is not true for my team. You will _not_ ambush my crew ever again, _do you understand me_?”

“Wait, are you saying Miss Zorah belongs to the crew of the Normandy?”

“That is exactly what I am saying, however that is not what is important for you right now. What is important is if you have understood me? And turn that goddamn drone off right now before I do so!”

The journalist bickered some more, but complied and got out of the way after Shepard continued to angrily stare her down. In the background, Tali watched in awe while Ashley giggled to herself, still tipsy, evidently very amused by the whole scene. Finally, the elevator doors closed and Al-Jilani was gone.

“Keelah, Shepard. Thank you. I'm glad you showed up when you did. She jumped me the moment I got off the elevator. I tried not to say something stupid, but...well, it looks like you just saved me _again._ ”

His features softened and he showed a small smile. “It's fine, Tali. From the few bits I heard at the end, you didn't do too bad. That woman has made admirals shit the bed. It's no shame to end up a little run over by her.”

Tali smiled and tilted her head. _Pulls me out of the fire and first thing he does is comfort me. That's Shepard._ “Thank you, Shepard. But...I'm afraid you might get some trouble with C-Sec, or the Turian councilor. Some of the things she said... “

Shepard just laughed. “C-Sec can't do squat to me, I am a Spectre. Yes, they could act prissy if I ever need their cooperation, but in case they should really stoop so low, that just means they're so unprofessional they probably would not have been of much help anyway. And Sparatus...he hates me anyway. “

Ashley chuckled and put a hand on her shoulder. “Don't worry, Tali. The Skipper wouldn't want it any other way.”

Tali looked at her friend's face and realized that she was right. “You're right. _“He really would not. He's like... keelah, get a hold of yourself. You're terribly silly._ “Thanks, Ash.” She looked back to Shepard. “Thanks both of you. You've all been so good to me. And this evening...I...I don't think I've been this happy in years. “ The humans just grinned at her.

“Only the best for a friend.” Shepard said.

Ashley huffed. “For a little sister, you mean.” They laughed and made their way towards the ship.


	8. Chapter 8

Garrus's talon gently pressed the trigger, and another head exploded. His Mantis venting the excess heat, he ducked back into cover, evading the frantic return fire from the human terrorists.

The last week had been nothing but this. After leaving the Citadel, Shepard had originally planned to look into Wrex' stolen family armor, but on the way there, they had received a transmission from Admiral Kahoku – the one who had sent them to Edolus to look for a missing platoon of marines. He had found the culprit – a human terrorist group called Cerberus. They had apparently originated as an Alliance black ops unit, but had since gone rogue. Given the monstrosity of what had transpired on Edolus and the fact that the admiral seemed to fear for his life, the Commander had immediately postponed the search for Wrex's armor and had set course for Binthu. There was also the fact that Edolus seemed to stir unwelcome memories in him, at least that's what Garrus thought. Not that he blamed the man. The similarities to Akuze were uncanny.

What they had found on Binthu had been unsettling, to say the least. The fanaticism of the Cerberus troops – always fighting to the last, killing themselves with cyanide capsules if they were non-lethally incapacitated – was impressive proof of how far off the rails this group had gone. Even finding Admiral Kahoku's corpse, the marks of chemical torture on it, had only been the second biggest shock of the day. No, the real surprise was the presence of honest to the spirits _Rachni_ in one of the facilities on Binthu. Everyone had been dumbfounded except Wrex, and even the Council was apparently genuinely worried for once. And so Shepard, who had been irritated before but was positively seething after finding Kahoku dead, had, with the explicit blessing of the Council, dedicated himself to hunt Cerberus down as far as the nazga hole went, at least as long as no new leads on Saren presented themselves. Nepheron had been their next stop, data from Binthu indicating that here was where the organization's head quarters, or at least their most important outpost in the region, were located. That had been true, and the place had proven a veritable treasure trove of sensitive data.

And so they had used the data secured on Nepheron, together with information provided by the Shadow Broker who had contacted the Commander after the raid, to track down Cerberus in several other bases. What they found just got worse and worse. On Chasca, they had found an entire research outpost converted into Husks, the technological abominations the Geth were known to turn humans into they could get their hands on. After the fierce fighting against the 'cyborg zombies' , they had surveyed the logs in that place,but it had not been made entirely clear what had happened, how the Dragon's teeth had gotten there or who had placed people on them for conversion. But it was clear that Cerberus was involved. The general mood only darkened with that.

And now, they were on a planet called Nodacrux, and all they had seen from Cerberus so far paled in comparison to what they had found here. An entire colony, hundreds of men, women and children, had been caged like animals and abused for Cerberus' savage experiments. Some of them had been turned into Husks, others were being subjected to chemical injections. At some point, some of the Husk's cells had failed, and the escaping monstrosities had butchered the poor sods in the adjacent cells. So the current situation was a complete three-way clusterfuck consisting of Cerberus troopers, Husks, and the _Normandy_ ground team.

Garrus' head whipped around upon hearing the snarling of Husks to his left, but Shepard was already on it. Wielding his favorite set of weapons in close quarters, a heavy pistol in his left and his machete in his right – a weapon Garrus had thought about as archaic and out of place until the moment he had seen it's brutal effectiveness in dealing with the Husks – he shot two of the monsters through the head, their lifeless bodies collapsing to the ground. Then the rest of them were on him. With Shepard moving wildly and erratically between him and the targets, Garrus could only watch as the commander hacked a deep cut into the head of the leading one and split the next one's lower jaw in half with the backhand of that strike, embedding the blade deep in the skull of the beast, where it got stuck. With his weapon being pulled from him by the falling corpse, Shepard was brought out of balance and tackled hard by the quickest of the three remaining Husks. The two combatants went tumbling to the ground, and so Garrus took the chance to dispatch one of the two Husks that remained on their feet with his Mantis. At that point , Shepard, warding himself from the claws of the thing on top of him with his right, had brought up his left and fired a salvo into the Husk's torso, killing it. But as the thing slumped off him, the last of them was already there, striking out with it's talons, swatting the pistol out of Shepard's hand by sheer, dumb luck. The rifle overheated again, Garrus scrambled for his sidearm. Shepard caught one wrist with his right. His left tried to do the same for the Husk's other hand, but he was slightly too slow, and a deep, red gash was opened up on his upper left arm. Snarling, the Husks bared it's fangs and went in for the kill. Garrus' pistol was only half way up. The sharp teeth of the beast closed with Shepard's face...when a black and purple blur impacted with the thing, sending it slamming into the wall half a meter away. A shotgun barked, and it was dead for good. Garrus let out a breath he had not noticed he was holding. Tali had been there at the last second; the one to do so being her really wasn't surprising, when one thought about it. Those two were developing more and more synergy in combat, moving with the coordination of veterans who had spend years together after a mere two months. While he was still reminiscing, the Quarian had already helped Shepard to prop himself up against the wall to see to the wound and apply medigel, Alenko rushing in to secure the flank that nobody was taking care of now. Garrus pulled himself loose from the sight and focused on the remaining Cerberus troopers again, just to see that they had been all but taken care of already. A singularity from Liara had lifted several of them into the air, a biotic warp from Wrex detonating it the exact moment Garrus' laid his eyes upon the scene. The two conflicting fields of biotics exploded in a terrifying display of light, noise, and pressure, tearing the terrorists to shreds. The last two ones, taking pot shots at the team from behind a pillar in the back of the room, soon found themselves suppressed by a long burst from William's assault rifle, Liara adding to it with her SMG. Garrus brought up his rifle and comfortably waited for his opportunity to line up a shot, but it was not to be. Wrex had apparently decided that the time had come to end this and had simply rushed up to the two hostiles, dispatching one with his shotgun, and the other ….also with his shotgun, but by using it as a club. Neither action's result was in any way pretty.

Silence fell. Garrus relaxed and let his eyes wander over the group. Wrex was coated in blood both of his own and his enemies, but mostly his enemies. Ashley had a a new gouge in her armor, but nothing serious. Liara still had the haunted look on her face she always had after combat. The day would come when she too would be too jaded for that; someone else might have wondered if that was a good or a bad thing, but Garrus' was a Turian, so he didn't. Shepard came to stand next to him. "That's it. That's gotta be the server hub behind that door there. We will get any and all data from there - " he said we, but looked at Tali when he said it, and the Quarian got the message, taking off to go to work immediately – and then we will make a push towards the last cell block." He sighed. "Let's hope we find some more survivors over there. This day could use some more good."

Garrus shared the Commander's sentiment. They had won, another base of operations of these bastards taken out, and dozens of civilians saved. But with the pictures of the grizzly remains of children who had been ripped to shreds by Husks still in his mind, victory failed to taste sweet.

….

The teams usual table in the mess hall was unusually quiet. The squad ate mostly in silence, only short exchanges instead of the normally lively conversations happening. Garrus was sitting at one end of it across from Tali. About halfway through the meal,Shepard finally joined them, plopping down on the chair to Garrus' left. All eyes were on him, expecting to hear from the man about what would be next. They all knew that Shepard had spend the last hours going over the data from Nodacrux and coordinating with the Alliance ships they had called in to take care of the survivors and the cleanup. "All surviving colonists are sheltered and fed. No idea what will happen to them, they themselves probably don't even know what they want. Regarding the data...so far I have only skimmed it, but it is obvious already that everything we discovered is regarding the operation there. No leads on other cells." He shrugged. "Maybe the intelligence specialists will turn up something useful in their more thorough search of the base, but for now, that's it. The trail is cold." His frustration obvious, he began picking away at his plate with little enthusiasm. The rest of the team exchanged uncomfortable glances. Except for Wrex of course. They did not know their commander like this. Over the course of the entire mission so far, they had not once seen him display negativity as openly as this, always the steady rock in the tide. Awkwardly finishing their meals, one by one, Kaidan, Ashley and Liara shuffled out of the mess. Garrus found himself drawing out his meal; he felt like he should say something, but he knew not what. Tali seemed to feel the same, sitting there with her foodtube attached to the bottom of her helmet, but with the slurping sounds giving away her eating having grown infrequent.

Finally, Wrex finished his gargantuan portion and stood. "Stop brooding Shepard. We kicked them good this past week. They'll feel this for a long time. And we have our own prey to go after." Nodding once at Shepard,he turned and stomped away.

The group now reduced to three, Tali apparently was comfortable enough to speak up. Finishing her tube with a long slurp, she disconnected it and set it down upon the table. "He is right Shepard. We saved a lot of people today. And we killed a lot of Cerberus. Today was a good day."

The commander sat his fork and knife down and sighed. "I know, Tali. Just doesn't feel like it."

She looked at him quizzically for a couple of seconds before lowering her gaze. Garrus cut in. "I feel the same. Too much went down on that planet that any day on which you see it could feel like a victory, even if it was one. " _Spritis, I really am a terrible Turian._

Shepard nodded. "Exactly."

Tali's glowing eyes still bore into the table top, her hands playing with the empty nutrient tube. "I...understand very well. Keelah...the...the _children_..." She trailed off, getting lost in her finger's fiddling with the tube, when Shepard reached across and laid a hand on top of hers, ending it. Her eyes shot up to his face.

"Try not to...hell, who am I kidding." Taking his hands off of hers, he leaned back and continued eating. "I still see them too. Don't think too many of us will sleep all that well tonight..."

_She jolted from that touch like touching an electric pole. Does he even know what impact he has on the girl?_

The Quarian nodded weakly. "Probably not..." Putting the last fork of food in his mouth, Shepard leaned back in the chair, looking into his own lap, dejected, before looking back up to Tali, a sad smirk on his face. "Guess I'll be seeing you later tonight?"

She snorted. "Guess I'll start trying to pick a movie..." They chuckled weakly. _And then that...they're doing this almost every other night. On a Turian ship, they'd already be going at it. Spirits._

"You could just let Chakwas give you something to put you to rest, you know? I don't know about both your species sleep requirements, but it can't be healthy to spent half of almost every other supposed sleep cycle watching vids." They both looked over to him, Tali's face naturally unreadable, a slight scowl on Shepard's. "Dunno about Turians, but for humans, the magic sleep pill with no side effects doesn't exist. They make you drowsy after waking up, and you get dependent if you take them any length of time. Not an option for me. And Tali just needs to get used to the new ship. She's already gotten much better over the last couple of weeks..."

Garrrus flared his mandibles as he pondered the objection. "Got it. So, it's not the solution for your general problem, Shepard. But why not on a day like today? You could use some rest."

Shepard nodded. "We all could. But I'm not opening that door. Not even a little. I'll get enough sleep to keep running. Always do. There'll be some time to properly unwind and rest soon enough. I'm thinking about setting up a proper shore leave soon if nothing urgent comes up." Garrus nodded and gave up trying to convince the human. In fact, he hadn't even been truly trying to do that in the first place; he was asking in order to understand, not to change the man's mind. The commander would know best how to deal with his sleeplessness.

Shepard let his gaze wonder over the now mostly empty mess hall. "I just...I just wished we had found another lead on the bastards. We haven't seen the last of them. And with what we've seen down there...the thought that there might be another base out there where the same shit is going on, it's driving me nuts. "

Tali was still there with them, listening intently, probably wondering how to make her friend feel better. S _he's a good one. A better Turian than me, probably._ He almost chuckled at his own dumb thought. _Just never tell her you thought that...I don't think she'd appreciate it._

Before the Quarian could come up with something, Shepard continued. "I know it's a big galaxy with a lot going on. As we speak, there is probably a slave grab going on somewhere in the Terminus or the Traverse. And Saren...god knows Cerberus is not the biggest fish out there. But they just rub me the wrong way. The fanatical goons, how bloody spread out they are...the stunt at Edolus. Goddamn Edolus."

While Tali seemed confused, Garrus' eyes widened in understanding. "You're thinking about Akuze, aren't you?" The commander's features darkened, but the Turian did not regret bringing it up. He was sure now, and there was no harm in bringing up something that had already brought itself up anyway. Shepard grunted in a vaguely confirming manner and got up from the table, mumbled "See you guys later." and made his way over first to the trolley with the dirty dishes, and then to his room.

Garrus found himself confronted with a glaring Quarian. "You had to bring that up."

He shrugged. "He was thinking about it anyway. And he's not wrong, the similarities between Edolus and Akuze _are_ curious."

She cocked her head. "Are they? I...don't know a lot about what happened there. Only the stuff that everyone knows. You know, thresher maw attack, only one survivor."

Garrus leaned back, thinking. "I don't know much more myself, just the basics of how it went down. Distress beacon lured them into the open, thresher maws – more than one - out of nowhere. They tried to fight but couldn't, so they ran. He tried to keep his men together, but it was no use. In the end, he survived by sheer luck." Tali was sitting stock still, listening intently. "I'm surprised you don't know more about that. You two seem to be the best of friends."

She looked down momentarily, probably blushing under that mask of hers. "W-we get along well, yes. We both often can't sleep very well, so we spend some time together. But I try to avoid these topics...why would we even talk about that? You think I'm going to bring up the things any sane person would rather forget just to satisfy my curiosity? "

Garrus sighed, he hadn't meant to set the Quarian off again. He was not a jackass, so he understood Shepard very well. "Many soldiers have similar problems. Saw it in the Turian military, too. Most don't like to talk about it. Just would've taken Shepard for the type to be more open about this, with how much he always keeps digging into all of us." He flared his mandibles in a Turian grin. "Sometimes I'm not sure if he's our commander or the ship's councilor."

Contrary to what he had hoped, Tali didn't giggle or even snort at his quip, in fact she didn't react at all, staring in the direction of Shepard's room instead. "Yes...yes, he is like that." If the topic had been less somber , he might have grinned again. Joker was right, she really had it bad. He decided to get up and hit the pod early, it had been an exhausting day. But he'd have to give the young woman at least something in parting, or she'd just be sitting here brooding over Shepard brooding. "You can't force these things. If he ever feels like talking about this stuff, he will, if not, he won't. Either way, we're doing him good by just being around." She nodded, seeming not entirely convinced, and kept sitting. He walked off; he'd given her his advice, she'd have to decide herself what she wanted to do with it.

Once more, Tali turned from one side to the other, trying to make herself more comfortable even though she knew full well that comfort was not her problem here. The pod was as comfortable as it always was, it was herself who just wasn't suited to sleep this night. She glanced at the time; 0300. As part of the ground team, she belonged to the majority of people on the ship who worked in the 'days'. It had taken her a little to get used to the 24 hour schedule on human ships, but not in a bad way; a day on Rannoch was 32,3 of the human hours long, but still Quarians required about the same amount of sleep as humans did. Part of the price these aliens who were so remarkably similar to her people paid for being generally larger and bulkier, she supposed. And so where humans strived to sleep eight hours out of twenty four, she was perfectly fine with six, and could get by with four. A fact she was very happy with given how poorly she slept on the _Normandy_. She wasn't sure if she had been able to to do her job properly otherwise. This night, it wasn't the silence that got to her; in fact, it had been bothering her less and less recently. Instead, her head kept going over the events of the day over and over again. She knew that it was pointless to obsess this much over the fate of complete strangers, or at least she thought that such an attitude might have helped her at the moment, but she couldn't bring herself to not do it. The thought of those small, mauled bodies on Nodacrux simply would not fade from her inner eye. _They were so little. They had everything ahead of them. And now they're gone. It's not fair! And the way they di- ...oh ancestors._ She had been tossing and turning about for the better part of two hours now, after initially finding sleep somewhere around 2300. A nightmare she couldn't remember – something she should probably be grateful for – had ripped her out of it. Her mind wandered towards the memory of the one fight that had taken place in the third cell block they had cleaned out. They had opened the doors remotely and made some noise to lure the Husks into their set up field of fire, as they had done before. And again, it had proven a good tactic, with the cybernetic undead being mowed down harmlessly. But she would never forget the view of the little forms that emerged from the doorway last, eerie and terrifying with their little, clumsy bodies with the proportionally too large heads that all mammals were genetically programmed to perceive as adorable and deserving of protection – defiled by the Geth's implants, the tubes, the glowing eyes, the fangs and talons. When they appeared, the team's fire had trickled away, only Wrex continuing to fire unperturbed. Garrus and Shepard had eventually, after a couple of seconds, joined in. Tali got it; there wasn't just nothing that could be done for them, they weren't even themselves anymore, for all intents and purposes, they were already dead. If anything, putting them down was a mercy, if not to themselves, than to the memory of whom they had once been; and put down they had to be either way, otherwise they'd be a danger. But still, she had not been able to bring herself to pull the trigger on them. Perhaps her fear and survival instinct would have overridden her shock if the things had ever made it close; but they were too slow, and the three seasoned killers aimed too true. Since then, she had reprimanded herself for this moment; she should have fired. It was her duty. She had let the others out to dry over her personal misgivings. Nobody had said anything, and the way she knew Shepard, he didn't think in those terms at all; he was understanding like that.

Shepard. There was the other thing that sometimes refused to leave her mind alone – not that much this night, this night was in the tight grip of the day that had preceded it – but on occasion, she had spend quite some time trying to come to terms with the embarassing fact that she was crushing on her commander, and hard. It really was silly. And so ancestors damned cliché. A pilgrim falling for her pilgrimage captain. It was one of the classic tropes of quarian romance novels, which Tali had read quite a lot of when she had been some years younger. Perhaps a few too many of them, she thought now. Though it wasn't her damn fault that he just personified all the traits of the archetypical captain so well : A stoic, strong man, who was also empathetic and had his heart in the right place. And just so happened to have saved her life and whisked her away on the adventure of a lifetime. If she took a step back for a second, she really couldn't blame herself too much. At least there were no other Quarians around on the Normandy; they would have had probably noticed it by now. But among humans and the three others aliens, nobody seemed to be adept enough at reading her body language, and for once, the blasted mask obscuring her face actually helped with something by covering the blush she had for what felt like half the time speaking to the man. The one possible exception being Joker. Then again, the scrawny human was probably just teasing her, he was like that. She clung to that explanation for his comments; the possibilities of what the pilot might get up to with that knowledge did not bear thinking about. _Keelah, this is so silly. He is another species, and my boss,_ she thought, not for the first time. She sighed, exasperated by the stupidity of her misguided feelings, but unable to help herself. But at least the thought of Shepard had temporarily cleared her mind of Nodacrux.

And there the damned name was back in her line of thought. Grumbling curses to herself, she gave up, and started the somewhat laborious process of getting out of the sleeper pod. When she had finally made it, she quickly brought her realk back in order before beginning to groggily walk towards the mess in order to get some water, and if she was lucky, company. After all, Shepard had not actually been joking at dinner earlier; the man slept poorly at the best of times, and today had not been that. She rounded the elevator to find the mess empty, to her disappointment. She walked over the counter and got behind it, going for the cupboard with the purified and sealed water. In her tired state, she closed it a little more forceful than had it been necessary, producing a loud _crack_ that actually startled enough to make her drop the bottle. The bottle was not harmed in the slightest, but with the mood she was in and the fact that she had actually gotten quite spooked for a second by the unexpected noise, enough irrational anger rose up in her to make her blurt out a frustrated "Uurgh, Bosh'tet!" before realizing that she was standing a mere meter away from Shepard's cabin. She really didn't want to wake him up if he somehow had managed to sleep after that mess of a day that lay behind them. And so she quietly stalked away, hoping that her outburst had not done any harm. But it was not to be; she had not even gotten half the way over to the table she had been planning to sit down at when she heard the sound of doors opening behind her, and then his voice.

"There you are. I was already wondering ."

She turned around, feeling caught and embarassed. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to wake you..."

He grinned. "You didn't. I haven't closed an eye so far. Been going over my mission reports for this entire Cerberus mess, they were a little bare bones."

She wrung her hands, unsure of where to take it from here, before deciding to just tackle it. "Too much on your mind to sleep? ...I can relate."

His smile took on a sad quality. "Yeah." There was silence for a couple of seconds, before he pushed himself off of the door frame he was leaning on and awkwardly gestured to his room. "Wanna come in?" Not trusting her voice right now, she nodded and just started walking in way of a response. She had been in Shepard's cabin before, but only for mission related talks. Their private conversations and all the vid watching had taken place in the mess, or in the last couple of weeks, sometimes in one of the mostly empty stations in the corridor leading to the forward battery, making themselves comfortable in the gigantic operator seats that could easily fit two in if they didn't mind having the outer cheek partially sticking over the edge and being smushed against each other in the middle – and she most certainly didn't. _Keelah, if Joker hears of this..._ She shrugged the thought off and sat down in the armchair, Shepard, upon seeing that Tali was taking him up on his offer, already having plopped down on his office chair. He was looking at her now, his blue eyes boring into hers as if the mask didn't exist, with the same look on his face he always had when he was concerned for one of his team. "What we found down there was the kind of stuff you don't ever forget it, wasn't it?"

She nodded, her thoughts going back to the children husks again. Somehow, he knew. "The little ones?" She nodded again, twice this time, and looked down. Perhaps now was the time for her deserved reprimand after all...? Instead, Shepard just leaned back in his chair and sighed. "Yeah, I understand. Believe me."

Fidgeting for some seconds, she finally bit the bullet and brought up the thing, or one of the things, that had been tormenting her brain for the last twelve hours. "I'm sorry about what happened. I hesitated. I should have been more decisive. If there had been more of them, it could have be -"

She stopped when she heard him snort and chuckle to himself. "Jesus Christ, Tali. Will you ever stop beating yourself up over nonsense?" As relieved as she was that he didn't seem to mind - even though she had already suspected that - , she felt confused and a even a little offended by how casually he blew this off . He had to have known this was a serious matter to her. Apparently noticing this, he put his elbows to rest on his thighs and scooted his body a little closer on the screwed-down chair. "Listen Tali, it's good that you're not afraid to look at your own actions critically, but sometimes, you need to cut yourself some slack. Would you blame Liara too for not shooting them?"

"N-no, I mean it's only natural to be thrown off by something like that, and she's not a soldier after all, so..." she trailed off, realizing where he was going with his. Hell, in her mind, she had gone there herself more than once in the past hours, but somehow, she needed to hear it from someone else. From him.

"Neither are you, Tali. You're brave and strong, but what you aren't is jaded. And that's a good thing." He smiled sadly. "Enjoy it while it lasts." She just looked at him, hoping that he would keep on talking. And he did. "Kaidan didn't shoot either. Nor did Ashley."

This had been something that she hadn't known what to make of the entire time she'd obsessed over this. "But they're soldiers. Shouldn't they...?"

He shook his head. "We're all just human. Or, well...you get what I mean. Kaidan and Ashley have both seen their fair share of action. There are some really nasty things in their service records, slavers, pirates, the whole shtick. And you know Ashley lost almost all of her unit on Eden Prime. But..." He went silent for a while, evidently struggling with how to put into words what was in his mind. " I guess there's just a point where you've seen so much of these things that it doesn't bother you anymore, at least not in the moment. You don't think about it, you just function. Wrex has been fighting for centuries. He's had it all. Garrus...well, I guess Turians are just more hardcore than most us mammals." He snorted at his own weak quip, but perhaps it hadn't even been meant in jest. Turians were a predator species at heart, after all.

"And you?"

The question had just come up to the surface; Tali tensed up the moment it had left her mouth. _Keelah, that's what Garrus talked about. And now you're doing it anyway, asking him about things he'd probably rather forget._ Her curiosity about Shepard had gotten the better of her. Fortunately, he didn't seem to mind that much, showing the beginnings of a frown at the question initially, but relaxing afterwards, leaning far back in his chair.

"I had my fair share of sobering moments, I'd say. But If I had to pick one...Akuze. It's not exactly my favorite thing to think about..."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...I shouldn't have..."

He waved it off. "It's fine. It's been years, and I've spent half that time thinking about it. I can talk about it, and...I guess it wouldn't hurt if you knew. Not like it's a secret anyway. "

She nodded awkardly. "I heard it mentioned a couple of times after coming aboard...so I looked it up. Only the gist of it, I didn't want to...it felt like prying."

He didn't answer for quite a while, gazing at the wall behind her absentmindedly before speaking. "Well, the 'gist' tells you enough to understand why it would be an event someone would never forget. Forty marines landed, only one left alive." He swallowed and frowned. "And that's the whole story as far as it's relevant, really. I could tell you the names of my friends who died that day, I suppose, but what's the point. I could've been a loner, and it still would've been what it was. None of that is what's been bugging me lately, anyway." She perked up. Shepard _had_ seemed on edge, not just during dinner earlier, but for some days now. "When we found that dead recon platoon on Edolus, it reminded me of something. Back on Akuze...nothing added up. The distress call had alluded to a pirate attack, but we found little evidence of a struggle in the settlement. No bodies or blood, for example. But everyone, down to the last man, woman and child, was gone. Before we could make heads or tail of the situation, we were already under attack. By at least half a dozen threshers. Half a dozen! Threshers hunt alone. They've barely ever been recorded to work together, and never more than three! But there were _at leas_ t six at Akuze! It can't have been natural!" He was rambling now, almost ranting even, and Tali clung to his lips. "And then...I didn't even report this, it didn't seem important at the moment, wasn't even sure if it was real or if I just imagined it, and there really wasn't much to report anyway...but...as we were running, at one point, the sun reflected off something on the hillside some hundred meters out. Like something made of metal..or glass."

Her eyes widened. "You mean...like a camera, or a scope."

He nodded grimly. "I didn't think about it at all back then, it's just burned into my memory like that entire day, but I never stopped to think about it. But now? Some sick fucks thought it'd be worthwhile to lure two dozen Alliance marines to their deaths on Edolus, the same people who turned children into zombies." Tali didn't recognize the word and it didn't translate, but she knew what he meant anyway. "Of course they would observe their," he practically spat out the word, "experiment."

"You...you think Cerberus did Akuze?"

His face contorted into a grimace of rage, but he looked down, and when he came back up, he had his features under tighter control again, though his feelings were still plain to see. "Yes. Hackett agrees."

"That's why you're so disappointed the trail is cold."

"Yes."

She tried to process the new information. Only that it wasn't new information, or at least nothing truly important was new. "I should've seen this myself. Garrus probably did.", she put her thoughts into words.

"He did.", Shepard confirmed. She was not surprised, the two men had become good friends lately, and from what she had picked up when walking by them, their conversations often had rather grizzly topics, mostly tales from each other's eventful careers. Silence took hold of the cabin, both of them lost in their thoughts. At first, Tali was unhappy with herself at not seeing the connection sooner, but that sentiment was quickly cast aside by her concern for Shepard. To be on the trail of the people responsible for something like that...to him, this hunt had to be like the way she felt about fighting Geth, just so much more personal. And now the trail was cold.

"I'm sorry that we didn't find any further leads."

He snorted. "Yeah, me too. And the poor sods probably being abused in some other facility right now, or tomorrow, too." She flinched at his acidic reply; she was not used to him being this negative. But after the past day, she understood. He rested his forehead against one hand. "It's just...the things humans do to each other. We always fantasized about the monsters that would wait for us in space, and the wars we would fight against them. And now that we're here, the worst monsters are ourselves again." He shook his head in frustration. Tali did not know how to answer to this; her mind wandered to the documentaries she had seen, the concentration camps and the genocides in humanities past. From there, it proceeded to the Krogan Rebellions, the Genophage, the wars of unification on Rannoch and the Batarian Hegemony.

"Your people aren't any more cruel than the rest of us, Shepard."

He raised his eyes to hers as she continued. "We're still gonna hunt them down and kill them all, right?"

Finally, a weak smile appeared on his face. "Yes."

**Two weeks later**

"Aaand we're on target, Sir. Take us right to the Citadel?"

"Yes, Joker."

"Understood, Sir."

The Normandy had just emerged from the Widow Nebula relay, closing in on the Citadel; the gigantic space station already visible from the viewports, even from thousands of kilometers away. They had come from the Pax system, where they had conducted a covert operation on Noveria. As they had been informed at the very start of their hunt, Saren was a major investor in Binary Helix, a research company that had a hazard laboratory on the planet; like many others companies that used the planet to dodge Citadel laws. Shepard had contemplated just raiding the place and see what they would find, but had decided against it; he wanted to use the place as a trap. To that end, they had infiltrated the system by use of the Normandy's stealth drive, snuck up to the planet, and then had Tali hack into Port Hanshan's systems, planting a program that would trigger an alert to the Normandy if Saren, Benezia or any other individual from a list of known associates of Saren's and Benezia's the Shadow Broker had provided them with were spotted by the Port's security cameras. Shepard had not yet decided how long he was willing to lie in wait like this, but for now, there were other things to keep them busy, so he would exercise patience.

The first thing on that list of other things was shore leave; the crew had been at it for over two months with only two resupply stops to spend at least some hours on solid ground. He was currently standing at the galaxy map, working on shore leave schedules with Pressly, when his plans were interrupted by a call from Joker. "Commander, incoming transmission from Admiral Hackett, flagged urgent and classified. I'm bringing it up in the comm room." Shepard tensed up; he was about to get orders, most likely. Not that he was technically required to follow them; but the Alliance supplied him with a ship and crew, so he couldn't exactly flip them off when they came asking for a favor. Not that he even wanted to do so; Shepard respected Hackett, the once lowly Private who had climbed his way all he way up to the most senior Admiral in the Alliance through nothing but an impeccable service history and more than one legendary victory against the odds, a great deal, and the Admiral never called for anything that wasn't worth his attention. Not wasting any time, he made his way over to the comm room in seconds, locked the door behind him with his Captain's codes and activated the terminal. The scarred face of Admiral Hackett appeared on the screen.

"Shepard."

He saluted, and the older man responded in kind. "Admiral."

"I just got word from Alliance intelligence. Some of the data you recovered on Nodacrux did yield a further lead after all." Shepard's eybrows perked up. "How so? I thought it was all purely related to the 'work' they were doing there."

"It was. But the list of personnel also mentioned some guest researchers from other Cerberus projects, who apparently dropped by for outside input on occasion. One of these names , when cross referenced, has some...troubling implications." The admiral leaned forward, closer to the camera. "I am talking about one Dr. Wayne. There is a photograph from about seven years ago, showing Wayne with three other scientists...who are all dead now. All shot in the last three months."

Shepard understood immediately. "You believe Cerberus is cleaning house, trying to stop these scientists from talking. For whatever reason someone who is associated with this kind of 'research' would possibly expose themselves."

The older man nodded. "Exactly. We need to get our hands on this man. Not only to learn what he was involved in seven years ago, but to uncover any still active contacts of his or other bases of operations he might know about now. And the best bit: We know his current location."

A predatory grin wormed it's way on Shepard's face. "Not that I'm complaining Sir, but why is the AIS sharing all this with us? They're not usually the types for that. One would think they have their own assets that are perfectly capable of capturing the good doctor."

Hackett nodded. "They have, but none of them can be there as quickly as you, and they seem to be worried enough about the time sensitivity of this one to see reason for a change. And the director made it very clear that they expect to be repaid for this information by us handing the man over...which I couldn't say no to if I wanted. The AIS will have a long heart to heart with this Doctor Wayne."

Shepard nodded. "Fine by me, Sir. I'll have to capture him first, though. Were is he?"

"Ontarom."

…

Wrex kicked the door out of it's hinges – it was a simple swing door, not one that slid into the wall as most doors these days did to preserve space- and the fight was on. Shoulder to shoulder with Shepard, Tali slid into the room, hiding behind Wrex's bulk as a veritable hail of bullets slammed into the Krogan's barrier.

Finding the bunker complex had not been an issue; the human intelligence agency had provided rough coordinates, and with the Normandy's scanners, that was more than what they even needed. And from what they had seen so far, the opposition wasn't anything special either. Just some ragtag mercenaries of several different species, if mostly human. The only thing worrying at all was, uncharacteristically, Shepard. The commander had been on edge again ever since he had gotten the assignment yesterday; which had promptly resulted in canceled shore leave and a new course at full speed. Tali didn't blame him, she knew what he was thinking after their conversation two weeks ago. There really was no good reason to be worried; but she couldn't help herself, seeing the man anxious like this bothered her.

Breaking off towards the rightward exit of the large room they were in, she dispatched a human with her trademark combination of an overload to the shields followed by a shotgun blast; a carnage blast like Wrex had taught her, in fact. She trusted her aim enough by now to put a lot of stock into her first shot hitting, and with carnage shots and weakened – or with most targets, simply completely depleated – shields after an overload, this maneuver reliably dispatched even enemies in heavy armor in one go, at least at short ranges like these. Having killed the enemy closest to her, she quickly got down, hiding behind a corner from the fire that now shifted to her, the mercenaries further in the back evidently spooked by the hell she had just unleashed on their companion. Letting her gun cool down in cover, she took a moment to scan the situation; Wrex had barreled into a Turian and was currently stomping him into the floor while Shepard was firing his pistol from behind the flimsy cover of an overturned table, his shields alight with the blaze of incoming fire, but holding for now. In his left was the machete, a bloodied human man on the floor next to him. His face was the mask of grim determination that was normal for him in combat, though Tali knew him well enough by now to think that there was an additional coldness to it today, an undertone of barely contained rage she had so far only seen when they had fought Cerberus soldiers, and that one time where they had crashed the party of a batarian pirate ship in the process of boarding a cargo hauler. There had been no prisoners in either of those situations. Today, Tali wasn't so sure; these were no Cerberus troops, so much was clear from the simple fact that the group was mixed race. The rest of the team had stormed through the doorway now, and since there was not enough cover to get behind, they simply continued advancing on the mercenaries entrenched in the back of the large room, spraying their weapons to keep the enemies' heads down. Grenades were thrown at them, a good move, bunched up as they were from coming through the single door leading here; but Liara's biotics caught the things mid air and turned them back towards their senders, taking out two of them at once just as another was caught in a deadly crossfire from Garrus and Ashley as he tried to get away from the explosives.

There was a brief lull in the fighting as the four of them finally reached cover and let their weapons cool down a bit, which the remaining mercenaries used to try and save their hide. "Wait! Wait!" Tali stopped shooting, looking to Shepard to confirm it, and he had stopped shooting as well, so she continued to hold her fire. "We're not getting paid enough to deal with bloody commandos!", a turian exclaimed.

Shepard mulled it over for a second, before bellowing: "Drop your guns and come out! Hands behind your heads!" The survivors complied, and soon enough, they were all restrained on the ground, Wrex and Kaidan watching the team's back while they did it. _Huh,_ Tali thought. _Some mercs with common sense, that's a new one._ She didn't even realize the stark contrast between her now, a person who would have lighthearted, reflective thoughts just a minute after taking a life, and the innocent pilgrim she had been mere weeks ago. She was just happy they wouldn't have kill these people; she may not lose sleep over some mercenaries any more, but that didn't mean she enjoyed killing them. She didn't, not one bit. There was only one thing she liked to kill, and that was geth. And spiders. Two things, then.

Shepard stood over them for a second, seemingly contemplating something, before turning and striding towards the other door with a decisive gait. "Kaidan, guard them. The rest with me. We need to get to Wayne before he get's killed.", he growled. "It's time for answers." The rest of the squad seemed not to take notice of the comment, but Tali and Garrus exchanged a glance. Shepard had briefed them all on the target; a photograph linked him to three other men; all dead now. A photograph from seven years ago. The others had not understood the significance, but the two dextros did. _Akuze_ _was seven years ago. Might very well be just a coincidence...but the connection is there._ Tali did not truly expect this day to reveal anything new regarding the most traumatic day of Shepard's career, but she understood well that even the mere possibility of it was enough to put the commander into a foul mood. She didn't blame him.

Rushing through the corridor, they soon heard agitated voices of two men. "So you called in your friends! They won't save you!"

"Please, I- "

"SILENCE!" A gunshot rang out, and they redoubled their efforts to move faster. Finally, they burst into a room. A trembling man in a labcoat was cowering on the floor, cuts and bruises on his face indicating that he had been beaten. A bullet mark in the wall, roughly on head heigth. Towering over him, a man in old armor, the lack of a helmet exposing his head. He was holding the doctor at gunpoint, but when the team entered, he whipped around. Before he could do anything else, Shepard barreled into him, knocking him to the ground. Their struggle was short, the man's gun flying across the room mere seconds later. Tali was moving up to assist Shepard in restraining him while Wrex simply put a foot on the doctor's chest, when the situation was changed by one, surprised, uttered word.

"Sh-shepard!?"

The man had stopped struggling, and finally she got a good look at him. What she saw made her wish that she hadn't; his face was a patchwork of scars and both decoloured and hyperpigmentized skin right next to each other, his hair in patches, having fallen out in some areas while being grey and even white in others – prematurely, judging by the man's relatively young voice. Averting her eyes from him, she locked them on Shepard. Her commander was still on top of the guy, but his fist that had been raised to knock him out for good had opened and the arm was slowly dropping down to his side, the other hand's grip on the man's collar loosening. His face betrayed utter shock.

"Toombs!?"

_He knows this guy?_

"Toombs! My god! Toombs!" Shepard bolted up, grabbing the stranger by the hand and pulling him up. Tali just watched, dumbfounded like everyone in the room, as the two men stood close, studying each other's face, until Shepard spoke again. "Toombs, what...what happened to you? How!?"

The face of the man whose name apparently was Toombs contorted into a grimace of hate. "Ask _him_." All faces in the room snapped to Wayne on the ground. "Akuze...it wasn't an accident, Shepard." Shepard's face worked through a thousand emotions, but no words left his mouth as Toombs rambled on. "They lured the threshers there...them and us...to STUDY them! STUDY how they would kill us! The bastards sat on the hills and watched! Watched as...as..."

He was panting now, and had to stop himself to breath before continuing, but Shepard beat him to it. "I...suspected that." That seemed to take the man aback. "But still...how did you make it? I...I saw you get hit by the acid, Toombs. Then you tumbled down that ridge...I thought you were dead. I...I'm sorry Toombs. My god, if I had known...Jesus..." Shepard dropped the pistol he had still been holding at his side and gripped his forehead, staring blankly at the ground. "Toombs, I had no idea...they...they said I was the sole survivor."

Toombs just nodded. "Yes, that's what they wanted everyone to believe. But the truth was different. The truth is that I was lying there. The acid only grazed me. Still ate the skin on my right arm away. You can't imagine the pain, Shepard." Even Wrex seemed uncomfortable now. "They found me after you and the evac team were gone. They were so _delighted_ to have a surviving subject...someone they could test their hypotheses from the observation on." He turned away from Shepard, walking over to Wayne, who was looking at him in complete panic, still pinned under Wrex's foot.

"Pl-Please, you must help me! This man is insane! I do not kno-"

"SILENCE!", Toombs, screamed, his voice breaking. "You dare ! You fucking dare! The things you did to me! Shepard!" He whirled around. "Look at me, Shepard! Look at me!" He needn't not have implored Shepard like this, as the man was already transfixed at his former comrades visage, a scowl intensifying on his face. "Tresher acid! Right into my veins! And who knows what else! I only escaped three years ago!" Again Toombs stopped himself, panting. "For the..." he laughed mirthlessly, a shrill sound. "...for the betterment of humanity, they said." He shook his head.

At that last point, Shepard tensed, the shock of meeting a man believed to be dead apparently weathered, and picked up his gun. "Yes. I heard that one before. Perhaps it'd be for the betterment of humanity if Doctor Wayne died today."

"No! You can't do this! This is not justic! I dem-" Nobody heard what the doctor had wanted to demand, as Wrex increased the pressure on his chest, taking from him the air to speak. Toombs stepped closer to Shepard, looking him in the eye with a grim smile that looked absolutely terrifying on his disfigured features.

"So..you understand why I've been doing this? Punishing them?"

Shepard looked back, his face a mask of stone. "Yes, Toombs, yes I do."

Tali was starting to get worried, and she didn't seem to be the only one, as Liara and Ashley started shifting uncomfortably. "Shepard..."

He raised a hand, and Williams cut herself off. "Don't worry, Williams. I haven't lost my focus on the mission."

Shepard stepped over to Doctor Wayne and towered over him, a dark look on his face. "Doctor, you are under arrest. I will deliver you to Alliance Intelligence, who will have many, many questions for you, about Akuze and anything else you might have done with Cerberus."

Toombs grabbed Shepards shoulder, got in his face and exploded. "WHAT!? You'll let him live!? Do you see what he did to me!? What they did to all the others!? He must die! He deserves to die!"

"Toombs..."

"No! Not 'Toombs'! They ruined that man! And you want to let him live!"

"Toombs."

Toombs face was pure hatred now, even when looking at Shepard, and he started walking over to his gun. "That's what I thought! I was right after all, no justice unti-"

"CORPORAL TOOMBS! STAND AT FUCKING ATTENTION WHEN IM FUCKING TALKING TO YOU!"

The entire team safe Wrex jolted at the sudden outburst, and Toombs actually complied, standing straight in front of Shepard, who had gotten up close himself and was screaming in his face now, the strain of the situation clearly visible. "Think Toombs, for fuck's sake! These bastards fucked over more people than only you and our platoon! I've been hunting them down all over the Traverse! Entire colonies, killed, captured, experimented on! They turned children into zombies! And we have no idea how many more of them are out there! We need this man to talk!" His features, and voice, softened. "Come on, Toombs. You can't tell me you don't see this. This is more important than our revenge."

Toombs sagged, and Tali could see that Shepard had him. "Yes...I understand. I don't want anyone else to go through what I..." He stopped going for his gun, and walked over to Wayne instead, giving him one last kick in the ribs before turning towards the door. "So...what now, Shepard? I killed people. I won't apologize for it, but I know the law." He scoffed. "Maybe I'll get extenuating circumstances..."

Shepard swallowed hard. "You won't go to jail for this...and if I have to bust you out myself. I could drop you off somewhere, if you want. But if you want my advice...let me take you to Arcturus. You need treatment, Toombs. You look like a corpse. You're still Alliance, captive soldiers stay in the force. You have a lot of pay to collect, and any treatment you need, medical...and otherwise. Let them take care of you. Please." Toombs nodded, not turning around or looking up. "Alright, Shepard."

Shepard straightened himself. "Alright everyone. Take Toombs and the captives and get out of here. I'll be right behind you. With Wayne." Wrex complied without a word, just a short chuckle, but the rest of the team stood bewildered.

Ashley spoke up. "Shepard..?"

"No arguments, Williams. And now leave this room, all of you. I'm going to have a talk with the good doctor." He stood over the man now, cold anger in his eyes that made a chill run down Tali's spine. She felt like she should say or do something, but she did not know what, and she didn't dare, so she just shuffled out of the room with the rest, closing the door behind her.

Outside, Garrus put a hand on her elbow. "You and I wait here." She looked up to ask why, but he preempted the question. "He'll probably need help carrying Wayne when he's done with him." _The way he just said that, like it's the most normal thing in the world._ She had known that Garrus had a leaning toward a somewhat brutal application of justice, but it still shocked her how unfazed he was. Almost as much as the fact that Shepard would do something like this.

From behind the door, the unmistakable thuds of kicks and punches could now be heard, accompanied by Wayne's pained moans and screams. Tali flinched with each and every one. "I...I don't want to listen to this Garrus. You two can carry him without me. I- I need to get out of here..."

"Stay." The Turian still seemed completely unmoved, but something in his voice compelled her to oblige. He seemed...worried after all?

"Why? What do you need me here for?"

"I need you to talk sense to him if he loses it and goes too far. We need this bastard alive, unfortunately. I'm not sure if he'll listen to me, but he will listen to you."

She was still wondering if Garrus was correct, and why he would think something like that in the first place – _I guess me and Shepard are good friends, but he is quite close with him too...they're battle brothers, aren't they? He respects Garrus, I know he does... Why would Garrus believe Shepard would be more inclined to listen to me than to him!?_ \- when her thoughts were interrupted by more screams, but it wasn't the doctor now.

"Lieutenant Tasha Burke!"

_Thud._

"Corporal Trevor Baker!"

_Thud._

"Private Theodor Smith!"

 _Thud._ A moan.

"Sergeant Igor Yevchenko!"

 _Thud._ Another moan.

"Private Li Xao!"

 _Thud._ A scream, Wayne this time.

"WHAT, FUCKER!? YOU WANNA SAY SOMETHING?"

Only silence answered the commander. _Keelah, he is going to kill him._ Even Garrus seemed concerned now, fidgeting with his hands and mandibles. Two hearts were beating in Tali's chest: On one hand, she wasn't sure how to feel about her captain essentially torturing someone for revenge. On the other, putting herself in his shoes, wondering how she would react, losing forty nine people in one day and then meeting the man responsible? She didn't dare trying to predict what she might do. _Enough,_ she pushed those thoughts to the side. _It doesn't matter now. What matters is the mission,and stopping Shepard from losing it completely._ She took a deep breath and burst through the door. "Shepard."

The commander was towering over Dr. Wayne's bloodied form. The man was lying on the floor, a crumpled mess of cuts and bruises, but alive and breathing, silently whimpering to himself. Shepard was breathing heavily; his entire body was covered in blood splatters, even his face. His fists were basically drenched in red. He hadn't reacted to Tali's entrance, keeping his angry eyes on the man on the floor, nostrils flaring, jaw clenched. When she spoke his name, he turned his head towards her, making her flinch under his gaze. She had never seen him like this, not even when they had fought Cerberus or the Batarian pirates. For a brief moment, the man she had spend too much time thinking about last night again, her _captain_ , scared her. He seemed to notice it, too; for as soon as he saw her taking a step back, his face fell, changing from anger to sadness, and... _shame_. She felt a pang of pain in her heart, and her inner dispute was settled. Shepard was still exactly the man she had taken him for; but that was just it, in the end, he was just a man. A wounded man, and today, one of his wounds had had its bandages torn off,salt sprinkled all over it and been poked around in. Could she really blame him for striking out like this? Her head told her that perhaps she should, but in her heart, she couldn't, and so she quickly walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. He sagged, and finally spoke.

"I think Doctor Wayne and I are finished here...let's get off this planet."


	9. Chapter 9

„Take us out, Joker. To the Citadel. It's time for that shore leave at last."

„Understood, Commander."

Not even half a day had passed since the events on Ontarom; with both the system that planet was in and the Arcturus system having a relay, they had made it to Arcturus in a matter of hours. Handing over Wayne to the AIA and getting Toombs' affairs in order had taken considerably longer, but now the Cerberus scientist was in a cell, and his victim turned would-be killer in a hospital bed. The surviving mercenaries were currently under guard in the cargo bay; they would drop them off on the Citadel and let them go. All in a day's work. Perhaps, Shepard should have been content with the day's events; however, he was all but. Any illusions he had sometimes maintained about how hunting down the ones responsible for Akuze would finally allow him to make his peace with the whole affair seemed shattered; instead, he had added to his sorrow. Not enough that Wayne was just a cog in a larger machine, he himself had failed today. His revenge on Wayne had felt good in the moment, but as soon as Tali had burst through that door and looked at him, clearly horrified by his violence, it had come crashing down on him, and he had been dwelling on it ever since. Not even so much because Tali in particular had been the one to look at him that way, though it had stung at the time; but because quite frankly, now that he had snapped out of it, he was looking at himself much in the same way. _Power corrupts_ , he thought to himself as he made his way down the stairs. _Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Now, I don't have absolute power, thank god. But can I even handle that which I already have?_ He didn't flinch from the truth about what had transpired today. He had let himself go, lashed out like a wounded animal, and disgraced himself in the process. He was the Commander of this team, the Captain of this ship, a bloody Council spectre; it did not do for him to let himself get carried away by emotions in front of his subordinates, especially not when it related to the mission. More importantly, while he had long understood that violence seemed to be a natural talent of his, he had always vowed that he would only use it for a cause greater than himself. Today, he had failed that; he had beat Wayne for one reason only, to sate his own hunger for revenge. He didn't care much for 'an eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind' here; he hadn't killed the man after all, so it was more like a kick in the nuts for an eye. Something else was dominating his conscious, to his surprise; _It is mine to avenge; I will repay._ He had not lied to Ashley when he had said that his religiosity was tenuous at best; but that didn't change the fact of where the roots of his moral compass lay. Though he knew full well that one didn't even need to abstract morality to get to this conclusion – after all, if everyone took it upon themselves to enact justice, the result would be chaos. A well known fact. In theory. In practice...in the heat of the moment, it turned out to be quite difficult to remember.

Thus reminiscing, he reached the bottom of the stairs, and entered into the mess. The dealings with Arcturus had gone on until late into the ships 'evening', and so the mess was mostly empty, only Garrus sitting leaned back in a chair, making love to some Turian brandy. Upon seeing Shepard entering, he pushed the chair in front of him away from the table with his left foot. Getting the message, John quickly produced a beer from the fridge – both the fridge and the beer within were things he had gotten added to the mess very soon after being made a Spectre, making it so that each crew member was entitled to one beer a day, turns out being somewhat above the law, and Alliance regulations, had its advantages – and walked over to his Turian friend. Stretching out his legs past the chair Garrus was sitting on, ending up somewhat diagonally to him, Shepard cracked it open and took a deep sip. Almost a minute passed in quiet before Garrus finally spoke. "Bloody mess of a day, huh?"

"Hmmm."

Another couple of sips.

"Something bothering you, Shepard?"

"Hmmm."

"Hmmm...?"

Shepard frowned. "What do you want to hear? Wasn't my proudest day today."

Garrus gave him a skeptical look. "I doubt anyone thinks less of you for this. That bastard had it coming."

Shepard sighed. "Of course he did, but that's not the point, Garrus. The point is that we are soldiers, or I am, at least. I exercise violence for a reason, for a cause, that's greater than myself. When I do it just to get back at someone who hurt me, what separates me from some goddamn thug on the street?"

The Turian mulled that over a while; Shepard had little trouble imagining why. Garrus had shown a certain tendency towards taking justice into his own hands before. "So you wouldn't be willing to use violence to punish someone who wronged you? Within reason , of course."

Shepard huffed. "Depends, I guess. I dunno, let's say I had a wife and someone killed her, and the police won't get it done, so it's either that or the guy goes unpunished...in that case, kill the fucker, sure. Hell, maybe just kill him anyway, wouldn't blame the man who did that. But this thing with Wayne...I was literally sent to apprehend him so he could be questioned and punished the proper way. Instead I took it upon myself. Who the hell am I to do that!?"

Now Garrus was getting irritated. "Who you are!? Someone with a damn good reason to hate that guy! A Spectre! It's your _right_ to punish scum like him! Sprits, it's your duty!"

"No, Garrus." His voice was determined now. "Not like that. Sure, when we're out there in the field, sometimes, you can't bag em all and bring em with, so you just shoot them on the spot. I've done it. But this? Wayne was _done_ , literally under the boot, justice was coming for him. There was no reason to do this besides my own selfish need to hurt this man, because I hoped it would make me feel better. And that's _fucking wrong_! That's not what a Spectre should be! Do you really not get what I mean!?"

His turian friend took a long while to answer him this time around. "I...guess I understand. I didn't look at it this way. So what you're saying is...you're not sorry for Wayne, you're worried on behalf of yourself."

"Yes. I don't wanna go down that road."

"Hm. Alright, I get it." They drank in silence some more, until both their bottles were almost empty. "So, did it at least make you feel better?"

The commander laughed mirthlessly. "That's it, it didn't. It just got me even more worked up. And having Tali nearly crap her suit from looking at me certainly didn't feel very nice either."

Garrus put his elbows on the table now and leaned forward. "Don't worry Shepard, she understands."

"Yeah, probably. She is like that."

He emptied the bottle, and Garrus asked : "So, where to now? Finally gonna get that shore leave we meant to take?"

"Yes. We're on route to the Citadel right now. Shouldn't be more than a couple of hours, depending on how travel is at the relay."

"Hmm. Nice. How long are we staying?"

"I was thinking...three full days. We've been at it for two and a half months now. Most of the crew has only left the ship for an hour or two, if at all. They deserve some time with solid ground under their feet."

"Sounds good. I wanted to go shopping. I have my eye on some mods for my sniper rif-" Shepard's omnitool chimed. Priority summon to the CIC from Pressly. The human and the Turian locked eyes shortly, and then moved as one. The empty bottles and their talk of rest and recuperation forgotten, the two of them bolted up the stairs and over to the executive officer already waiting for them at his station.

"Pressly?"

Not bothering to salute, a surefire sign that something exciting was going on, his XO simply handed him a datapad while already talking. "Commander. We just got a transmission from that program Mrs. Zorah installed in Port Hanshan's security network."

"Saren?", Shepard asked, his eyes already flying over the letters, but not having gotten to that part yet.

"Almost. It's Matriarch Benezia. She just arrived there with a guard detail of Asari commandos and a lot of sealed cargo."

The commander and his twenty years older second in command exchanged a glance; a grim smile on Shepard's face. "I take it you already plotted a course?"

Pressly allowed himself a rare cheeky grin. "Please, commander."

Shepard just laughed. "Give orders to Joker. I'll break the news to the crew." He walked over to his personal work station and activated the PA system. "Crew, this is Commander Shepard. Bad news first: Shore leave is postponed again." He let it sink in for a second, imagining the frowns and moans spreading through the ship right now. "The good news: We have a lead on Saren's second. As of now, we are on route to Noveria, where we will capture or kill Benezia T'Soni...and get ourselves some answers in the process."

He stepped away from the terminal to the sight of Garrus nodding approvingly. "Good speech, Shepard."

"Hmm. Guess I'll have to have a talk with Liara at some point before we get there though..."

The turian's face fell. "Oh."

….

Cold air rushed into Shepard's face underneath the half opened visor of his helmet as the airlock opened to release them into the _Normandy_ 's designated docking bay at Port Hanshan. Knowing that his team was behind him, he took his first step onto the solid ground of Noveria, surveying his surroundings. The bay was positively spartan, just naked steel and concrete wherever the eye went. After the tense words Port Hanshan's flight control had exchanged with Joker and Pressly during their approach, John had expected an exceptionally frosty welcome; instead he found that there was no welcome at all, nobody having come out to meet them. _At the checkpoint, probably._ Throwing a quick glance behind him, he confirmed that all of his team had made it off the _Normandy;_ letting his gaze linger on Liara perhaps half a moment longer than on the others. She had seemed collected enough when he had taken her to the side prior to their descent to the planet; she had explained to him that she had to be there, had to try and talk sense to her mother, had to at least understand why, and if all failed, had to help put a stop to it. That this would be the only way she'd ever make any peace with this whole ordeal. He believed her; he didn't feel like the two of them had terribly much in common, and so, while the talks they had had had been interesting and enjoyable enough, they did not spend a whole lot of time together, but he trusted Liara – she had never given him any reason to the contrary. If she said she wanted to do this, he wouldn't deny her. What he wasn't so sure if he could trust was her actual ability to see it through. Not because he thought of her as weak willed; the shy archaeologist had proven her mettle in the last two months. But facing, most likely in combat, and potentially having to help kill your own mother? Shepard wasn't sure if he could do it, he wasn't keen to find out, and he certainly didn't expect anyone else to.

Rounding the large form of their ship, they found themselves confronted by a welcoming party after all, a trio of guards in dark grey armor with some corporate symbol on it, probably the Noveria executive board, or perhaps something related to Port Hanshan in specific, John didn't know and honestly didn't care. There were two human women and a Turian man , who, in an unusual display for a member of that stereotypically stoic race, seemed to be the only uneasy one among them, the woman in front, of asian decent judging by her looks, approaching Shepard with the calm confidence of experience, and the woman in the back with a contemptuous scowl on her face. _The hell is your problem? Didn't get taken by the real police, so now you're here and pissed every time you see someone who's under arms for an actual proper government?_ He almost chuckled at the aggression behind his inner monologue. It was rare for him to dislike someone just from looking at them for one moment, well, except Batarians, but this was one such a case.

The asian spoke. "That's far enough. Captain Matsuo, Port Hanshan security." Although he felt some measure of irritation at the standoffish way he was being addressed, he decided to try and play it cool. These upjumped mall cops might be an annoyance, but there was nothing to gain from antagonizing them needlessly.

"Commander Shepard, Alliance navy. Also a Council spectre, which means I am allowed to carry weapons here, as is my team by association."

Matsuo's face remained professionally neutral as she opened her mouth, but was beaten to it by the other woman. "A human spectre? Fat chance." He forced himself to not display his irritation; the woman was exactly the kind of dumb ass he had expected her to be. Matsuo shot her a reprimanding look before turning back to Shepard, still calm and professional. Perhaps at least one of these three was actually something close to an actual police officer; she better be, for tension was rising in the bay. He could feel his team shifting their weight around, and see further officers in the back pick up on the confrontation hanging in the air, discreetly lowering their hands to their guns and inching towards cover.

"Your identity has not been confirmed. This is an unscheduled arrival. Therefore, you are not allowed to carry weapons in our port. Sergeant Stirling, secure their weapons."

The blonde took one step towards John, and in one fluid movement, his entire team had their guns out and pointed towards the security troopers, who reacted by pulling out their own and pointing them right back. John himself had twitched at first, but then decided to leave his gun in it's place for now. For one, he still hoped for a peaceful solution to this; he was here to apprehend Benezia, not start a war with some wannabe cops. And the other thing was: He was simply completely baffled. Had these people lost their minds? He decided to be as straight with this woman as possible, perhaps that would help.

"Have you lost your mind, captain? You see my ship. That's an alliance frigate. Here on my armor, that's alliance insignia and rank. You know I couldn't relinquish my weapons if I _wanted_ to. And you try to send some goon to take my gun? You see the people standing behind me here. You can figure out on your own how this will end if you really decide to go down this road. So answer me this: Do you have a death wish, Captain Matsuo!?"

Matsuo didn't even flinch. He had to admit, she had balls. Though it'd be better for her if she had a brain instead. "Drop your weapons by the count of three. One..." Shepard scoffed in exasperation. "Two..." He brought out his assault rifle and extended it, tossing a glance to the side while he was at it, identifying the closest cover. Matsuo opened her mouth, no doubt to say "Three" , and John was just about to snap his gun on target and mow her down, when all loudspeakers in the bay sprang to life simultaneously.

"Captain Matsuo, stand down! We confirmed their identities. Spectres are allowed to carry weapons here." Everyone, even Matsuo, visibly sagged in relief, some closing their eyes and letting out the breath they'd been holding. To his left and just behind, John could hear Tali mutter her trademark "Keelah..." under her breath, while Wrex's huff sounded downright disappointed.

"Well then, Spectre. Welcome to Port Hanshan", Matsuo, who had brought her face back under control remarkably quickly, said. "I hope the rest of your stay will be less confrontational."

He scoffed. "That might just depend on you, Captain. Do you always point guns at guests from foreign militaries?"

The woman appeared completely unfazed, leaving Shepard wondering if she was just that thick, or pulling his leg. "We have our protocol, Spectre."

He scoffed and brushed past her, only to find Sterling sneering at him. "Behave yourself."

 _Alright, that's it._ "Listen, you decrepit police academy dropout. You fuck with me or my people, _I will end you._ " He shoulder checked her and barreled past, shaking his head. What the hell was wrong with this planet. A smaller voice in the back of his mind warned him to not let himself go again, but these amateurs were just too much. Stomping through the security checkpoint, a cacophony of noise and red lights flared up and died after a couple seconds, one turian security officer having scrambled to deactivate it. John turned around and scanned his team once more, making sure none of them were getting hassled by anyone over some nonsense, he wouldn't put it past the locals at this point. Turning back around and climbing the stairs to the elevator, he found himself approached by a woman in a red dress.

"Commander Shepard, my name is Gianna Parasini. I am the assistant to administrator Anoleis. We apologize for the incident in the docking bay. There was a delay in the confirmation of your identity, and Captain Matsuo takes her duties very seriously."

John snorted, failing to prevent a tired smirk from spreading across his lips. "I've noticed."

With the practised neutral expression of someone who was used to smiling around those one would rather slap in the face, Parasini droned on. "One of my duties is welcoming new arrivals and assisting them in finding their exact destination. Is there something I might help you with?"

John decided to try the blunt approach. "I'm here for Matriarch Benezia. I know she came through here yesterday."

If Parasini was taken aback by this rather specific inquiry, she did not show it at all. "The Matriarch did indeed arrive here yesterday, together with an honor guard of Asari commandos and a large shipment of sealed cargo." _Hm. A straight answer. A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one._

At the mention of her mother, he cast a glance back towards Liara, who had been looking at her feet when he turned his head, but brought her eyes back up shortly and gave him a curt nod, which he returned, trying to put as much reassurance into it as possible. He turned back towards Parasini and took a step towards her, deciding that with how this visit had been going so far, it couldn't hurt to make it crystal clear that he would not be denied. "Where is she now?"

"She left for the Peak 15 research facility shortly after arriving. By all accounts, she is still there." the assistant replied, very much unimpressed, but Shepard wasn't bothered, he didn't truly care about swinging his weight around, he just wanted answers, and as long as he was getting them, he was happy. He decided that Parasini seemed like a reasonable person and that therefore, he'd tone down the confrontational undertone. "Then that is where I'm going. Can you tell me how I get there?"

Parasini bowed her head apologetically. "I am afraid that will not be easy. Commander. Due to a snowstorm outside, the administrator has restricted access to the garage, which is the only way to deploy any sort of ground vehicle to the approach to Peak 15. The facility is about three kilometers away, which in this weather, is an impossible distance on foot."

Shepard furrowed his brow. "And what does that have to do with the vehicles? You would think the groundcars here would be equipped to handle the kind of temperatures that are to be expected on Noveria."

She shrugged. "They are. However, the administrator deemed it unsafe nevertheless. If you want to get to Peak 15, you will have to take it up with him."

John nodded, hiding his frustration with the boulders this place seemed to be insistent on throwing in his way. "Well, if you would be so kind to point me in his direction?"

Parasini nodded. "It's not far. Just take the elevator up to the main hall and stick to the left, the entrance to his office is in the corner just at the base of the large windows."

Nodding in thanks, he turned around and gathered his team around himself as Parasini left. "So, for anyone who didn't hear it: The bureaucratic nonsense continues for now. It appears I'll have to talk to some administrator first before we can finally get on with it. However, the assistant confirmed that Benezia is indeed here. She's holed up in a research facility not far from here, and she has, at the very least, a guard detail of Asari commandos with her. And who knows what other forces that facility has. So strap in for a tough one, people." He looked around the group, taking in their nods and determined faces. "Anyone got something to add?" No-one spoke up, and so he turned towards the elevator, entering it with Kaidan, Liara and Tali while the rest waited for the second round.

Once inside, Kaidan turned towards him and let his face slip into a frown. "Permission to speak freely, Sir?"

He sighed. "Always, Kaidan."

"Tread careful, Sir. That was pure insanity down in the docking bay. I have no idea what is wrong with these people, but I think we should watch our backs very closely."

Liara nodded and chimed in. "I agree. Their behavior was highly irrational. At least judging by what we _know_."

He furrowed his brow. "What are you two saying?"

Kaidan swayed his head, weighing his words, an uncomfortable look on his face. "I'm not necessarily saying anything, Sir. It's just...this is a corporate world. They barely recognize even your authority, and they're used to shady dealings. And Saren _does_ apparently have quite the wallet , and they let him do business undisturbed even though he was marked a traitor by the council.."

John's eyes lit up with understanding. "You think this administrator might have gotten a nudge towards stalling us if we showed up."

Kaidan nodded. "I believe it's a distinct possibility."

"Liara, Tali?"

"I agree with Kaidan, commander.", the Asari answered.

Tali didn't say anything at first, but he could read her body and see her mulling it over despite the helmet. "My people have done business with the corporations here in the past...they were always reliable. But my father warned me about this place anyway. He said the people here have no principles." She broke her pondering stance and looked him in the eye. "Let's not trust anyone but ourselves."

He nodded. "I wasn't about to." He looked back to Kaidan. "I'll keep it in mind when I go to feel the administrator out."

…...

"Right, right, come in!"

John snorted, the annoyed voice calling out was about as friendly as he had anticipated this administrator to be. Leaving his team behind in the foyer, he made his way around the wall behind Parasini's desk and through the door to the office. Behind a large desk sat a Salarian, looking up only for the shortest of moments before continuing to type furiously on his workstation and addressing Shepard, talking even faster than was usual for his kind. "You will excuse me if I do not stand up. I have little time for rubes from backwater colonies."

He raised an eyebrow. He had been prepared for Anoleis to be less than cooperative, but this level of hostility was something else. _This is ridiculous, just like that woman in the docking bay. What the hell is it with this planet!? Even if Kaidan is right, this is just juvenile._ He decided to stay professional for now. "I don't care about your personal feelings, Anoleis. I am a Council Spectre and I am here on a mission. Give me what I need and we never have to see each other again."

The Salarian blinked once before finally bothering to stop typing and sit up straight. "This meeting is nothing but a courtesy towards your status, Spectre. I will cooperate only as far as the executive board demands."

 _We'll see._ "I am here for Matriarch Benezia. I know she arrived here yesterday and set out for Peak 15."

The administrator nodded. "Yes. Lady Benezia is indeed here, she arrived as agent Saren's executor."

"Her what?"

The alien somehow managed to look even more irritated. "His _executor._ " he said, stretching the word out as if he was speaking to a child. "Agent Saren is a major shareholder in Binary Helix, as such, he is entitled to send associate of his choice to oversee his investments. If we could get to the point now?"

John controlled his anger over the Salarian's attitude and decided to give the nice way one more try. "I need to get to Peak 15 immediately. I am aware of the weather, but I have an armored vehicle on my ship that can handle the temperatures. All I need from you is a garage pass."

The alien shook his head decidedly. "No. Peak 15 is a private facility. I will not allow you to harass our clients." _Son of a ..._ John lifted both his eyebrows for a second before taking a deep breath, and a step forward. "I am a Spectre, Anoleis. I am here on order of the council. Don't make an issue out of this."

The Salarian was unperturbed. "We are not in Council space here. My obligation is to my clients and the executive board, not to you. I suggest that _you_ don't make an issue out of this. Now, please leave my office."

John sighed. _Fine, you asked for it._ Sitting down in the chair in front of Anoleis' desk, he took out his hand cannon and deliberately placed it on the tabletop. That got the alien's attention, who suddenly sat very still. "Listen here, administrator. I don't think you understand the situation. So let me explain it to you." He picked up his gun and flicked off the safety, pointing it towards the ceiling. "Saren, as I am sure you know, has been declared a traitor to the Council, as has been, by extension, Benezia. By preventing me from leaving for Peak 15, you are therefore sheltering an enemy of the Council and obstructing not just justice, but a Spectre operation. I wonder what your executive board would have to say about that. I doubt that they would appreciate the fallout with the Council if I were to report this back. So I think if I went back to my ship and did a short trip over to the capital, I would be able to come to an agreement with the board very quickly." This much was true, and he would do just that if he had to; but first, he would see if some bluffing couldn't get him there sooner, and so he adjusted his guns aim right between Anoleis' large amphibian eyes. "However, I am short on time. And by aiding those traitors, _you_ make a traitor out of _yourself_ , Anoleis. So I think I'll just shoot you and take the garage pass from your corpse, and if any of those wannabe cops out there have something to say about it, they will make themselves traitors by association to you. So I will shoot them too. And thanks to the fact that your executive board recognizes Spectre authority, I will be perfectly within my legal rights to do so." His finger slid from the side of the gun and came to rest on the trigger. "Unless, of course, you see reason, and we can simply forget about all that nasty business right now."

The Salarian gulped, but did not yet back down. "You're bluffing."

A predatory smile spread across John's lips. "Perhaps. Wanna bet your life on it?"

Leaving the office with the pass in his hands moments later, he couldn't help but shake his head in exasperation. This goddamned planet. Tali was the first to approach him. She noticed his anger, cocking her head at him skeptically. "That upjumped clerk tried to get smart with me.", he said in way of an explanation. "But it doesn't matter now. We already wasted enough time. Kaidan, Ashley, if you'd be so kind to go and get the Mako, there's supposed to be an access to the garage from the docking bay. We'll meet you there." The two soldiers nodded and hurried off. Stretching and popping his back, Shepard let out a groan. "Alright, I think I'll grab a beer while we wait. Bullshit like this makes me thirsty." Garrus snickered at that, but before he could comment, Parasini chimed in, looking at Shepard with an expression of grudging respect. "I am surprised you got Anoleis to cooperate. Usually, it's hopeless to try and bludgeon through the corporate bureaucracy here."

He allowed himself a wry grin. "I can bludgeon pretty hard."

….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That one didn't turn out the way Shep wanted. 
> 
> Been a week longer, but this one is extra long to make up for it. Updates might be a little slower for a while until I reach my next stash.


	10. Chapter 10

Greenish ichor splattered against the wall as Wrex finished off the last of the Rachni with his gigantic shotgun. Tali looked herself over; the nasty mix of innards, blood and brains of the nightmarish things was all over her at this point. Most of the others hadn't fared any better, particularly Wrex, who had charged forward and engaged the beasts in close combat more than once, while the rest of the team was frantically trying to keep their distance from the things and their deadly tentacles, lest they end up like so many of the Binary Helix scientists and guards they had found dead all over the facility. Last of them had been that chubby man who had given them the access key to the neutron purge. Tearing herself away from the grizzly sight on the floor in front of her, Tali zoned back into what was going on. Shepard was conversing with the hot lab's VI, which was just finishing it's explanation of the neutron purge – and the fact that not only could it not be activated remotely, they would only have sixty seconds to evacuate the lab once they had done so. Nervous glances were shared, and once more, it was one of those occasions were Tali was actually glad people couldn't see her face. She probably appeared much braver as she actually was, she mused – after all, nobody could see the color draining from her face. She had seen her fair share of action since she had joined up with Shepard, but this topped them all. They would have to shoot their way out of here, trough Rachni, of all the things, and with a one minute timer to boot. This bordered on a suicide run. She felt her fingers tremble and tightened her grip on her shotgun to hide it. She could see that Liara was feeling it too, having paled ever so slightly. The rest of the team didn't look much better, even Wrex seemed somewhat uneasy. Shepard stood in the center of the room, looking at the ground beneath his feet.

"Get to the elevator."

Confused, unsure glances. "Who?"

"All of you."

Tali wasn't sure if she had heard right, but apparently she had, since judging by his outburst, Wrex was about as perplexed as her. "What!? You wanna die here?"

Shepard raised his head back up, steely determination in his face – but his eyes, it seemed to her, betraying something else, something she couldn't quite place.

"You heard me. Get out of here. I'll activate the purge and be right behind you." The big Krogan grumbled and shook his head at the commander, but said nothing; though Tali was pretty sure that was because he was at a loss for words, not because he accepted this. Her own thoughts were racing in her head; what in the name of the ancestors was Shepard playing at!?

Ashley seemed to have no problems formulating her thoughts. "What the bloody hell, Skipper!? That's a suicide mission!"

"It's a suicide mission either way!", he snapped back. "No use to risk all of us when one can do the job."

"Bullshit! ...Sir!"

Shepard's voice was strained. "Williams..."

"With all due respect Sir, she is right. We made our way in here , we'll make our way out of here, too." , Kaidan came to the Gunnery Chief's aid, as usual presenting his case in a more agreeable manner than the headstrong woman.

"You don't know that! I'm not risking the entire team in this goddamn cellar!"

"Shepard..." , Garrus tried chiming in, but was cut off by the man in question.

"Don't argue this with me, Garrus. Just go." Tali had remained quiet, straining her eyes and mind to try and understand what had gotten into the commander. Now she saw it, the thing he was hiding behind his blue eyes. It was something she hadn't seen there ever since Edolus, where it had flared up for all of two seconds when the thresher maw had ambushed them.

Shepard was afraid. Her head spun with the revelation. Her captain, after cutting through hordes of Rachni on the way down here, was suddenly scared. But why? Yes it was a really bad situation, but -

"...think I'm going up there without you, you've lost your mind, Shepard.", Garrus finished, speaking loud, snapping her back to paying attention.

Wrex laughed. "Same here."

Shepard slammed his fist into the terminal. "I give the orders here! I order you to get into the damn elevator!" _Keelah, he's pulling rank. That was the first time since.. that's the first time ever. He is desperate._

The Turian just shrugged. "I just don't get it. You're telling us to leave you to almost certain death, when the team as a whole would have a much higher chance..."

"I am not taking a goddamn chance!", Shepard almost yelled. He turned towards his fellow Alliance marines. "You two, I'm your commanding officer. Move." Wordlessly, Ashley and Kaidan left the room, stopping to look back more than once. "That goes for the rest of you too."

Wrex stepped up to him, growling. "Have you lost your mind, Shepard? You're going to send me away from a fight against the Rachni? For what?"

"For the team, " Shepard replied coolly. "And now move. You're not on my team to fight Rachni, you're on my team to follow orders."

Wrex' agitated features slowly morphed into an expression of contempt, before he finally scoffed and began to stomp away. "Fine, human. Get yourself killed then."

The giant Krogan having relented, Tali could feel her courage to stand up to her commander's insane orders waver. If he wasn't taking backtalk from _Wrex_ , who would he take it from? Garrus' seemed to think among similar lines, his mandibles flairing. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but closed it again not having spoken a word, apparently having thought better of it, and turned away. Seeing him leave, Liara's shoulder slumped, her eyes fell to the floor, and she started shuffling after him with small, uncertain steps. In the end, it was only her and him in the room, his blue eyes boring into hers, and they still held the same urgency they had had for the entire exchange, even though the features of his jaw and mouth had somewhat softened.

"You heard me, Tali."

She held his gaze, taking a moment to find words as she finally understood. She had known that Shepard was a great man, a good captain, someone who truly cared about those under his command. But only now she understood the true extent of it. The man looked at her with a fear in his eyes usually reserved to those desperately fearing for their own life; but it was the lives of others he was this scared for, and his own that he was willing to put in more risk than necessary in return – on short notice, just like that. It awed her and terrified her at the same time. "Please, Shepard. This is a bad idea. Please don't make me abandon you."

He shook his head. "No arguments. I'm not going to ask this one of any of you, even if you want to. Now get to the elevator."

She couldn't have said anything to him even if she had come up with something; looking at him, desperate yet determined at the same time, she felt a knot in her throat, and so she turned around, quickly fleeing the scene, fighting down sniffles as she made her way through the corridors, a hot tear flowing down her cheek at the thoughts of him quite possibly being about to die here, and about the anguish there had to be in him to drive him to something like this. Of course he would choose this approach; she should have expected it, after what he had told her of Akuze. The man had seen too many die under his command, and now he was burned. _Damn him,_ she thought; _damn him for being so stupid and stubborn and_ selfless.

Still in feverish thought, she reached the elevator and stepped in. Looking down to her large toes, praying to the ancestors to preserve the bloody bosh'tet of a man, it took her a while to notice that they weren't moving. Finally, she lifted her head up and gave the others, who all had their guns out and taken positions, determined looks on their faces, a series of confused looks. "What's going on?"

Garrus shrugged and twisted his mandibles in what may or may not have been a turian smirk. "He told us to get to the elevator, and here we are. So what are you waiting for?" She couldn't help but let out a short laugh at that, the absurdity of the situation suddenly striking her in force, but she quickly, still shaking her head and chuckling to herself mirthlessly, got out her shotgun and took a knee by the entrance to the platform, using the waist high railing for cover. Garrus nodded and activated his comm. "Alright Shepard, we're good. You can start."

"Good. Send me the elevator down, will you? I don't intend to die here if I can help it."

"It's on it's way, commander." , Garrus lied, and a moment later the hallway was filled with the blare of an alarm, and the voice of the VI.

"Neutron Purge activated. Please evacuate, remaining time in seconds, fifty-five..."

Several panels in both the floor and ceiling came open, some of them simply being blown out of their fixings, and Rachni of both the worker and the warrior types came spilling into the hall; for a brief moment she wondered if they were intelligent enough to comprehend their impending doom, and if they perhaps sought to escape it, or if they had just been stirred by the noise. A split second later those thoughts had vanished from her mind as the weapons of her shipmates came to life, spitting death and deafening noise towards the insectoid abominations. She shook off her still recurring shock at seeing them scuttle about on their disgustingly numerous legs and joined in, her shotgun penetrating the armor of and maiming a warrior with a prepared carnage shot, the follow up shot finishing it off, the weapon shutting down and beginning to hiss excess heat as she dropped it to the ground unceremoniously, already bringing her pistol to bear on the aliens.

The Rachni pressed them hard, but none succeeded in coming closer than a couple of meters; but it took all their firepower and some use of biotics to achieve it, none of them daring to utilize grenades for fear of hitting Shepard if, _when_ , she insisted to herself, he emerged from the door on the other side of the hall.

"Thirty-three ..."

_Keelah, it has only been twenty seconds of this?_

Wrex deep, bellowing voice carried over the carnage. "We need to get out of here in twenty five!"

_Keelah! No!_

She caught a climpse of a number of dark, metallic looking objects sailing through the air, falling on the ground in the middle of the the wall of chitin, flesh and disgusting ichor in front of them. Before she could discern their nature, said wall was, at least for a couple of seconds, torn apart by a series of deafening explosions, shrapnel clattering against the walls and ceiling, the elevator itself, and their shields, making them flare. And there Shepard was, barreling through the reeling swarm like a god of war, wielding his assault rifle in his right hand, firing wildly without bothering to aim at all, the signature machete in his left raised over his head, ready to fend off whatever dared coming into range, the blade covered in green liquid.

"Twenty – eight ..."

Upon seeing their leader, the team narrowed their target area, focusing their fire on his immediate left and right in a maneuver that would have every drill instructor or range sergeant in every military of the galaxy throw a fit over muzzle discipline, but they were not some grunts, they were Shepard's team, they were something special, she knew it; under her mask, she was smiling now, he was going to make it, the crazy bosh'tet, he was still insane, but he was going to live. The only thing missing as Shepard sprinted past the most forward elements of the scurrying mass of beasts was triumphant music.

And then his faceplate was rammed into the floor with brutal force as a tentacle wrapped around his ankle and brought him to a fall, his rifle slipping from his grasp as he tried to catch himself.

"No! SHEPARD!"

Before she knew it, she was storming forward, howling in rage and terror, barely noticing the giant, reddish-brown form of Wrex to her right doing the same, let alone the fact that she was breaking all of her personal records for fire during movement, racking, aiming and firing the shotgun like a perfect machine without slowing down her rush at all, her powerful quarian legs propelling her towards her target faster than the giant lizard could keep up with. By the time she had reached Shepard, who, still on his behind, was somehow continuing to hold on to his blade and had even managed to sever the appendage that had brought him down even though his movements had become sluggish, she had killed another of the beasts that had tried to pounce the downed commander, Wrex' artillery piece labeled a shotgun claiming two in the same time.

"Eighteen..."

Having collapsed her shotgun to her back, Tali grabbed the sling at the back of Shepard's harness with both hands, not even trying to do this with one, and started to pull. Shooting his arms out in confusion for only a second, her commander quickly caught on and drew his hand cannon, beginning to level shots at the advancing horde, the massive Krogan looming over both of them, laughing and growling like a maniac, his weapon spitting death. A particularly brave warrior leaped at him just as the massive thing finally overheated, just to be battered aside with it, blood and knocked out teeth trailing through the air. But there were already three more jumping, the others back in the elevator blocked from supporting them in the center by the forms of Tali and Wrex in their lines of fire.

"Fifteen..."

Shepard pumped the head of the leading one full of bullets while it was still mid-air, obviously not stopping it's momentum but at least killing it, turning it from a lethal mass of chitin and claws into a mere one hundred fifty kilo flesh projectile. His gun was overheated now, but Wrex pushed one of the others away with his biotics. The remaining one came ever closer, tentacles and forward legs extended towards her and Shepard . Straining her burning legs to go faster, she frantically looked for a way out as time seemed to grind to a halt, they weren't going to make it, they – suddenly, the world lit up in brilliant azure, blinding her before her mask's dampeners could react. When she opened eyes again, the Rachni horde was sprawled out on the ground in complete disarray several meters away, limbs and bodies entangled. Before she could comprehend what had happened, the sound of something falling to the ground heavily, followed by someone worriedly shouting "Liara!" answered it for her.

"Eleven..."

With some help from Wrex, they finally got Shepard into the elevator. His feet weren't even entirely inside yet when someone already slammed the button, the concrete of the shaft coming dangerously close to turning their commander into a cripple as the elevator quickly ascended. She slumped against the railing and closed her eyes for a second, her breath coming in deep, greedy inhalations, her chest heaving from the exertion. Nobody spoke; the elevator was filled with the sound of heavy breathing and some silent groaning from Liara. Tali opened her eyes and picked up the pistol she had discarded for her mad dash. Kaidan kneeling down to look after the Asari who was clutching her head, a drop of blood flowing from her left nostril, Tali shook herself from her daze and rushed to Shepard's side, joining Ashley, who was already applying medigel to a bleeding wound on the inside of his right forearm. Blinking multiple times, he tore his gaze from his fellow marine and, with some difficulty, looked her in the eye, as he always did. "T-Tali. Hi."

She couldn't help herself, a burst of laughter escaped her. If only he could have seen the wide grin on her lips at the realization that they had all made it, that he had made it, settling in. "You crazy bosh'tet."

A shit eating grin appeared on his face, as he replied. "Still didn't tell me what that means. I'm telling you, when we finally get that shore leave, we're getting you drunk out of your mind. I'll recruit Garrus to brief me over dextro drinks. Right, Garrus?"

"Wha ? I mean, sure Shepard, whatever you say."

He laughed, the first genuine one for days. Ancestors, he really was insane. But then his demeanor changed, as he palmed his face, groaning as he rubbed his eyes, before he dropped the hand again and looked around, addressing them almost sheepishly. "Uhm...thank you, people. I never would've made it out of there if you hadn't stayed down with me." He looked unsure, as if he was looking for words that were eluding him; a rare sight, but right now, Tali could have cared less. Standing back up, she could only shake her heard at the man.

Garrus rose up to the task. "That would've been much easier if we had just done it as a team, Shepard." Dropping the flippant tone, he added, "But the...intention is appreciated. Just don't pull such a stunt again, okay?"

Shepard snorted mirthlessly. "Not making any promises."

Tali simply stared at him. She had known he cared, but what had just transpired here was almost madness. It most definitively wasn't healthy. It was, however, a thing a good captain would be prone to do,even if it was not exactly an example of good judgement. Perhaps they couldn't make him see reason, but at least she could make sure he knew he was appreciated. "May you stand between your crew and harm as you lead them through the empty void between the stars. Keelah'Selai, Shepard."

He looked up to her, appearing unsure how to react, perhaps even embarassed. "What was that?"

"A quarian captain's greeting. It encapsulates what every captain should strive to be. A-and...what you just did."

He cleared his throat, looking at Ashley's hands, still working on his right arm. "I try, but...I'm not actually a captain, Tali."

Yes," she said. "Yes you are, Captain."

…...

"Sour notes? What are you speaking of?"

Tali followed the conversation between Shepard and the _dying Asari_ who was being _psychically controlled_ by the _Rachni Queen_ , because her life now was _officially completely and utterly insane_ , with as much attention as she could spare while helping Ashley tend to her wound; the final fight against Benezia, her Asari bodyguards and the last of their Geth had not left the team unscathed. It had been a brutal battle, and the fact that they had already been fighting on and off against Rachni, Geth, Krogan, and even Binary Helix own security personnel for the better part of a day did not help. In the end, they all still drew breath and their enemies did not, but the group was battered. Shepard had been the main focus of Benezia's biotics and taken a bad beating, his face, now free of the helmet he had pulled off eagerly after the fighting had finished, coated in blood from a vicious laceration on his forehead, and while he remained disciplined and focused as ever, she was sure that she was seeing a certain sluggishness in his movements; no wonder after hitting his head twice in a day, the memories of their clutch escape from the hot labs still fresh in Tali's mind. Wrex was a patchwork of cuts and bulletholes, Kaidan was sitting in a corner, groaning from his headaches as the fight had taxed his biotics to the greatest extent, and Garrus was limping. Tali herself was very thankful for her new armor, given the two marks on her chestplate where bullets had pierced her faltering shields, and favoring her left leg since her right ankle appeared to be badly sprained if not broken from a biotic assault that had slammed her into the wall. Ashley had it the worst; not only had she , courtesy of Asari biotics, suffered a strong impact with a hard surface herself – in her case, the floor – she had also sustained a shot clean through her shoulder, and so Tali was now using a syringe from the Alliance soldier's personal medkit to apply MediGel directly into the bullet canal, Ashley hissing in pain and gripping Tali's knee so hard she feared it might break. Liara, who as of now was cradling her mother's broken body in her arms and sobbing uncontrollably, was the only one who hadn't suffered anything more than an ineffectual scratch; perhaps even in her ...mind controlled state, Benezia had had _some_ compassion for her own blood left.

"A long time ago, our foremothers lived ...in peace. Then the one with the sour... yellow notes came and changed... their song. It turned our singing into..noise. In their agony, our foremothers...lashed out..."

Ashley's wound taken care of for now, Tali stood up, her mind spinning with what she was hearing. The Rachni had been driven into their mad aggression? But by whom? The queen spoke as if it had been just one being. What could have done such a thing? And why?

Shepard appeared to be already ahead of her. "Who did this to your people? Where did they get the means to do so? Prothean beacons?"

"The one who tainted our song...is the same who tainted the songs of these who now lie dying."

"Saren!?", Garrus blurted out. "That makes no sense."

The freakish, dying Asari shuddered in the psychic bond controlling her like a puppet being flung about by a set of clumsily handled strings. "The one this one's song describes ….as Saren... is not the singer of the sour yellow notes. It is another. The dying singers call him...Sovereign."

Shepard was squinting now, looking confused, but determined to milk this well of knowledge for all it's worth. "Who is Sovereign?"

"We do not...know. They do not, either. Not...truly. They do not understand it."

The commander took a step back, his face relaxing, as he seemed to try and digest what he had heard; but the queen pressed forward her own matters now. "You hold our...fate in...your hands. Will you release us? Or will you resign the Rachni to oblivion?"

_Keelah._

The commander seemed to feel the same, for he didn't answer, but looked at the ground instead, eyes wide, jaw working. Wrex growled behind him. "What are you waiting for, Shepard. Dissolve the bug!"

Garrus nodded and clicked his mandibles. "I'm with Wrex on this one. The Rachni almost tore the galaxy apart. They're too dangerous." _Of course he'd say that, she thought._ But was he wrong? She honestly did not know. Exterminating an entire species felt wrong. Like a sacrilege. But if she could destroy all Geth with a flip of a switch, would she not do it? _No_ , she corrected herself, _it's not the same. The Geth are guilty, this queen is not._

Shepard was still not speaking, and so Ashley, the medigel apparently numbing the pain enough to make it somewhat bearable, stated that she agreed with 'the dinosaurs'.

Shepard acknowledged none of them, instead bringing his head back up to look at the queen, ignoring her puppet still swaying in the corner. "If I let you go, what would you do?"

"We would..leave...and hide. Find a place where...we could live in peace...teach our children to sing in ...harmony."

It was completely quiet in the room now, except for Liara's occasional sniffles. Until Shepard let out a long sigh, took a few steps forward, and hit the button that would release the queen.

"God, I hope I'm not going to regret this."

….

"You did WHAT!? Do you have any idea how many generations until the Rachni overrun the galaxy again!?"

Shepard clenched his jaw and had to fight to not look down. He had no problem with facing the music for his decisions – when he was convinced that he had done the right thing. This time? He wasn't sure at all. "I understand your reservations, Councilor, and I share them. However, what you would have had me do would have been genocide. A violation of this council's own- "

"Do not presume to lecture me about the charter, human!" , Sparatus thundered. "I knew your race didn't have the guts to make the difficult decisions." Mandibles and nostrils flaring, the turian councilor cut the connection. Shepard took a deep breath. He had been prepared for a backlash, but this was bad. He forced his focus away from the now empty spot where Sparatus' hologram had been and faced the remaining two councilors. Valern stood still as usual, with his typical neutral expression on his face, while Tevos, the Asari, actually looked almost sympathetic.

"It was a difficult decision, Commander. I understand why you could not do it, I just hope our children won't have to pay the price for your mercy."

He sighed and finally, broke eye contact. "So do I, Councilor."

She nodded. "Was there anything else, Shepard?"

"As a matter of fact, yes..." he straightened himself and clasped his hands behind his back. "I realize that the validity of this intel is questionable, but some of the things the queen said are potentially groundbreaking – and troubling." With both councilors just looking at him silent and attentively, he took it as his queue to go on. "As I already reported, Benezia claimed, by my as well as her daughter's estimation truthfully, to have been a victim to some form of mind control or indoctrination. The queen further supported this by stating that Benezia's 'song' as well as those of her followers had been 'tainted'."

Valern stroked his chin and blinked twice. "Interesting. Rachni known psychics. No obvious reason to lie. If true, could hint towards nature of Saren's means of control."

Shepard shuffled his feat awkwardly. The real kicker was still coming. "That's just it, Sir. The queen said Saren isn't the one exerting the control, but his ship, this...super dreadnought the footage of we acquired on Eden Prime you are no doubt familiar with. Apparently the indoctrinated Asari knew it or them as 'Sovereign'. The queen made no statements about Sovereigns nature, claiming that the Asari themselves did not know either."

Tevos looked very thoughtful know. "That is indeed troubling, Commander..."

"There's more."

A blue, hairless eyebrow was lifted. " _Yet more_ troubling news?"

"I'm afraid so, ma'am. The queen claimed that it recognized the 'song' of this Sovereign from the memories it inhabited from it's foremothers. Allegedly, this Sovereign...somehow drove the Rachni into their war on the galaxy."

The Asari's eyes widened in shock, but Valern was quick to dissect the new information. "If true, highly troubling. However, queen possibly lying. Survival at stake; diverting responsibility for Rachni wars beneficial in swaying Shepard." He blinked. "Super dreadnought so far believed to be of Geth origin. Remains most probable hypothesis despite conflict with new intel. Truthfulness of queen's statements impossible to discern. Cannot know for sure. Shepard's hunt for Saren most likely avenue for gaining new information on this 'Sovereign'. Sufficient response to existing intelligence...for now."

Tevos nodded at that, before looking back to Shepard. "That settles it. I trust that was the last of the potentially history changing revelations for today, Commander?"

John nodded tiredly. "Yes. Ma'am."

"In that case, this debriefing is over. Good hunting, Shepard."

He saluted. "Councilors."

The connection was cut and he slumped, lowering himself into the closest chair and leaning back, allowing himself to look as tired as he felt, at least for a moment. _What a day._

Later that night, he lay in his bed, thoughts still racing through his mind. Had he done the right thing? Half his team disagreed. The other half either wasn't sure or reluctantly agreed; he certainly didn't blame them, he half wished he had just ended the creature right then and there himself. If he was wrong, there would be a bloody war somewhere down the line, and it would be his fault alone. He shuddered at the thought, not for the first time since making the call. Should he have listened to his team?

His team. What did they think of him after he had ordered the to leave him alone today? Did they all take him for insane? Tali seemed to be, if anything, impressed by his, as she put it, selflessness, which he found surprisingly relieving even if he knew that in truth, it was merely cowardice to face the more unfortunate aspects of military leadership; but he was not so sure about the others. First the mission, then the team, then yourself; so much was true, so much had been his mantra ever since Akuze. But the course of action he had chosen in the hot labs today had not been the rational or smart one, no matter which way he tried to justify it. Had he died down there, the mission would have been severely compromised, if not doomed. He cursed himself for his feelings muddying his judgement again; what on earth was wrong with him? Had the damn incident with Toombs and the revelations about Akuze rattled him more than he had thought? And how had he even gotten this invested in this motley crew of soldiers and aliens? If he was honest to himself, he hadn't been this close to anyone he had worked with since...since Akuze. That day had taught him to keep his distance to his fellow soldier, so he could stay objective with his orders, and them dying would be more bearable. It had served him well enough on Elysium, getting him through that bloody day without too many additions to his personal nightmare collection. But this group was something else. Something special.

But his choice regarding the queen, his actions in the hot lab, or what his team thought of him were not the only things troubling him, or even the things that troubled him most. The implications of what the queen had said were staggering. Who- or whatever this Sovereign was and who had built it, it or they had lived far too long to be of any species he knew of. Krogan could live for several thousand years, but they had not even been a spacefaring species when the Rachni first appeared on the galactic stage. Perhaps it was an organization? But what kind of organization would have the means to influence the Rachni, and why? None of the races of the galaxy had profited from the Rachni wars, except the Krogan perhaps, and they were out, for the aforementioned reason. There was another race of course, a race whose very modus operandi hinted at them possibly being very long living, or possessing powerful stasis technology – the Reapers. But the Reapers weren't here., else Saren wouldn't be trying to bring them back. Unless of course, they had a vanguard, or at least formerly hidden assets now in use by Saren _already inside the milky way_... once more, he shuddered. What kind of lunatic was he dealing with here? Where would this rabbit hole end? Just what were the stakes if he failed?

Pondering this over and over again, his thoughts grew slower and slower, until eventually, to his own big surprise when he woke up seven hours later, he actually fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

The Normandy sat still in the void, still in the Pax system, discharging built up energy to make ready for her venture back to the Citadel; not that it was truly needed, but venting energy in the proximity of the Citadel was considered very bad form, and so the executive officer had decided to do so here – Pressly made virtually all of these decisions, acting almost as captain most of the time, Shepard only too happy to let the experienced navigator and organizer take care of the technical aspects of their mission while he focused on the ground operations and the question of where to go. With Pressly and Joker, the job of getting them there was in excellent hands. Currently, the ship was in it's night cycle, and so most of the crew, including all of the ground team, were asleep, or at least in their sleeping places. Tali herself wasn't even that tired yet, but even in the day and age of modern medicine the dull pain in her strained left ankle wasn't going to get better from walking or standing around, so the comfort of the her pod was very alluring right now.

Tali had just crawled into her pod when her omnitool began to chime. Bringing it up to her face, she took a look at the notification, half expecting Ashley to have sent her some terrible joke cartoon again. Instead, her eyes almost popped out of their sockets when she realized she was looking at her father's ID. The bosh't... man was apparently still not willing to let the decision go. She scoffed furiously. She had been angry at her father more than once in her life; almost always, she had relented without a word, and the few times where she had talked back to him, she had done so meekly, accepting the inevitable outcome of her fruitless effort before she had even opened her mouth.

Her defiance of him weeks before had been the first time ever that he had not gotten his will from her. Had he called to simply order her around again, expecting his daughter to have changed his mind, or be able to be made to do so with some more berating? Or had he perhaps cooked up some punishment to make her bend to his will? A cold fear crept into her belly at the mere thought of being taken away from the Normandy, her home away from home, the only place where she had ever been neither 'the Quarian' nor 'the admiral's daughter', but just Tali. With trembling fingers, she accepted the call. For all his audacity, he was still her father. She could not just ignore him.

The head of a male Quarian appeared on the holo display, but he was smaller than her father, and his realk and mask were green. There were only so many ways to customize envirosuits, at least with the rather limited resources most Quarians were able to divert to such a relatively vain purpose, but there was only one man in clan Zorah who wore green. Underneath her mask, her eyes first widened in recognition, and then jubilation.

"Han!"

It was clear to see that beneath his visor he was smiling as well. "Hello, big sister. How are you doing?"

She laughed. "I'm doing great. Well, actually, I strained my ankle and broke a rib earlier today...but it's fine." She shook her head, suddenly disbelieving of what she had just said. "Keelah Han, it's insane. If you had told me a couple of months ago that my pilgrimage would have me break bones and it'd just be a mild case of 'business as usual', I'd have looked at you like you're some crazy person."

His brother's 'expression' had grown concerned. "You broke a rib ? How? I heard you work on this human frigate. Did you slip or something?"

She would have looked down, but since she was lying on her back in a sleeper pod that was not an option; so she looked towards the side as she somewhat sheepishly answered, "I was flung against a wall by an Asari commando...". She could see and hear her brother gasp in shock. "...but don't worry, Garrus blew her head off."

"What the fre'eg are you doing fighting Asari commandos!? What have you gotten into?"

She shuffled awkwardly. "Well, you already know I work for the first human Spectre...it's just that I'm not primarily an engineer here on the _Normandy_. Primarily, I'm on his ground team."

Her brother looked at her wide eyed, a hint of awe creeping into his voice. "You- you are on the team of a _Spectre_?"

She just shrugged, a detached voice at the back of her mind wondering why she was so relaxed about this, when one would have thought she'd be giddy, or bursting with pride. "Well, I told you I'm good with a shotgun. And there is always a use for someone who's good with an omnitool..." She giggled. "All the more so with Shepard. He's a brilliant man in his own way, but he couldn't maneuver his way through a simple parallel circuit."

"What's he like?", her brother asked, all his usual sarcasm and juvenile crap gone, apparently blown away by the fact his sister was not just working for, but fighting shoulder to shoulder with a member of the galaxy's legends.

"He is a good man." _A couple of days ago, you would have said he is the greatest man who ever lived_ , the detached voice in the back of her head commented. "He is an experienced soldier and a very good fighter. But not stupid. He will get us through this hunt successful and in one piece. _Maybe because I was being a silly girl who'd rather obsess over some fantasy than acknowledge the real man_ , she shot back. She got more serious, almost somber, thinking about what else one should absolutely know about Commander Shepard, and added, "He cares about his people." She would most definitely not mention to her shithead of a little brother that he was also a kind soul at heart who she was harboring a serious crush for.

Han was quiet for a long moment. "Who is Garrus?"

"Co-worker of mine...almost a friend, honestly."

"Garrus sounds Turian."

She could just _feel_ the shit eating grin he had on his face. With an exasperated sigh, she answered. "Yes, he is a Turian. Completely insufferable, too. But he's alright." He tilted his head skeptically. "He is okay, I swear! He said some typical turian things when we first met, but he actually apologized later!"

Her brother finally broke and laughed. "Fre'eg, father is going to be so mad when I tell him you're friends with a Turian!"

"We are not friends! Okay, maybe we are, but he's an exception!"

Han just laughed even more.

"You're not telling him! You, you, you...you'll get into trouble if he learns you used this connection. So you won't tell him. Hah!"

Finally, his guffawing stopped. "Calm down Tali, I wouldn't have told him anyway. It's just too funny to pull your leg." He gave her the most cheeky, self-satisfied expression any Quarian was capable of getting past their visor.

She gasped at the little bosh'tet's audacity. "You little bosh'tet!" He laughed again, and this time, she joined in. "It's so good to hear your voice, Han. What is going on at home?"

He shrugged. "Nothing special, same old same old. " Looking to the side at something, he added, "Father is apparently working on something big with Gerrel, so, exactly the same business as always. Raan is trying to help me convince father to let me take the preliminary course for medicine and biology. It's...he isn't too thrilled."

She nodded empathetically. "I'm not surprised." She bit her lip, not sure how to say this. "I know this is important for you, it would give you a better start into the field after your pilgrimage...but please, be open for a compromise. Father is...overbearing sometimes, but he only means well. Mostly means well."

Han scoffed and shook his head violently. She steeled herself for what was about to come. "I can't believe this! After you told him off, I thought you would have finally grown a spine! Ancestors, father was so mad! Served him right for trying to tell you what to do on your own damn pilgrimage! " The ranting, immature side of her little brother, rebellious, sometimes just for being rebellious' sake, was rearing it's ugly head. She could deal with it; he was only sixteen after all. It was normal to be like this sometimes at that age, she reasoned. It was still tiring, however.

"Han..."

"No! I can't believe you want me to dance to his tune like you did, when you just saw what that gets you!" He shook his head again, exasperated now. "I really thought you had finally understood-"

"Shut up!" , she snapped, her irritation with his juvenile bickering finally boiling over. "If I hadn't taken all those extra courses father organized, the survival and weapons training, I'd be _dead_ now! Several times over!" She paused for dramatic effect. "Father may be a bosh'tet sometimes , but he knows the galaxy a great deal better than you! And so do I now, for that matter. And I'm telling you it's exactly as nasty and dangerous as he always says. So get those ancestors damned training courses!" She took a couple of deep breaths, looking both to calm herself and for the next words to say to try and get some sense into the boy's thick skull. "And before you ever dare to call me spineless again, you go and kill yourself some _Rachni_ , alright?"

He nodded dejectedly, but she wasn't sure if his heart was in it. "I'll...think about it, alright?"

She sighed. "Alright." She was going to say more, but he cut in, changing the topic.

"So...I heard Keenah is dead?", he asked quietly. He looked at her again now, looking for she knew not what. A tight knot formed in her throat at the thought of her friend; Han had always liked her, and she him. When Han had been very young, her parents had sometimes let Keenah look after him when they both had to be somewhere at the same time. She just nodded twice in way of an answer.

"How?"

She winced, but if he wanted to know, she would tell him. "Shot in the stomach. One of Saren's men."

"Did you kill him?"

The question startled her, but not for long. There had always been more of his namesake in Han than he'd like to admit; or perhaps it was just a male thing.

"Yes, I killed him."

He nodded solemnly. "Good. I-" His head snapped around and he stood up, hunching over to keep his head in front of the camera. "Fre'eg, it's father. Gotta go. See you!"

The connection was closed before she could even reciprocate the goodbye. She sighed , wondering if her father had caught him or not. Not that Han would care too much, he had turned angering father into an art form, and a sport. For some minutes, Tali just lay there, looking at the roof of the pod, enjoying the softness of the surface below her and the relaxation the 'pillow' – the pod's head compartment was a specialized mesh that adapted to the head of the sleeper – provided to her neck. Sleepiness did not come yet, however, and so she brought up her omnitool again, and after some browsing, decided to go through some of the music Shepard had sent her. He had apparently quite the old-fashioned taste in it, preferring songs of a lot different genres, but most of them fairly old, the youngest one in the list before her being seventy three years old, with most of them being considerably older, having originally been recorded in the twenty first, and in some cases even twentieth century of the human calendar. She found one from 2103 and hit play, closing her eyes and gently rocking her head with the beat soon after.

* * *

The night was still young, and already, Shepard was pretty hammered. They had arrived at the Citadel around 0800 of the _Normandy_ 's cycle, which happened to be around midday Citadel time. Shore leave was put into effect mere two hours after, every urgent task aboard the ship finished or at least set up so that the skeleton crew on shift would be able to handle them, even Ashley had been able to be convinced to stretch out the second cleaning of the guns over the coming three days of leave after giving them a quick once over with the help of Garrus. Not willing to put up with jetlag for three mere days, the team had decided to hold their well deserved visit to Flux in what amounted to the ship's evening, not the station's.

"...I had reach...she had flexibility." Garrus finished his story, flaring his mandibles with the punchline, eliciting a pained expression from Kaidan, deep, rumbling laughter from Wrex, and exasperated eye-rolling from Ashley. Shepard himself could only shake his head; the Turian was quite the talker when he had some drinks in him. For his part, he had been downing beers one after the other for about two hours now, and was definitely feeling the effects; while he was genuinely interested in what the others would have to tell as well in watching them interact in a more relaxed setting, part of the reason he had barely said a word in the last half hour was the fact that when he had tried, he had noticed that his speech was somewhat blurred in a manner quite unbecoming of a commander. And so he just leaned back and relaxed as Wrex launched into another tale, this one about him single handedly taking out a ship full of pirates in the Terminus.

They were all listening intently when their revery was broken by Tali barging in on the table, coming to stand next to Ashley. The Quarian was completely sober, not having touched any alcohol, with the argument that "You people are just trying to get me drunk so I'll finally tell you what bosh'tet means. Forget it!" . Quickly getting bored with the war stories, she had dragged Liara off to the dance floor. He felt a pang of guilt at the thought of his Asari teammate; he had convinced her to come with, whats with her understandably not being in the brightest mood after her mother's demise yesterday, arguing that going out might get her mind off of it at least for a couple of hours, and then he had barely talked to her, unsure of what to say that wouldn't be too personal for the group setting, but also not expecting her to be in the mood for idle conversation. He had already begun to wonder if he had made a mistake encouraging her to come when Tali had stepped up. If she was aware of what she had done he didn't know, though he suspected it; looking at Liara gently swaying with the rhythm, seeming not exactly enthusiastic, but at least somewhat at peace, it seemed that her ploy had worked. And now she had chosen her next victim. By the time he zoned back into the here and now, the marine had already relented.

"Fine, fine, I'll come dancing! Not exactly my thing, but it's gotta beat Vakarian bragging about his sex life."

The Quarian recoiled and tilted her head. "Ugh. I did not need to hear that." Garrus looked around the other men, finding noone to jump to his side. Before he could try to give a retort, the Quarian had already turned around, dragging Ashley with her. Wrex resumed his tale, and the attention switched back to him. The story wasn't bad at all, but it was the umpteenth of it's type today, and Shepard was feeling somewhat drowsy from the alcohol, so he leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes, just savoring the feel of sitting in a soft, warm spot in safety, surrounded by friends. He hadn't felt this way in a long time. John still was not sure if this newfound attachment was a good or a bad thing, but it sure as hell felt great. He felt Kaidan move to his right and opened his eyes, just in time to see the Canadian put his glass back on the table. He turned and smirked at his commander. "Got your fill, commander?"

He snorted. "Jesus Christ, Kaidan, we're drunk. Stop calling me that. "

The man chuckled. "Sorry, Shepard. Habit." They toasted to nothing in particular as Wrex and Garrus were launching into some of their near constant arguments, both finishing their beers. Kaidan nodded contently and put down the empty glass. "I gotta say, I like this place. They got some okay beer from earth, nice seats, the food wasn't half bad, and the music is at least bearable. Looks like how a bar should be is one of these things that just stay the same across species."

John lifted an eyebrow. "'At least bearable'? What kind of music do you like, then?"

"Classics, honestly. Bach, Wagner, that stuff."

Shepard laughed. "Really? Guess I shouldn't be surprised. You are the intellectual type." He got an amused look from his lieutenant. "What, it's true. Half the time I see you off duty, you're sitting in that corner in the mess looking pensive."

Kaidan smirked. "Well, from what I've heard, I'm not the only one here who likes the old stuff. Tali showed me the playlist you sent her. Those are some classics in their own right by now." Shepard laughed and nodded, it was true, he had an odd taste in music himself. "Actually Shepard, I like that era too. More for it's pop and techno, so your playlist with all the rock on it wasn't really my thing, but it was a good time for music. You know, back when it was still the norm for artists to compose music themselves, not this computer generated crap they make today."

John slapped the tabletop violently, feeling a need to underscore the canadian's sentiment. "Damn true. No idea how people can listen to that stuff." Garrus broke their conversation off, dragging Kaidan into the argument he was having with Wrex, some ridiculous nonsense about using biotics to deflect a sniper round back to the shooter.

Enjoying his happy buzz, Shepard let his gaze wander over the bar, just taking in the sights. He had come around quite a bit, but sitting in a bar full of aliens of all species in and out of Citadel space was still an interesting experience. Turians sat around tables playing card and dice games that didn't look familiar at all, a pair of volus in the corner chatted animatedly, and at the edge of the dance floor he saw an Elcor, attempting somewhat clumsily to bob with the beat, his people's bulk and, from the point of view of races accustomed to lower gravity, sluggishness, doing him or her a bit of a disservice in this situation. John had no idea of Elcor body language, but since they had been at it for quite a while, he guessed that the alien was probably enjoying it nonetheless.

From here, he started looking through the dance floor, trying to find their three ladies. He finally made out Liara on the other side of it, not dancing any more, but nursing a drink instead, looking melancholic. He sighed; he hadn't deluded himself that a night out would somehow magically erase the pain; what had transpired on Noveria was the kind of thing that hurt for life, and there was nothing he could do to change that, he knew. Seeing the Asari he had come to think of as a friend like this still cut him. He contemplated going over and trying to talk to her, but just as he was about to will his somewhat heavy-feeling body into motion, he noticed Ashley emerging from the dancing crowd and approach her. Liara looked surprised at first, and Ashley looked uncharacteristically insecure, but whatever she said got a small smile out of the Asari, and soon after, they seemed to have struck up a conversation; watching them from here, he couldn't tell if it was a deep talk or if they were just shooting the shit, but from how he had come to know Ashley, he knew that she was capable of both; he was just happy that she was willing to do this. He had noticed that over the past two months, she had mostly gotten over her reserved nature when dealing with the non-human teammates, but seeing it in action was nice nonetheless. He smiled and took a deep sip from the new beer that had arrived in the meantime. Content with the state of these two, he scanned the crowd where Ashley had come from for the last of the team's three women.

Finding Tali out from the people around her turned out easier than expected, courtesy of the fact that she was the only Quarian in the room. Unlike the other two, she was still at it, having found herself a spot in the corner of the floor where she wouldn't be seen by as many people and making it her own, though that didn't mean much as she danced pretty much in place and in a manner that took the narrow space into account quite well, avoiding wide arm movements. The music on right now was a fast beat overlaid with what sounded somewhat like a violin, and Tali somehow managed to work with both of them at the same time, one leg tapping the ground to the beat while the rest of her body flew like water, turning, stretching and swaying with fluid movements while her arms moved up and down, with her hands sometimes simply moving through the air along her body, other times directly on top of it in a undeniably sensual manner, making him wonder for a second how Tali of all people, who had more than once started to splutter when the banter of the team had stumbled into dirty territory, could then go and dance like that in a bar full of complete strangers; but those thoughts were quashed very quickly by just how tantalizing a show it was.

John had noticed before that Tali had a nice figure, but so had almost every woman he interacted with on a daily basis, the _Normandy_ was a warship crewed by professional soldiers, after all. But somehow he had never really appreciated it before, at least that was what it felt like. Her lithe yet curvy form, dominated by those wide hips she was swinging around so enthusiastically right now, had a grace to it he had rarely seen in anyone. He had always thought her hood looked nice, but just like he was looking at the Quarian as a whole in a somewhat new light at this moment, he hadn't really noticed before just how nicely it went with the rubber-like material of her suit, or the blue of her mask, the silver shimmer of her eyes notably absent right now as she was evidently completely lost in her movement and the music. How had he noticed this before? She really was pretty...

_Jesus Christ, John!_

He snapped himself out of it and focused on the beer in front of him, feeling his cheeks flush in embarassment. _Good god, you stared. At least nobody-_ His train of thought was interrupted when he noticed Kaidan leaning over to him, the quite possibly only, and definitely biggest shit eating grin John had ever seen from the lieutenant on his face, Wrex and Garrus also watching him closely. The canadian nodded towards Tali, confirming John's fears.

"What do you say Shepard, want me to go ask the DJ if he can play _Hip's don't lie_ for the two of you?"

Shepard groaned and hid his face in his hands, wishing he could disappear into the ground to escape from the other three men's howling laughter.


	12. Chapter 12

Tali stood at her workplace in engineering, it was half way through first shift, which meant that it was just about noon in the ships internal twenty four hour cycle, which was apparently synchronized with the city of Toronto on earth, the human home planet, where the System's Alliance had their capital – while Arcturus station was the seat of parliament and government, a space station was hardly a good fit for a capital city, at least any space station that wasn't the Citadel. It was the second day of the planned three day shore leave, and most of the crew was out and about in the wards, but at least a skeleton crew had to remain at all times, and as far as engineering was concerned, for today's first shift, that was her and Adams. She liked working with the early-middle aged man; he was a good teacher and had acquainted her with all the _Normandy_ 's systems at lightning speed, and while he wasn't as interesting to talk to as Shepard, she still enjoyed listening to him tell her about his children and the things his wife lamented they got up to in his absence.

She was about to open her mouth to make a suggesting about using the shore leave to take apart the casing of the second starboard engine and finally fix that minor fluctuation in it's heat routing towards the banks, when she heard the door to the cargo hold open and a very familiar step entering their domain, followed shortly after by the associated voice.

"Mornin' , Adams."

The Lieutenant chuckled. "Good morning, Sir." He left his console be and turned around, grinning at Shepard. "You do realize it is 1200, don't you Commander?"

Her captain return the grin tiredly and scratched the back of his neck, groaning at the movement. Tali failed to contain a short giggle, and Adams, while remaining respectfully reserved, was obviously quite amused too. Shepard, Wrex and the boys had taken it a bit too far last night, and it looked like he was paying the price now, the skin under his eyes darkened, a sign she had learned to associate with a lack of sleep in humans.

"I woke up half an hour ago, so I say it's morning. My ship, my rules." At this, Adamn snorted once, but relented and turned to get back to his station, stopping when Shepard addressed him again. "Think you can lend Tali to me for a couple of minutes, Adams?"

The smirk returning to his face, the chief engineer nodded. "I think I'll manage alone for a while, Sir."

Having expected that answer since they weren't really doing anything big or urgent right now, Tali had already turned around and closed half of the distance from her workplace to where Shepard was standing. "Hey, Shepard. What's up?"

He turned himself towards her and adopted a cheeky grin. "Oh, you'll see. It's a surprise." With that, he got going towards the exit, leaving her with not much choice but to hurry after him.

"A surprise? What have you done again, Shepard?" , she tried to tease him, while scouring her brain for what he was talking about. Was it simply going to be Garrus waiting on the other side of the door, ready to scare her? After last night's drunken debauchery, she wasn't so sure if she'd put something like that past a shore-leave Shepard, immature or not. Or had he perhaps...keelah, he couldn't have bought something again, could he? Her equipment was top notch, the armor was in good condition, and Shepard had said himself that her shotgun was 'pretty damn neat' . In way of an answer, the man only chuckled to himself, leaving her to speculate, until they finally stepped into the bay, where he lead her over to Wrex's side, to an empty spot next to the starboard engineering door that wasn't being used to stow crates or gear. It had been like this for the entire time she had been here, and had served as a sparring place more than once, including that one terribly embarassing time where Shepard wanted to try out if Quarian kicks were what everyone made them out to be and had _ordered_ her to give him a shot to the ribs. The stupid bosh'tet had, when he thought no-one was looking, winced with every movement for two days.

Now, it was being occupied by two boxes, one much longer than deep and wide, the other almost a cube, and a third one, somewhere in the middle.

"Shepard...?" She had given up on guessing at this point. He still didn't answer her question, choosing instead to walk over to the boxes and start opening one. Fine, if he wanted to savor this, she would let him, and so she leaned against the bulkhead, crossing her arms over her chest doing her best trying to look uninterested – but she had little faith in herself doing a good job of it, since as much as she knew that was what he wanted to see, she simply couldn't stop herself from at least subtly bouncing on her toes from the anticipation. Shepard was many things, but boring or unimaginative wasn't one of them, and whatever he had come up with now was promising to be interesting.

By now, he had opened the long box and laid it's contents out on the floor, a number of poles, metal angles and screws, and was getting to the second one. Garrus,looking surprisingly good, though that might have been just her having little experience with how a hungover turian was supposed to look like, approached and appraised the commander with a skeptic look before shooting a questioning glance at her, which she could only answer with a shrug. Seconds later, the box came open and Shepard hunched over it, grabbing something inside with both hands and shaking, slowly but surely loosening the traction the object and the box had on each other before finally yanking it out.

It was a cot. "A...bed?" He ignored her question, looking up only shortly to , to his evident satisfaction, see her standing closer now, still in apparent confusion, before grinning widely and getting to folding the thing apart. Finally, he put it down and plopped down on it, the bed squeaking a little at the sudden weight.

"Shepard, please! What is this?"

His grin lost it's cockiness and morphed into a simple, warm smile. "Your new bed."

"B-but...I don't need... I mean, the pod is great, and even if it wasn't, it wouldn't be proper-"

"The pod isn't fine Tali, it's been close to three months and you're still not sleeping properly. This spot is perfect, it's free and close enough to the drive core for you be able to hear it and be comfortable."

She was at a loss for words for a while, wringing her hands furiously as the human in front of her simply watched her, his face betraying his amusement, and Garrus felt much the same, judging by the low chuckle escaping him. "Th-thank you, Shepard...really..." she looked about, somewhat confused. "But it's a little...public, isn't it?" She felt terrible complaining about this incredibly generous gift, but their sleep was one of the few activities where any Quarian could expect, and was used to, some privacy, and the thought of trying to sleep here in the cargo hold just like that, with the third shift people passing through and seeing her curled up and unconscious was immensely uncomfortable. "I-I'm sorry, Shepard, this is so nice, I don't mean to..."

He simply snorted and got back up, gesturing towards the poles on the ground. "Calm down Tali, you are right. Which is why the surprise encapsulates more than just the bed. That down there, is your new room. Or cubicle, to be more precise."

She felt like passing out. "Wh-what!? But Shepard! I can't ha- it isn't right! I don't deserve-"

"Jesus Christ, Tali. I'm the acting captain, I say who deserves what, and I think that everyone on my ship deserves a proper damn sleeping place, and at this point I've come to the conclusion that the pod's just don't do it for you. Besides, it's going to be really small, pretty much just a screen around the bed. " He nodded towards the last box. "Come on, open that one yourself."

With trembling fingers, equally giddy about and horrified of what might be in store for her now, she got out her boot knife and opened the box, putting aside the cover to reveal...something very familiar to her, the swirling wave pattern of clan Zorah embroidered on a purple field. It stretched out across a large, folded stack of cloth, metal rings worked into the edge on one side of the fabric.

_Keelah...he didn't..._

Shepard bent down and gripped the cloth, pulling it out of the box and unfolding it with some flicks of his elbows, revealing it to be a veritable carpet, larger than that even. "Tali , meet your new walls." He gestured towards the poles on the floor. "You won't have a proper door, but it's essentially the same. Like a shower curtain, just as a room." He gave her one of his lopsided grins, and she noticed her fingers were doing their thing in front of her waist again.

"Sh-Shepard, I...I don't know what to say...", she shook her head. "This is the nicest thing anyone outside of the flotilla...no, this is the nicest thing _anyone_ except my mother has ever done for me, _period_. Thank you. But...I can't accept this." She saw him frown. "It's just not fair, Shepard. I-it's not everyone else's fault that I don't sleep very well, this...this is...it's a warship, nobody has a room to themselves. It's preferential treatment. I-I don't deserve that, and I don't want to..." She had cast her head down towards the end, feeling terrible about having to turn down such a generous and well thought out gift.

He sighed, stepped in front of her, and put a hand on her shoulder. "Tali. _Everyone_ is getting gifts from me this shore leave. You're all getting Spectre grade weapons later today. Assault rifles for me and Ashley, SMGs for Liara and Kaidan, a marksman rifle for Garrus - " she could see the Turian's eyes light up and his mandibles flare in the corner of her vision – " and pistols for everyone. I've got some money to spend. Courtesy of that volus, Barla Von." He smirked, somewhat sheepishly. "It's not like I wasn't already wealthy before becoming a Spectre, but between that guy's investment skills and the salvage from some of our operations it has been piling up. You're getting only a pistol because honestly, your shotty is a piece of art, so this here..." he gestured around the area that was to become her 'room' - " is just peanuts compared to what I'm spending on some of the others. If you absolutely _have_ to know."

She nodded several times in quick succession, her fingers wringing furiously from her complete embarassment. _Of course he thinks of everyone, that what he's like, how could I even think...keelah..._

"Y-yes Shepard, I suppose that's fair...I...keelah, this is so embarassing." She hit or hand on her mask trying to palm her face as had been happening more than once lately since she had been picking up some gestures from all the humans around her. Not sure what to do with her hands now as she really didn't want to continue wringing them together, she just stood there for a moment, looking at Shepard, who was still just standing there with an amused, but warm expression on his face, and then back towards the large cloth with her color and pattern on it , a question forming in her head. "Where did you even get this, anyway?"

"Easy, snuck a picture of your hood and sent it to a tailor on the Citadel. Been lying around there waiting for pickup for a while now."

The tiny voice in the back of her head pointed out that this meant that his justification about everyone getting presents didn't hold up anymore, but that ship had already entered FTL. The embarassment had begun to be replaced by sheer amazement. "Keelah, a bed and a room! It's just like home, too, you know? On the flotilla, we make the rooms out of cloth, too. Makes it easier to rearrange and move. Cheaper, too."

Shepard snorted. "I know, Tali. You explained that one before."

"Sorry..." , she said, slightly embarassed again, but the negative feeling failed to take proper hold as she watched Shepard, with the help of Garrus, get started at installing the poles that would make up the suspension for what would soon be her cubicle. A piece of home out here on her pilgrimage.

"Shepard, I...I know you don't think this is such a big thing, but it really is. I don't know what you say, honestly, except thank you."

He turned around and just smiled that lopsided grin of his, though without humor this time, just warmth. "That's quite alright."

…...

John closed the door behind himself and slumped against it, finally relaxing, groaning from the pain the movement sent trough his battered ribs. The firefight against the pirates they had intercepted and boarded today had turned out tougher than expected, with the criminals having several quite powerful Asari biotics in their ranks. His team had eventually prevailed, of course, wiping the pirates out to the last – two of them had tried to surrender, but Wrex hadn't cared, and quite frankly, while he would've taken them prisoner himself, Shepard didn't deem scum like this worth the effort of starting an argument with the Krogan. However, before they had died, one of the biotics had managed to slam a heavy crate into his chest at high speed; as Dr. Chakwas had just confirmed, nothing was broken, but that was solely thanks to his armor, and he felt like a ruin. Stifling another sound of pain, he got his shirt off and let it drop to the floor carelessly, the rest of his clothes following soon after, his mind bent on getting to the bliss of his shower as quickly as possible.

A minute later he was standing with his forehead against the metal wall, letting the warm water rinse over him, once more incredibly thankful for the fact that he, being a captain now for all intents and purposes, had his own shower. However, being on a ship, one couldn't indulge themselves like this too much; after all, the water supply was limited. So he willed himself to straighten up, stop the water, and begin soaping himself, hissing when his hands passed the large hematoma on his left ribcage. He looked at it, for the first time actually, as so far only Dr. Chakwas had had a an actual visual look at it, scanners doing most of the work of confirming that nothing was broken. He grinned to himself, thinking about how good it was that Tali hadn't seen it, she had already been worried enough when she had noticed that he had been hurt. During the mission itself, he hadn't given any indication of it that he could think of, but the girl was ridiculously perceptive when it came to these things.

Tali. The thought of his favorite Quarian made him cringe again, annoyed at what an idiot he was. When he had woken up the next 'morning' after their trip to Flux a couple of days ago, he had immediately remembered her dancing, and his staring, and had spent about a quarter of an hour just lying in his bed trying to understand the whole thing. In the end, it had really been more of a matter of admitting it to himself than of actually understanding it – he was a damned fool, and had developed feelings for a teammate. Given how attached he had gotten to this team – something he hadn't planned, but certainly wasn't going to try and change now, it was what it was, and he would live with the eventual downsides of it – this probably shouldn't have been as much of a surprise to him. He was a man after all, and she was, despite of how fierce she could be, a sweet girl at heart, and they really had spent a ridiculous amount of time together over the past months. Again, not something he had planned that way. In a way, his present for her, her 'room', had been both a blessing and a curse because of this. At the time of his initial realization, he had been conflicted, since giving Tali what was, as he refused to not think of at least a little smugly, a bloody awesome gift, wasn't exactly going to be conductive to what he knew he had to do – distance himself from her a little in a way that would help him come to his senses without giving her the cold shoulder she did not deserve. In the end it had turned out brilliantly, since his idea with the room had actually worked, and she appeared to sleep much better now; in fact, he hadn't seen her at all in the last couple of nights, and while he definitely had caught himself missing her company, it was better this way, both for him to straighten his stupid head out, and for her, too. Both because after all, she really did deserve proper rest like everyone else, but also because the last thing Tali needed was her, as she insisted Captain, trying to take a good friendship down an entirely different road. He didn't even want to start imagining what kind of social faux pas this probably was in quarian culture. Well, perhaps there was one good thing at least about the Quarian immune system – if he was being like this without even being able to see Tali's face, he'd probably have been head over heels by now if he could.

Grinning mirthlessly at his own stupidity, he dried himself off and got to gathering together the dirty laundry and preparing a clean uniform for when he would get up, before getting into bed. He'd write that report later.

Not nearly enough time had passed when he was abruptly awoken by Joker's voice coming over the intercom.

"Commander , Admiral Hackett is waiting to speak to you in the comm room. Priority five. I already have the Normandy on course to our mission, Sir."

Shepard had been almost completely awake by the time Joker had finished saying "Admiral Hackett", and any residual drowsiness instantly vanished when he heard the words "Priority Five". Whatever was going on, there were going to be thousands of lives at stake and it was happening _soon_. His concern had only grown further when the pilot told him that they were already on course – while giving the pilot of someone else's ship direct orders was certainly within the power of an admiral, it was only ever done in order to humiliate a captain – or in moments of the most extreme urgency.

Having dressed himself with the frantic efficiency of a seasoned soldier, he squeezed himself trough his door as it opened and sprinted up the stairs to the CIC, taking two steps with every stride. Barely a minute after being woken up, he came to a halt in front of the comm room's big screen, on which Hackett was already waiting. He saluted, as he always did for the old man even though he technically didn't have to anymore, and Hackett returned the salute, but did so even quicker than usual.

"Shepard, " he said, abandoning even the low amount of formality he was known for, " there is a situation developing in the Asgard system. You're already in the cluster and can make it there in just under three hours. Noone else is close. "

John frowned. "Asgard...Terra Nova. Is the colony in danger, Sir?"

The older man's face was a mask of stone as usual. "Half an hour ago, the communication to a research asteroid in the system was lost, asteroid X57. The problem is that this asteroid is mobile." His eyes left whatever they had been reading and transfixed Shepard. "And it has adopted a collision course with Terra Nova."

Shepard's eyes widened. "How big is this asteroid exactly, Sir?"

"Bigger than the one that took out the dinosaurs. And it's going to hit just a couple thousand kilometers away from the main colony. There are four million people living down there."

John's stomach fluttered for a second; the dimensions of this mission that he had been woken up to so rudely were staggering. But within a second, he fought it down, as he always did. Not a good time to get wet feet. "How do I stop it, Sir? What do we know about the situation on the asteroid?"

"Absolutely nothing. The loss of communications wasn't even reported to the Alliance until ten minutes later, when the thing changed it's course. The controllers thought it was just a technical issue." The admiral sighed. "Can't blame them, really. Bottom line is, we know nothing. Except for how to fix it. The asteroid is being propelled by three fusion torches the scientist installed. You need to capture them and use them to change course. I do not assume that you need to be lectured on what happens to a moving object in space, Commander, so I will trust that you understand that capturing these torches intact is of the greatest importance."

Again, Shepard simply nodded. He would need technical expertise on this one to figure out how to change the course...good thing he had Kaidan and Tali with him. To the general, he simply said, "Understood, Sir. If that is all, I'll go and make ready."

The older man returned the nod curtly and sat back in his chair. "Good. We are currently scrambling to evacuate the colony as much as possible, but with no actual navy assets in system, you can imagine how many people we will be able to save that way. There is no alternative to that asteroid being diverted, and I have not a shred of doubt that you will accomplish the task. Now go and save four million lives, Commander. Hackett out."

The connection cut and John took one deep breath. _Four million lives._ Then he exhaled and turned around, striding towards the exit with purpose. There was work to be done.


	13. Chapter 13

The atmosphere within the Mako was tense as they waited for the drop. It had been four hours now; everyone knew that this mission was not only extraordinarily dangerous, being on a timer and up against an unknown enemy of unknown numbers, but also that more was at stake than ever before – an entire planet's worth of life, including four million sentient beings would be exterminated if they failed. There had been none of the usual quips and sassy remarks this time, and while Wrex being silent wasn't unusual in any way, even he seemed solemn now rather than disinterested.

Tali returned her focus towards the console in front of her, beginning to check the systems for the third time; but after just a few seconds, she stopped herself. It was pointless, everything was in order and she knew it. Abusing her mask's ability to somewhat disguise where she was looking, she snuck a peek at Joh - at Shepard. His first name had slipped into her inner monologue again and again the last couple of days, ever since he had given her her 'room' ; she was terribly embarassed about it and annoyed with herself. She had hoped not hanging out with him every other night anymore would help her cool down her infatuation, but alas, all that had happened was that while she was happy for her improved sleep, she found herself missing their time with each other. Last night she had actually dreamt of showing him her face.

She was terrible.

Garrus broke her out of her thoughts by speaking the first word that had sounded through the tank in minutes. "So...any educated guesses on who or what we're going to find down there? My guess would be..."

"Batarians." Ashley's voice was a hiss filled with barely contained hatred.

Shepard let out a grunt, but didn't speak up.

"Make's most sense, I suppose. Nobody really profits from this; so it's gotta be spite. I wouldn't put it past Saren at all, but...like this? No. He would view this as an unnecessary distraction from his current goal. Leaves random Terminus scum...or the Hegemony."

Ashley snorted. "Is there a difference?"

"Cut the chatter, drop in thirty seconds." Shepard's voice was low and gravely as he enforced the discipline in the Mako in a manner quite uncharacteristic for him. Tali could see how tense he was; it was clear to her that he had already come to the same conclusion as the others, and it was gnawing at him. She was worried; he hadn't told her much about Mindoir, in fact they had only brushed the topic on accident. But from what he had said, she wasn't surprised at all that the prospect of fighting the Batarians put him on edge like this every time. The four-eyed aliens were to him what the Geth were to her – monsters. He didn't say it out loud, and if she had to guess, he probably even was even aware, and ashamed ,of it – for him, the open minded man he was, to have a deep seated hatred against an entire race . She knew him, there was no way he didn't see it for what it was. But it didn't seem like he could help himself. They had met Batarians more than once by now, and every single time, their calm and professional commander had transformed into a brutal killing machine, taking reckless risks – not with _their_ lives, of course, but definitely with his own – to put the aliens down as quickly as possible. None of them had ever tried to surrender, but even though she had so far experienced Shepard as a merciful victor, Tali wasn't sure if there would have been any point in trying.

The tank's rapid acceleration interrupted her musings as , the hangar bay door having opened, Shepard slammed the gas and the Mako jumped forward and plunged into he depths. The maneuver still made her tense up, and she still hated the fluttering feeling in her stomach, but it didn't terrify her anymore, and she certainly didn't clamp down on her seat for dear life anymore. Seconds later, Shepard activated the thrusters , the speed of their descent rapidly diminished, and soon after, the vehicle shook as they impacted the ground with a loud _thump._

"Directions, Tali?"

The mission had begun, and the following minutes were dominated by terse questions and answers as they navigated towards their first target. They had intentionally sat down unusually close to the objective, since they simply didn't have any time to lose. As of right now, there were a mere three hours left to begin changing the asteroid's course before it would be too late to avoid collision with Terra Nova. The worry about the time limit was so severe that they would do something they had barely done so far in this campaign, because Shepard hated it – they would split up. He had visibly - at least to her- struggled with the decision, given the still unknown nature of the opposition, but eventually Kaidan had reasoned that there couldn't realistically be too many hostiles around, or there would have been no way for them to slip in undetected, and the commander had agreed. She and Shepard would clear the first objective while Kaidan would command the second squad consisting of himself, Liara, and Ashley. Garrus would steer the Mako to the last torch and then him and Wrex would take care of the enemies there. Neither the Alliance soldiers nor Liara had any confidence issues, but nobody had any doubt that if there was anynone who would manage just fine doing something like this with only one other at their side, it would be Wrex and Shepard. Garrus probably could have done it all on his own if given enough time – as he had not been able to resist pointing out – but time was just the one thing they had not. As for herself, she wasn't worried one bit about jumping into the unknown danger first and with only one other person at her side, since after the events of the past months she was, there was no point denying it, quite capable in her own right at this point, and that one person happened to be Commander John Shepard. She would be just fine.

Shepard stopped the Mako a mere two hundred meters away from the first building – the torches each had an individual control center – hidden from sight behind a ridge. Giving up their seats for Ashley and Kaidan, him and Tali dismounted and seconds later, they stood alone in the dust of X51. Everybody knew their orders and there was no time to waste. After a quick final check of her guns, she gave Shepard, who had done the same, a quick announcement over their radio, which at this point was on a private channel. "Ready when you are, Shepard."

He did not answer, opting to instead just rock his head in their target's direction before ducking and beginning a hasty advance along a line of jagged rocks. Not surprised by his demeanor, Tali just followed; Shepard was almost always very curt and professional during missions, and the likely nature of their foe only amplified that – until the point when it finally broke out of him that was, and he performed some reckless charge that really couldn't be called professional, not that it wasn't usually quite effective, mind you. Less than a minute later, she found herself crouching behind her captain, scanning the surroundings for hostiles, after they had successfully made their way to a ditch less than thirty meters away from the buildings back entry without being fired on. Looking the other direction, Shepard presumably did the same, since seconds later he announced. "No sentries. They're cocky, and they don't know we're here.. We go together." She turned around and got some good footing under her right before acknowledging. "Ready."

He gave her a quick lookover and nodded. "Go."

They sprinted the short way over to the door, traversing it in just a couple of seconds, pressing themselves into the cover of the building's outer wall to each side of the door after getting there. After a moment, Shepard pushed himself off of it and began securing them. Tali was already halfway through the door's systems when his order to open it began coming through the radio.

A small smirk found it's way on her face. "Already at it Shepard, aaand...done." His hand gave her a quick pat on the shoulder and Tali, knowing what that meant, got up and brought her shotgun to the ready, taking cover behind Shepard's heavily armored bulk.

"Go."

With a flick of her wrist, she sent the command, and the door opened, admitting them into an airlock. The rushed inside, meeting no resistance as expected, even though they still had prepared for it. As soon as she was in, Tali closed the outer door behind her and began the pressurization progress – she could have simply forced the door in front of them open to save some seconds of time, but that would have triggered a building wide alarm, and that was not in their best interest as they still had no real idea about their enemy's disposition other than that it were probably Batarians and that they didn't seem to expect retaliation.

The lock admitted them into the building proper and they rushed inside, Tali quickly checking the left and then turning to follow Shepard who had done the same thing on the right. The small HUD inside her mask displayed a map of the building the Terra Nova authorities had provided them with during their approach, showing that they were rapidly making their way towards the control room – the building was not very large. As they neared a leftward turn of the corridor behind which the central hall should be located, allowing them access to the stairs up to the control room, Shepard slowed down until he was essentially sneaking. From around the corner, harsh voices could be heard, conversing in a language her translator could only pick up snippets of, but enough to identify it - some obscure dialect of the _batarian_ language. Their prediction had been correct.

"Try the drone." ,came Shepard's terse order, whispered order over their channel. The drone was a new toy of hers; she had essentially equipped a miniature camera with a small, silent mass effect field generator and a wireless connection to her HUD. The idea had been to provide them with silent and inconspicuous reconnaissance, and it seemed the moment of truth for the little device had come.

She took the drone out of it's pocket on her left hip and activated it, controlling it via her omnitool. With barely a sound, the camera climbed up until it hugged the ceiling, and then slowly crept around the corner. Satisfied with it's position, Tali activated the feed and was greeted by a repulsive sight – on the ground lay the body of a human of at this point indiscernable sex, two Varren chewing on it. On the wall to the right leaned two Batarians clad in ragged hardsuits, their helmets taken off. Their guns were not even in their hands, but slung over their back- they were most definitely not expecting any trouble; and the two Varren who might have otherwise sniffed them out had their noses far too deep into their meal's blood and meat to notice anything over the scent of that.

"Two Batarians and two Varren, about five meters away. They're lightly armored and their guns are stowed away. One has a pistol in a hip holster though.", she reported. There were only a few seconds of silence before Shepard answered, just as he silently and cautiously slid his blade into it's sheath and holstered his pistol before just as slowly getting out his assault rifle.

"There is no way we can take those out silently, so we won't even try. I take the Batarians, you take the Varren. No flashbang, we might need them more later. When they're dead, we make a run for the control center, kill anyone there and make a stand. Copy?"

"Copy." She closed her omnitool and gripped her shotgun with both hands again. "Ready, Shepard."

He crouched down and Tali instinctively moved up to stand behind and over him, confirming her readiness again with a light pat on his left shoulder. A second later, just as her left found her shotgun again, he gave the command. "Now." With this word, he shot his right leg forward, moving the right half of his body around the corner. Tali followed suit. By the time she had brought up her shotgun, the closer Batarian's shields were already failing under a hail of bullets as being this close to his target, Shepard only had to hold down the trigger – missing was practically impossible. A moment later the man's blood splattered over the wall as it was torn up by the projectiles of Shepard's new rifle which, at this range and against his subpar armor, simply punched clean through him. It was in the same instant that the maw and head of the forward Varren, both of which had quickly located the source of the noise and started charging, turned into a bloody pulp as Tali nailed him with her shotgun at point blank. The beast went down hard and moved no more, but it's conspecific seemed unperturbed – or intelligent enough to know that flight was not a realistic option. It lept over the other one's limp form, landing just about three meters away from Tali and Shepard's position. Large, full of muscle, and a maw full of long and sharp teeth, it really was self evident why these beasts where apex predators pretty much everywhere but their own home planet of Tuchanka. Only months ago, the sight might have stopped Tali's heart with fright – now, it barely sped up it's beat since she knew perfectly well that as fast as the thing might be, her hand racking the shotgun was faster, and a split second later all the Varren's brawn was rendered null and void as it too had it's head peppered with buckshot. She quickly racked again as she raised her head to take stock of the wider situation, but relaxed for now since she found that it had already been resolved, the second Batarian lying in a quickly expanding pool of his own blood that was quickly beginning to intermingle with that of his comrade next to him.

"Go go!" Shepard shot out from under her, sprinting down the hallway, past the corpses – not without giving one of them a savage kick – and, after a quick check for any hostile movement from the other doors and corridors convening in the hall, up the stairs. Quickly realigning her drone to watch over the lower end of the stairs, Tali followed after him. Behind her, bullets slammed into the concrete as their enemies scrambled to catch up to the surprise intruders. For the first time since setting down on the asteroid, she felt a hint of worry creep in. Not about their success, but, once more, about Shepard. The mangled and chewed on human corpse of the human in the hall quickly flashed through her mind. _This got ugly real quick, and I don't think it's gonna get any better soon...We just got here and he's already kicking corpses._


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been waiting to post this since August, even though I kept coming back to make changes. I'm honestly quite happy with this fight scene and pumped to see how you like it.
> 
> I have also begun updating the early chapters for improved readability.

Kaidan's comm crackled to life with the voice of commander Shepard. "This is Shepard. We've made contact with the enemy an- " his voice cut out for a second as the hardsuit's system automatically detected a couple of shots sounding through and dialed down the volume to protect Kaidan's ears. "...peat, hostiles are Batarians! Have Varren with them. We have taken the control room and Tali is currently at work getting the torch under control. Status!"

He activated his output to speak, but Wrex beat him to the punch. "We dropped the mammals off at their stop and are now on the way to the last torch. Wrex out."

Ignoring Ashley's snort behind him, he made his report. "Alenko here. We're about to make the final approach to our entry point."

It took a few seconds before their commander replied. "Look alive, they're all going to be on alert now. I can hold here, and Tali is making progress. She should be able to guide you through the process once you're there. Good hunting and out."

Kaidan nodded even though Shepard couldn't see it and quickly addressed the others one last time. "As I was about to say, we go all at the same time. Ready?" Liara nodded, but the Gunnery Chief showed no reaction, instead she tensed up, her eyes widening behind her visor and then narrowing as she slowly brought up her rifle. "Might be time for a new plan, LT. They just sent two snipers up to the roof. If we make a run for it now, they'll make us pay for it."

Kaidan followed the direction her rifle was pointing and saw, for a second, a humanoid figure, before it disappeared behind a concrete railing. A curse formed on his lips, but he wiped it off – this was just an inconvenience. "We move with smoke then. Suppressive fire on my command. I'll throw the smoke, we move when it's up. Once we make it to the airlock, we'll be out of their line of fire. Everyone got that?"

"Ready, LT."

He didn't even bother looking at the Chief, he knew full well she had done this kind of thing more than once before. He did give Liara a quick look, though. He was greeted by the determined gaze of two blue eyes that had gained a steely edge to them since Noveria that made them distinctly different from what they had looked like a mere week ago. "I am ready."

"Fire!"

Quickly, both women emerged from their cover just enough to be able to shoot out of it, laying down a hail of short bursts out of their assault rifle or, respectively, SMG. Kaidan's smoke grenade was already on it's way, it's flight supported a little by some biotic power he had added in to improve his throw. It traveled a solid thirty five meters or more before hitting the ground where it came to rest after some more rolling around, having begun to spray out it's contents before even landing.

"Hold fire!"

The guns went silent, allowing the weapons to cool down just for a couple of seconds. Kaidan watched the roof intently; the snipers would surely have understood by now what was up, where their position was and that they were about to get up and move. They would know that their moment to land a hit would be just as they had left their cover completely but were not inside the protection of the smokescreen yet. And that meant that they would have to move into their firing positions right about...

He brought up the his SMG and hosed down the general area of where he had seen the movement, having little hope to actually hit anything , but that was not the point. "Move!" They followed the command, breaking cover. Williams snapped off a short burst at another part of the roof; she had probably spotted the other one. Then they were all running, continuing to shoot wildly but now, in full sprint, their fire was so inaccurate it could not even be relied upon to keep the enemy's heads down. Kaidan felt a pang of uneasiness in his belly. Just a couple steps more... he flinched as the air cracked with the unmistakable round of a high calibre round whizzing past. One moment later he was behind the smokescreen. Crouching down, he turned around and saw Williams stumble towards him, holding her shoulder with a pained expression. He grabbed her by the arm and began dragging her along, but she shook him off and they ran on, reaching the safety of the small alcove around the airlock, where Liara was already waiting. Losing no time, Kaidan opened his omnitool to try and gain access to the door's system – the Batarians weren't stupid, the one's on the roof would have told the others inside where they were making their entrance. If they didn't get in there quick, they would have to face a hot, and possibly entrenched, welcome – coming through a narrow door. A situation he'd rather avoid. Still, Ashley had obviously been hit. Not averting his eyes from his work, he asked: "You okay, Chief?"

The hissed tone of her reply allowed him to basically hear her clenched teeth. "Glanced off the pauldron. Gonna have a hell of a bruise, but it won't affect my combat effectiveness. Hurts like a bitch though."

He just nodded and stopped thinking about it; Williams was tough, and she'd make sure he was safe during his hacking. Seconds later, he had breached the firewall and the lock opened, admitting them into the chamber, and some seconds and one pressurization later, they burst through the inner door, and into the fire. The batarians _had_ prepared a welcoming committee.

Not a sufficient one though. A minute later, Two varren and four batarians lay dead, some riddled with bloody holes, others violently deformed next to the walls they had been biotically slammed into. He frowned slightly, feeling the migraine coming already after the massive effort it had taken him to maintain the barrier they had needed to make it from their entrance to some decent cover. That was all he allowed himself; Shepard had given him the lead for this part of the team, and a leader didn't wallow in his own problems when the mission wasn't done yet. He just led. And there were still hostiles to be killed in this building.

Roughly half an hour later, the three of them stood in the control room, somewhat winded, but victorious and having suffered nothing more than a few scratches. The terrorists had fought hard and to the last, but ultimately, neither their equipment nor their training were up to the job of facing a fire team made up of two experienced Alliance marines with spectre-grade guns and a powerful Asari biotic. Their numbers had not been great enough to allow them to drown the squad in bodies even if they had had the heart to attempt that, which they hadn't, and so their dogged resistance had only served to slow the _Normandy_ team down. _Which might still be enough. The clock is ticking..._

Nodding towards the exits, he sent his two companions to stand guard while he would take care of the torch. He did not expect anything to happen, but in the unlikely case that there were still stragglers not only alive, but willing to fight them, he would not have them be caught by surprise. Sitting down in the comfy chair in front of the main console, he activated his comm to report.

"Shepard, this is Alenko. Torch site two taken and intact. No contacts as of now."

It took only a second before the voice of his commander responded, sounding significantly more relaxed now. "Good job. We got no contacts left, either. They stopped trying to force their way in after I killed about half a dozen of them, and then they just up and left about ten minutes ago. I suspect that they are gathering their forces for something...either to protect the last torch, or to take back yours. So keep your eyes open. Kaidan, Tali will instruct you on the reconfiguration of the torch now...Garrus, you're listening in?"

Whatever Shepard and their resident Turian talked about, Kaidan heard none of it, as Tali wasted no time filling him in on the torch's systems. Her personality had become somewhat tempered by the events of the past months, with her gaining a great deal of professionalism, but her enthusiasm getting to teach him about a piece of technology, even if it was something as relatively banal as a fusion torch, could still be felt underlying her hasty explanations. He smirked to himself more than once as he occasionally had to reign her in to keep her from trailing off. It wasn't the right time for this now. Still, he hoped that she kept this trait about her. It was not just endearing, but something that would serve her well for the rest of her life whatever she eventually chose to do after this. God knew he wished he himself could be a little more like that sometimes.

It did not take them long, and so less than ten minutes had passed when they cut the connection and Kaidan got to work getting everything he still had to do in order while Tali and Shepard would do a sweep of their area to confirm it was free of hostiles and try to figure out where they had gone. Ashley and Liara had remained silent during his talk with the Quarian, but now that he was working in silence, it didn't take long for the Asari to speak up.

"I just do not understand this. These Batarians gain nothing from destroying a human colony like this, they are slavers."

Ashley scoffed. "These bastards don't care about what you and I think makes sense. They hate us for simply existing. Think they're better than everyone else. Call us animals. Humans , Asari, Salarians, everyone but themselves. From what I've heard, they even do it to their own kind." She spat on the ground. "Pathetic squints. You'd think they'd ask themselves how it is that if they're oh so great, they can't do anything but raid undefended colonies and run off like the cowards they are when the navy shows up on the scanners " Kaidan frowned upon hearing the racial slur, but said nothing. He felt like he really couldn't fault Ashley right now, and while she had initially held reservations against their alien crew, she had managed to overcome that, so this was just a grudge against the Batarians, not aliens in general. And having a grudge against Batarians wasn't just seen as acceptable in the Alliance military, it was expected. But the Gunnery Chief wasn't done.

"I say they know damn well that we humans are just better than them, and it makes them even madder." He could not see their faces as he was working, but he just knew there was more coming.

"Shouldn't have stopped at Torfan...we should've burned Kar'shan to the goddamn ground."

"That's enough of that, Chief." Kaidan didn't truly begrudge her attitude, it was a fairly common one throughout the military. He even agreed to an extent, safe for the statement about how humans were supposedly just better. The Batarians were at a low point in their species' history right now; humanity had demonstrated it's own potential for cruelty and depravity more than sufficiently in the past. He did not miss the slight hint of irritation in her voice when she curtly responded, "Sir."

He shook his head. He was being lenient and she knew it. If she wanted to sulk, she could be his guest. Silence returned for some minutes, interrupted only by the sounds of him working the console. Liara was once more the one to break it.

"The commander has...history with the Batarians himself. I did some superficial research after he recruited me. Given the...fervor he has displayed at the occasions where we have encountered Batarians before, I wonder how this mission is going to affect him."

Kaidan had no intention to chip in to the women's conversation unless necessary; not only had he work to do, he generally found listening more interesting than talking anyway. A man could learn a lot more if he knew when to keep his mouth shut and those of the ones around him moving.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He raised an eyebrow at the rather confrontational answer from Ashley. What was her problem? He thought she had gotten over her bad attitude towards aliens. She had even reached out to Liara after the death of matriarch Benezia, and he had seen the two spend time talking every now and then in the past days. Was it...could it be because the Asari had voiced her thoughts about Shepard specifically? Shepard certainly was an attractive man...Kaidan's professionalism had prevented him from wasting any thoughts on such matters regarding other service members for years, but now that he thought about it, it made sense. Shepard _was_ attractive, and Kaidan would definitely have at least pondered it if they had met under other circumstances. Ashley was a bold one, bordering on brashness. Just the kind of marine to throw the regulations to the wind and just go for what she wanted...and if that should indeed be Shepard... but she was best of friends with Tali and had been since week two or so. She hadn't been at the table when Shepard had pretty much lost himself in the girl's dancing a couple of days ago, but surely, she had noticed all the other things going on?

He switched the lever to plug in the secondary power supply and pressed the button to run the final diagnostic.

But perhaps Ashley simply didn't see Tali as a threat, be it because of the suit or because the two actually talked about these things and the Chief knew things he didn't...perhaps he was wrong, and Tali wasn't even into Shepard at all? Or perhaps he was wrong about Ashley, and she was just being a blunt object as usual? Or he was wrong about both?

He almost missed Liara's reply over all his thinking. "I believe the Commander to be a substantially more sentimental man than one would expect from someone of his reputation." Now he raised _both_ eyebrows. Liara was smart, certainly smarter than he was, but people were _not_ her specialty, so her picking up on Shepard's emotional state somewhat surprised him. He agreed, though. "The events surrounding Corporal Toombs seemed to affect him deeply. I do not believe that he had planned to beat Doctor Wayne beforehand."

He could hear Ashley's armor chafe as she presumably shrugged. "I don't blame him. Could've shot that bastard right there, I'd be with him."

_Jesus Ash, you're a likable brick, but damn, you're a brick._

Liara's voice held none of the exasperation the Chief's missing of the point induced in Kaidan."I do not blame him either. Blame is not the point. The point is that the Commander has acted irrationally on more than one occasion when the situation strongly affected him emotionally. There was Dr. Wayne, there were those reckless charges when we fought those pirates...and then the hot labs on Noveria."

When Ashley spoke again, she sounded far more pensive. "Yes, that was weird. No other CO I've ever had would've done that, so much's for certain...I just figured he was that great a man. Loyal to his team to a fault, you know. A true captain, just how they're supposed to be. Like he escaped from a book or something where he was the larger than life hero, just that now he is here, and he is real. "

_Mkay. So was I right about her after all? Or does she just admire him as a leader?_

He had turned around by now, content to let the diagnostic run on it's own as it would take another minute to complete, and so he could see Liara nod animatedly. "That is what it comes down to. But why he acts that way is just it. I don't think the Commander is the way he is just because. I think the things he has experienced have molded him to be this way." She stopped herself, a somewhat embarassed impression on her face. "I do realize that that is a true statement for virtually everyone who has ever lived...but with Shepard, because he is such a big name, and with how the Alliance always portrays him, at least _I_ just somewhat assumed that his qualities were just entirely intrinsic... a man born to be a hero, if you will. But that is not true. He grew into that man. And because of that, he might not be as stable as one would think." She stopped again and looked down , now definitely looking embarassed. Kaidan could already hear the teases Ashley might come up with over this, but one look showed him that he needn't worry as the Chief was obviously deep in thought now herself.

He was about to turn back to the console when she finally said something. "I think you're right. Shepard might need us more than we think. Both in general...and maybe even before this day is over."

Kaidan was torn if he should end all this talk about their commander's mental state now like most lieutenants would have done ages ago, or do what he wanted and voice his agreement. The radio relieved him of the duty to make that decision when the thoughtful silence in the room was broken by the voice of Garrus coming over the squad's general channel.


	15. Chapter 15

The second the pressurization was complete, the inner door of the third torch's control building flew inwards as the massive foot of an equally massive reptile impacted against it, some biotics thrown into the kick for good measure. Directly behind the relocating sheet of metal two very unlikely and different comrades exited the airlock into the building proper, weapons raised, eyes wide awake and alert. They relaxed seconds later when it had become apparent that nobody was there to oppose them. Wrex huffed, sounding almost offended. "The cowards have run, I'm telling you."

Garrus didn't respond. With the other two torches having already been attacked, he had expected the terrorists to dig in thoroughly here, they certainly had had enough of a warning. So he had utilized the Mako's armament's sights to make a preliminary sweep of the entire area – which had turned up nothing. That had been suspicious in and of itself, but it was entirely possible that the terrorists knew that they had an armored vehicle and chosen to avoid having to fight it, opting to instead lay a trap for them in the building itself. But to not come under fire upon entering? There would not be a better opportunity for the Batarians. Surely they could not have been so incompetent to simply not notice that they were coming, and through which airlock?

Having taken cover, he listened intently, but other than the sounds of his own and Wrex's breathing, there was nothing. No harsh voices of Batarians bellowing orders, no feet running through the corridors, just silence. It appeared that Wrex was probably right.

"Seems that way. Let's stay alert. There is always the possibility that this is some sort of stupid plan."

Wrex scoffed. "Hmpf. Those Pyjaks aren't smart enough to come up with anything that would give us any trouble." He started stomping towards the door on the right of the room, and Garrus followed, keeping his weapon half raised, but somewhat relaxing nonetheless.

"Of course not. After all, I am here to protect you."

The Krogan just snorted. "Don't get too full of yourself , Turian. This isn't exactly ideal sniper distance."

"Well fortunately, I am excellent with assault rifles and pistols as well."

"Of course."

He raised a browplate. "So curt today, Wrex."

"I am not getting into a discussion about shotguns with you again."

Now it was Garrus time to flare his mandibles and hiss in what constituted the turian equivalent of snorting. They cut the banter and advanced silently through the complex for a couple of minutes, remaining vigilant, but not meeting any resistance along the way. Garrus was certain now, the terrorists had indeed run, probably to try and escape, they had to have come here with a ship after all, and since they had to his knowledge not detected it yet, it was probably still intact.

"These bastards are going to find a nasty little surprise waiting for them when they try to take off this rock. I'm sure Joker is itching for the _Normandy_ to lose her virginity." He twitched a mandible, thinking. "Unless they're not retreating at all. They might be regrouping to try and take back the torches. If they're sufficiently fanatical, perhaps they would be willing to go down with the asteroid just to ensure the colony's destruction."

Wrex shook his head. "No way. They are cowards. They came here expecting to kidnap this asteroid, steer it to the planet, and then fly off with a couple of fresh and valuable slaves as bonus, watching the colony die in their rear view ports. They'll run."

Garrus said nothing, as he was inclined to agree with him.

"I just hope we catch them before they take off. I'd rather not have to kill a bunch of hostages to nail these guys."

They rounded a corner, Wrex lazily pointing his gigantic shotgun towards the hypothetical enemy before confirming that as expected, nobody was there, and dropping it before shrugging his mighty shoulders. "I'm with you on that one – because if it comes down to that, it'll be Shepard's call, and I'm not sure if he has the guts to do the right thing in that kind of situation."

Garrus flaired his mandibles. Usually he would've said that doubting if John Shepard, of all people, had 'the guts' to do something, was utterly ridiculous, but this was just the kind of situation where the man's highly impractical understanding of morals might come in and mess things up again.

"Truth be told, you might have a point. I don't think it has anything to do with 'guts', he certainly doesn't lack those … "

Wrex nodded and interjected ,"You know what I meant.".

The Turian nodded and continued. "Some of the things he said to me...letting the Rachni Queen go...he does seem to have trouble seeing the...bigger picture sometimes. At first I thought it was just the normal human thing, you know. Always trying to save everyone, caring too much about the individual...but now I think it's really just Shepard. Ashley wouldn't have let the queen go." He hesitated for a second. "I'm not sure if he would be fine with me telling you this, but if I got you figured out correctly, you probably noticed it for yourself anyway, so what gives. How upset he was after he beat up Doctor Wayne."

Wrex nodded again, his usual disinterested demeanor gone, revealing once more that there was more to the old mercenary than what he chose to project outwards most of the time. "Of course I noticed that. Not a bad thing to want to stick to one's principles though. Even if those principles are stupid." They started climbing a set of stairs. "Still, the man is too soft. He has a hell of a quad, but deep down he's soft."

Garrus had not yet determined whether or not he agreed with the Krogan when they reached the door to the control room and opened it. Stepping into the room, they found a mess. The console had been thoroughly blasted to pieces and left a smoking ruin.

"Crap."

…...

Tali and Shepard had almost completed their sweep of the building and the surrounding area, so far finding nothing but a couple of Batarian and human corpses, when Garrus voice came through the comm. "Garrus to all. Shepard, we've taken our objective without a fight...but it's worthless. They sabotaged the control panel before they ran. It's a smoking mess. The torch is still burning...pushing it's last prescribed vector, presumably." The commander, instead of answering, turned to Tali, who took the hint and tuned in.

"It might not matter. Kaidan, how are things at your end?" She hoped the lieutenant had managed, they needed at least two torches under control if they wanted to prevent a disaster, and they needed them soon.

"Just ran the final diagnostics. The torch has powered down and is finishing its realignment as we speak, aaand...powering back up. Torch B is fine and will be pushing the new vector at full burn within the minute."

She was about to congratulate Kaidan on his good work when Shepard beat her to the punch. "Good work everyone. Pressly, I know you're listening in. The fact I haven't heard from you means you still haven't detected their ship, I assume?"

"Correct, Sir. It is probably hiding away at some completely different place in the system where we'll never realistically find it. What we _have_ found is their shuttles. They're parked around the central habitation complex. We have also detected and are still detecting several smaller heat signatures convening on that place. Probably ground vehicles."

Shepard didn't miss a beat. "They're pulling everything they have left together, either to make a stand, or to run. If they have brains they'll know they have no chance, but I won't count on a bunch of bastards who would try and steer an asteroid into a colony to have brains." He hesitated for a second, probably weighing his options. "Garrus, circle back and pick up the other three at torch B. Tali and I will begin the way on foot, you can track us and pick us up along the way."

"Understood.", replied the Turian.

"Good. Unless there are any questions, everyone knows what they have to do for now. Shepard over."

Since nobody responded, he seemed to take it that everyone was on their jobs, as he simply turned around and got going, notably relaxing, even going so far as to collapse his rifle and stow it on his lower back. She caught up to him with a couple of long strides.

"Getting careless, commander?" She still felt a little nervous teasing him at all, let alone on a mission, but she knew he liked it. And indeed, she could hear a faint hint of a smile in his voice.

"You have to take the breaks where you can catch them. The clock is no longer ticking and the enemy have retreated. We're safe until we hit the bunker." His voice got considerably more serious when he continued a couple of seconds later. "We have seen only bodies so far, but...not a whole lot of them. This asteroid had a crew of dozens of people."

She felt uneasiness creep into the pit of her stomach as she considered the implications of that. "You think they might have been taken prisoner?" He nodded, and she continued : "Prisoners can become hostages quickly..."

He nodded again. "That's what I'm worried about. These scum probably planned to take them with as slaves when they would have made their escape after the asteroid had reached the point of no return." He scoffed. "Little bonus on the side, so to speak." Tali said nothing as she could hear clearly how bitter he was even just speaking about it. She was actually quite relieved at how the mission had gone so far; after Shepard's display of wanton abuse against one batarian dead she had been worried he would boil over and do something rash. _Keelah, I wouldn't blame him. Four million lives depending on us, and it is his lifelong arch enemy behind it._ So far however, nothing like that had happened; Shepard had decimated the terrorists with his typical lethal efficiency while she had powered down and realigned the fusion torch, only the occasional muttered 'Squint' or similarly racially charged insult betraying his emotions. Tali found herself uneasy with his racism, but could not bring herself to think much less of him for it. She knew her own feelings towards the Geth, and while the Batarians might not have done to the humans anything close to what the Geth had done to her people, they certainly had done so to Shepard. She had done her best to avoid the subject after accidentally bringing it up at one of their late night talks once, but that one time had been enough to understand just how devastating the raid of Mindoir must have been. Tali still mourned the loss of her mother; she didn't even want to try to imagine how the loss of one's entire family, all at the same time no less, must have felt, and still feel.

Their nightly talks – she once more found herself thinking about how she missed them. She had been sleeping like a baby ever since she had gotten her new 'room' , and it was amazing, but at this point, just a couple of days in, she had caught herself trying to think of some excuse to just so happen to stumble into Shepard during one of his nightly trips to the mess hall.

"You're happy with your new drone?"

She startled, having completely forgotten over her ruminations that they were actually having a conversation. After taking a second to compose an answer, she started explaining to him how while the drone had performed satisfactory overall, the controls were somewhat sluggish, and it was, in her opinion, still too loud, and how those Varren would have definitely noticed it if they hadn't been busy feeding, and how she might go about fixing these issues. The enthusiasm of talking tech almost made her forget where they were – almost. Not enough that she would have missed that behind his visor, Shepard seemed to be sporting at least the hint of a smile for the first time that day.

About half an hour later, they had been picked up by the Mako which at that point already held the rest of the ground team, and arrived on a ridgeline overlooking the central habitation bunker. John, Garrus and Kaidan where hunched over the frontal screens. Tali, having vacated her seat for Kaidan so they might hold their planning, was hunched in the back, next to Wrex, listening in. "Their shuttles are parked on the opposite side of the complex. We could swing around and destroy them from the safety of the Mako. Then we have all the time in the world to flush them out methodically and efficiently, without having to worry about containing them, or them escaping."

She heard armor scrape as Shepard most likely shook his head. "No, we need to keep that avenue of escape open for them. They cannot get away anyway; not with the _Normandy_ in system. There is no way their ship, wherever and whatever it is, is heavy enough to take her on, especially not with the stealth advantage on her side. So we _want_ them to run for the shuttles and take off. The more make it to their shuttles, the less we have to fight. And then the Normandy can blow them all up in space. Safer that way."

Garrus hissed in a manner that Tali still wasn't sure of what it meant, though it did seem that it was some amused sentiment.

"Didn't think you would be willing to miss out on killing Batarians up close and personal." She tensed up. _Garrus you stupid bosh'tet..._ There were a couple of seconds of silence, with the very air inside the tank seeming to be wondering wether the Turian had finally overstepped one boundary too many with his incessant jabs at anyone and anything – he had, over the course of the past months, managed to step on the feet of pretty much everyone at least once, with the exception of Wrex who simply didn't care – and Shepard.

But the commander finally appeared to decide to just let it go one more time. "I suspect there is a hostage situation. The asteroid has a crew of several dozen people. Tali and I found only three bodies at torch A. So unless you guys have stumbled over body piles you didn't report to me, these people are in there, and might still be alive." He turned towards his turian friend, and his voice took on a cold edge, making it clear that while he wasn't going to spend time talking about it now, he most definitely had not been amused by that last one. "So _getting up close and personal_ might endanger potential civilian survivors."

The Turian twitched his mandibles. "Yeah...listen, it is probably the best if we -"

He was interrupted by the comm crackling to life, but instead of Joker's or Pressly's, the voice Tali heard was that of a woman. "Hello? Hello, is anyone pick this up!? Jesus, please answer.."

Shepard's hand was at the comm at lightning speed. "This is Commander Shepard of the Alliance. Who is this?"

The other person was apparently not very familiar with military radio discipline, as she broadcasted her relieved sigh over the channel before answering. "Thank god. Listen, I can't talk long, they're looking for me. You shut down the torches, that is good. At least the colony is saved. But they're still here. Please, you have to help us!"

Shepard had gotten out his best Commander voice – just that Tali had learned by now that it wasn't an act. "Calm down, we're gonna get you out of there. What is your name?"

"K-Kate. Bowman."

"Very good, Kate. Can you tell me how many there are?"

"I..I don't know exactly. Maybe two dozen? And a couple Varren."

"Thank you, Kate. What about the hostages, how many are still alive, and where are they being kept?"

Bowman, who had sounded at the verge of tearing up for the entirety of the exchange, finally broke down in a short fit of sobbing before she caught herself and responded quicker than Shepard could try and come up with some comforting words. "Th-They never got me, so I don't exactly know, but from the corpses lying around...maybe around twenty. They're keeping them...oh my god! They found me! I-"

A clattering sound could be heard, most likely the radio being dropped. Since Kate had simply kept the output on the entire time, it still was on, and so they could hear her terrified yelling, followed by the sharp sound of a brutal slap, and soft crying after that – until it was drowned out by a harsh voice. "I got her! Finally. Had a radio...dammit, she was probably communicating with those animals outside! They could be here any second! Quick! Finish the triggers, and get those damn explosives in place _now_!" The next thing that could be heard was a crunch before the the signal was abruptly lost.

She knew what Shepard would say, and she did not turn out to be wrong. "We're going in. Now!"

…

John broke through the smokescreen they had created to cover their advance and his shields lit up like a christmas tree almost immediately, as did those of his team around him, the defending terrorists on the roof desperately hosing them down. A grim smile appeared on his lips – once they were inside, the enemy would have no chance, and they knew it. The stretch from the relative safety of the smoke to the cover of the complex's main entrance was just a couple of meters, and so nobody's shields came even close to failing. Going in through the front door was not usually something he'd do in a situation such as this, but they were pressed for time. He took up position next to Wrex, ready to storm inside the second the door opened. Tali didn't disappoint, and so the entire team rushed into the large airlock, keeping up their formation. Just a couple of seconds later, Tali had the inner door open and all hell broke loose.

The terrorists had had plenty of time to prepare, and so they had. Exiting the bottleneck that was the airlock, the team was met by an absolute hailstorm of fire from at least a dozen small arms, including a machine gun. Shepard had expected this, and so they did not even try to fight here; instead, he rushed towards the first door to the left. Behind him came everyone else safe Wrex, who simply stood and roared as he fired off his enormous shotgun, actually netting himself a kill even under this heavy fire before he finally turned and hurried after the others. The team made it to the cover of the adjacent corridor by the skin of their teeth, Liara , who's large biotic barrier had made the mad dash possible in the first place, collapsing from exhaustion the second she was in temporary safety.

John wasted no time in organizing the squad. "Kaidan, stay with Liara. The rest with me, we rush down this corridor and take them from the left. Move!"

He did not wait for the confirmation he knew was coming, and instead started sprinting down the hallway. The faster and the more aggressively they acted, the more disorganized the terrorists would be, and the easier this would turn out. Behind him he could hear the quick steps of his team. Seconds later, he burst through the door to the right, admitting him into the same room again that they had just been in, but this time, there was no united front of Batarians ready to shower them in bullets. The machine gun was still aimed at the airlock, some of the braver terrorists were inching their way towards the door they had disappeared into, while the others were still crouched in their positions, unsure of what to do. The one closest to Shepard whirled around, alarmed by the sound of the opening door, but it was already too late. Before he could react, Shepard's machete impacted his unprotected face, biting deep into his skull while the blade's owner was already taking shots at another enemy with his heavy pistol. Unable to yank it free on the fly, he just left the machete there, gripping his pistol with both hands now – the Spectre grade weapon was so powerful that it broke down the terrorist's shields with a single shot even though it was technically a sidearm. He did not get to claim much more lives with it though, as by this point, his team had fanned out from behind him and were laying into the Batarians with no less fervor than himself. It wasn't a firefight, it was a slaughter, and it was over in less than a minute.

All the rest they allowed themselves when it was done was the time it took for Shepard to walk over to the body of the first guy he had killed here and pry free his machete, than cleaning it on the man's clothes and sheathing it – this was the second time this had happened today, perhaps Batarian bones had a greater tendency to trap blades? He switched to his shotgun and the team, now bolstered by Kaidan and the somewhat recuperated Liara, continued their search of the building. They had no idea of where the hostages might be, so they had no choice but to sweep the entire bunker complex. He considered splitting up again to cover more ground, but dismissed the idea; he did not want to risk a two man team stumbling over the entire presumed one dozen batarians plus Varren that were left at once and potentially get in trouble. And so they moved from room to room as quickly as was possible without being reckless, stumbling over stragglers more than once along the way; it appeared the Batarians had completely lost their overview of the situation, for they all seemed to be scurrying for safety independently of each other. _Good,_ he thought. _Run to your shuttles. Spares us the hassle of killing you ourselves._

Shepard had, over the years, come to enjoy the rush of battle, but certainly not the killing itself; but with these Batarians, he could not help but feel a grim satisfaction every time one of them fell to the ground in a pool of their own blood. Reflecting on this, he came to the conclusion that he definitely should be uneasy about that – but he could not bring himself to not feel this way; he was too caught up in the words he had heard over the radio when Kate had been captured. There were explosives in this building, probably somewhere close to the hostages, and every passing minute gave the terrorists more time to encrypt the trigger systems even more.

After about two thirds of the building had been cleared, they rounded a corner to find no less than three Batarians at once. Weapon snapped up to deliver death, but the Batarians surprised them by leaving theirs down and the one standing closest to them raising a hand. "Wait! Wait! Let's talk!"

He couldn't believe his ears. "What!?"

"We never wanted this. It doesn't have to end in bloodshed!"

He scoffed. "Are you serious!? You come here, kill people, try to murder an entire colony, and now that your neck is on the block you want to talk!?"

The batarian's voice trembled, but he kept himself together. "Listen man, we're not mass murderers. This wasn't our idea. We came here to make some cash, that's what we were recruited for. But once we came here, Balak flipped out, went on a rant about how he was going to teach the ani – you humans a lesson and all that, and ordered us to hijack the torches. What were we going to do?" He shrugged his shoulder almost apologetically. "We thought this was going to be just a quick slave grab."

At these words, whatever it had been inside John that had held him back from acting on his impulse before, broke. "Just a quick slave grab..." He shook his head in disbelief at the audacity. "Go to hell."

He did not even bother to look down when seconds later, he stepped over them as they died choking on their own blood. The squad did not encounter any more of the Batarians until there was only the D block left – the personal quarters and mess. He scoffed. "What kind of idiot holds hostages in their own rooms. Figures. Bloody squints." He did not pick up on how silent his team had become.

Again, they took up position, and again, Tali fiddled with the door systems for a couple of seconds, before it slid open and the bright light of the mess hall fell into the dimly lit corridor they had approached it from. They entered the room in the same perfect formation they had done so often today, but nobody opened fire – for now. On top of a flight of stairs stood a lone Batarian in the open, a couple more of the ugly bastards crouched in cover to both sides of him. It took every ounce of his willpower, but Shepard held his fire. He did not have to wait long for the man to speak.

"Animals. Hold your fire, or all your friends in there will die."

The rage about the insult coming from this bastard wanted to wash over him, but he forced it down. Batarians or not, he was a Spectre, and he would not blow a mission over some mean words.

"Say your piece."

"It is simple: You will let us walk out of here, get into our shuttles, meet up with our ship, and leave the system." To his left, he could hear Ashley scoff.

"Why the hell would I do that?"

"Because I have twenty three of your kind bound in their rooms back there, together with a bunch of explosives that have their triggers tied to my lifesigns. You attack us, I push the button and they die. You kill me before I can press the button, that triggers the bombs too, and they die." His four eyed, alien face split with a cruel smile, exposing his sharp, long teeth. "You have lost, human."

"Says the man who got his entire strike force butchered by a single squad. Your plan to destroy Terra Nova has failed. The name Balak will be a laughing stock throughout the hegemony." Coming up with these taunts to try and buy time was all too easy for Shepard right now – his desire to scream in this bastards face still bubbling just under the surface. While he was speaking, he had opened a private channel to Tali, in which , after finishing, he whispered: "Tali, is he bluffing?"

He did not like the answer. "No. I can detect a signal, and it is coming from him."

"Can we jam it somehow?"

"We have no jamming equipment here. Nor in the Mako. I-I'm sorry, Shepard, but there's nothing I can do."

He gritted his teeth, but forced out a response to her instead of the "God damn it!" he really wanted to scream out at nobody in particular. "It's fine. Stay sharp."

"...council abandoned us! What I was going to do here is nothing compared what you humans have done to..."

Balak was ranting now. Usually, Shepard would have been amazed at the cognitive dissonance of the man, and the Batarian's ability to genuinely perceive themselves as the victims in a situation in which they had been the aggressor at every turn, but right now, his thoughts were racing with something far more important.

Garrus chimed in from the left, ignoring the rambling batarian. "We have no choice, Shepard. He cannot leave this place alive. He is too dangerous. It sucks, but we have to take this blood onto our hands." John barely heard him.

He had heard the name Balak before, he remembered now. It had been in some briefing months ago, where the man had been mentioned as one particularly devious freelance captain in the unofficial service of the Hegemony, one of many of his kind. These people were essentially pirates whom the batarian Hegemony supported and set up to assault human ships and colonies in the Traverse and the Terminus, all under the guise of plausible deniability – everybody in the intelligence community and a lot of people associated to it knew full damn well that these freelancers were agents of the Hegemony in all but writing, but there was not enough proof for the Alliance to be forced into a, as of right now, politically inopportune war – yet. The mere thought made Shepard's blood boil – the damned politicians were willing to let humanity's frontier folk suffer just so their precious machinations wouldn't be upset. He forced himself to focus on the situation – Balak was still spewing nonsense.

"What? We cannot just let these people die because he _might_ be a danger in the future! We have to save them!" That was Liara. The shy scientist, firmly speaking up in the middle of a standoff. He would've smiled if he hadn't been absolutely consumed by the racing thoughts in his head.

Balak was dangerous, he had proven that today. He had to be stopped. But at what cost? Let twenty three people die today to potentially – no , most likely – save two hundred tomorrow? If not two thousand? Inside, he groaned as indecision gripped his heart, a feeling he was not familiar with. This was the kind of decision any man and woman in his line of work dreaded. His entire career, he had thanked god that he had been spared it so far – but now his day had come.

"What is it, Shepard? Not so arrogant anymore?"

Hearing his name snapped him out of his thoughts. _How..?_ His confusion must have been written on his face, and Balak laughed mockingly. "Yes, I know who you are. They plastered your face all over the news. The first human Spectre!" He hit the railing with a massive fist. "Your kind has not even been around for fifty years, yet they grant you what we would have deserved centuries ago!"

He was still helplessly trying to come to a decision – _Who am I to make this kind of decision? I'm a Spectre. Still, these people did not sign up to be soldiers. Can I really just sacrifice their lives, even if I have a good reason and that sacrifice will save countless more in the future?_

Out loud, he used the apparent wound the Batarian had just betrayed in his pride to , again, buy himself more time. "You didn't like that, did you? I think you just cannot accept that we humans are _better_ than you." He could hear Ashley chuckle darkly.

That set the pirate off, and there came another tirade, giving John precious time to think. _Don't I_ have _to do this? Am I hesitating because I want to save these people, or do I just want to keep my hands clean? Fuck!_ Balak's racist ranting continued, fueling Shepard's anger. _My conscience doesn't matter. People do. But that includes these twenty three people._ Balak seemed to calm down, coming to an end for now. _But it also includes all those he will kill if I let him go...what do I do, for fuck's sake!?_

"...one would think you in particular would know your betters, Shepard. After all, you had the opportunity to learn your lesson at a young age. " He could feel his blood running cold. "Mindoir...I remember that raid. I was just a lowly crewmate back then. Piss poor loot in those miserable huts that pass for housing among your kind." Burning rage began to drown out all other thought in John's head. He barely noticed that both his team and Balak's men began shuffling uncomfortably. The Batarian smiled his ugly grin again. "But the slave yield! Your kind are so docile after some years with their implants. It's like deep down, you know what you are really good for, you just need to be reminded." A snarl escaped Shepard's lips, but Balak did not get the hint.

"Oh keelah, no..." said someone to the direct right of him, but he didn't even register who had spoken the words, or what they meant.

"After they put your name on every news report, I tried to track down your family, you know. A shame they chose to resist back then. It would have been so glorious to get my dick sucked by the sister of _Commander Shepard._.."

With a furious roar of equal parts agony and hatred, John held down the trigger of his rifle until it overheated, turning Balak into a lifeless, perforated lump of meat, his blood covering the wall behind where he had stood and soon, the ground beneath him. Nobody moved; not even Balak's men dared to open fire, too shocked at the utter extermination of their leader and the dawning realization that they would not make it out of here alive. For all of two seconds, John felt the satisfaction of his kill. Then the explosions began, and his grim joy turned into terror.

 _Oh god,no. Please no!_ As the world around him erupted into chaos and bloodshed once more, all he could do was close his eyes and just stand there in shame. _It appears I have made my choice._


	16. Chapter 16

The Mako's rear hatch came open, impacting the floor of the cargo bay with a loud crack. Before the servicemen in the hold where even finished with relaxing again after jumping from the sudden noise, their commander already came stomping down the hatch turned gangway, a dark look on his face, and began to make his way over to the lockers without a word. Garrus just looked after him bewildered for a second before shaking it off and following after the man.

The hostage situation on X57 had not met a happy end, and Shepard hat been in a foul mood ever since. Garrus understood; twenty three people were dead, and even though they had not had a real choice, and it had been the Batarians who did it, not them, it still left a bad taste in his mouth. But it had been the right decision – Garrus was just worried wether or not the man who had made it saw it that way himself. He had clearly been torn over what to do; there was no other possibility of why he would have entertained Balak's nonsense for so long otherwise. Shepard was not a man to listen to villain's monologues; "this isn't some damn videogame", he used to say. And then Balak, that complete and utter fool, had pushed the worst buttons he could have possibly pushed. The result had been a certain freelance captain's brain splattered upon the wall – and twenty three dead humans. A decision of life and death made out of rage. Garrus didn't mind; it had been the right decision, and if Balak had helped Shepard reach it, that might have just have been the one good thing the bastard had ever done in his life. But the Turian knew his friend's feelings on revenge, and his worries about what indulging oneself could lead to for a man in his position. And now this had happened. As he stowed the last of his weapons into the locker, intent to get a warm meal into himself first before cleaning them, he twisted his mandibles in a turian frown. _Shepard must be furious with himself._

He glanced over to the man, who was still busy, as was most of the team, since they obviously didn't stay in their armor, as opposed to him and Wrex, who stayed in theirs almost all of the time because both of them had gotten used to viewing it as second skin rather than a piece of equipment.

Unwilling to stand around awkwardly, Garrus turned around and walked back over to the Mako. His baby hadn't seen any heavy duty on this mission; the terrain on that rock had been, well, rocky, but since they had never come under fire at all, they had been able to avoid the worst of the holes and boulders, sparing the paint job for once, and , more importantly, the wheels. Not to think of the axle. But from what he had seen in the technical specifications for the tank, breaking a Mako's axle was supposed to be almost impossible, thankfully. He got torn from his thoughts by the sounds of Shepard slamming his chest piece into his locker with a grunt. _Spirits._ He had seen Shepard angry before, but this kind of unprofessional behavior was a first. Well, so was condemning twenty three people to death, even if justified, so he couldn't blame the commander too much. However, it was clear that it was making everyone uncomfortable. Kaidan being quiet was nothing unusual, but he seemed positively subdued right now; perhaps he wasn't taking what had happened too well, either. Liara seemed close to tears; she had cried more than once when after the final firefight against Balak's terrorists, they had rushed towards the habitation area and found nothing but rubble and corpses, a lot of them blown to pieces horrifically. Ashley was just finishing up, back into her blues, her rifle in one hand as she sat down at her table in the corner and began to disassemble it, a solemn expression on her face. Wrex had already left the bay via the elevator, presumably to devour a mountain of food equivalent to four dinners for human men. In her corner, Ashley sat down her rifle and buried her face in her hands for a second before folding them together in front of it, pressing her forehead against them with her eyes closed, her lips moving soundlessly.

Shepard himself was finally finishing up as well, still looking like he was about to explode any second. As the commander began walking towards the elevator, Garrus took a deep breath and strode to his side, not sure what in the spirit's name he should say, or if he should say anything at all. His friend barely acknowledged his presence, only glancing over quickly, not slowing down. Seconds later, he came to a halt in the elevator and turned around, looking at Garrus with such anger in his eyes that the Turian actually stopped in front of it, unsure if he should enter or not.

 _Screw it._ "Shepard...today is one of those victories that doesn't feel like one at all, I know. But you have to look at the bright side. We saved four million people. That's gotta be worth something. And that asshole Balak will never get to try anything like this again."

Shepard scoffed and looked away for a second before turning his gaze back to him, his face not relaxed one bit. "Yeah, and we even got to 'get in close and personal' with his men afterwards. I suppose I should be happy."

Garrus dropped his jaw, dumbfounded over getting his words from earlier thrown in his face now, and in this manner, but before he could make a retort, Shepard already cut him off mid – inhale, raising a hand and cringing.

"Listen, I know you didn't mean it that way. Just...just let it go, okay?" With that, he slammed the door control and the elevator closed, the sound of it beginning to ascend able to be heard a moment later. _I should've just kept my damn mouth shut. I didn't want to talk to anyone either directly after Saleon._

Still bewildered, Garrus turned around to see just about the entire team stare at him, but the one who caught his eye was Tali; about halfway between her 'room', where she had gone directly after she had finished stowing her guns and strapped on armor pieces into her locker, she stood looking at the closed elevator shaft door, her fingers wringing furiously. A second later, she looked over to him, her hands stopping their dance in front of her waist and balling to fists at her sides instead as she whirled around, and disappeared behind her purple curtains, the faint sound of a keelish curse to be heard.

 _Was she going to say something to him?_ Looking after her, he came to the conclusion that he was an idiot. _She would've known what to say to him. Or not to say anything._ He sighed and walked over to his locker; he wasn't too keen on going to the mess hall any time soon after this, so he might as well get to cleaning his rifle. _What a bloody mess of a day. Spirits damn it all._

…...

Shepard burst through the opening door of the elevator, forcing a neutral expression on his face. He had indulged himself enough, his team and crew were not to blame for his failure and it only did him further shame to let it out on them. Still, he did not feel in any state to deal with them, or anyone for that matter, right now, so he intended take refuge in his cabin for a while. Perhaps he'd find the drive to report to Hackett somewhere in there. Somewhere in the shower for example.

It was not to be. He hadn't made it halfway to his door when a deep, rumbling voice called out for him. "Shepard." _Goddammit, not you too._ Now _you decide to be touchy feely with me !?_ His outward expression unchanged, he turned around and walked a couple of steps towards Wrex until he stood besides the Krogan who was currently seated at one of the tables, two empty plates stacked on top on each other next to three others who were still stuffed with food. Besides the mess sergeant and Corporal Weasland getting himself a bottle of water from the fridge, they were alone in the hall.

"Wrex?" He braced himself, determined not to lash out at the old mercenary like he had on Garrus down in the cargo hold, regardless of how undoubtedly _krogan_ his incoming well meant advice would be. But Wrex surprised him.

"I've been thinking. Now that we have this business over with, I want to finally go after my armor. I'm not some pup, I understand priorities, so I waited with this. But we have nothing else important to do right now, and no new lead on Saren. This is the time."

On another day, Shepard might have been amused at how matter- of- factly Wrex had just all but dictated to his commander what the proper course of action should be, and perhaps come up with a quip to get across that he agreed to it because he agreed, not because the Krogan's demeanor actually swayed him; today, he found himself lacking the mentally energy to bother, so he just nodded and turned around, answering on his way to his room. "Okay."

He didn't bother to check for Wrex's reaction before he entered his cabin and closed the doors behind him. Groaning, he sank into his chair, resting his face in the palm of his hand. His omnitool beeped, and he gave it a quick look – a text message from the Terra Nova government, applauding his and his teams action today and inviting them for a formal celebration in their honor. He groaned again. The bloody fools thought they were heroes.

Well, _they_ were. While the aliens in his team might have their personal reasons to go after Saren with him, today they had thrown themselves into the fire purely to save a colony of another race they had little to no connection to. He wasn't surprised about it at all; they were all great people, including Wrex, even though he had a messy history he did his best to hide his true intellect and colors behind. But him? Once again, he had failed to live up to his office today. He knew that nobody would criticize him for his actions, even though him killing Balak had resulted in the deaths of twenty three innocent people; the upper echelons would undoubtedly commend him for making the 'tough decision' and 'seeing the bigger picture'. He could see where they were coming from; when he took a step back and thought it all over again, he could even agree, even though he hated it. But it had not been the thought of all the lives Balak would go on to destroy if he were to be left alive that had guided his hand into slaying the terrorist. It had been plain old base hatred and anger.

He activated his omnitool and brought up the files of the twenty three victims, forcing himself to read the names and view the pictures of each and every one of them, gritting his teeth to make it through, his vision growing blurry as a tear rolled down his face. It may not have been his fault that they were dead; he might have been in the right, or even compelled to by duty, to sacrifice them anyway. But in the end, some meaningless words of a lowlife thug and his temper had sealed their fate, not a well thought through, carefully weighed decision. Today, he had let his anger drive him to a decision that should have been made out of grim necessity; what kind of disaster might it drive him to tomorrow?

John Shepard undressed himself and stepped into his shower wondering just how much better than for example Saren he truly was.

…...

Ashley pulled the chain through the barrel of the rifle before her and sighed. She took care of the guns as thoroughly as she always did, as the state of a soldiers' weapon was a focal point of the state of the soldier themselves, but right now it felt more like a welcome distraction than a genuine task. The mood these last couple of days had been subdued, to say the least. The deaths of the hostages om X57 had affected everyone, except Wrex apparently – though not everyone in the same way and to the same degree. As far as she herself was concerned, what had happened was sad, but had been necessary. She had included the dead in her prayers, and that was all she could do, really. At least that's what she knew was the right way of looking at it; it still didn't feel quite right. But she was getting there. Garrus seemed more bothered by Shepard than the actual event, working on his baby – they had picked up some upgrade for the electronics the last time they had been on the Citadel that he had been talking about for weeks, and now he was gleefully installing it – in no apparent foul or subdued mood, only looking worried at all when the commander came down to the hold – which had been exceptionally rare these last couple of days. Usually, the commander made a point to speak to every member of the team at least once a day, but the last three days since the incident, he had barely left his cabin, except for the mission to retrieve Wrex's armor they had been on yesterday, and once to speak to Tali, though only very briefly, so it had probably been a professional talk. It was clear the Turian was unsure of how to help his friend – she wouldn't have believed it two months ago, but it was true, her commander was friends with a Turian, and while Ashley herself was not sure if she would ever be able to shake her feelings about his species, she had to agree that Garrus was a good guy, and a good man to serve with.

Tali, as far as Ashley could tell, seemed the most distraught of them, second only to the commander himself. Her usual upbeat demeanor was missing, and more than once Ashley had seen the Quarian cast long glances after Shepard when he had turned to disappear in his cabin after wolfing down a meal in record time and with minimal conversation. When Shepard had asked for volunteers for the raid against the pirate boss who held Wrex's armor yesterday, her hand had been up the quickest – quickly followed by those of the entire rest of the team, which, as hard as it was to believe, seemed to have actually touched the old chunk of scales and muscle. During the actual combat, she had made a point to stay even closer to Shepard than usual, engaging any hostiles who set their sights on him with a level of aggression that was quite unusual for Tali when there were no Geth involved.

A small smirk made his way onto her lips. Tali so obviously cared about the commander that if she were a human, she'd be thinking her younger friend had a crush on the man.

She faintly shook her head as she grabbed a rag and began to work a finger inside of the ammo block chamber. She really didn't understand what was going on with Shepard. It was obvious that the man had a strong moral compass and was exceptionally compassionate for a career soldier, so the fact that he was bothered by what had happened wouldn't have surprised her; but it was plain to see that he wasn't just bothered, he was angry. Since he hadn't been treating anyone in particular differently, but was simply behaving strange to everyone, it was only logical to assume he was angry with himself, but she couldn't wrap her head around why. All his tactical decisions that day had been correct, his priorities had been set correctly, they had been fast and efficient. No other commander would have been able to pull it off any better, and nobody would have been able to save those hostages – safe for, of course, letting Balak go, saving twenty three now over an all but guaranteed hundreds or thousands down the road, and that was if the bastard would even have stuck to his word and not detonated the explosives anyway just as he would have been about to slip out of range. No, Shepard had done everything right.

But then again, she wasn't the one who had to make that decision, and it still felt somewhat wrong even though she knew it was right; it was probably normal that Shepard felt more strongly over this. He would get over it. And if not, they would just have to help him. Garrus had tried and gotten burned , but that had been just after the fact. Perhaps now, a couple of days later...Ashley had not forgotten the length he had gone to to console her and build her back up after Eden Prime, and she wouldn't shy away from returning the favor. If she just knew how...her first thought was to find and send him a fitting verse from the bible, but then she remembered that he had described his faith as fickle. Perhaps it would throw him off and distract from what she was trying to say. Not that she was exactly sure what one would say.

They needed someone to talk to him who knew him well, or at least as well as anyone here. Someone who would know what to say. Someone like...

"Hey, Ash."

Not extracting her still twisting and turning finger from the gun, Ashley turned towards the slightly synthesized voice and smiled. "Hey back. What's up?"

Tali took a second to answer, and Ashley could tell she was nervous. It had taken her a while to really learn how to read the Quarian, but if you knew what to look for, it was quite easy and intuitive actually; she deployed very pronounced body language at almost all times, and her glowing eyes behind the mask allowed one to get at least some estimate of what the face underneath was doing. Right now, Tali had her hands deliberately placed at her sides and very still, a state in which they were almost exclusively when the girl was consciously stopping them from wringing in front of her waist. Ashley raised an eyebrow, prompting her friend to spit it out.

"Do you...have time later?"

She shrugged. "Yes. What do you wanna do?"

Tali squirmed. "Do you remember how you said you'd teach me how to braid my hair?"

"Yeeees?"

"Well...it's time. It has gotten way too long, either we braid it, or I have to cut it. Either way, something needs to happen. It's driving me crazy in here."

Ashley snorted and finally got her finger out of the rifle. "Sounds like an emergency. This boomstick here is almost done, so I could be with you in just a couple of minutes." She could see Tali's eyes lighten up underneath the mask, and she lowered herself on her toes, but instead of beginning her signature adorable bounce, she stopped herself.

"Ahm...there's one more thing. You need to put your armor on. Full suit, with re-breather helmet. I'd like to, you know...not get sick."

She raised her eyebrows. "Damn, I didn't even think about that...I'll do it of course. But...you do realize when we're doing the hair, I'll see your face, right?"

Tali shrugged and said nothing, and while Ashley didn't exactly think of herself as well versed in alien cultures, this one did throw her off.

"Really Tali, just like that? I thought this was kind of a big deal for your people."

The Quarian giggled and actually bounced on her toes now. "Oh please, we're both girls."

And with that, she turned around and left.

Half an hour later, Ashley smirked inside her helmet at the confused looks she was getting from everyone in the CIC – at least until Pressly barked at them to return their attention to their stations and if they had "never seen a marine before!?" . A short walk later, she arrived at the cockpit, where Tali and Joker were sitting and chatting, the pilot left with very little to do while the ship was in FTL. At the sound of Ashley's boots on the metal floor of the corridor, Tali got up and stepped over to the airlock, opening the inner hatch and then losing no time with getting inside. Before Ashley could follow after her, she could not help but notice she shit eating grin on Joker's face.

"Have fun in there, you two!"

She frowned, but was not one to waste an opportunity, so she quickly dialed her external speakers up to max and said: "Shut up Joker, or I'm gonna have an unfortunate accident and trip on you."

Enjoying the snickering to be heard from the command center and Joker's pained expression - the expression of a man who knew he had been had in front of everyone – Ashley turned left and entered the airlock, the door swiftly closing behind her. As the decontamination ran its course, she resisted the urge to rest against the wall and instead took stock of her younger friend. She looked somewhat nervous again.

"Nervous after all?"

The Quarian nodded meekly, and Ashley grew a little concerned.

"Are you sure it's safe?"

"Yes, yes!" Tali said, stepping a little closer. "I've thought it through well. The decon unit is really good, and while this room isn't a proper clean room, I have exposed myself to it more than once by now, mostly with my hand and feet, but once I actually let in some air and breathed it, and I only had a mild reaction after that." She forcibly extracted her hands from each other. "So, it should be okay."

"What is it then?"

Tali looked away for a second before answering. "Well...I did speak the truth before, revealing your face isn't _that_ big of a deal between members of the same sex. It's just...we only do it when necessary, and that isn't very often. The only person who has seen me in recent years was my aunt Raan, that was back when I got my pilgrimage suit. We don't actually get it for the pilgrimage, we get it when we have finished growing and live in it for our a couple of years until the pilgrimage and then the pilgrimage itself. I got this one six years ago, and ever since then, nobody has seen my face in person. I showed pictures to my brother, that's it."

Ashley suddenly felt almost solemn about all this. "Tali I...feel honored."

The Quarian took a step closer and dropped a gaze for a moment before mustering the courage to look her in the eyes again, and Ashley knew she was smiling. "It's fine, Ash. You were true to your word, you _have_ been like a sister to me."

Having said that, Tali reached up underneath her hood – realk, Ashley remembered – and pressed or undid something, Ashley couldn't see what exactly she did. A hiss of air could be heard – apparently the inside of the suit was pressurized to some degree. Such technical thoughts quickly made place for Ashley's mounting curiosity when Tali grabbed her mask with both hands and pulled it out of it's hinges so that now, the only thing holding it in front of her face was her hands. Behind the familiar deep purple, a deep breath could be heard, and then the three-fingered hands dropped, and with it the mask that had obscured Ashley's friend's features for as long as she'd known her.

Her first thought was the amazement of how human it was. Framed by the helmet and some sort of net tightly fit around her scalp, a young woman's face presented itself to her that could have easily passed for human if one didn't know better. The face was quite a bit more angular than what was normal for humans, with high cheekbones and a cute little nose, but again, if one didn't know they'd most likely just think the girl had unusual genetics. Such potential for confusion disappeared the moment when Tali, who had so far clamped her eyes shut and held her breath – apparently this had indeed been a bigger deal for her than she had been willing to admit at first – opened them and revealed the glowing orbs that had been so essential in letting those around her take guesses at how she was feeling underneath her mask. At first it looked as if her eyes were really just that, uniformly white and emitting light, but when Ashley looked closer, she could faintly make out a pupils. Apparently her fascinated silence unsettled Tali, since the Quarian cocked her head slightly and began to blush.

Finally, Ashley broke out of her revery and grinned. "I _knew_ you blush under that thing! I knew it!"

That made her blush even more, and the Gunnery Chief couldn't help but laugh, but quickly caught herself. "Sorry for staring, but I was just so fascinated. I knew you guys looked similar to us, but damn. You could easily pass for a human. You know, if one doesn't look at your hands. Or feet. Or legs...but you get what I'm saying."

An eyebrow was raised, the way it slightly changed the shape of the eyelid beneath it confirming another of the deductions Ashley had been making for months. "I'm not sure if I do."

She chuckled again, enjoying this little moment in the midst of their dangerous and often violent quest. "I'm saying that you're really pretty. I don't know what quarian guys are like of course, but as far as our's are concerned, you would turn some heads in your direction if they could see you." She allowed herself to tease the girl a little. "Or, well...turn even more heads, I mean."

Tali's blush, a deep purple coloration of her normally light lavender skin, returned immediately. S _he blushes fast. The color just changed completely over two or three seconds._ "Wh-what?"

"Oh please, don't act like you haven't noticed. That suit of yours is snug in all the right places. And again, I don't know what the quarian guys like, but human men ? Well..." She could barely keep herself together anymore watching Tali squirm like this, but somehow, she managed to maintain a straight face as suddenly, her earlier thought came back to her and she decided to take this at least one little step further before she'd let it be. "You know, I've _definitely_ seen the commander sneak a peek more than once..." _I mean it's true, he_ has _checked her out._

Tali's eyes shot wide in shock, and Ashley finally broke and burst out laughing at the speechless alien in front of her who had turned out so similar to herself in so many ways. After a few seconds she managed to shut her gaping mouth and punched the armored woman in the chest.

"You bosh'tet! You're teasing me!"

That got another round of laughter out of her, but finally she got it together and defended herself. "Maybe. But it's not like I'm making this up, you are pretty. As far as humans are concerned."

Tali's looked to the ground for a second. "Really?"

"Yes."

The Quarian seemed to contemplate that for a moment, staring right past Ashley, straight at the door, but quite obviously at nothing in particular.

"Oh."

Ashley chuckled again. "Now come on missie, you promised me hair."

"Oh. Oh, yes, of course." Dexterous fingers working almost frantically to Ashley, but, as she had learned by now, merely at a normal industrious pace for her younger friend , quickly pulled the purple hood with the swirl pattern back over the rest of Tali's helmet and down to her shoulders before going to work at the wiring and tubes now revealed, undoing them all over the course of about a minute. After that, it was clamps again, and with another hiss, the tightly fit dark grey mesh around her throat loosened somewhat and sagged a bit. A second later, Tali grabbed the helmet and lifted it off, freeing her hair.

Just like her face, the quarian hair was quite similar to a humans, but subtly different, falling in fewer and notably thicker strands. Again, in a dark room, nobody would have noticed. The really notable difference were her ears, which seemed to have the same basic structure than human ones,but instead of being roughly oval, came in a shape reminiscent of two leafs of clover while the earhole itself was covered by a flap of cartilage that looked pretty much like a human tragus.

The hair itself was black, wavy but not curly, and was more than shoulder length. Ashley whistled through her teeth. "Damn girl. It looks really nice. I bet all the quarian guys were going crazy over this back at the flotilla, with most of you shaving it and all. Must make you almost exotic." She stopped herself when the obvious problem with that came to her attention. "Or maybe not. It's not like they could see it."

Tali giggled and turned around, presenting her back to the older woman. "Well, my father always loved mother's hair,so maybe you are right. I wouldn't know. As you said, no man has ever seen it."

Grabbing the hair with her armored hands, Ashley furrowed her brow. "So...I guess it is pretty logical actually, but I never really thought about it. You never had a boyfriend, did you?"

Tali shrugged. "Well, there was some teenage stuff with that one boy from my class, texts and presents, you know. Just silly stuff. But my father shut it down."

Ashley's frown deepened. "That guy again? He didn't exactly impress me the last time I heard of him. " She continued to pull all of Tali's hair together behind her neck, trying to take stock of what she was working with. She noticed the Quarian squirming a bit.

"He meant well. And he was actually right. I later found out that he was just doing it for a bet."

"What!?" Ashley huffed, thinking about how the thickness of Tali's hair would change any braids she was used to. "That's incredible. Turns out teenage boys are jerks no matter the species, huh?"

Tali giggled. "Maybe. But it's normal for parents to break these things up anyway. Romantic relationships before the pilgrimage are frowned upon. One shouldn't get attached to someone so early in life when you have no idea yet where it might take you. You could run into trouble on your pilgrimage and take years to return, or you could discover a new skill and end up on a completely different ship than you thought of. And then there is the problem of genetic diversity. We need to keep marriages between people born on the same ships to a minimum, or we would essentially inbreed ourselves in just a couple of generations." She shrugged. "It's not forbidden or anything, not even really looked down upon; the few such bonds that happen are way to rare to cause any harm. They just barely ever happen. The pilgrimage just works for my people...in many ways."

As Tali had once more gotten lost giving Ashley a talk about her people, – not that she didn't find it interesting – her friend had finally come up with something. "So, at first I thought I'd just be doing a bun. Simple and effective. It's how I do it. But I don't have to be in a helmet the entire time, and my hair isn't as thick or long as yours anyway, so your bun would be bigger. Probably too big."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Oh, I think I got an idea, and it's going to look wonderful. Just because noone can see it doesn't mean it can't be beautiful..."

"That's nice, but I have to live like this. I...I would prefer it to be practical."

Ashley snorted. "Relax, it will be. It will leave the ears free and everything." She got out some of the elastic bands she had brought and quickly soaked them in disinfectant. "We're going to make a small bun of the hair in the middle...and two nice braids of that on the sides, and then I'm gonna knot those together with the bun on the back." She grinned gleefully. "God, this is like being home and helping Sarah get ready for a night out."

"You told me about her before. That's the one who beat up her boyfriend."

Ashley laughed. "I'm not sure how she would like being summed up in that one sentence, but yes, that's the one. She is going to graduate high school this year, so I guess if she was a Quarian, her pilgrimage would be up next."

Tali seemed to be thoughtful for a while. "I have been wondering for a while whenever the topic came up...without a pilgrimage or some other rite, how do young human adults prove that they are a useful member of society and worthy of truly being considered an adult?"

She had to think on that for a minute, and so a while passed in silence as Ashley braided her friends hair, the thickness of the alien strands actually coming in quite handy, since she was doing this with gauntlets on. "Well...you just have to stand on your own two feet at some point. From what you've told me, Quarians are like one big family, where everyone looks out for each other. Human's aren't like that. You have your own family to back you up, at least usually, but aside from that...you're on your own. Being an adult means being able to take care of yourself and support yourself." She stopped for a moment. "There's gonna be tons of exceptions I guess, but generally, that's the gist of it."

She stopped her work for a moment as Tali briefly turned her head to look back at her. "Humans are weird." She turned back around and Ashley continued. "I don't know if I could live like that."

The older woman scoffed. "Of course you could, you're doing it right now. You got here all by yourself, and as much as we like you, we're keeping you around because you're good, not out of sympathy." She patted her shoulder. "The fact that you're absolutely adorable doesn't hurt, though."

"Wha- I'm not adorable!" Tali huffed, crossing her arms in front of her chest, which, given the fact that Ashley was standing behind her, she found hilarious.

"Oh, yes, yes, you are. Watching you crawl all over this ship when you first got here, with your eyes practically bulging out just looking at and touching everything was the sweetest thing. It was a bit like watching a puppy."

"Now you're just teasing me. I know what puppies are, and I'm not...that."

"True, you're not as fluffy."

"Oh, shut up."

The rest of the work went by in silence, only interrupted by the occasional word to tell Tali to hold her head a certain way. When Ashley was done, she grabbed her friend by the shoulders and gently turned her around, smiling widely.

"Turned out real nicely, if I do say so myself." And she meant it. Tali's new hairstyle would serve her well underneath her helmet, but would not have had looked out of place on any fancy occasion.

The quarian looked curious, activating her omnitool to get a picture of herself. Holding her wrist above her head, her eyes went wide and her lips parted slightly. "Ash, I...thank you. I love it."

She grinned. "Could you...take a picture for me? I can't get a good one like this."

She nodded and obliged. As she sent it to her friend, she found herself unsure. "Ahem...can I keep it? Not going to show it around , I promise."

Tali, who at this point had üut everything but her mask back on already, nodded vigorously. "But of course! I want you to have it. And I know you wouldn't show it around."

Ashley felt a smirk tug at her lips as she gave in to the temptation of teasing the Quarian a little more. "Maybe we _should_ show it around. I meant what I said. I'm sure we can find you a nice guy around here..."

"Ha, ha, ha. I doubt human men would be interested in a Quarian."

Ashley sighed, not having intended to end up touching on Quarian complexes again. "Don't be so sure about that. I say it again, I didn't lie one bit." , she said, getting ready to open the door while Tali finished putting her mask back on. "Shepard _did_ check you out."

Tali almost jolted at those words, freezing still for a second before hastily finishing her seals. "R-really?"

"Yes, really." She hit the door control.

"Oh. Oh...". With these words, Tali fell silent as she quickly walked out of the airlock and down the corridor as Ashley undid her helmet, enjoying the feeling of fresh air on her face again. By the time she was done, her friend had already made it to the stairs down to the CIC; a confused Ashley, not used to being left standing like that by the Quarian (or anyone, for that matter) looking after her. She could've sworn that the girl was _bouncing_ again...her contemplation was cut short when Tali happily waved at someone, and when her eyes followed the direction, she found Shepard, who had just entered the CIC from the stairs and reacted to Tali's enthusiastic greeting with a nod and the first small hint of a smile she had seen from the man in days before turning towards Pressly, the lately ever present lines in his face darkening again. He did not see how the young Quarian looked after him for several seconds before suddenly, almost ashamedly, turning and hurrying down the stairs.

_Wait a second...no way. Really? Yes, really. Of course, you blind cow. Oh ho ho... Oh my..._


	17. Chapter 17

Garrus turned away from Pressly and began to walk towards the stairs. From what the executive officer had just told him, it seemed that the idleness the ship had been stuck in since they had recovered Wrex's familiy armor two days ago was finally going to end; apparently Shepard had told Pressly that he intended to look into some lead on a crime ring he had gotten on the Citadel. Garrus was happy to hear it – he would have been even happier to have a new lead on Saren, but any sign of activity from their commander was welcome news right now. Shepard had spent most of the past days in his cabin doing paperwork – something Garrus knew he loathed. Wether Shepard was trying to somehow punish himself for X57 or simply doing the only piece of work he could get done while brooding in his room, the Turian hadn't been able to tell. At least he had started taking his meals in the mess hall, and in their company, again, and while didn't seem to be in the most chipper mood, one of Garrus comments in a sarcastic argument with Kaidan about omnitool manufacturers had actually gotten a smirk out of him, so that was something.

He hadn't made it halfway towards the stairs when the man himself burst from them, almost sprinting. Before Garrus could express his surprise, Shepard had already grabbed him by the right shoulderpad and gave him a tug.

"Come on, I got Hackett on the line. We have a lead!"

His whole body electrified in the blink of an eye, Garrus followed after his friend and moments later, he was standing in the back of the communications room, impatiently watching the screen as Shepard tipped away at the console. After a couple of seconds an aging human man appeared on the monitor; slim, but hard, grey hair on his head and parts of his face, and a long scar running across it. Even if the situation hadn't made it obvious, Garrus would have recognized the man immediately – Admiral Hackett, the Alliance's most prestigious and well known officer. Any somewhat educated member of the galactic security community had at least heard of this man and seen his face.

Shepard saluted sharply. "Admiral. What have you got for me?"

The admiral wasted no time getting to the point. "We have lost contact to our colony on Feros, in the attican beta cluster, about two hours ago. We have no definitive proof yet, but they managed to get a distress call out at least partially . It's heavily corrupted and garbled, but from what the IT specialists have been able to decipher, it mentions several vessels of unknown type closing with the colony. Long range readings from their orbital defense platform before it was overwhelmed suggest the Geth."

Garrus felt the thrill of the hunt setting in. Whatever the Geth wanted from some human colony, it would be of value to Saren, and therefore, a lead for them – and if they were going to have to pry it from the Geth's cold, dead hands, all the better.

Shepard had taken to rubbing his chin during the admiral's explanation. "Feros...Dr. T'Soni told me about it. Most of the planet's landmass is covered in prothean ruins. That is why the research colony was founded there...and that's probably going to be why the Geth are there now. Perhaps the scientists unknowingly found something that can help find the conduit. Or the thing itself..." He trailed off, but after a second, he straightened his back and fixed his gaze on the admiral again. "It doesn't matter, my course of action is clear either way. The _Normandy_ will make for Feros at full speed. Anything else I should know, Sir?"

The older man nodded. "Yes. The 5th fleet's rapid response flotilla under Rear Admiral Li is already en route to the colony, but you will arrive there ahead of them by a couple of hours. Any and all reconnaissance you can perform in system, especially regarding the Geth's naval assets, will be highly appreciated."

Shepard nodded curtly. "Understood, Sir."

"Good, Hackett out."

Without waiting for a reply, the admiral cut the connection. Shepard just stood there for a moment, staring at the blank screen, before whirling around and looking at Garrus with predatory glee in his eyes. "Finally. Let's get this ship moving."

Garrus twisted his mandibles in a turian grin. "Can't wait." And in his thoughts he added: _Good to have you back._

…...

Shepard turned up his nose, taking in a whiff of the smokey air as he let his gaze wander across the inner ring of the Feros colony and the sky above it. It was grey, laden with dust the wind picked up from the carcass of what had to have been a sprawling city full of life thousands of years ago. In all directions, the ruins covered the land as far as the eye could see – which, considering how high they actually were, wasn't very far at all, perhaps some kilometers, but from the quick briefing he had had Liara cook up for them on their flight here, he knew that they covered the majority of the continent. The colony itself barely deserved the name, it was more of a research outpost, divided into the settlement they were standing in right now, and the ExoGeni headquarters across the prothean skyway, with the settlement and it's inhabitants mostly serving as a port and cheap labor for the scientists hauled up at the HQ. The HQ which would be their next destination.

The team had arrived at the colony in the middle of a frantic firefight. The large hall they were standing in now with the large pre-fabs in the middle was actually just the 'town center' of this place; the colonists had abandoned the outer rings, where most of them actually lived, very quick when the Geth had come down upon them. A wise decision – the center was a well defensible position, and as far as Shepard could judge the situation, the only thing that had kept these people alive this long. But it was good that they were here now; barely two days had passed since the beginning of the attack, but every single colonist they had seen was clearly nearing the breaking point, walking their patrols or working at their stations in the robotic fashion of those tired to death and barely keeping themselves awake. They were barely able to even hold a conversation anymore, directing any inquiries to their leader Fai Dan instead. And that wasn't even the worst of it; down in the tunnels, where they had fixed the water pipes and rooted out a Geth communication relay, they had already found a man who had snapped from the pressure of the situation and quite clearly gone insane. And John was certain he wouldn't remain the only one for long. Which was why they would end this now – and then look for answers in the piles of geth bodies they would leave in their wake. They would not fail these people. _He_ would not fail these people.

He turned around and addressed his team. "We have done everything we could for these people, and Garrus and Tali will have the Mako at the skyway any minute, so we'll get going." He locked his gaze on Kaidan. "Not you, LT. And you neither, Chief." He could see the protest in Ashley's face, but she was too disciplined to voice it. He had anticipated how she'd feel about this – in fact he was quite sure Kaidan felt the same way, he was just too mild mannered to show it. "We can't leave these people alone. They are barely holding up as is. That last attack could have broken them if we had not shown up when we did. And with the state they're in, I'm not going to make it any harder on them than necessary, which is why I'm going to leave my two Alliance marines here. Got it?"

They nodded, and while Ashley didn't look happy per se, he knew that his explanation had satisfied the chief even before she gave a vigorous "Hooah!" Shepard allowed himself the hint of a smile. "That's what I want to hear. Kaidan, you're in command, that includes taking command of these civilians too. Get them in line and keep them alive. Good luck." With a pat on the man's shoulder, he passed Alenko and started climbing the stairs to the skyway, Liara and Wrex falling in behind him. The skyway was a couple of levels up, and they could hear the Mako's engine rumble on outside as the vehicle ascended the driveway that rounded the entire spire, connecting the skyway to the hangar; when one spared the thought, it was quite obvious that the room that was now the colony's town center had to have been a storage unit once. He mentioned as much to Liara, who perked up and, ignoring her labored breath, took a couple of steps in a quick stride to fall in besides him.

"I have been thinking about this, too. This city is..." she took a quick breath, "... fascinating. I am...confused about the skyway. What... was it's purpose? They obviously had..aerial transportation. That skyway must have been a...enormous project. That couldn't...have been ...worth it!"

He found himself grinning at the Asari's enthusiasm apparently overriding her need to breathe. "Maybe they just liked groundcars. They're more fun than aircars, all that autopilot puts you to sleep."

Liara scoffed and shook her head. "I'm serious, Commander. "

He shrugged. "And I was only half joking. The Protheans were supposedly much more technologically advanced than us. Perhaps that skyway wasn't that big of a deal to them, and if they enjoyed riding whatever ground vehicles they had two kilometers above the actual ground...why wouldn't they build this? Or even just to stroll around on it? The view must have been phenomenal back then."

That actually gave the archaeologist turned commando walking next to him pause, and after a few moments, she just tentatively panted. "I...suppose...that is a reasonable hypothesis."

They walked the rest of the way in silence, and John contemplated on the ease with which he had just made conversation. He hadn't even noticed it, but for a brief moment there, he had forgotten the shadow that had hung over him for the past five days; the only other person who had managed that so far had been Tali when she had gone off on one of her tangents yesterday. _Am I forgetting that quickly?_ He frowned slightly as his mood darkened again. _I must not. What is done is done, but I can't ever forget what I'm capable of._ He cleared the final set of stairs and entered into a large garage adjacent to the actual skyway itself. A couple of civilian guards with old Avenger rifles were there, keeping an eye on the gigantic piece of prothean architecture. An early warning post, quite obviously; usually, soldiers put in such a position where nervous, ready to bolt at a moment's notice, and that was true twice as much for civilians. These ones however just stared ahead stoically, almost mindlessly. In earlier campaigns and battles, John had seen people in similar states of mind before, but something about these people stroke him as odd. Those the trauma of war had reduced to such shadows of their former selves rarely had a lot of discipline left, but these ones stared down the skyway with a single mindedness that would have made any superior happy. He shrugged it off. Later, there would be time for shrinks to try and help these colonists deal with the horrors they had witnessed; first, he and his team would have to make sure that there would be any colonists left to help in the first place. He clenched his jaw and sped up his gait, hurrying towards the Mako with renewed focus and determination. He would not fail here.

…..

"-pard, come in! This is Alenko! Commander Shep-"

"Hearing you loud and clear, Kaidan. What's happening? Are you under attack?"

The frantic radio calls of Kaidan, interrupted by the calm , collected tone of Joh- , of Shepard , tore Tali from the reverie that had befallen her upon seeing the Geth cruiser tumble to the ground and feeling it shake the ground beneath their feet all the way up here, kilometers above. Her head snapped around to her Captain as the lieutenant, already calmer, reported in. "The colonists have gone mad. They attacked us! One moment everything was fine, the next they opened fire! The chief and I barely made it out alive. We...had to kill two of them."

Kaidan paused for a second, and Shepard interjected. "Casualties?"

"No, Sir, the shields and armor held. They're terrible shots."

"Good. Where are you now?"

"In the Normandy. The colonists are outside, trying to get inside with their bare hands. We are ready to depart if needed, but since they're no actual threat, I've decided to not take any action without your knowledge."

Shepard visibly relaxed. "Good. That was the right decision. We uncovered what is wrong with the colonists. ExoGeni exposed them to some alien plant, and now it's controlling them. We'll...we're gonna try and find a solution. Sit tight. Anything else?"

"The flotilla Hackett promised is in system. The Geth are on the retreat."

"Finally some good news. Over and out."

John let his hand fall from his communicator and met her eyes. She struggled to decipher the emotions in his; they were not overly liberal with giving them away, even though she had gotten better at it over the weeks and months past. For a split second, she was certain that she could actually see fear in there, and it gave her pause; but soon enough, whatever she had seen was replaced with the determination and grit she was used to. A second later, he turned his head towards the others, who had gathered in a loose circle.

"Well, there we have it. The worst case."

Garrus shook his head violently. "These bastards will crash and burn for what they've done here. I copied the entirety of the evidence onto my disk. Palinn will be _very_ interested to give it a read, and so will the press."

Shepard nodded. "That's at least something. But I'm not giving up on these people. We don't know what exactly this 'Thorian' did to them, and how much of themselves they really are anymore, but we have to try. If nothing else, killing that thing should stop them from attacking us."

She turned her head towards the deep, rumbling sound of Wrex's voice. "You're thinking in the right direction, Shepard, but they are it's minions now. I don't think we'll get to it without cutting them down first."

John grimaced and looked to the ground, hands at his hips, clearly racking his brain trying to find a solution that to her, seemed rather obvious.

"If there is a way, this Lizbeth or the scientists hiding on the skyway should know about it." His head came up to look at her with a grim smile.

"You're right...and I want to have a talk with Lizbeth anyway. From what the VI said, I don't think she approved of any of this. But she doesn't know that we know that. So I am very optimistic she'll be most eager to tell us everything. And if she isn't, Garrus' and Wrex' combined charm should do the trick."

And so he got going, Garrus falling in beside him with a Turian smirk. Leaving Wrex to bring up the rear, Tali herself fell in besides Liara, her shotgun still in hand and ready to be brought up at a moment's notice, but in truth she didn't think she would need again too soon. Any remaining Geth wouldn't go out of their way to pick a fight with them now; with the Geth's objective failed and an assault on their group doomed to fail unless carried out by far more platforms than there was any chance of still remaining inside the building, they were justified in feeling mostly safe for now. The trip through the ruined ExoGeni headquarters took them a while, and she found her thoughts wander from the strange, almost cultish behavior the Geth had exhibited at their, for lack of a better word, shrine, earlier, back to John. The man had been on her mind quite a lot the last couple of days – even more than usual, that was. It was bad enough in and of itself that, as great as sleeping much better now really was, she genuinely missed her and Shepard's late night hangouts, but then the last couple of days had happened. It had been painfully obvious to everyone that he, to some extent, blamed himself for what had transpired on X57; wether that concerned the event itself or just the way he had come to do it, clearly driven to pull the trigger by Balak's words, not the calm, collected decision any one of them would have expected from Shepard at this point. But she hadn't been able to do anything about it – after Garrus had tried and gotten blown off, she had been to insecure, to unsure of what to say, and so she had simply not talked about it at all and while she had managed to distract Shepard for a little while when he had come by her workplace in engineering, it had hung over him, and in extension her, like a dark cloud ever since – at least until her and Ashley's moment in the airlock two days ago.

Before, she had actually been making progress towards ridding herself of the silly thoughts she had been having, but now, they were at the back of her mind constantly – given the fact that she now wasn't even that sure anymore that they were truly silly. For all the weeks these feelings had now been haunting her, she had dismissed it all, secure in the knowledge that it was just her subconscious acting up, the silly crush of a young girl who perhaps wasn't as mature yet in some areas as in others, and therefore, not only could she not really blame herself, but more importantly, it wasn't anything to be seriously concerned about. But now her mind raced asking herself if she had been wrong all along, and if yes, what in the ancestors name she was ever going to do about it. While one part of her kept her lying awake at night trying to come up with an excuse to go up to the mess hall and hopefully run into Shepard while being somewhat terrified at the prospect at the same time, another part of her was shocked by the fact that she, there was no longer any denying it, was having feelings for this man. Tali had never harbored any ill will towards aliens in general, of course, and neither did the Quarians at large, not really ; but due to the insular nature of the fleet, interspecies relations, something they had engaged in as freely as any other species of the galaxy before the morning war, had practically died out with the exception of nothing but the occasional fling enjoyed by particularly adventurous pilgrims. She had never thought of herself like...that. But now that she found herself in a position to relate, she wondered if she had done these pilgrims wrong all this time by thinking of them as reckless and not focused on their duties enough.

Perhaps they had been all the more dutiful for seeing first hand, close up, what the galaxy had to offer, and then leaving it behind in favor of the fleet all the same.

And there she was again at the point she kept ending up at: In the end, her or John's feelings didn't truly matter, did they. She could never abandon the fleet, and what good was bringing something to life just to kill it off again moments later.

That all, of course, assuming that the man felt anything for her at all and wasn't just appreciating the eye candy she apparently was for the human men on board, at least according to Ashley. She sighed inside her helmet, eliciting a curious glance from Liara, and trudged on.


	18. Chapter 18

Loud voices echoed through the run down corridor as the group approached the little hall where the ExoGeni survivors were holed up. After listening for a couple of seconds, John recognized them as Lizbeth's mother and that slimy little jerk Jeong. Lizbeth herself , who had been properly contrite and cooperative, but not too helpful, had apparently caught on quicker, because she took off without warning, running towards the commotion. He cursed under his breath and sped up himself.

As they entered the room, a jarring scene presented itself. Some of the guards had the scientists standing tightly together at the far wall, while most of them just stood around visibly indecisive. In the center was Baynham, half sprawled, half sitting on the ground she had apparently made close and surprising acquaintance with just a moment prior, Jeong standing over her with a pistol in his hand that was probably the source of the big bruise on Juliana's cheek. He whirled around when Lizbeth entered the room with a cry, running straight past two startled guards who now scrambled to react to the new arrivals, quite obviously unsure of wether or not they were supposed to raise their weapons. Willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and intent on avoiding any unnecessary bloodshed, Shepard spared them a glance that expressed clear as day just what he thought of that idea, and they caught the hint. Relaxing a bit, John took a couple of steps further into the room. With quiet satisfaction, he noticed in the corner of his eye and by the movement he could hear behind him that his team was already spreading out. Garrus was in the Mako, but if push came to shove, the four of them would manage. He did not expect it, though. These rent-a-cops were not going to throw their lives away for Jeong, especially not after what they were about to hear.

"Drop that gun, Jeong. I know everything. How you consciously exposed the colonists to the Thorian, what the Thorian is, it's goddamn mind control, even your dirty business with Cerberus. Your entire company is fucked, Jeong, and as the man in charge here, so are you." He made a pause to let the words have their effect on the room, but while he could see the guards look at each other horrified and the guns of those who had been watching the civilians drop out of their hands and into their slings, as well as Jeong's face go pale as expected, there was apparently more fight in the little weasel than Shepard had anticipated.

"D-damn you, Shepard! I knew it was too much to hope for the Geth to get rid of you. I told you not to stick your nose into matters that are none of your business! This planet is under corporate jurisdiction!" He paced around frantically. "The...the company won't have this. We reestablished contact. All proof is to be..." , he shot a quick glance towards the scientists herded together in the back of the room, "..terminated."

John couldn't believe what he was hearing - not the content of it, but the fact that this guy was actually telling him this. "You fucking idiot. You just confessed to conspiracy to murder in front of a council Spectre." Jeong flinched. "You're just digging your grave deeper and deeper, Jeong. It doesn't matter anymore what ExoGeni wants. As it stands, _I_ am the law on this planet. These guards won't lift a finger for you, let alone die for you. Which is all they would achieve anyway." It couldn't hurt to make the balance of power crystal clear for anyone slow on the uptake.

Which Jeong apparently was. "We'll see. Gotta do everything yourself..." he muttered, and started to raise his pistol. A moment later, it fell from his hand as a single shot made most of the unprotected people in the room jump with it's, in this confined place, deafening noise. Jeong fell to the ground, screaming and holding his injured shoulder. _A good shot,_ he decided. _A good measure of force._

He turned to one of the guards and began to bark orders. "Get some medigel on this fool and tie him up. If he dies or get's lost, you'll answer to me." He turned to another one. "The rest of you, set up a fucking perimeter! We just walked in on you and you didn't notice us until we were already on top of you, and we weren't even trying to sneak up on you! If we had been Geth, you'd be dead now! Get your heads outta your asses, for christ's sake!" Half a dozen pairs of confused and terrified eyes looked back at him. "NOW!"

He allowed himself an amused snort as they finally got moving and scrambled to do as they had been told. Wiping the smirk off his face, he walked over to the Baynhams, Lizbeth helping her mother up. "Now to you." The two women looked back at him cautiously, and so did the rest of the civilians further back. "I know that not all of you knew, and that of those who knew, not all were happy with what was being done here. But you were still a part of it, and that means it is your responsibility." Juliana nodded, but brought up her hands; wether she was trying to calm him or herself was anyones guess. "Wait a moment, please. What is this...Thorian, and what do you mean they exposed the colonists to it?"

Her daughter sighed. "The Thorian is an ancient, plant - based life form ExoGeni discovered in the depths underneath Zue's Hope. The problem is that it emits spores that...can parasitically invade the nervous systems of other life forms. We first noticed it in local animals, so naturally we wondered if it could affect intelligent life as well. So we ran tests on the colonists, disguised as a routine medical checkup...and we found that the spores had already taken hold. In all of them." Seeing the shocked expression on her mother's face, the young woman looked to the ground, taking a deep breath. "The company decided to just wait and see what would happen. I complained, but...they didn't listen. I..." , she gritted her teeth. "...I didn't have the courage to do more."

Juliana turned around, looking at one of the other scientists in the room, a middle aged woman with dark skin. " Deacons! You...I cannot believe this! I recommended your department to my daughter so that she would learn from you, not so that you could play Mengele together! This..."

Christina clearly wasn't willing to be lambasted. "Don't be so dramatic. I know that we...made a mistake, but we do not know how far this control even extends in sapients, and we still have time to-"

"No we don't." ,Shepard interrupted her, " And I know pretty damn well how far that control goes. Right now, the Thorian has the entire colony banging and clawing at my ship's hull. They tried to kill my soldiers." Baynham covered her hand with her mouth, a shocked gasp escaping her, and similar sounds could be heard from Christina and the others. He stepped in closer, towering over her now. "So you better tell me now that you have some contingency plan to undo this, or I will put in a very, very bad word for all of you with the judge."

It took her a few seconds to respond, clearly struggling for words, and for her composure. _Looks like this one has a heart, after all. Would've been better if she remembered that a little earlier, though._ "Dr. Deacons, if you can't give me something, we're looking at a bloodbath. There are _kids_ in that colony. Kids!" She just continued to nod as tears finally welled in her eyes.

"M-my god, we never...we didn't want this! They...you saw what Jeong was like! The company is ruthless, and they don't take lightly to leaks - "

"I don't care about your sob story! You are _not_ the victim here. Now, since evidently not a single one of you possesses a spine, show me that you at least have brains. Give. Me. Something. _Now_."

Deacons nodded, straightening her back and managing to hold his stare as she regained her composure. "Yes, yes, we...it wasn't really designed as a contingency for this problem, but my department has also been working at...non – lethal chemical weaponry. Our current project is a paralyzing nerve agent. The effects are temporary, and it leaves no lasting effects...at least we haven't observed any yet... we...only tested it on Varren so far. It's mostly intended for police forces, crowd control and the like, you understand..." she trailed off for a moment. "When we fled, we took some of our stock with us. It was the department's main project after all...if we could find a way to deploy it..." She shrugged her shoulders.

Shepard, who had taken off his helmet during the talking, rubbed his chin. "Hm...could we maybe fix a detonator to your stockpile and try to blanket the whole settlement with it? We could get it into position with biotics..."

Deacons shifted her weight. "I do not think we have enough of the agent for that. We will have to find a way to apply it more precisely."

Silence fell, but only for a couple of seconds until he found Tali stepping up next to him. "Shepard. Our grenades have easily removable mantles. Depending on how they are storing this gas, I think I could turn down the detonator's power enough so that it just opens the vials, or canisters or whatever, instead of turning them into shrapnel. So basically, I could rig us makeshift gas grenades."

He gave her a thankful nod and they both looked back towards the scientist in front of them, who was now nodding enthuiastically. "Yes...yes! We store the agent in plastic canisters. The danger for the colonists should be minimal. And the method is precise enough that you might actually manage to get them all!" She looked back at them with visible confidence. "This is the way."

John turned towards Tali and pulled his two grenades from their pouches at his hip. "Looks like my favorite Quarian saves the day again." He grinned and handed them to her, before turning and making his way towards Wrex. "Wrex, please get the rest of the grenades from the Mako. We're going to do this nice and clean."

One hour later, John leaned on the weathered stone of the Zue's Hope spire and peeked through a gap in the wall, trying to get a good look at the settlement. His team was assembled behind him, keeping watch in every direction - but he expected no more contacts until they actually moved into the colony. There had been two guards as well as roughly a dozen nightmarish creatures – plant-like humanoids with empty eye sockets and long claws instead of fingers, ' Creepers' , Garrus had named them – up at the skyway entrance, but they had cut through these, presumably thorian in origin, monsters, and then silenced the two wildly, and rather poorly aimed, firing men with a well placed gas grenade.

Ever since then, for the entirety of their slow and cautious approach down the stairs towards the settlement, there had been nothing but silence. Shepard had no way of truly knowing just how intelligent this Thorian was, but from what he had seen, he suspected that it was quite smart indeed. The resistance at the skyway had clearly just been a lookout post; the Creepers had most likely been intended to try and get an idea of what they were capable of. If this was true, the real resistance probably awaited them the exact second they stepped through the archway at Zue's Hope's level of the stairs – there was no better position. If he were in the Thorians position, John reasoned, he'd have the majority of his forces waiting there with their guns aimed right at the exit, ready to fire away, and probably an entire horde of these Creepers standing by to prevent them from breaking out of the killzone.

His ruminations proved correct. From his elevated position, he was able to make out half a dozen colonists occupying the exact same positions they had held against the Geth earlier – but now, their robotic demeanor was even more pronounced, barely a muscle twitching as they stood stock still, guns indeed aimed at the stairs. These people would have some serious soreness when they came to...he frowned. Some pain was going to be the least of everyone's worries if he didn't find a way to do this cleanly. They couldn't just force their way through the door; they would face too much fire at once. Between their strong shields and perhaps a barrier from Liara, they might be able to get a grenade into every significant position before their protection collapsed; but it wouldn't be enough. That way, they would be left with nothing but their armor to protect them from the fire of any colonist who might be left standing and who, since they couldn't afford to use grenades on a single person, would have to be taken down 'manually'.

And that didn't even take the Creepers into account that would no doubt be there, too, even though he couldn't see them right now – but that meant nothing. Not only was his field of view from here extremely limited, these things had already proven that they could make themselves quite small and remain unnaturally still.

John sighed, opening his visor to scratch his itching nose. "Come on people. Let's try to find a better position a level down..."

They got going and a minute later, he was moving cautiously along the wall again – they were close now, and he had no idea what the auditory capabilities of these 'creepers' were. Finally, he found another rift in the stone. Keeping a low profile, he crept close to the edge until he could see through the roughly half a meter wide opening. What he found damn near froze the blood in his veins. He was looking in a roughly 90 degrees different direction than he had been from the other hole; this way, he could see what lay to the left of anyone exiting the tower at the point where they too would have to. Hidden behind the corner was not only another gun position held by four mind controlled colonists, but also a solid two dozen – if not more creepers, curled up into a ball the same way they had seen it up at the skyway.

J _ust as I thought...it's not stupid. If we try to force our way through that door, the best scenario is being forced to kill some of the civilians. Just as possible that we get torn to pieces. Who knows how many more of them there are._

He activated his comm and spoke in a low tone, making sure no sound escaped past the confines of his helmet. "Garrus, get your marksman rifle out and come over here." Not taking his eyes off the enemy, he waited as the occasional low noise and shuffling announced the closing in of his turian friend. A couple of seconds later, he was at his side.

"What's the deal, boss?"

"Have a look."

Shepard stepped back from the rift, allowing Garrus to see. Evidently, he caught sight of the issue quickly, his mandibles flairing – Shepard had, in the past, expressed his worry about Garrus going without a helmet whenever possible, but the Turian had insisted on doing so as this way, he got the most out of his tactical visor.

"I'll be damned, this Thorian has layed an ambush." The Turian looked down, beginning to fiddle with his rifle's optic. "I take it you want me to thin their ranks a little?"

John nodded. "It's a good position. Even trained troops would have a hard time silencing you here, and from what we've seen, these mind controlled colonists couldn't hit a dreadnought."

"Alright. Say the word when you want me to start."

John nodded and began creeping his way back to the others, who had watched his and Garrus' backs the entire time. "Listen up people. The Thorian has laid an ambush for us – if we go through that archway now, it's going to be a tough fight. Creepers and dug in colonists. No way we can manage without shooting back at the civilians. Fortunately, we have a good position to lay waste to these Creepers. That should force the Thorian to pull it's forces back into the cover of the buildings." He sighed. "We will then break out using smoke and make our way to some proper cover ASAP. We'll probably get swarmed by Creepers, but as long as we have some decent cover, we should be able to focus on them first and then have all the time in the world to deploy these gas grenades." He wasn't half as calm about this as he was making it look for the others; urban combat was messy at the best of times, and when your goal was to not actually shoot at roughly half of your enemies, it was bound to make it only worse. Their prospects of getting through this day without spilling innocent blood were worsening by the minute.

He looked around; Wrex had barely looked over and was already pointing his gun down the stairs again. The old mercenary needed little explaining of anything; and he probably was acutely aware of just how difficult this was about to get. Liara and Tali though were looking at him wide eyed; inwardly, he cringed at the thought of what he was about to put them through. This was an operation of a delicacy that even an N6 team would respect. "Get ready for anything. I won't lie to you, this won't be easy." He put one hand on a shoulder of each of them. "But there's noone I'd rather be doing this with. I know you will give it your all, and you will do well."

A final nod, and he gave them a gentle shove, sending them off, back to their positions watching their back, while he and Wrex looked down the stairs, guns at the ready. "Garrus, fire."

After less then a second, the loud report of the turian's rifle boomed through the air, and just a moment later, it did so again. The model Shepard had bought for his friend had two independent barrels and ammo blocks, enabling it to shoot particles of substantially different calibre – and substantially different heat generation. This allowed the rifle to keep up a high rate of fire effective against softer targets, as it was doing now – another shot rang out, followed by a cacophony of clattering as the mind controlled colonists began returning fire in Garrus' general direction - while also having the option of punching through heavy armor and barriers in a single shot when needed.

Garrus snarled. "Get ready. They're not retreating. They're coming in here."

"What!?"

"I said they're attacking!"

A moment later, further talk was cut off by the snarling and moaning of the husk-like Creepers as half a dozen of them brust through the archway at the foot of the stairs in quick succession. Wrex wasted no time, turning one of them into a mess of green goo with his shotgun. Shepard snapped his rifle up and began unloading, firing full auto – against the Creepers, weight of fire was everything, and not only was it hard to miss at this range, even if he did, there were enough of them coming uo behind so that he'd hit _something_ hostile no matter what. Two down, and then a third one. Already, more of them came pouring into the tower, while the lead one lunged up to steps at a time, only stopping when his head exploded just as he had gotten past about a third of the stairs between the team and the green tide. _They're closing way too fast._

"Tali! Liara! Get over here!"

He did not stop to look if they had heard him, and he didn't need to as just a moment later, the familiar crack of Tali's shotgun went off just to his left, quickly followed by the rapid fire of Liara's SMG. The four of them were just standing there now, cover not a concern, blasting away wildly like the heroes in some cheesy action vid – and still, every shot was a hit as more and more of the monsters poured into the room. In the back, Garrus gun went silent. "I'm overheated!" , the Turian's voice blared over the comm. Some seconds later, a blue bur came to a halt at the rightmost corner of John's vision and became Garrus, assault rifle in hand. "None of them left in my field of fire anyway!", he shouted, but even at less than a meter distance between them, Shepard heard it purely through his earpiece as the sound of now five guns blazing drowned out everything.

Ever since the two women had added their firepower – it could just as well have been ten seconds, or an eternity -, the creepers had made no more headway up the stairs, but now, the abused gun in John's hands finally, with a pitiful wheeze of hot air, gave in and stopped fring. He unceremoniously dropped it and whipped out the shotgun from the small of his back; as he did so, he noticed that Tali and Liara had already run into the same problem and were now shooting their pistols, their main weapons lying at their feet, cooling down. Even with Garrus here now, their volume of fire had decreased. And the Creepers were closing in, every one that went down in a spray of ichor and torn off body parts having made it one step further, closer to them. Five meters...down. Four and a half- down. He glanced down to his rifle. Seconds to go. The shotgun overheated and he dropped it, pulling out his Spectre Grade hand cannon instead, delivering one headshot after the other, which actually proved more effective than delivering center mass shots with his run of the mill shotgun. He could see Tali shooting him a quick, wide eyed glance as she bent down to pick up her shotgun. The image of what the claws on these monster's hands would do to her envirosuit flashed through his mind, and he snarled as he killed another one. He glanced down again. Just two seconds more...he holstered the pistol and bent down to retrieve the rifle.

_We can't keep this up. I need to..._

He began nestling for the grenade at his waist; they had decided to leave three of those as they were, one on him, one on Wrex, and one on Garrus, and now he found himself extraordinarily relieved they had done so. Pulling the pin, he lobbed it over the heads of the creepers who by now had closed to a mere three meters in front of them. A moment later, the entire room was showered in the disgusting green goo that seemed to make up the insides of the creatures. Tali squealed. Wrex laughed.

The creepers that had been closer to them kept coming. Suddenly, five of them went down at once; the enormous shell of one of Wrex's 20 mm slugs sailing through Shepard's view a moment later explaining what had happened. The ones who had been blown up at the foot of the stairs had already been replaced with new ones.

_How many of these fuckers are there!?_

Wrex continued to tear rifts through the tide with his slugs and that kept them at the foot of the stairs for another fifteen seconds, but then another large swathe of them burst through the archway. John's shotgun, which he had in the meantime had to switch back to, overheated again; his rifle was nowhere near cooled down. To his right, he saw Garrus using his pistol, and to his left, Liara and Tali were doing the same. Wrex was cursing at his Claymore which had finally stopped working as well.

He crushed the lump that formed in his belly at the thought of what he knew he had to do, and drew his machete. "WREX!"

The Krogan snapped his head around to him, grinned the toothy grin of his people, and laughed. "Ha! Show me what you're made of, Shepard!" And then he charged down the stairs laughing. Taking a deep breath, John followed, paying no heed to the startled looks of the other three. He shot a creeper through the head as he approached. The next one swung his claws at him, but he took them off at the wrist and then shot that one as well. Another cut disposed of a third one. Then there were two at once; he found himself pushed back up the stairs, and one of them got him in the lightly armored inside of his left upper arm, but he eventually killed those too. A quick glance revealed Wrex practically covered in the things, one of them clawing at his leg even as he squashed it under his foot, another one holding on to his armored hump. John could just catch a glimpse of one's head basically exploding as Wrex used his giant gun as a club before he was beset again. Three of them this time. He shot at one's head – and missed. He had banked on hitting, and so the thing was inside his guard immediately, his blade out to the side and his pistol arm swatted aside. Claws scraped against his chestplate, harmless for now. John brought back his left, hitting the thing in the skull with the grip of the hand cannon. Dazed as it was, it let up for just long enough for him to sink the machete into the base of it's skull.

Before he could do anything else, he was knocked to the ground. One of them was on top of him suddenly; he had lost grip of his weapons. John caught one clawed hand at the wrist, then another. He felt teeth, or something else sharp, biting into the back of his knee, and failed to suppress a short scream. Gritting his teeth, he headbutted the one sitting on his torso, but that failed to do much; instead, the beast dug it's teeth into the thick fabric protecting his neck.

The suit was almost impossible to cut in this place, but the pressure alone was enough. Breathing became hard. John thrashed in the Creeper's grip, but all it did was getting the jaws even better surface area. His eyesight began to fade, and his limbs felt heavier by the second. He was still frantically trying to decide wether he should let go of the beasts arms to try and wrestle it's head away when the point was rendered moot as it simply tore them free of his weakening grip. He punched it, and that finally got it off his neck, but now the clawed hand was coming down on his armpit, he wouldn't be able to -

Blue light consumed the world, and the pressure on his chest and leg was suddenly gone. John tried to rise, but it was hopeless. He was so damn tired. _Get yourself togeth,,,_

The next thing he knew was Tali's mask and Liara's visibly tired face staring down at his, muffled sounds quickly becoming louder in his ears. "-pard? Shepard!"

"F-fine!" He raised his hands and blinked. "I'm fine. I think." He spat blood and found himself noticing that his lip was cut up badly – he had to have bitten it during the fight. "Fuck."

Three fingered hands pushed him back against the wall he was leaning against. "Keelah! You're not fine! You're -"

"I bit my lip, that's all. I'm okay. Really." Mask or not, Tali, who had crouched down and brought her face directly in front of his, seemed profoundly skeptical as she looked at him, but after a moment she let it go, breaking eye contact and shaking her head. "Bosh'tet .You scared me."

John snorted. "Sorry, maam. Now, are you gonna help me up?"

A moment later, he was on his feet again, taking in his surroundings. He was standing at the base of the stairs,the entire room covered in green ichor and the body parts of Creepers. It was silent; neither the shuffling of feet of more Creepers rushing in nor gunfire could be heard. However, he noticed that about a dozen colonists had apparently joined the Creepers in the assault. Wrex stood at the entryway, surveying the area outside.

"Looks like we won, but...what the hell happened?"

"Biotics." He turned around to Liara, who was looking at him somewhat sheepishly. "I was about to push them back down the stairs when you and Wrex took off. So I, ahem, waited for an opportunity, but it didn't come. You seemed to be having trouble, so I saw no other way, and I..." she trailed off for a moment. "I tried to apply the force around you, but it's really difficult when that thing is basically sitting on top of you, so you got pushed around a bit as well. I am sorry."

John looked at her dumbfounded before breaking out in laughter. "You're sorry? You just saved my dumb arse, Liara." He shook his head, amazed by his oversight. " Jesus, how didn't I think of that ? Could've saved me a lot of trouble. Good job." He nodded at the Asari, who almost beamed at him for it. Steps could be heard coming down the stairs, and turning towards the sound, he found himself looking at Garrus.

"There you are." He pointed towards the colonists on the floor. "Mind telling me what happened to these?"

The Turian shrugged. "I guess your and Wrex's fisticuffs convinced the Thorian that we were about to break, but apparently, there aren't any Creepers left, or at least not here. So it sent in it's new slaves. They came in guns blazing just as Liara had obliterated the Creepers, so all we had to do was pop a gas grenade and it hit them all at once. That probably tought the thing not to bunch them up, and so the ones left outside all retreated." He flaired his mandibles. "A dozen down, about three more to go, and we still have lots of these grenades. The odds just got a lot better."

John nodded and turned around, hissing in pain at the pain in his right knee as he walked over to Wrex and looked out the archway. "Indeed they did. Looks like they've gone to hiding around the buildings. Will be messy, but nothing compared to...this." He spat blood again. "Fucking hell. I really didn't think the Thorian would be so aggressive. Thank god it was though. Imagine if we had tried to force our way through their positions. We'd be dead."

John stared at the pre-fabs in front of them for a while, playing out the possibilities and avenues of attack in his head. "Alright, people. From here on out, it's still going to be difficult, but the worst part lies behind is. We will make our way to the Normandy first to pick up Kaidan and Ashley."

He turned around to the three looking at him, while Wrex remained vigilant. "Let's go. Anyone got something to add?"

He hadn't really expected a response, and he certainly hadn't expected Tali to step in and grab his arm. "Yes. You're bleeding, Shepard." He looked down and saw the inside of his left arm covered in red. "Oh."

"Sit down. I'll take care of it."

He sighed and obliged. "Thanks. I guess we can use a minute of rest anyway."


	19. Chapter 19

Garrus' talon gently caressed his trigger. A shot rang out, and the pistol that had been slowly lowering it's muzzle towards Fai Dan's temple fell to the ground. A couple of heads turned to him, but Shepard, who had been lining up a shot himself, was faster on the uptake and immediately broke into a sprint, closing the distance to the unofficial leader of Zue's Hope, who was standing there frozen, staring at the ruin of his hand. Wounded, hurting and struggling against the Thorian's influence, the man was restrained easily. Garrus lowered his rifle and relaxed, blowing the breath he had been holding through his nose.

_Four are enough._

The last hours had been absolutely nerve wrecking. Apparently having deduced their reluctance to shoot the colonists, the Thorian had spread them out as much as possible in these confined spaces, denying them any further opportunities to neutralize larger groups with a single gas grenade. And so they had been forced to employ biotics and good old fashioned hand-to-hand to get the job done without spilling blood – a lengthy and exhausting process. At least it had paid off – after about an hour, they had made it to the ship and reconnected with Williams and Alenko, and now, two hours later, the entire colony was accounted for, about two thirds of them paralyzed, the rest tied up, and after struggling against their restraints initially, they were now lying almost perfectly still, staring straight ahead with empty eyes like puppets with their strings cut – it seemed the Thorian had accepted that these slaves were useless for now and decided not to devote any further mental capacity to them, but not to release them, either. Garrus had to admit that the sight was chilling, even though he didn't show it. Kaidan and the girls had no such reservations and were clearly distraught.

The entire team was covered in bruises and scratches and getting tired. The fact that they had been forced to shoot one more colonist didn't help. It had happened towards the end of the whole action – after spending the bulk of it's forces trying to delay them, the Thorian had pulled together most of who had been left in an ambush. It had been quite decently executed, he had to admit; they had received fire from two sides. The fact that they had even walked into that still vexed him, and if he was any judge, Shepard was furious, too; but at the end of the day, the Thorian's thralls unnatural discipline and ability to remain perfectly immobile lent itself just too well to such tactics to realistically expect to go three hours in urban combat against them without getting caught out at least once.

It had been a close one; even with their piss poor shooting, the sheer weight of fire from the colonists had taxed their shield to the breaking point, and Liara had already been far too tired to put up a large barrier. So Shepard had chosen to seek their salvation in aggression – a typical Shepard approach – and, banking on their shields and armor to hold , they had simply broken into the closer position at a full sprint, a biotic shove from Wrex silencing it's inhabitants for long enough for them to get close and knock them all out could. All but one young man whom nobody had seen – until the moment he popped up behind a large barrel and started to unload his Avenger into Tali's already weakened shields at full auto. A split second later, his brain had ended up splattered across the wall, Shepard's hand cannon delivering the lethal shot – not that it mattered, as the poor sod was absolutely riddled with holes from several of the team's guns by the time his body hit the floor. Ever since, their commander had been silent and, when he spoke, terse. Meanwhile Tali was a shadow of herself, skulking along at the back end of the formation. _Probably thinks he blames her. Meanwhile, the idiot is blaming himself. Can't we just go kill this thing and have a drink afterwards?_ He sighed inwardly. He had come to appreciate this rag tag squad, he really had, but for all the ways in which he wasn't a very good Turian, he did find himself somewhat missing the simplicity of the Turian mindset at times. Funnily enough, the closest match to his view on these things was Wrex. Who would've thought that the Turian and the Krogan would end up seeing eye to eye the most.

Garrus returned his attention to the situation at hand, torn from his thoughts by the groaning of the crane as it lifted one of the prefabs up into the air, revealing the stairs beneath. _Thinking about it, that one was in a weird spot from the start._ The machine creaked as it ground to a halt, the living container suspended in the air.

"Where should I set it down?"

The question had been Tali's who was standing at the crane controls. _Spirits, girl, just put it anywhere. She must be really rattled._ Shepard seemed confused by the question.

"Just put it on the ground, who cares. Let's go."

The Quarian quickly nodded and obliged, her hands twitching towards her navel as she stepped down from the machine, stopped in the blink of an eye, but not fast enough to escape Garrus' notice.

Seconds later, the team stood assembled in their usual formation, Garrus bringing up the rear. Shepard turned around. "Alright people. You've all done a great job today, but we're not finished yet. We have no idea what awaits us down there, so look alive! Move out."

With these words, Shepard began cautiously moving down the stairs, and they followed. The lower level they entered now were damp and warm, as opposed to the general drought of the rest of this place. Large, long roots could be seen breaking through and creeping up the walls, occasionally crossing their path as almost knee-high obstacles on the floor.

The distance they covered couldn't have been very far, half a kilometer at most, but the going was slow. The corridors here were constantly crossing each other and making turns, necessating constant vigilance and making it hard to keep to a direction – not that Garrus was sure what direction they were even trying to cling to. But the vegetation and dampness grew and grew as they wentt, so it appeared that Shepard was on the right track.

Finally, a corridor opened up into a large and high, circular chamber ; perhaps some kind of vent or shuttle entrance, he reasoned, but his speculations were cut short by the sight of what inhabited the place now. Blocking the sunlight falling in from above, a large knot of organic material hang in the middle of the shaft, held in place by a number of thick tendrils which protruded from the thing's bulk and ended in large bulges on the wall, in the spots where the roots covering most of them converged. It appeared they had found the Thorian. Before he could make any real headway in trying to come up with a way to kill this thing, it suddenly moved; two meter wide flaps that looked like flesh and leaves at the same time falling aside to reveal what looked almost like a disgusting, alien head of about two meters height and width, staring down on them with a dozen eyes from it's position about four meters above them. The 'face' contorted, opening it's 'mouth' , which was really just a bundle of tentacles, but what came out where not words, but...a person?

Garrus had to look twice, but in the end, he really was looking at a green, butt naked Asari that was biotically lowering herself down to their level – and she didn't look friendly at all. Just as her feet touched down on the floor, the sounds of claws scraping along walls and fast steps coming closer could be heard from the rooms around them, and in the background, he could see a Creeper unfolding itself on the gallery on the other side of the shaft. Garrus gripped his gun tighter and rushed to the left to hold down the corridor that had to lead to the other gallery; when he got there, there were already Creepers running at him. Just as he opened fire, he could hear Liara's soft grunt behind him as she unleashed her biotics.

…..

**Roughly four hours later**

Shepard sagged and turned away from them, supporting himself on the console, as if a great weight had just been taken off of him. Liara too faltered, and Kaidan jumped off his seat to catch her. Relaxing the muscles that had been in the process of doing just the same when Kaidan had beat him to it, Garrus leaned back into his chair and turned his head back towards their commander.

So...what did you see? Anything new?"

Shepard just shook his head softly, not even turning to answer, and no sound escaped his lips. Liara answered instead. "It is a warning. About the reapers...sent out across the entire prothean empire. But it came too late." The Asari stared at her knees, the look on her face one of grief. An uncomfortable silence settled in.

The one to break it was, of course, Ashley. "That doesn't really help us at all. We knew that already."

Shepard raised a hand, and the Chief swallowed any further words she might have intended to say. "It was still worth a shot. And while we didn't learn anything new, at least we have confirmation now. The protheans really were destroyed by the reapers, and the reapers really were some sort of machine race." He sighed. "Why on earth Saren would want to bring them back, or what the Conduit is supposed to be...well. We'll have to ask him when we catch him."

He turned around and looked at them, dark rings under his eyes. Only now Garrus noticed how tired the man looked; thinking about it, it was no surprise. It had been a long day, and they had spent well over half of it fighting. He reckoned that if Turian faces weren't as rigid as they were, he'd probably look quite similar right now.

"As much as I'd like to have gotten a solid lead on Saren's or the Conduit's whereabouts out of this, you all did a good job today. Many people owe you their lives. Get a good meal inside of you and take your well deserved rest. All dismissed."

One after the other, everyone got up and left – safe for Garrus. Shepard threw him a questioning look, but before the human could say anything, he was interrupted by Joker's voice on the intercom.

"I've got the council on the line, Commander. Do you want me to patch them through to you now?"

Shepard sighed and palmed his hand. After pinching the bridge of his nose and massaging it for a second, he finally answered, sounding just as tired as he looked. "Patch 'em through, Joker."

He thrust himself off of the console and straightened his back, looking at Garrus. "Not a good idea to keep someone like the councilors waiting."

And with that, he somehow wiped about half the exhaustion of his face, put on the stern look the Hero of Elysium was typically portrayed with and turned towards the holo gallery before accepting the call.

The transparent figure of the three councilors formed in front of them, their eyes quickly zeroing in on Shepard; Garrus knew that they could not see him since the holo transmitter in this room recorded only one person, and that was Shepard, since he was standing on top of it. They would still be able to hear him though, so he sat still and listened.

"Shepard, " Valern immediately began. " Report of entity titled 'Thorian' fascinating. So are supposed further revelations regarding the fate of the Protheans, even if only repeating earlier claims."

If Shepard was vexed by the way the Salarian councilor subtly, but unmistakably made clear what the council though of his visions, he didn't show it.

"It was fascinating alright...and, as you've read, not cooperative. In any way, it's dead now."

He might have wanted to continue, but the turian councilor didn't let him.

"Of course it is, _you_ were there. Did it ever cross your mind that this...life form could have held far more valuable information? Information that will never be extracted now because you killed it!"

Even almost two meters away, Garrus could hear Shepard's knuckles crack at that one, but apard from that, the Spectre remained cool.

"I didn't exactly have a choice, councilor. As stated by the report, it attacked us with lethal force, and it also practically held the entire population of Zue's Hope hostage."

"I am sure you took all relevant aspects into accounts when you made your decisions in the field, Commander." , Tevos' level voice came through the channel as her holo nodded amicably. " And I believe the results prove you right. You know what Saren was after on Feros, the Geth detachment he sent was destroyed almost completely, and the colonists were saved."

She was about to continue, but was cut off by Sparatus. "Of course it was. Shepard would do anything to save a human colony."

Garrus couldn't help but raise a browplate – it was common knowledge that the turian councilor wasn't too happy about Shepard's admission to the Spectres, or humans in general, but the vitriol and, frankly, lack of professionalism on display was positively astounding for a Turian of any significant rank, let alone their species' highest representative with the council. _Perhaps a close friend or relative killed in the Relay 314 Incident?_

Shepard's patience finally seemed to run out and even though he was looking at the man from behind, Garrus needed little imagination to know how his face looked like right now. His voice came out dangerously low. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Tevos did not give her Turian counterpart a chance to respond; her usually soft and warm voice suddenly carrying a steely note, and so did her eyes which were fixed firmly on Sparatus' face, who was glaring right back. "The Turian councilor simply meant to remind you of the immense importance of any and all relics of the protheans and their era. As a Spectre, you are free to take this into account in whichever way you see fit to accomplish your mission."

Some tense seconds passed with the two aliens eyeing each other, but Garrus, not having spent years as a detective for nothing, knew who would back down here from the start, and he was proven right. Finally, with a low growl, Sparatus looked away. Valern , probably having barely managed to contain himself during what to a salarian must have felt like an eternity of wasted time, broke the silence.

"Yes, yes. Mission comes first. Supersedes scientific interest in this case. Shepard already proven ability to recognize situations where mission supersedes civilian survival. Insinuations not constructive. "

If any of the councilors noticed Shepard flinching ever so slightly at that comment, none showed it.

With Valern having said his piece and Sparatus pouting, it was once again Tevos to wrap the brief meeting up.

"What are your next steps, Shepard?"

The Spectre shrugged, and , a rare sight, seemed lost for words for a moment.

"Frankly, I don't know yet. It stands to reason that Saren assumes the Conduit to be located somewhere on the other side of the Mu relay, but that relay connects to hundreds of systems. We do not know at this time if he already knows which one it is. " It was visible even from behind how much humanity's first Spectre hated to admit that he was fumbling in the dark. "We will continue to wait for any and all moves he makes and try to intercept him. Additionally, I have called in a favor from – and paid a nice sum of money to – the Shadow Broker."

The councilors exchanged a few glances, and Sparatus seemed to be about to burst from smugness, but he managed to keep his mouth shut this time, and so the Asari was the one to answer Shepard.

"Thank you for your report, Commander. The Council congratulates you on your success in resolving this situation with minimal bloodshed and will inform you immediately if new information about Saren's plans or whereabouts presents itself via any of our own channels. Good hunting, Commander."

The holographic forms of the councilors vanished, and what remained was one visibly spent commander Shepard. Garrus rose from his seat and made the steps over to lay a hand on his friends shoulder. The human turned and looked up to him. Garrus had never seen him look so exhausted before. He spent a moment mulling over what profound piece of his mind he could possibly give his friend that would perk him up right now, but quickly had to admit that he hadn't any.

"You look like shit, Shepard. Come on, let's get a meal and a beer into you. Or two."

Shepard, shaking his head, cracked a huge smile, and snorted.

…...

They were still snickering about some quip of his when they descended the stairs and entered into the mess shortly after. The rest of the team and most of the crew eating briefly turned their heads at the, for at least the Alliance crew, unusual sound of their commanding officer laughing. They paid them no heed and just got themselves something to eat, Shepard even actually grabbing himself a beer. Then he made his over to sit across from Tali, who was sitting by the wall, somewhat by herself. Garrus suppressed a smirk. _Of course._

The young Quarian looked up. The foodtube still attached to her mask, her voice sounded slightly muffled. "What has you two in such a good mood?"

"The real question", Shepard said and cracked open the beer can, " is, why are you not in this kind of mood? After all, we are only completely without a lead on a violent madman who is trying to bring back a race of killer robots."

Garrus mood fell. _Great._ He needn't have feared, though.

"Jokes aside Tali, we're going to get the bastard soon enough, and even if its not what we hoped for, we did learn something today. And if Saren was willing to stick his neck out this far to get it, this... 'Cipher' might just end up being instrumental in finding the Conduit, or dealing with it when the time comes." He took a sip. "As far as today is concerned, we just saved an entire colony and ExoGeni is about to drown in legal cases. I'd say that counts as a good day."

Garrus found himself raising a browplate. He had expected Shepard to spend at least a day brooding after the casualties of the day. Apparently, the man could learn.

Tali was obviously less enthusiastic. "I'll try to look at it from that angle."

Shepard's eyes widened for a moment, before closing in a frown. He sighed and bent forward, resting his arms on the table before continuing quieter. "Damn it. I'm 's about that guy we shot."

She didn't respond. In fact, she didn't even look at them.

"Listen...I know how you feel. And me simply telling you this won't fix it. But it's not your fault. Every one of us could have paid more attention to that one spot. None did. Not me, not Garrus. Not even Wrex, and he's been doing this for a thousand years."

Finally, she raised her head a little. "It's just...he could be living his life now. He probably has family at Zue's Hope. And now he's gone. Because I made a mistake."

"He is gone because the Thorian turned him into a weapon." , Shepard insisted. "If we hadn't killed him, you would be dead now in his stead. And maybe someone else, too. Truth be told, even if we had spotted him immediately, the outcome would probably have been the same. There were just too many of them at once. You did nothing wrong. It is that simple." He squeezed her shoulder. "Don't dwell on it."

She still didn't look him in the eye, but nodded, at least. "I'll...try that."

Shepard leaned back in his chair and simply looked at her pensively, his food untouched Garrus, who had been slowly and carefully eating while listening in, paused for a moment to appraise them. _And just like that his good mood is gone. Well._ He took another bite. _They're both too harsh on themselves. And they're both blind, too. Spirits, someone needs to give them a hand._

"Your food's going cold, Shepard." The man in question looked downright startled for a moment, but did eventually pick up his fork and knife and start eating. Garrus crushed a bone between his jaws and savored the marrow on his tongue. .

"Listen Tali, I've seen my fair share of room clearing in my day. These things happen to the best. Which we belong to, by the way." He swallowed, enjoying the scraping of small splinters of bone against his oesophagus. "So, Shepard. Since Saren is nowhere in sight, what are we going to do next?"

The commander took a couple of seconds to answer. "Well...let me see. I suppose...I suppose I will have a talk with Hackett. There's been reports of Geth activity in the verge. Nothing major, so I haven't paid in any attention so far. But with nothing else coming up..." He shrugged. "I'm sure Hackett will be more than happy to point us in the right direction."

Shepard seeming less than enthusiastic about the ordeal, it was once upon on Garrus to spread good spirits. "See, Tali? Geth to kill on the horizon."

She just looked at him, and it was impossible to tell wether she was irritated, amused or simply speechless. Until she finally chuckled and shook her head before emptying her foodtube with one last,loud slurp and disconnected it from her mask. "You're terrible, Garrus." Tali leaned back and relaxed somewhat. "Thank you."

He twitched his mandibles and cut off the next slice from the slab of meat on his plate. "My pleasure."

…..

Later that night, for the first time in weeks, Tali had trouble getting sleep. Too many thoughts were running wild in her head. The face of that poor colonist. The outstretched claws of the Creepers. The sound of gunfire. For some reason, her brain even came up with the question of what her father would do to get Han to take those extra courses. Or what Han would come up with to try and dodge them, she supposed.

After tossing and turning on her bed for another hour, she finally gave up and slid out through the curtains that made up her makeshift 'room' in the corner of the storage bay. Silently, she stalked past the gargantuan form of Wrex, who was sleeping with his back against a crate, his every long, slow breath like the low rumble of a powerful engine. Not that bad an analogy, if she thought about it. For a moment she considered stopping by the engine room to kill some time with the third shift, but then she got into the elevator instead, aiming to get herself some water, and perhaps, some better company.

Ascending to deck 2, Tali realized how much she hoped to run into her captain. They had barely spent any time together during the past couple of weeks, basically ever since she slept well. It occurred to her that he probably hadn't over night lost his sleeping problems. He had probably written dry reports or simply stared at his ceiling while she had been sound asleep all these nights. She sighed. _I shouldn't feel guilty for sleeping at night. And he wanted it this way._

The elevator opened, and immediately, she could hear the muffled sound of music being played behind a door. She rounded the elevator shaft to find the mess mostly unoccupied, safe for two third shift members in the back whom she exchanged a respectful, but wordless nod with. Unsure of how to proceed, she slowly walked over to her drawer and got herself a bottle of purified water. Slowly sipping away at it, she stood there, thinking about how lost she probably looked, until finally, something inside of her went ' _Screw it...'_ and she put the thing down, walked over, and pressed the communicator.

"Hey Shepard, it's me."

He simply opened the door in way of an answer. Entering, she found him sitting at his desk, an open can of beer and several datapads next to his dektop he looked up from.

"Shepard, I, uh, wanted to ask about what we know about those Geth you mentioned. Size of the force, disposition, what they might be after... you know."

"He raised an eyebrow. "In the middle of the night?"

"Yes. Why not?"

He snorted. "Yes, why not..."

"After all, you're working too."

He smirked.

"What?"

"I'm not actually working. I am, uh... assembling a playlist."

Tali certainly hadn't expected _that,_ and so she was at a loss for words for a moment. But only a moment. " What, is the paperwork that boring?"

He leaned back in his chair and sighed. "It actually is, but it doesn't matter because for once, I'm mostly up to date with it anyway. Got a lot done these last couple of weeks, basically all the stuff I had lying around from the earlier months of this campaign. And even some stuff from before that."

Tali froze. _Keelah...I've been keeping him from his work all this time._ "Oh...I, uh, guess I should leave you to it then..."

"What - wait!" He was sitting straight in his chair before she had even half turned. "I'm gonna go insane here if I have to look at one more document."

Smiling underneath her mask, she turned back, relaxing a little. If John wanted her here, she wouldn't say no. Definitely not. She sat down in the armchair to the left. "You could just go to sleep, you know."

He grinned mirthlessly. "Yeah, about that...it's one of those nights I guess."

"I thought you were in a great mood."

He just snorted.

Minutes passed by in not at all uncomfortable silence, with the music still playing in the background; songs from all over the last two hundred years, in several different human languages. Tali didn't understand a word, and while she could have used the links her visor's HUD automatically displayed to find the texts, she instead chose to simply enjoy the rhythm of it while Shepard continued to work on something on his desktop. When Shepard finally sat down his beer with a finality that, without having to look, let her know that it was empty, over half an hour had passed. He leaned back and looked at her.

"Wanna watch a documentary again?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the cutoff point for a timejump, so dont be surprised. When I said that I never meant to write a novelization, I meant it; and still thats pretty much what I ended up doing. I was originally only going to write from the night before Illos onward, but then I had idea for earleir scenes and wanted to do them to, and I felt I had to connect them at least loosely. And before I knew it, I was basically doing an ME1 rewrite. At first it was okay, but these last couple of chapters, I've felt like I'm far away from any original thought I ever had, and I think it shows, too. So I hope you can forgive me for skipping Virmire.


	20. Chapter 20

Commander Shepard sat at the edge of his bed for what might be the last time, and checked the time. 3 more hours to the Mu relay. He rubbed his eyes for the umphteenth time and let out a breath he had not realized he was holding. He had finished all his preparations, double and triple checked everything, and made plans as far as that was possible when one was about to jump into a situation they knew basically nothing about. But now, there was nothing else to be done but wait, and so he was alone with his thoughts.

He found himself embarassed at how nervous he was. Had he tried to eat something, he was sure he wouldn't have been able to force down more than a couple of small bites. His mouth was dry, and he had a knot in his stomach. He was acting like a damn rookie before his first real action.

_Come on Shepard. Nice Hero of Elysium you are. You should be out there making your rounds, get them confident and pumped for what's coming. Instead you're cowering here like a bloody civilian._

His attempt at bravado failed to convince himself. The gravity of the situation bore down on him like the weight of the entire world. Hell, it _was_ the weight of the world, and all other worlds, too.

If he failed in what they were about to attempt, not only would they die, but they'd doom all of galactic civilization, too.

_Yeah, no pressure..._

Detaching himself for a second, he supposed that his state of mind was understandable. He had been in terrible situations before, had faced down insurmountable odds and seemingly certain death. He was not nearly as comfortable with it as everyone seemed to think he was, but he had somewhat gotten used to it. It was just what his life had become; _someone_ had to do it, and he was good at it, no point in denying that. And if someone needed to live this life, it might as well be a man without much family left or anything better to do with himself, really. He had made his peace with the fact that he would live like this until one day something would get him years ago. He sure wouldn't complain about it if he'd turn out to have been wrong and actually make it to his retirement, but death was not what truly frightened him.

Loss, more so. His "zoo" of aliens, as he had heard it called by one agitated Rear Admiral just days ago, was without question not just the best team he had ever worked with, but over the course of the past six months, they had become his friends, hell, they had become the closest thing to a family he had had since Mindoir.

Wrex. Or Uncle Urdnot, as Garrus, that cynical bastard, had dubbed him. The name had originally been intended as a tease over the downright fatherly attitude the old Krogan had taken towards Tali, but the battlemaster had owned it and in doing so, taken all the wind out of the Turian's sails. It was endearing, really, to watch the big bad lizard give the young Quarian lessons in the handling of a shotgun. Not that Tali hadn't been quite capable already, but a couple centuries of experience had taught Wrex his fair share of tricks, and he seemed to enjoy sharing them with her. But the real highlight were their sparring sessions...the Krogan went easy on her, obviously, in fact he had not once actually tried to hit Tali, he just somewhat lazily grabbed for her while she dodged away and pestered him with kicks from those strong quarian legs of hers. John had persuaded her to give him a taste of it once, one shot square on the ribs, not full force of course, and even that had given him a colorful bruise on his ribcage. He had not complained; play stupid games, win stupid prizes. The furious stuttering and apologies on her part had only served to make the whole ordeal even more hilarious, as far as he was concerned.

Shepard still did not really understand why the Krogan had even come with him initially, but by now, he trusted the grizzled mercenary completely. After what he had swallowed on Virmire, there could be no doubt about his loyalties. Wrex wanted to see Saren dead. He probably did not give a damn about all the races he would save by achieving that goal, but honestly, after speaking to him, if John took Wrex's perspective for a second, he could not blame the Krogan. Well, there was someone who would not need a pep talk from him.

Same was probably true for Garrus. Any man who would quit his job on the spot to hunt down a dangerous criminal under the command of a stranger, just because it was the right thing to do and they felt kind of irritated with their current position, was most likely just the right kind of crazy to bring along on a mission like this, and Garrus had not disappointed. The fact that a sniper and tactician of this calibre had ended up as a C-Sec detective was nothing short of a travesty. While Shepard had learned to appreciate Garrus' professional performance very quick, it had taken a while longer for them to truly warm up to one another personally , but after the ordeal with Dr. Saleon, John just _got_ Garrus. Not that it was such a big achievement, the Turian was not that complicated; but that was just fine with John. He didn't think of himself as very complicated either. Any other day with this much free time, they'd be sitting on top of the Mako, shooting the shit over a beer, watching someone spar or trying to get a rise out of Wrex with ever more creative jabs, truly two kindred spirits. Which was precisely the reason Garrus was not the right company for him right now; he'd have wagered a fair sum that his sarcastic sidekick was sitting and brooding alone just like himself. If he had not found something to busy himself with, that was.

_Heh, he's probably calibrating the Mako's main gun again, for that extra 0.5 mm tighter grouping over 1000 meters that is totally gonna decide who lives and who dies..._

Thinking about it, John envied him, actually. Perhaps he could clean his assault rifle to pass the time...but that would mean running into Ash. And Ash definitively needed a pep talk. And who could blame her. First Eden Prime , then Virmire. That woman had lost too many people in the past six months. She was tough, true, and had not let her state of mind affect her performance in any way; however, the fact that it had not happened yet did not mean it could not happen in the future, preferably at the worst possible moment. From Shepard's experience, if these things were not dealt with, that was exactly what tended to happen. And they had dealt with it; unfortunately Virmire had happened just when she was beginning to truly leave Eden Prime behind. The death of a friend was bad enough, but when that friend had literally been chosen to die in your stead, that was something else entirely. Now, that was not actually what had happened, of course; John was not sure if, and how, he could have made such a decision between two people he respected and had come to consider friends. The truth of the matter was that the bomb had been more important than Kaidan; the mission came first, after all, saving Kaidan would not have mattered at all if the facility had not been destroyed. Alenko had been a dead man the second he and the salarian squad he had been attached to had been pinned down by the Geth. Alenko had known it, Shepard knew it, everyone else knew it. Hell, even Ashley herself probably knew it. But knowing something in one's head and the heart understanding it were two very different things. He sighed. He would go down before the time was up, and make sure to hammer it into her thick skull some more. After making a detour to Liara, that was.

Liara would probably need cooling down instead of encouragement, if anything. The awkward, shy archaeologist he had met a little less than six months prior had been radically changed by the events that had transpired. She had always possessed an inner strength she herself probably had not realized; but ever since they had been forced to kill her mother, there had been a hardness to her. She wanted to see Saren dead far more than Garrus, for whom it was just the right thing to do and Saren just one particularly detestable bastard among many, or Wrex, for whom Saren's actions on Virmire were more of an insult than anything. No, Liara burned with the hatred of someone who had just lost a loved one and knew exactly who was to blame. His spirits raised a bit, John's lips spread in a predatory smile. On Virmire, Liara had not been present for the fight against the traitor after a krogan battlemaster had knocked her out with a concussive shot that broke an arm and a leg and saw her carried off to the medbay when the Normandy had come in to drop off the bomb. Saren was in for quite the surprise.

His smile dissipated fast. They would have to fight Saren again, no doubt, and this time, they needed to win. He had fought them to a stalemate last time...one man, against five. It had been insane. His shields had shrugged off everything they had thrown at him, his biotics – biotics this strong, in a bloody turian! - had kept Wrex's own powers more than at bay, and the strength and speed of him...the rogue Spectre was more machine than flesh at this point, and it showed. He was unnaturally swift and strong. His cybernetics had allowed him to go toe-to-toe with Wrex and Shepard at the same time, and the ugly truth was, he had been winning. Quite handily at that. When they limped into the Normandy's cargo bay after all was said and done, Wrex had bled profusely from half a dozen deep cuts, and Shepard himself had suffered a light concussion from a backhanded blow to the head as well as a strained left knee from a kick. Added biotic might from the recovered T'Soni notwithstanding, if Tali's idea about modifying her omnitool's shield overload routines to use the traitors fondness of cybernetics against him would not work out, they were in for the fight of their lives.

Oh, Tali. Well, she definitively did not need a pep talk, but she was the one person he would probably enjoy most to give one to. Ever since she had joined up with him, the young woman had surprised him with her strength of character. Fresh out of her insular home for the first time, first thing she had done was what? Track down some Geth and attack them, then play cat and mouse with a gaggle of hired murderers halfway across the galaxy. When she had told them that story on the citadel presidium, Shepard had immediately realized he was talking to someone special, and he had been right.

_But you didn't realize just how special, huh Johnnyboy?_

He grimaced as images from that one night at Flux came to mind again. They had taken some well deserved shore leave after Noveria. He and the boys had eliminated beer after beer – or ryncol, in Wrex's case - and traded war stories, while Tali had dragged off first Liara, and then Ashley, who had been listening just as fascinated as the rest of them to Wrex's account of his fight against a band of Terminus pirates, to the dancefloor, where she had tried to cheer the hurting Asari up... at least at first. Eventually, she had just lost herself in the music and danced off on her own. She had kept to herself, tucked away in her own little space as she had probably learned to do on the flotilla, and moved her surprisingly strong, yet graceful body in ways that had made John's head spin. He hadn't even noticed that he was staring until Kaidan, who had always shared his love for old music, had asked him if he should go and convince the DJ to play _Hips don't lie_ for the two of them _,_ with Garrus and Wrex bursting out laughing, understanding the insinuation even though they'd obviously never heard of the song.

He had always liked Tali, but since then his feelings had taken on an unforeseen quality, or rather, that had been when he had realized what had been brewing all along. The Quarian and he had simply clicked the day they had met, and over the following weeks and months, she had quickly grown into one of the best friends he had ever had. Her company had served more than once to keep him calm and grounded when the strain of this extraordinary mission had threatened to get a hold of him. Thinking back, he had to admit that he probably would have actually killed Dr Wayne if not for her. She had a way to remind him of who he was, or at least strove to be, when he needed it.

And as it seemed, his caveman brain could not just be thankful and leave it at that. It was stupid, unprofessional and impossible, and possibly even inappropriate given the fact that he was both her captain and seven years her elder, though he wasn't sure which kind of meaning those things held in quarian culture. The fact that he was such an idiot that he apparently could not even be platonic with a bloody _alien in an envirosuit_ vexed him to no end. Not that the fact that she was an alien in an envirosuit made it any easier. Kaidan might have been an ass that day, but he wasn't wrong. That thing was snug in all the right places.

He forced his mind off his foolishness and back to the coming battle. Tali would be an invaluable asset as usual, no doubt. Even if her proposed surprise for Saren should end up not working out, there would be Geth for sure. And when it came to screwing with Geth, the feisty engineer had no equal. The amount of times in this campaign where a tough fight had turned their way because Tali had managed to temporarily mess with the friend/foe identification of a crucial Geth platform had reached the double digits weeks ago. And if that ever failed, she really was damn handy with a shotgun. The fact that this brave, and with most topics, outspoken woman was at the same time awkward and shy if a conversation ever steered towards the topic of her own person was something he probably would not have believed himself if had not gotten ample experience with that side of her by now. As contradictory as it was, it was also adorable as hell.

From one second to another, the calm that the thoughts of his companions had brought was swept away by a new wave of dread. They had been six, now they were only five. He had sent Kaidan to his death. Whom would he be forced to sacrifice next? Wrex? Liara? Tali?

_Never. For what my dumb ass is worth, I'll get her out of this alive, and if it's the last thing I ever do, that''s bloody worth it in my book._

John's eyes found the clock again. Two hours and 47 minutes left till the Mu relay...

…...

Tali sat in the mess, slurping the last of her nutrient paste absentmindedly, as her fingers unconsciously performed their typical dance in her lap, as they had been doing for the last ten minutes now. She was still contemplating just what she was going to say to Shepard. Their captain – Commander, she reminded herself futilely – had retreated to his cabin hours ago and not come out since, most atypical for him, but not for the first time in these last couple of days.

Not that she didn't know why that was. Since they had escaped the Citadel she had, on more than one occasion, recognized that one emotion in his eyes, that as far as she could tell, none of the crew safe for her had noticed for the entirety of their half year adventure, that apparently only she was able to see. Fear. Commander Shepard, the archetypal hero, the immovable , stoic object, whose only outbursts of emotion during missions were those of anger that had just served to propel him towards fighting with even more grim determination, was actually capable of fear.

There had been an ever so tiny trace of it on Edolus, when a thresher maw had ambushed them. She had not thought anything of it. That thing had terrorized her to her core, and from the gasps she had heard from the passenger compartment, Kaidan and Ashley too. Only Wrex had been as unperturbed as ever. And none of them had had a traumatic near – death experience involving an entire pack of the monsters just years earlier. Except maybe Wrex, who knew what he might've seen in his time. So as far as she was concerned, Shepard was allowed two seconds of shock. The commander was human after all, it had turned out.

But she had seen the face again a couple of weeks later on Noveria, when the commander had tried to order them to leave him alone in the hot labs. An unnecessary risk, he had argued, had it been if they all had remained to activate the neutron purge. Wrex had told Shepard that not even he could order him to back down from a fight against Rachni, and the rest of them, safe for Ashley and Kaidan who, being alliance, had had little choice, had uttered similar sentiments, but he wouldn't budge. It had taken collective insubordination to get him out of there alive. They had all booked the incident as just another example of Shepard's heroism, and in a way, they were correct of course. But none of them appeared to understand just how terrified the man had been at the prospect of having six people endanger themselves in such a manner under his command. Ever since then, Tali had grown perceptive, and had managed to catch their commander in the "act" pretty much every time the going had gotten rough and he had had to give one of them a truly dangerous order. Her respect for him had only grown from it, knowing that he was just as afraid as anyone, but not for his own sake; and that he still lead them in battle with downright unnatural calm. Not that she would therefore do him the favor to keep herself out of trouble. After all, she was at least as afraid of anything happening to him as he was afraid of something happening to her. He did not need to know that, of course.

And then Virmire had happened. The look on his face when it was clear that a decision would have to be made had come close to breaking Tali's heart and his demeanor in the following days, as the stress and hurt of the entire operation, and perhaps a longer time than that, seemed to finally catch up to him, had done it proper. To see him having to eat the council's thinly veiled insults and unfair accusations with no defense from the ambassador had replaced her sadness with anger, let alone the fact said ambassador then proceeded to stab them all in the back. Shepard had the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders, and still, he was the one who reached out to those around him and supported them, always. Her pilgrimage gift would, there was no point in downplaying it, go down as one of the most significant ones in the history of the fleet, and it was all thanks to him. It had been then that she had decided that even though she could never tell the man how she really felt about him, that she would at least give him anything else that she could, and not just on the field. And so she had attempted to cheer him up, be there for him in the same manner he had been there for her so often before. She was not sure how successful she had been, and how much of his temporary return to form had been to due to her efforts, or how much had simply been the fact that between Anderson's plan and their unanimous mutiny he had simply been too busy to dwell on his thoughts much. Probably the latter, she was afraid. Because with nothing to be done while the Normandy sped towards Illos at full speed, that was over for now, and she just knew that he was sitting in that cabin again, obsessing over all the ways things could potentially go awry once they actually reached their destination. Tali sighed. She never wanted to see him suffer the way he had suffered on Virmire again. And that was the thought that finally had her find her courage, get up, and walk over to Shepard's door.

Suppressing her finger's impetus to knot themselves together in front of her waist, she hit the comm instead. Shepard answered immediately. "Yes?" "It's me, Co- Shepard. Can I come in?" Cursing herself for almost calling him by his rank again, she awaited his answer. It came in the form of the door sliding open, revealing the captains cabin. It was, for quarian sensibilities, a downright luxurious room, complete with a desk, a bed, space for a shelf and even its own bathroom. John sat on the edge of his bed, no datapad or anything else of the sort anywhere near him, his short hair in disarray, as if his fingers had been running through it just seconds before. The smile that found the way to his lips as she entered was genuine, but his eyes weren't truly in it. Her contemplations had been correct, it seemed.

She stopped next to his desk, halfway from the, by now, closed door to where he was sitting, and struggled to find words. Her fingers beat her willpower out, now, though only barely, and managed to worm around each other a couple of times before she forced them apart again.

"Shepard, I...I thought you might like some company before we hit the relay."

Amazed at the fact that she had brought that out without stuttering, she was still overcome with a flush of heat, and her heart beat to her chest. Barging into his room like this, with not even a pretense of work related reasons, was the most direct she had ever asked him to just spend time with her, and while she had not said it with the intention with which she would have liked to say it, she still felt vulnerable. Had she gone too far? Was it truly her place to invade his private space when he was clearly trying to isolate himself? Were they truly that good of friends ?

Perhaps, Garrus should've bee-

Her thoughts were interrupted by the wide, toothy grin that found its way on his face as he relaxed and leaned back on the bed, supporting himself with his hands on the mattress. "Yeah. I'd like that." He gestured over to the armchair in the corner, and Tali eagerly obliged. "You know, I thought about checking up on Garrus, but he's probably busy with his wife..." She couldn't help but laugh. Garrus' relationship to the Mako was truly that of an old couple, endless bickering and extensive needs of care included.

"Are you talking about the Mako, or his rifle?"

Her quip succeeded, and John joined her in chuckling. As much as her mind constantly asserted his position of Captain, at least as far as Quarians would have been concerned - the Alliance was just silly, he was the commanding officer of the ship, who else was Captain if not him ? - she liked thinking of him by his first name. It was a guilty pleasure, allowing herself , at least in thought, some of that which she foolishly wanted but knew she could never have, or even ask for. There were too many obstacles between them, and soon, she would have to leave. And then there was of course the minor problem with the gigantic genocidal sentient machines intent to kill them all, or the fact that he probably didn't look at her in that way, whatever Ashley had said.

_Stop pitying yourself already. You're here to help him, not to whine about your own problems again._

Shepard tapped his omnitool a couple of times, laid his torso down on the bed and the stereo started playing. She recognized the song, one of the older ones in his playlist, published roughly two hundred years ago. Her translator did not trigger for music, because she considered translating music to be an absolute travesty, and so she did not understand a word, but she liked the sound of it. This one was not so different in principle from quarian music, wich had pretty much just two main genres: dance music and Huan'ze, which was usually slow and heavily dominated by the lyrics with just a subtle backdrop of instruments, mostly various stringed instruments and drums. Traditionally, flutes had been a big part of quarian music, but with the suits making them just too impractical, flutes had died out on the flotilla. Humans used a very wide array of instruments that often edged on drowning out the singer's voice, though it was not like that in this song, which was a quieter one, a lament of sorts judging by the lyrics displayed on her helmet's display. _Bruce Springsteen, The River._

She relaxed in the seat and let her head drop on the edge of the backrest. There was no need to speak too soon. She still had not found the words, and the two of them had long since gotten comfortable with silence. They had spent many hours sitting in the mess together in many a third shift, when most of the crew slept. She had had trouble adapting to the silence on the human frigate, a stark contrast to the constant humm of quarian vessels, where silence usually meant the failure of a critical system, and therefore, danger. And John...she had not pried, but it had become self evident to her after a while that he did not mind an excuse to avoid his bed at all. Tali was pretty sure that she had a decent idea of why that was. There was plenty of nightmare fuel in his eventful career, and before that too. She had never asked him specifics about Mindoir, Elysium, Akuze or some of the other more infamous assignments of his that she'd heard of, but the the few things that he had mentioned had told her enough. If he ever felt like talking about any of that in more detail, he would do so in his own time. She would be there for him either way, at least if she would still be around when it happened.

They had chewed through extensive amounts of their respective people's culture and history as well as their own lives over the course of their nightly hangouts, but eventually, it had always ended with the both of them just sitting there in silence, tired but happy to at least have some company instead of turning around in their sheets to no avail. In the morning, the crew had, to everyone's amusement, found them asleep in their respective seats more than once. That had stopped happening eventually, after John had surprised her with his solution to her sleeping problems during one of their resupplying stops. A comfortable camping bed as well as a large piece of purple tapestry, with her clan-pattern woven into it. The beautiful bosh'tet had secretly shot a picture of her realk and sent it to a tailor on the Citadel. While she had still been flabbergasted by this act of generosity, stammering like an idiot again, he and Garrus had already gone to work with it, setting up a cubicle in the cargo bay for her, just like quarters on the flotilla , and in hearing range of the Tantalus drive core to boot. She had slept well ever since. She still stayed up late sometimes to catch John in the mess, and even though he wouldn't say it out loud, she knew he was happy that she did.

Zoning back into reality, Tali realized that she would not find any magical words, and so she just settled for the obvious approach. "So... this is it. Everyone is pretty on edge, it seems." She fell silent for a couple of seconds more, trying to formulate it just right, until she finally accepted that she would just have to be blunt. "How are you holding up, Shepard?"

She wasn't sure what kind of answer she had expected, but his short burst of laughter had not been it. Straining her muscles against the weight of her helmet and skull, she brought it back up and looked at him. "What's so funny?"

He sat back up himself, his typical lopsided grin on his face. "I was just sitting here thinking about the pep talks I still have left to do before we get there, and here you seem to have come by to give one to me instead. " He lowered his gaze to scratch his neck, and continued. "I appreciate the thought, but I'm fine."

She just looked at him. When that had no effect, she tilted her head, too. That got him to inhale deeply, dropping back to the bed. "I am fine, Tali. Believe me. I will see this through, and I'll get you all through it in one piece. I promise."

"Just us? What about you?"

"Me too, preferably." He snorted, but she could tell that was not really amused. She sighed. She had known this would be difficult. She was no good at this. But he needed it, if he wanted to admit it or not, and she would not let him down. She gathered her courage, and played the only card she could come up with.

"Shepard. _John."_ She felt hot again, never having called him that before. He had noticed it too, propping himself up on his elbows and looking at her with a thoughtful expression on his face. As much as she would speak her mind in matters where she felt competent, outside of that, she was not the most assertive person and he knew it.

"I know you have to be the immovable Commander Shepard for all the others out there. But this is your cabin, and... it's me. Don't you think I see how much you hate it every time you have to give us a risky order? And now we're headed into the lair of the Ill'shatz, for the final battle, and you will have no choice but to have every one of us give their all. Talk to me, Shepard."

She had wanted to say his first name a second time, not just to drive her point home as much as possible, but also because she just really liked it, but it would have been more than she could handle right now. At this point she was almost shaking from the tension, her hands buried into the armrests of the chair to keep them from coming together in front of her again. This was it, he'd either open up to her or blow her off and leave her with the embarassing realization that their friendship had been much deeper in her mind than in reality. It did not happen. Instead, Commander John Shepard, the first human Spectre and hero of Elysium, slowly erected himself back onto the edge of his bed, rested his elbows on his knees, and cupped his face in his hands for a long moment, before running them through his hair and then clasping them together in front of his chest as he looked at her.

"I really don't know what I've done to deserve you, you know that?"

Relieved, but also perplexed by his reaction, she blurted out her answer before she had had much time to think about it. "Are you serious!?" He did not react to that with anything but with a furrowing of the brow that, as she had learned over the months , was a sign of slight confusion; Quarians were quite apt when it came to interpreting body language, but when it came to facial expressions, she had found herself somewhat lost at first, which, when she had thought about it, really should not have surprised her given the fact that even among themselves quarians barely ever saw each others face, thanks to the tinted visors they were forced to wear. Fortunately, humans and Asari seemed to share most of them, so that was at least some effort taken out of it, and Turians had such a limited range of expressions with those bony faces of theirs that in the end, it was actually quite manageable.

"You've been there for us, for me. Always. No matter how difficult it was for yourself or how you were feeling. When I texted my cousin about the cubicle you made for me, she lost her mind. And the Geth data...and everything else. You have always done right by me when barely anyone else outside the flotilla would, _keelah,_ far more than just right! This entire..." she gestured towards the walls surrounding them "...thing here, as scary as it is, it's also been great! I work on one of the most advanced ships in the galaxy! I have friends! I have a Captain who looks out for me! And you're asking me how _you_ deserve _me_? I... I'm just trying to be there for _you_ , for once."

Shepard had been awkwardly looking at his feet for most of her outburst, but towards the end, he slowly raised his head about half way up, giving her a sheepish smile and glance. Tali could sense that she finally had him now, and so she just stared back at him, directly into his eyes. Eyes were the one part of a face Quarians knew all about , their own reflective ones being the only tool for facial emoting they really had behind their visors. She chastised herself for the hopeless thought, but she could not help but notice once more that his blue ones were simply fascinating. They were her windows into his soul.

She did not have to wait long for him to speak. "Tali...you have always been there for me. And I'm happy you have. You're...a good friend. The best. I think I would've snapped about three times by now over the course of this insane hunt if not for you. I hope you know that."

Tali was surprised, as well as happy and concerned at the same time. She had not known that. Shepard continued.

"Truth is, yes, I'm worried immensely about what we're about to do. It's like you said, there will be no place for errors or holding back." He looked down, scratching the back of his head again. He was struggling with his words too, it was clear to see, and at this point, he had evidently given up trying to conceal it. "I might have to make a choice again. Like...Virmire. I know that it's part of the job. I've known it for a long time. Virmire was not the first time. Hell, I used to be okay with it, I just..kept my distance. But still..I've had about enough of that for the rest of my life."

Her heart went out to him. Her ideas about what was going on in his head had turned out quite accurate, but to hear it from the man himself was something different.

"And with this mission...with this group. It's different. I've rarely served with such a tight knit team. I consider all of you friends. Some of you among the best I've ever had." He looked her in the eye as he said that, and she blushed, knowing who he meant with that. " Leaving Kaidan on Virmire, I ... don't blame myself or anything like that, but it has reminded me of how these things can go." He paused, and then, silently, added: "I've made my peace with Kaidan's death, and it's still going to stick with me for a long time. I don't want to lose one more. In the end it's really nothing special. I'm just afraid of the cost, that's all."

Silence descended on them once more as Tali tried to find something to say, anything to comfort him. In the end, he was right, and she could not think of anything to alleviate his concerns. It was as he had said, plain and simple. So she told him the one thing she could.

"I'm afraid, too. But I'm also confident, because I know you will do your best. And that is a lot. That is all anyone can ask of you. I have faith in you, Shepard. If anyone can see us all through this, it is you. And if something...happens, I...if you can't make it happen, no-one can. Anyway, I am with you every step of the way."

Finally, a sincere, unconflicted smile. "I know. Wouldn't want it any other way." He fell silent, as if contemplating if there was something else he should say. "Sooo..." He shot a look at the clock. "Still two and a half hours to go. Wanna watch a short movie before I go and make my final round?"

She nodded enthusiastically, happy that he seemed a little relieved, despite of it all, at least for now, and made her way to sit down on the bed with him, their backs rested against the bulkhead behind his pillow, his desktop serving as a monitor as it had done a couple of times already during the last weeks. Bringing up his omnitool to connect to the monitor, he paused and looked over to her once more.

"Tali?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

She found herself smiling wide and tilting her head. _Any time, John._ "Any time, Shepard." He had visibly relaxed, and seeing him unwind, so did she. His finger hovered over the selection button of the holographic display.

"You know, Garrus told me about this goofy little movie you're supposedly super into, _Fleet and Flotilla_ , and I - "

"Absolutely not !"


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys find this note - If I had a way to "warn" you directly, I would. I have reworked chapters and restructured the whole chapter structure, trying to produce more palatable "bites" as well as letting some scenes stand on their own that previously got a little buried in their large chapters, like that 13k words BringDownTheSky chapter. As a result, chapter length is now all over the place, with the 10k+ Cerberus chapter still around and most chapters being something like 4k-7k , but a couple of 2,5 k chapters as well. I also removed first person. Cheers! Next chapter sunday.

The entire ground team was assembled in the comm room, only Shepard missing. Nobody spoke, everybody knew they were about to jump into the fight of their lives, and while everyone had different thoughts in their head, none was in the mood for talking. The only one who wasn't feeling tense was Wrex, and the old Krogan was not the type to speak if there was nothing of substance to be said. After a few minutes of fidgeting and the occasional unusually deep exhale, all heads snapped to the door as it finally opened and the Commander strode into the room, Pressly on his heels. Sitting down next to Wrex, Shepard gave the floor to his XO. „Give them the sitrep, Pressly."

The older man nodded curtly and activated the monitor. A couple of button presses later, it showed the results of their long-range scanners, neatly transformed into a 3D model. "There is a heavy Geth cruiser in orbit, as well two Geth frigates on patrol duty. They don't know where here of course, and if we wanted to, we could definitely cripple one in an initial attack run, and perhaps even the other in open battle before that cruiser got into range, but the cruiser itself is untouchable for us. However, with the stealth system, it will be no problem to simply slip past them all and drop off the ground team. The enemy on the ground will probably get a visual on us when we do that, but it doesn't matter. They won't catch us." He cleared his throat and brought up a different image, zoomed in on an area near the foot of a great mountain range on the northern continent of the planet. "This appears to be Saren's point of interest. From this range, we cannot say much about it, other than that it appears to be ruins of some sort. We are picking up weak energy signatures from underground. What that precisely means, I can't tell, but it seems that there is _something_ there, and the fact that the Geth are here most likely means that it is what we are looking for. The last relevant piece of information is this: We have detected four Geth dropships in the target area. Based on the different classes we have extrapolated from the energy signatures, the Geth have an entire reinforced heavy company on the ground. The exact disposition of their forces is impossible to tell, but these dropships are capable of transporting all types of combat platforms we have so far encountered, so...expect combined arms."

He nodded at the Commander. "That's all I've got, Sir."

"Thank you, Pressly." Freeing his seat up for the navigator, Shepard stood up and walked over to the monitor, studying it for a number of seconds before turning around and addressing his team. "As you've heard, we don't have a whole lot to go on other that the enemy is here in overwhelming force, and we do not have the time for proper reconnaissance, either. But we don't need it. Wherever the hell we actually are right now, as far as im concerned, this isn't council space, and even if it were, this is not the time to care about rules. The _Normandy_ 's stealth drive will bring us in for the kill, and we will use her main guns and GARDIAN lasers to lay waste to the Geth and any other opposition while dropping us off. If we get Saren that way, that's just fine with me. But I'm not getting my hopes up. That son of a whore won't go down that easily. There will only be time for a couple of salvos before the Geth ships will force her off, but it should be enough to level the playing field and throw any survivors into disarray." He rubbed the back of his nose and continued. "All six of us are dropping together. Ashley, you will drive the Mako, I want to be ready to deploy at a moment's notice. Garrus at the armaments. Tali, you are on the console, but if we dismount, you're with me, Wrex and Liara. We do not know what exactly awaits us down there or what will be the objective, so we'll eliminate anything with extreme prejudice and ask questions later. Hell, if Saren is down there and you get him into your crosshair, I want you to blow him up with the bloody main cannon , understood, Garrus?"

"Sure thing, Shepard. I'd prefer to drop a poignant one liner and place a bullet between his eyes from up close, but to be honest, I am not too keen on going toe to toe with him, so the cannon it is, if at all possible."

Even Shepard couldn't help but smirk at that, and most of the others chuckled, too. At least some of the palpable tension dissipated. The Commander continued. "Tali. What about that surprise for Saren that you've been working on? You've got something?"

The quarian perked up. "Yes, Shepard, I have something. It is very similar to a regular Overload protocol like the ones regulary used to weaken shields. The problem is.. shields are basically one big mass effect field, so you don't have to focus on a specific point to overload them. Just overpower the generator and it will do the trick. Cybernetics are more like guns. You need to either get into the system somehow, or be very close to find a junction, a cable or something similar, and manually apply the energy there. With guns, their computers are fabricated by standard, so if you know the model, you should not have trouble hacking them, at least temporarily. That's how I am sometimes able to jam our enemies' guns in combat. These cybernetics though...they're obviously custom made. So I'll have to apply the attack...manually. Up close."

Her body language left no doubt about how she felt about the prospect of getting up close with Saren. "B-but it's not a problem. I just need to tap him once, and from what I've seen on Virmire, there are plenty of points of access on him. If I'm, uh, quick, I shou-"

"Absolutely not." Shepard interrupted her vehemently, his arms crossed in front of his chest, a stern look on his face. "Wrex and I could barely hold our own against him, and while your suit and armor are good at what they do, they won't stop a strike from Saren. Even Wrex and me got roughed up! If he gets one swipe in with his talons, you're in big trouble, and we have no idea when we will be able to access proper medical attention. It's too dangerous. We need to find another way."

Tali deflated. On one hand, she was relieved that she would not have to go and grapple with the traitor, who, with all his modifications, was downright monstrous. On the other hand, that left them with no tangible plan for how to actually defeat him. But before she could get lost in her thoughts, Shepard asked her the next question.

"Any idea of how we could get through his shields, so we can just kill him the usual way? On Virmire, they were simply ridiculous. I wonder how he even does it."

Now that she could answer. "Those can not possibly have been his personal shields. He did not wear anything big enough to be so powerful on him, and there is no way it's integrated into his cybernetics, it would produce way too much excess heat. It has to be in his hovercraft."

"And how does this help us overpower them?"

"It doesn't, but it doesn't have to. If we can't overpower the hovercraft's shields, we can just separate Saren from his hovercraft. Shields do not influence biotics,after all. Liara should have no trouble throwing him off the thing. And then he'll be stuck with his personal shield, which we should have no trouble with."

The commander's eyes wandered over to Liara, who had listened intently. He raised his eyebrows in question, and after a couple of seconds of thinking, she nodded, cautiously at first, but then very much convinced. "I can definitely do that, Shepard. He should not expect such an approach, and even if he does, from what Wrex has told me, I think I am the stronger biotic, at least in terms of peak performance. With the amount of...enhancements he has and how advanced they seem to be, I am afraid that he would probably wear me out quite easily in a prolonged fight, but that is not what we are talking about here. I am confident that this plan will work, Commander."

Shepard stared on the floor, contemplating what had been said, and any information he might have not considered. But there was none. Their plan was as good as it was going to get. He raised his head and shared one deep look into the eyes with each and every one of the people who had spent the last months going through the fire with him, and who would now do so one last time. All together.

"Good. We have a simple plan, that means not much can go wrong." Smirking slightly at his own unintentional optimism, he did not miss a beat continuing. "You all know your job. We all know what's at stake. I have complete faith in the character and abilities of each and every one of you." Backs straightened at these words, determination written in every face, even Tali's, as the eyes behind her visor seemed to glare with renewed intensity. "Now let's go down there and end this. We're all mounted up and ready to drop in fifteen. Pressly, you have the ship. Eliminate the dropships before engaging ground targets at your tactial discretion, then slip away to harass their ships, keep them busy. I'd rather not get blown to atoms by their frigates. Dismissed, everyone."

John remained standing still as everyone else got up and filed out of the room, allowing himself a couple of seconds of pause. Searching his interior, he found that he was calm. They were ready for this. They would prevail.

…...

Wrex found himself transported back in time, back to the days of his youth, fighting in the late stages of the rebellion. The thunder of the _Normandy_ 's main guns was almost deafening even with his helmet's inbuilt hearing protection, reminding him of the turian artillery that had shelled him and his fellow Krogan so often back then. He had to say, it was enjoyable to be on the giving end of it for a change. By the time the Mako had dropped and he could get a glimpse at the outside situation by peaking over William's head and Shepard's shoulders, the Normandy had already laid waste to their enemies extensively, the long quiet of the ancient city they were dropping in violently disrupted by the discharges of weaponry, the fiery roars of burning Geth dropships and the shrill death shrieks of their ground troops. It was impossible to try and tell how many Geth the scattered metal remains had originally belonged to. There were enough of them left, though. The Turian was taking a toll on them with the coaxial machine gun, mowing down half a dozen before the scattered synthetics could take any sort of effective cover. A heavy impact rocked the Mako, but before Tali had even finished reporting the damage to their shields, the mighty guns of the frigate above them roared again, and the colossus that had picked on them was simply gone, a smoking crater left were it had stood. A predatory grin wormed its way on Wrex' face. This was glorious.

Pressly's voice crackled over the comm. "Ground team, Normandy. We have to break off. Good hunting and out."

Shepard's reply was equally short; the plan was set, there was nothing to talk about. "Copy that, Normandy. Ground team out."

Before any kind of question about what their next step should be could come up, the Commander had already hit the gas full stop. The Mako lurched forward, ignoring the disorganized fire from the still reeling enemy while the Turian continued to annihilate the few survivors of their initial onslaught, and Wrex finally took a second to actually analyze their surroundings. They had landed on a long, broad clearing between overgrown, half collapsed buildings of impressive magnitude. Judging by what he had seen on Feros, they were undoubtedly Prothean, just as Liara had said. Aeons before, this place might have been a grand avenue; it certainly lead to what appeared to be the biggest building in the entire place and at it's foundation, the entrance to a cavernous tunnel. Before it, there were more Geth, and they appeared to be taking up defensive positions. It was still hundreds of meters away, but even from here he could make out the distinct silhouettes of at least two Geth armatures. There was bound to be infantry, too. He smiled again. There would be a proper fight.

Just a half a minute later, his wish was granted, as Shepard brought the Mako to a halt next to a heap of rubble from a big building to the left of the road, roughly fifty meters in front of the Geth's positions. The synthetics were set up in some sort of ditch that might have been a canal ages ago, but had not had time to produce any proper fortifications, though they had deployed a good amount of their portable kinetic barrier generators to provide themselves with additional cover. And there was no shortage of rocket launchers and other heavy weapons amongst them. Not a good situation for their vehicle to be in, as sturdy as it was, and Shepard knew it. "Ashley, take the wheel and back off! Give us fire support! The rest, with me!" Wrex opened the hatches and Shepard jumped out of the Mako's back, Tali hot on his heels. Liara was about to follow, but Wrex stopped her. The Asari had a quad, but she was soft. He was not. He'd go first. By that logic he should've stopped Tali too, of course, but he wasn't going to get shot in the face by a lovesick Quarian today, and her boosted shields could probably take it anyway. In seconds, the stone and mud around them was peppered with bullets, though they could not hear it over the noise of the coaxial machine gun still going strong behind them, ripping into the Geth even as the armored personnel carrier reversed it the hell out of there. One Armature was down, the other kept up the fire on the Mako supported by the rocket troopers, while the basic platforms had shifted their fire onto their squad.

_Almost platoon strength. Should be fun._

They were lying low against their side of the heap, Shepard peaking out of cover as Geth bullets filled the air around them. After about one and a half second, he pulled it back and turned to them. Behind him, the remaining Geth walker's shields finally failed as another shot from the Mako's 155 mm cannon slammed into them, going straight through and penetrating the machine itself, leaving only a tiny hole on the entry side, but blowing out half of its mechanical entrails out the other. It's headlight dying immediately, the construct went limp and slumped to the ground. William's voice filled the squad channel.

"Skipper, we've taken out both enemy vehicles, but shields are gone. Moving into cover for now. No significant enemy forces on the scanners other than those in front of you. Over."

"Copy, Ash. Stay in cover and get those shields back online, we'll handle this ourselves." ,Shepard answered, and returned his attention to them, utilizing the comm channel to speak to them over the noise of the still incoming Geth fire. "We will break into their position from the left flank. Wrex, on my command ,you deploy your smoke grenade forty meters in this " , he gestured towards the Geth detachment's left wing with his hand , "direction. I deploy smoke against their center. Liara, take another one. Use your biotics to get it over to their right flank. Tali, you take the last one. Just throw it out directly in front of us."

They quickly distributed the equipment, Wrex handing one of the devices over to Liara, who was still behind him, and the commander giving one to Tali. Shepard activated the comm again.

"Ash! On my command, come out, one sweep at their positions with the machine gun, left to right, one shot of the main cannon into their rightmost positions, then pop back into cover, Copy?"

"Copy, Skipper. Ready on your command."

"Do it now!" the Commander yelled, both at Williams and them, and so they rose from cover to throw the smoke grenades as close to the Geth as they could, with the exception of Tali. There was barely any opposition to this act as the Mako had successfully kept most of the combat platforms pinned down, only the Rocket Troopers defiantly returning fire against the armored vehicle.

They waited a couple of seconds for the smoke to deploy, Shepard peeking over cover again to assess their work. Wrex knew that some Geth had heat based optics, but they would not be able to pick them out through the hot smoke, and so any attempt to stop them would be random spraying. Not something handheld weapons could keep up for any length of time.

"Now!"

_Finally._

Wrex exploded out of cover and stormed forward. In front of him, Shepard and Tali did the same. They burst through the first of the clouds they had produced out into the open. Their grenades hat landed well, but not all the Geth were blinded, and so their shields came under some amount of fire, but they pressed on. He started to roar. He felt the familiar high settling in. He'd show these overgrown flashlights what a _battlemaster_ was! His legs carried him even faster, making him overtake Shepard as Wrex changed his trajectory towards the right. He would be the rock in front of his krannt, the one who'd take the brunt of the onslaught. The others could clean up after him.

Four seconds later and they broke into the smoke in front of the Geth's leftward positions. Before he was through himself, he could already hear the bark of a shotgun. On her proportionally bigger and stronger legs, Tali had made it first and was getting to work. He payed her no heed; Shepard and the Quarian were a well oiled machine, and Liara was directly behind them. They would not need babysitting. So he would get to focus on having some fun on his own. A low chuckle escaped his throat at the thought, and then he was there.

The Krogan burst through a hexagonal kinetic barrier, barreling into the Geth platform behind it, knocking it to the ground. Taking a step forward and crushing the pathetic thing's head under his heel, he scanned his surroundings in an instant.

_Three left, basic platforms, pathetic. Two right. Center...shock trooper._

He blew the shock trooper into bits with the Carnage shot he had prepared back in cover; nothing like two rounds of buckshot for the price of one. Except slugs, of course.

_Shields down._

The gun was too hot to return fire without overheating and would be so for another couple of seconds yet,so instead he charged left, ignoring the clatter of rifle rounds upon his thick armor, and headbutted one of the enemies there into a mess of bent metal and shattered glass before backhanding the one next to it with his weapon. He felt a hit actually penetrate his armor and bite into his hump.

_Troopers couldn't have done that._

The third one stood a couple of paces further back, so he just shot it in the face.

_What else is behind me?_

He whirled around and scanned the battlefield for this new foe. He did not have to look for long. A Geth destroyer, armed with a high calibre weapon, had emerged from behind a large rock and came storming towards him. Wrex roared in approval.

_Finally, a real opponent!_

The synthetic shot him again, but Wrex deflected the attack with a biotic barrier, choosing to not return fire yet. It would merely bring down the shields anyway. Instead, he lurched forward to meet his enemies charge. They crashed into each other with a force that would squished any other combatant on the field right then and there, coming to a halt as no clear winner emerged. Wrex regained his balance first and grabbed the thing's gun, holding it away from him, while bringing up his own and shooting the Geth into the chest point blank, from just inches away; deep inside it's shields. He had loaded a solid slug, too. At this range, it penetrated the armor like butter and tore the platform's insides completely apart. The destroyer collapsed to the ground, and Wrex scoffed, disappointed.

_Too easy._

He made a step towards the remaining two enemies, but he needn't have bothered. They were blown to pieces by his three companions, who rushed to his side now, having annihilated everything behind him as expected. The old Krogan bellowed in mock-offense. "Hey! Those belonged to me!" Shepard laid a hand on his right pauldron.

"Easy there, big guy. There's enough for everyone." The joke and the smile accompanying it, even if one could only see the man's eyes, seemed genuine enough. Wrex grinned under his helmet.

_Shepard's making quips? Rare enough. Perhaps the boy is finally learning to enjoy doing what he's good at._

Out loud, he said : "Maybe, but these flashlights just can't fight. Let's get this over with before Saren gets away."

Surprisingly, it was Liara who spoke. Usually, she was quiet in battle, speaking only when spoken to or to call out an observation. "Agreed. Let's proceed." They proceeded.

…...

Darkness. Muffled sounds. Pain.

_Ugh...what? Spirits..._

"Garrus! Wake up!"

His eyes shot open, his vision blurry at first, but after blinking a couple of times he could see clearly again. Ashley's face was hovering directly in front of his. He felt her hand pat his left mandible.

"There you are. You okay?"

He groaned. Every muscle and bone in his body ached. He was most certainly not okay.

"I'm fine. Did it work?"

"Yes. We're on the presidium. Come on, get out of that chair."

With her help, Garrus heaved himself out of the gunner seat and took the sniper rifle from his back, letting it drop its weight into his left as it unfolded itself, the familiar weight a reassuring feeling amidst the chaotic situation he found himself in as he stepped out of the Mako's hatch. They were the last two, the rest of the team had already formed up and orientated themselves. Shepard noticed them and hurried over. "Good morning. You alright?" He just nodded. "Good. You've got our six. Ash, you're left flank. Move it."

The group fell into a jog, not the most safe way to traverse a combat situation usually, but there was no time. Saren was still ahead of them, and if they were too late, all would be lost. They got lucky however, reaching the elevator to the council chambers without meeting any resistance. As they filed inside, Garrus's mind raced. Should it really turn out to be this easy?

Of course it did not. They were only about three quarters up when the elevator stooped, and so they had to break out of it and make the rest of the way on foot, scurrying up the side of the tower. Even though they were in space now, and it was not gravity, but magboots that kept them on the "ground", it felt much like fighting on a normal surface – until one looked up and noticed the gigantic, imposing form that loomed above them.

_Sovereign._

It really was a magnificent and terrifying sight at the same time. But there was no time to ponder it. Their advance up the exterior of the Citadel tower was met with heavy resistance by the Geth; they kept them on their toes every step of the way. But ultimately, the synthetics were simply outmatched. Shepard was both a fighter and a leader extraordinaire, the combination of talents in this one man simply without peer. Liara was powerful even for an Asari. Tali was a menace with her shotgun and her omnitool in equal measure. Williams had always been a disciplined, reliable soldier, but now she fought with a cold, bitter hatred that lent her every movement purpose and precision, and Garrus himself had been among the better sharpshooters of the turian military back in the day. Wrex was Wrex.

In short, the uppity desk lamps didn't stand a chance, and soon enough they were back in the council chamber, the place were only days prior they had been stabbed in the back. Garrus bristled at the thought, but immediately regained his composure. This was not a time to be unprofessional.

A futile last stand by half a dozen basic Geth platforms was swept aside without even bothering to slow down. There was no time for caution. They stormed up the stairs towards the audience dais, Shepard in the lead, and there was Saren. The traitorous Spectre turned around from the console he had been working on just as they gained a direct line of sight. Garrus did not think, he just brought up his rifle and lined up a shot, but before he could fire, Saren had already jumped off the ledge.

_What?_

A low humm emerged from below the console, and Saren was back, again on that damnable discoid hovercraft of his, hurling a grenade towards their center. The team slid into cover, Shepard and Tali in the middle having to jump for their lives, but making it out unscathed none the less. Garrus was on the verge of opening fire, but then their enemy spoke.

"Shepard! I was afraid you wouldn't make it in time."

Garrus glanced over to his commander, who, scowling, answered: "In time for what?"

"The final confrontation. I think we both expected it would end like this. You've lost, you know that don't you? In a few minutes, Sovereign will have full control of the Citadel..."

Garrus stopped paying attention to the traitor's monologue, and watched Shepard rolling his eyes instead, as the squad channel came alive. "We don't have time for this idiot. Kill him!"

"...relay will open. The Reapers will-"

Saren was cut off by the sound of three assault rifles, two shotguns and Liara's submachine gun opening up on him. The Turian's reaction to that was downright arrogant, as he, completely unperturbed by the pointless assault on his shields, returned fire with his heavy pistol in the lazy manner of a man relaxing on a shooting range. Wrex paused his fire to assault the Turian with a biotic push, which he deflected with his own biotics – and that was Liara's cue to strike. Her body lighting up in azure so bright that Garrus' helmet's dimmers activated, she yanked Saren's hovercraft out from under him and slammed it into the wall so hard it left a dent and broke into pieces. Howling with surprise and anger, the traitor fell to the petitioner's ledge. He landed on all fours and exploded into action, returning fire accurately and fast now while frantically scanning the scene for an avenue of escape or attack, but it was over. Under the combined gunfire of all six of them, with Tali mixing in a shield overload from her omnitool for good measure, his shields collapsed in less than two seconds, and then it was a scene like from a corny action vid as Saren was rocked by countless bullets piercing him. Stumbling backwards towards the edge, the Turian dropped his gun. With immense satisfaction, Garrus peaked through the scope of his marksman rifle, his assault rifle lying overheated on the ground, and placed the last shot of the fight straight through the bastard's skull, and watched as it was yanked backwards violently, taking the rest of the already dead body with it over the edge and unto the ceiling of the small conservatory beneath the dais, which was smashed into countless shards and did nothing to slow Saren's corpse's fall.

Hastily, he rushed to the edge to confirm the kill, but he need not have worried. The traitor lay in a pool of his own blood and brains. Garrus allowed himself a smirk. They had won.

"Well, I didn't get to say a poignant one-liner, but our glorious leader had that covered, even though Saren did not actually hear it, and I got to shoot the bastard between the eyes in the end. All in all, I'd say today was a good day. "

A deep scoff came from his right as Wrex moved up and stood next to him, joining him in looking down at their dead foe. "Well, that plan worked out pretty well. I was hoping for a fight, that was an execution. Not that he didn't deserve it, but still. It's...disappointing."

Garrus laughed and shook his head. "You crazy old bastard!"

Meanwhile, Shepard paid no head to his friends quips. Liara and Tali at his sides, he rushed up to the central console, readying the disc he had received from Vigil.

…...

_Override accepted._

The simple, short line on the display in front of him electrified him like nothing had in years. "It's working! Hah!" Relief washed over him so overwhelmingly he could not contain a burst of laughter, but he soon controlled himself and got back to the task at hand. "Alright, now how do we open this...". Liara and Tali were pouring over the console together with him while the other three members of the team had set up a perimeter to ward off any Geth stragglers that might try to disturb them. Unsurprisingly, it was the Quarian who found the needle in the virtual haystack first.

"Here! That's it!"

Not waiting for him to pick up just what she meant with 'Here' , she reached across the console, gently yet firmly pushing John's hands out of the way, and started going to work. After just a couple of seconds, an almighty metallic groanshook the entire station as the arms of the Citadel started to open up. Looking up to the spectacle, John couldn't help but smile even though the dark figure of Sovereign was still taking up most of what he could see.

_Time to die, you son of a whore. The rudimentary creatures are about to tear you a new one._

Liara snapped him out of his glee. "Tali, see if you can set up a communications channel!". The Quarian obliged, and just seconds later, he heard the comm chatter of the raging battle outside.

"This is the Destiny Ascension! The council is on board, I repeat the council is on board. Shields down to 40%. Taking heavy fire! We need immediate relief! This is the...-"

A familiar voice cut through.

"Normandy to Citadel! Commander! Tell me that is you on the other end!"

After talking to Vigil, they had instructed the _Normandy_ to make for the Alliance 5th fleet under Hackett as quick as possible to warn them. It appeared they had managed to get there in time.

"Joker! I'm in control of the Citadel! The arms are opening right now! Saren's dead, but Sovereign is inside the Citadel! We need to kill it before it's too late!"

"Aye Sir! I'm sitting here in the Andura sector with the entire Arcturus fleet, but that bastard closed the mass relays. You need to open them or we can't do shit!"

"Copy, stand by Normandy."

His eyes flew across the display now, but Tali beat him to it again.

"That did it Commander! Here comes the cavalry!"

Finally, Shepard could allow himself to step back and release some of the tension from his body as the lavender backdrop of the Widow Nebula was contrasted by the lightning of the three hundred eighty five ships strong 5th fleet exiting the nearby mass relay. It was out of his hands now. His relaxation didn't last long though, as the deep voice of a certain Krogan cut through it.

"What the hell...?"

He followed Wrex' eyes and saw a sickly red light coming from below. Wary of what on earth he was about to see now, he stepped to the edge and looked upon the most disturbing thing he had ever seen.

…...

Tali watched in disgust as Saren was transformed before their eyes. Red lightning streaked across his body, as the dead Turian – he was dead, dead, how was this possible!? - screamed. His screams were unlike anything she had ever heard, an earsplitting wail of agony as Saren's skin and flesh melted away, revealing the unbelievable amount of cybernetics underneath.

_He- he's a machine!_

Her disgust turned into terror as the six of them watched the thing that once was Saren bend and grow, protruding fearsome claws and somehow getting larger than the Turian had been in life. Then it looked at them through malicious, glowing eyes and somehow, spoke.

**I AM SOVEREIGN, AND THIS STATION IS MINE.**

Before the group managed to shake their shock off, the abomination had already crawled halfway up the wall from the conservatory back into the council chamber. Shepard regained his senses first.

"Move! Spread out!"

They scrambled to follow the order, but Sovereign was already among them. It swung itself over the edge and onto the stairs that led to the petitioners ledge, landing just meters apart from Ashley who had stayed back during the entire ordeal. The gunnery chief did not miss a beat and fired full-auto directly into the abomination's chest from point blank range, but to little avail. A biotic push from Liara briefly brought Sovereign off balance, but only for a moment, and so it attacked Ashley before she even had the chance to overheat her gun into it. A single strike from the beasts talons saw the gun she had raised to defend herself a mangled mess, and the backhand swipe flung her across the room. Peppered with a continuous stream of bullets from Shepard's assault rifle, Sovereign whirled around with frightening speed and leaped again, this time directly towards Liara and Garrus who had turned left after getting off the ledge. The Turian managed to get a shot off with his sniper rifle that struck the thing's head mid-flight, and that actually impacted it enough for him to manage to evade it's assault. By the time Sovereign had reversed it's momentum, Garrus had already took aim and fired again, missing it's head and striking the left shoulder instead. The armor-piercing round buried itself in the synthetic tissue and sparks flew along the beasts arm, but the Turian paid for his success by not getting away this time. Sovereign fired a blast of focused energy at him that collapsed his shields immediately and , exploding on impact, charred his armor, knocking Garrus back over the large flowerpot he had stood next to. Turning around to Liara, something finally did not go it's way though. The Asari lit up with biotic glow again as she lifted the synthetic monstrosity in front of her several meters off the ground before slamming it back to the floor, head first. It did not have the desired effect. It took Sovereign less than a second to collect itself before it took two quick steps towards it's assailant and, shrugging off her desperate shots, took her out of the fight with a single swing that tore open her armor and sent a fountain of blue blood through the air and Liara tumbling to the ground, clutching her intestines as they fell out of her opened belly.

Tali herself had been firing her pistol frantically throughout all this while scrambling to cover behind the railing of the stairs, where their enemy had so far ignored her, but it appeared her luck had run out. Ignoring the roaring Krogan charging it, Sovereign aimed it's next shot for her, which smashed her cover and exploded on impact. The kinetic energy from this knocked her to the floor with enough force to daze her through her helmet. Blinking to refocus her blurry vision, she looked up, and saw her death.

The thing that had once been Saren loomed over her mid-flight as the world slowed down. It's talons were outstretched towards her, ready to tear her to pieces.

_Thank the ancestors I made sure the Geth data would reach father no matter what._

Wrex roared angrily, but Sovereign had completely juked him. He could not save her.

_Should've told John._

Somehow, the mental image of John, Wrex, her father, auntie Raan and her little brother standing in some cargo bay, watching her body float out into space, jolted her out of her daze.

_Dammit, I'm not dying here!_

She tucked in her legs to reach for her knife. She would never have made it in time; but in the last moment, Sovereign was tackled by a black blur.

_John!_

Tali watched in anguish as her captain went toe to toe with the monstrosity. She had always known he was good at hand to hand,but what she was witnessing now seemed to defy the laws of physics. Shepard bobbed and weaved against attacks that should've been too fast, and even managed to hit the thing himself with his signature machete, boots, and even his bare left fist.

_He can't keep this up._

Not having a clear shot, she watched helplessly as most of John's attacks glanced harmlessly off of Sovereign's synthetic, largely armored body for a couple of seconds, only the machete being able to at least scratch it, and even open up Sovereign's neck, though it seemed to have no immediate effect. Just as it looked as if the human's luck had finally run out, a three-fingered hand adorned with unnaturally long and sharp claws coming down to punish him for losing his balance after that last cut, Wrex finally connected with the abomination that had done it's best to avoid him so far. The sight was nothing short of cathartic. The old Krogan tore into Sovereign with a howl of rage, sending it to the floor with a headbutt. When it tried to charge up one of it's blasts, he stomped down on it's face, visibly denting the skull. It's attempt to tear Wrex's gut open with it's left arm was met by a brutal armlock that broke Sovereign's left elbow backwards, the arm slouching uselessly to the floor. But the thing was not done.

Having deflected the left arm with both of his, Wrex found himself impaled by the talons of the right one. Bellowing in anger and pain, he kicked the thing again, but the shock from the grievous injury slowed and weakened his movements just slightly enough to allow Sovereign to get one of its legs underneath Wrex's perineum and push him off, the Krogan's hump impacting the council chamber's floor with a loud thud as the beast got up on its feet, towering over him. John had gotten back up and fired his heavy pistol, as did she, having a clear shot again. Together, they annoyed it enough for it to turn around and fire another blast. John evaded it barely, but the explosion it caused when it smashed into the wall behind him sent him sprawling to the floor, hitting his head, and Sovereign turned back to the old Krogan who was still struggling to get back up after having been stabbed deep in the gut in no less than three places. Using it's weakened left arm and one of it's legs to hold him down, it raised it's right hand to finish the job.

_NO!_

With a snarl of a viciousness she had not known she possessed, Tali quickly closed the distance and launched herself towards the _bosh'tet_ that had come to kill them all. She had only been a few meters behind it and her knife had already been in her hand, so she managed to land on its back and bury her knife in its spinal column before it could do anything of substance to Wrex, who was still struggling mightily. Sovereign whirled around, but the Quarian on it's back held on, seeing Shepard get up on his feet shakily for a short moment before the beast she was hanging onto had completed a full three-sixty. Yanking out her knife and driving it back in immediately, she noticed that it's movements were getting slower. Before she could strike again though, she felt herself gripped at her right shoulder. Screaming in pain as the claws bit through her suit and deep into her flesh, she was thrown off violently. Managing barely to stabilize herself with her long toes and her good arm after crashing into the floor with her thorax and rolling a couple of paces, she could see Wrex and John engaging the monstrosity once more.

_It's too tough. We can't beat it like this._

A loud boom thundered through the chamber, and Sovereign flinched as part of it's right shoulder was torn off. Tali snapped around to the source of the familiar sound to see Garrus, leaning heavily on one of the small trees that adorned the council chamber, rifle in hand. The Turian's armor was a black mess and he had a bleeding wound on his face, but he exuded pure determination.

She turned back to the brawl to see that Garrus' marksmanship had not made a notable difference. Wrex was slowing, and while Shepard fought tenaciously as ever, his movements lacked their usual precision. That fall on his head had obviously rattled him badly. Right now he was holding down Sovereign's good arm while kicking the beasts torso as Wrex worked on bludgeoning it's head with a metal rod he had picked up from the wreckage of Tali's former cover. But even under this vicious assault, the machine did not let up. It rammed a knee into Shepard's bottom so hard he was knocked off it entirely and landed one and a half meters away, then it used its newfound freedom to deflect Wrex's next strike, taking the pipe from him and forcing him to back off to avoid a vicious flurry of swipes.

_We need something else._

The sight of John and Wrex under pressure caused a cold knot to form around her heart, and somehow she found the strength to get up despite the protest of her brutalized shoulder and aching ribs. Lurching forward on her strong legs once more, her thoughts worked feverishly, trying to come up with a solution. And then it hit her. She jumped off the ground, groaning in pain from the act, and activated her omnitool. With Wrex and Sovereign locked in a stalemate the Krogan was losing only very slowly, she closed the distance with a speed only a Quarian or Turian could muster and latched onto the abomination's back once more, but this time she had a goal. Firing up the custom made attack routine she had written specifically for this fight, even though she had not realized at the time just how synthetic the target would be , she buried her left hand in the large gash on Sovereign's neck that John had opened with his blade. Just as Wrex , who had been surprised by the claws on formerly- Saren's right foot opening up his leg from top to bottom, slumped to the ground with a groan of pain and Sovereign whirled around, throwing off the effectively one-armed Quarian with ease, her attack connected at the last moment. As Tali flew across the room once more, she heard the earsplitting shriek of Sovereign as excess energy erupted across it's whole body and it fell to the ground, immobilized by a violent spasm.

When Tali managed to return her field of view to their enemy a couple of seconds later, John was standing over it's still spasming body, a primed grenade in his fist. Punching through the sliced up, relatively soft tissue above Sovereign's sternum, he buried the explosive in it's chest before jumping back and taking cover behind a waist high wall as she felt herself picked up by strong arms. It was Wrex. He threw her over his shoulder and limped to cover, as John's voice sounded across the hall, laced in rage like she had rarely heard it from him.

"Fucking die, asshole!"

_He's never been very eloquent when he is angry._

The explosion that came after that was the sweetest sound Tali had heard in her entire life. With Wrex gently propping her up against the wall, she closed her eyes for a second, slumping against the cool stone, just to jolt back in pain as her torn up shoulder touched the surface, hurting twice as bad as it had before now that the adrenaline was beginning to wear off. The pain brought tears to her eyes, and she realized she was shaking; the blood loss appeared to be considerable. Feeling panic rise in her stomach, she forced herself to remain calm and reached for her medigel pouch. The suits internal application was clearly not doing it. Before she could get it, John was already at her side.

"Careful. You're still bleeding. Don't move, I'll take care of it." He quickly applied medigel to the wounds on her shoulder, briefly inspecting them as he did so. A worried frown found the way onto his face. "Jesus, they are deep. Didn't nick an artery it seems, thank god, but..."he looked her in the eye,"what about infection? That's a suit breach if I've ever seen one."

She answered through gritted teeth. "I's...ah...alright. The suit has...administered...antibiotics and immunoboosters. I'll need...nnngggrrr...medical attention or I'm in trouble...but...I won't die in the next hour or anything like that."

She could see in his face that her talk of dying was not what he had wanted to hear, but Shepard was in Commander mode. After laying his hand on her left shoulder for a second to give her a reassuring squeeze, he just nodded curtly and got up, keeping eye contact. "We'll get you there asap. Medigel's anaesthetic effect should kick in any second. Just hold still, I'll go looking after the others."

And so he hurried on. Following him with her gaze, Tali could see Wrex helping Ashley up, who had lost her helmet and seemed to be barely conscious, while Garrus kneeled at Liara's side, working on her stomach. The amount of blood that had pooled around the Asari's body sent a chill down Tali's spine, and she found herself sending a quick prayer to the ancestors she wasn't even sure she believed in. Then she lost sight of Liara as Shepard rushed to help Garrus, blocking her line of sight.

As the pain in her shoulder began to ease into a hot throb rather than the searing agony of before thanks to the medigel, Tali rested her head against the wall and closed her eyes listening to the comm chatter of the battle outside. Apparently, Sovereign's shields had failed, and the Alliance was blowing the _bosh'tet_ to hell and gone with everything they had. The Geth were mostly destroyed, the scattered survivors trying to flee to the relay. Even the Destiny Ascension had been saved. Finally, wild cheering filled the channels as Sovereign was torn apart and any semblance of comm discipline died on the spot. She smiled. They had won.

Her smile died very quickly when just seconds later the sound of crashed glass, smashed stone and bent metal filled the room. By the time her eyes had opened in shock, the rubble was already coming down.


	22. Chapter 22

The first thing that struck Anderson when he filed out of the finally fixed elevator with a gaggle of medics behind him was the shocking severity of the devastation. The automated systems of the Citadel had contained the hull breaches with mass effect fields, keeping the atmosphere in the room, but aside from that, the council chamber was a ruin. Rubble, glass shards and pieces of Sovereign were lying all over it. He rushed up the stairs to see that deeper into the room, the destruction only got worse. Here the debris formed large heaps and piles, so that Anderson's first thought was that no one could have possibly survived this. Fortunately, he was mistaken. A retching sound alerted him to Chief Williams, who was slumped on all fours on the floor some twenty meters ahead, keeping herself propped up on her hands, a pool of vomit on the ground beneath her and her entire face red with blood rinsing down from her forehead. He rushed to get to her, but was overtaken by two medics, so he left them to it and climbed a large metal beam to get a better view, and now, from the elevated position, he could see the rest of the team. Vakarian was kneeling next to Benezia's daughter, who lay on the floor, her face a pale shade of blue that seemed decidedly unhealthy. The haphazardly closed gash on her abdomen and the large pool of blood she was in left little room for imagination as to why she was in that way. As soon as the doctor who had rushed by him had finished her interrogation of the Turian, Anderson stepped to the man's side and gripped his shoulder.

"Vakarian!"

The former C-Sec officer just stared back at him wordlessly. A large laceration on his forehead had covered half his face in blood, and one of his crest's was obviously broken. His blue armor was pitch black at the front. He looked like death. But Anderson could not be gentle right now.

"Saren?"

"We killed him."

"Shepard?"

The Turian just shook his head in way of an answer and gestured towards the back of the room, before limping off towards another medic. Following Vakarian's gesture, Anderson made his way past another pile of rubble, following the angry grunts. How he had not heard them before was beyond him, and the same went for the desperate cries that alternated with them.

The Krogan, Urdnot Wrex, was digging through the largest mountain of debris in the entire room, made up of bits of concrete and steel in equal measure, but mostly, the largest still intact piece of Sovereign in the entire council chamber. Next to him, tugging weakly at the rubble with her left arm, the right one hanging limply from her shoulder, was Tali'Zorah, most of her right side covered in her own blood, pulling at a large metal beam to no avail, screaming in frustration and, presumably, pain.

"Shepard! You there!?"

Anderson had never heard concern in a Krogan's voice before. The Quarian meanwhile sounded not only concerned, but about to lose her mind.

"Shepard! John! Can you hear us! JOHN!"

He stepped towards Zorah, as he was not about to get close to the obviously upset Krogan, and laid a hand on Zorah's shoulder. Her head snapped around to him, the eyes underneath her visor wide open and shining bright. "Ca-Captain Anderson !?"

"Miss Zorah. Is Shepard...is he in there?"

"Yes! Come on! We need to get him out!"

With these words, she seemed to have completely forgotten his presence, getting back to lifting up smaller pieces after giving up on the beam she'd been pulling at earlier. Looking at the mess in front of him, Anderson's heart sank, but he forced himself to fight down the sorrow.

_If anyone could still be alive in there, it would be that man._

He turned around and barked commands at the men and women who were still without a task, putting them to work at the debris that most likely contained Shepard, living or dead, and got stuck in himself, too. Soon he was drenched in sweat, but he just tossed his uniform jacket aside and kept at it, until finally,one of Wrex's shouts was answered, barely audible. "I'm fine! I'm down here!"

Locating the source of the shouting, Anderson got down on his hands and raised his voice. "Shepard! Are you injured?"

The voice answering was muted by the rubble between them, but just loud enough to be comprehensible. "Captain! Damn good to hear your voice! I'm fine, mostly. Leg's definitely broken though, and I'm stuck here."

Anderson couldn't help but crack a smile at his protege's ever calm and collected demeanor. "Alright son, sit tight! We'll have you out of there in no time."

Now with a concrete idea of where they had to go, they made headway faster than before. Taking a short break, Anderson confirmed that Williams and T'Soni had already been taken away. Vakarian had attempted to help with the digging, but his injured leg had collapsed under him, so he was just sitting down and observing now. Turning back to it, he was treated to the sight of the Krogan heaving up the beam Zorah had failed to move earlier, and finally, in a cave made from a large piece of Sovereign shielding him from the debris, there was the Commander, beaming at them with that shit eating grin of his, even though his leg was squashed underneath a large rock. Before anyone else could get to him, the Quarian had rushed past all of them and was half next, half on top of him in the narrow space. She shot a quick glance towards his leg before resting her good hand on his chestplate and croaking out:

"Keelah, John– Commander. You scared me to death."

Shepard looked back at her with a strange look on his face and gripped her forearm with his right, before trailing off towards her shoulder.

"You're wound's opened up again."

"Oh."

As if on cue, she collapsed, but was held up by one of the Alliance soldiers before she could hit the rubble. As she was carefully dragged out of the hole, Anderson found himself addressed by a Commander Shepard who was decidedly back to battlefield mode. "Get her the hell out of here, Sir. She's lost blood, and I have no idea how long she has before the suit breaches make her real trouble. And make sure she's taken care of properly, you know how it can be for Quarians on the Citadel."

Anderson just nodded and barked his orders before stepping down from the pile to try and convince Vakarian to finally let himself be brought to the hospital, too. The Krogan was covered in his own blood as well, but it didn't seem to bother or impede him and he didn't feel like arguing with a giant reptile today.

Finally, after a day that had to have aged him five years at least, David Anderson relaxed.

…...

"Commander, you have a concussion, two broken coccygeal vertebrae and a newly fixated complex fracture of your left tibia and fibula. Strongly recommend you lie down!"

The salarian doctor who had responded to the nurse's calls when they hadn't been able to stop Shepard from trying to leave his bed just as he had woken up from the short-term anaesthesia he had been put under for the surgery on his leg sounded most irritated, but John couldn't bring himself to care about that right now. He had no idea how his people were faring, and before he found out he would not find rest anyway.

"Listen doc, I appreciate the concern, but I have things to take care of. Give me a crutch and get out of my way. Please."

After a couple of seconds of intense staring, the Salarian closed his eyes and exhaled in exasperation before leaving the room wordlessly. A minute later,as John was already worrying that the man might have decided to just ignore him, he returned with a pair of crutches, a nurse and a large orthesis. "Here. Put this on and go. Try to not mess up osteosynthetic fixation too much." Then he turned around and left, already muttering details of some other patient to himself. That was just fine with John, and so as soon as the nurse had finished helping him put the orthesis on, he heaved himself off the bed he had been sitting on. He had never needed crutches before, and the heavy weight of the orthesis on his left leg and foot certainly didn't help, and so he probably looked rather undignified as he slowly and clumsily made his way to the door and unto the hospital floor. After getting there, he realized that he was completely lost, but before he could ask someone for directions, he was already being approached by a young man in alliance uniform who snapped him a crisp salute that John did his best to return with at least some modicum of proper form, despite his predicament and his splitting headache.

"Commander Shepard, Sir. Private Metembe. I was told to take you to your team once you're on your feet."

"Lead the way, then."

Following the private as fast as he could, but still so slow that the man walked in the laborious way he remembered from himself whenever he had gone to the store with his grandmother as a boy, John made his way through _Huerta's Memorial_. It was filled to the brim with wounded and their relatives or friends; the Geth as well as Sovereign's debris had taken their toll on the Citadel's population. What he was seeing here was likely being mirrored in every other hospital on the station right now. Finally, they entered into a lounge at the other end of the surgical wing, and after looking around for a second, he found Garrus, sitting in a chair in front of the reception, and Wrex, sitting on the ground next to him. Wrex looked fine; he had some blood on him, but he did not seem to be in pain.

_The joys of a redundant nervous system, as he would say._

Garrus though looked badly run-down. He had been stripped out of his armor and his entire chest as well as some of his neck and what probably passed as a Turian's belly was covered in bandages, as was a patch on his plated forehead. The blood had been washed from his face, but only roughly, and there was no missing the splint affixed to his left central crest. His leg had been injured too, as he had a stiff bandage around his right knee. As John hobbled over, his friends noticed him. Garrus simply looked at him, it was Wrex who spoke. "Shepard! Finally done getting pampered while we sit out here ?"

Shepard did not react to the jab, he was not in the mood. For all he knew, three of his team were fighting for their life. "Do you know anything about the girls?"

Garrus answered him. "No. 'Doctor- patient confidentiality'. They wouldn't tell us anything. " He flared his mandibles and scoffed. "Like I needed a reminder why I can't stand this place."

John sighed and turned over to the reception. "I'll get it out of 'em."

When he arrived at the counter, he was treated to an exhausted sigh by a visibly overworked Asari nurse. Evidently, Asari got rings under their eyes similar too humans, but they had a lavender colour for some reason. "Hello Sir, what can I do for you?" "I'd like to know about the status of three patients..."

"Are you married or related to any of them?"

"Well no, but-"

"Then I cannot help you. It is against the law."

Feeling the anger rise in his chest, he reminded himself that this lady was right and it was not her fault. This woman was not responsible for the fact that he had zero fucks left to give about the damn law.

"Listen ma'am, I know that. I also don't care. I'm a Spectre." He raised his left arm to flash his Spectre authorization in her face, only to discover that his omnitool had not survived the carnage of the day. "Oh for fuck's sake!"

The nurse looked actually sorry now, but she wouldn't budge. "Listen Sir, not that I don't believe you, but I cannot help you. If I share confidential patient information with you without proper authorization, I'm out of a job."

Leaning onto the counter for support, he started at his hands, trying to come up with a solution, and came up blank. Closing his eyes, he struggled to fight off the thoughts of his friends possibly on the brink of death while he didn't even know about it, until he finally found himself doing something he had not done in years – praying.

_Hey, uhm, God...so, I know, I'm a bloody hypocrite for only hitting you up when I need something and not really being sure if you even exist most of the time, but look, this isn't for me. Ashley is a proper christian, prays every day , reads her bible and all that, that's gotta be worth something, right? And Liara and Tali...sure, they've probably never heard about you, but they're aliens so, can't blame them right? And they're good people, trust me. Well, I'm not sure why I'm even telling you this, you're supposed to be all-knowing after all...so...yeah...just...please...let them be okay._

He was still thinking if there was something more he was supposed to say- or well, think - when a familiar and unexpected voice cut through his musings.

"I believe I have the necessary authorization to lift the confidentiality in this case, Miss. Please tell the Commander everything he wants to know."

"Ye-Yes, councilor. Of course." The nurse was just as baffled as he was, both of them staring at Tevos who had arrived together with two Asari commandos who positioned themselves around their charge and did their best to look deterrent at anyone who came too close. He straightened himself as best as he could.

"Councilor Tevos. Thank you, ma'am."

Tevos inclined her head and smiled warmly before she spoke. "It is I who has to thank you, Commander. Your actions today have saved not only my life, but that of the entire council, ten thousand Asari on the Destiny Ascension, and who knows how many else that would have perished in whatever plans Saren had."

He frowned at that. " _I_ know how many else. Every soul in the galaxy. I told you already Saren was just a puppet of Sovereign."

If the councilor was taken aback by his bluntness, she did not show it. "Let's not argue now Commander. I have come here to convince myself that you are well and to extend the council's gratitude to you and your team personally. We will hold a proper debriefing at a later date. For now, I will leave you to it." Nodding at him once more, which he returned as respectfully as he could fake it after what she had just said, she turned around and began a brief conversation with Wrex and Garrus. He did not pay attention to it, instead he looked up mouthing a silent "THANK YOU" and turned back to the nurse.

"Alright, I'm here for Dr. Liara T'Soni, Ashley Williams of the Alliance, and a Quarian, Tali'Zorah nar Rayya." He waited tensely as the Asaris hammered away at her terminal.

"Aaaalright...Williams, Ashley. Came in one and a half hours ago...left arm fractured in multiple places...concussion...fractured skull...epidural haematoma. Currently in surgery...craniotomy." He winced at that, but signaled her to continue. "Well Sir, it says here she was conscious when she got here, so it can't have been too bad yet. Should be fine after surgery." She nodded reassuringly to underscore her words.

"Thank you. What about Tali'Zorah?"

"Yes, the Quarian, I saw her being brought in myself...one moment...yes, here. Two cracked ribs, multiple suit breaches, extensive muscle damage on the right shoulder, moderate blood loss...contamination of the wound by foreign material...hm...dextro bacteria identified on wound-swab. Heavy antibiotics and anti-inflammatory drugs, currently in the intermediate care unit."

He let out a breath he had not realized he had been holding and closed his eyes, taking a moment to collect himself.

"Okay. Thank you. What about Dr. T'Soni ?"

"Already pulled her up. Damn...sorry. Looks like she just got out of surgery. Deep abdominal wound and severe blood loss...apparently she needed multiple blood transfusions and they had to remove half a meter of her intestine, but she's stable now. Currently in the ICU."

He cursed under his breath. "Can we visit her?"

"No. No visitors in the ICU right now, they are already running above capacity. We have patients on the hallways in there, last thing we need is visitors spreading even more chaos and taking up the last bit of space we have left."

"I understand. What abou-"

"The lady with the craniotomy will be in surgery a while longer, and after that, she goes to ICU as well. You can go see your Quarian friend though, the intermediate care unit is not as strict as the ICU. She's in room...C214. That door over there...then the second left."

"Thank you , ma'am. You've been a godsend."

She just nodded, though there was the shadow of a smile on her lips, and got back to the mountain of paperwork in front of her as John turned around and worked his way over to Wrex and Garrus to relay the news. After listening to it all with obvious relief, they shared a quick glance, before Wrex rumbled: "You should go and see Tali, Shepard. She'll be happy to see you."

"You sure? I'd thought you would want to..."

"I'll drop by later. Now go already." The old Krogan smiled." I know you're worrying, so stop being so damn polite and move it already." John just grinned and nodded in thanks, not having the energy to deny it right now, and it would've been pointless anyway, Wrex was not one to be fooled.

After following the path the Asari had described to him until he arrived at the closed IMC door, where he had to press a button and announce himself before being let in as the nurse at the reception had apparently thought of everything, he kept his eye out for the room numbers. After a minute, he noticed that he had to have already passed his destination and was now walking in the wrong direction, which he quickly blamed on the headache that was still throbbing in his skull. The leg didn't feel to nice, either.

_Should've gotten some more painkillers from the doctor..._

Finally, he reached room C214. There were no doors, just an open doorway, and so he hobbled into the large room. It had four beds, one of them empty, one holding a sleeping Salarian, the one directly to the right a Turian who was currently being looked after by two humans of the medical staff, and, in the left corner of the room, by the window, there was Tali. She was lying on her left side, facing out the window and away from the entrance, so he could not tell if she was awake or asleep. Getting closer, he could see the blanket slowly rise and fall from her calm breaths. Her feet stuck out from under it, her long toes curling and uncurling slowly as if reacting to a dream. He finally made his way around the bed and, stepping over her shoe/shinguard thingies, towards the chair between her bed and the window. The familiar glow of her eyes under her mask was missing,. confirming that she was indeed asleep. There was a monitor next to Tali's head, a gaggle of cables connecting with interface points all over her suit; after doing his best not to drop too heavily into the chair as to not wake her, he took his time to inspect it, and while a lot of what was displayed on it eluded him, he was able to understand the numbers well enough. He had some trouble telling the oxygen saturation from the pulse, but after checking it back with the electrocardiogram he determined that the saturation was 98 percent and the pulse was 99 which was, if he remembered correctly, completely normal for Quarians; for some reason they had very similar blood saturation than humans, but higher heart frequencies. The only thing he did not know what to think about was the blood pressure, but given that she was here in intermediate care and not in the ICU, he supposed it checked out, and there would be a professional around to check it soon enough anyway, and if anything happened, that machine would alert the nurses on it's own. Content, he rested back in the chair. He would be here when she woke up. Omnitool was gone...so no checking the news, too bad, he was weirdly interested in what all the journalists who couldn't actually have had any clue yet would have to say about this day. Well...maybe he could get a public access dataslate...from the nurses...later...after he'd just...sat down for a while.

…...

When he came to again, it was dark; not so dark that he couldn't have seen at all, as the light from the nurses headquarters down the hallway fell into the room through the doorway, but it was clear that this was the station's artificial night. Looking around the room, he could see that the formerly empty bed had been occupied, and a fifth bed rolled in and deposited in the middle of the room, but what species the people in those beds belonged to, he could not tell.

_They let me sleep here? Maybe Tevos pulled strings...or the nurse...or maybe its because im still wearing half of my armor...or maybe its the stench...i must reek horribly...Christ, I'm even smelling it myself..._

"John! Shepard!"

Tali's hushed voice and the blue flicker of her mouthpiece's indicator light served to bring him fully back to reality.

Her eyes were focusing on his face; the two silvery orbs he had learned to read so well only half open, as she was probably still sleepy and they did not need to be any wider even in this dim light. He knew that for Tali, this only somewhat dark night was almost as bright as a sunny day.

"Hey." he whispered back. "Good to see you." He meant it, a wide smile finding its way onto his face. "You had me a little worried."

"Yes, me too. But I'll be fine. They actually had someone here who knew how to treat Quarians." She yawned. "Still tired though. I think I...will spend some days in this bed. It's pretty comfortable. I haven't slept in a real bed since I set out from the Rayya, you know."

"I'll get you a proper bed for your cubicle." Even with her limited body language lying in bed, he could tell she was smiling; at this point, the subtle changes of her eyes' shapes were enough for him to read her most of the time. "That's really not necessary, Shepard. You really don't have to use so many resources..." she stopped herself, perhaps knowing full well that this approach wouldn't work with him, and tried another. "The others will get jealous if you pamper me too much."

"Well, let them. Maybe I want to pamper my favorite Quarian. I'm the Captain, I can do what I want. Is that not so?"

She giggled softly, but it descended into a mild coughing fit that tarnished the upbeat atmosphere. Clearing his throat, John asked: "What woke you up, anyway? Do I snore?"

That sent her giggling again, this time without coughing. "Actually no, I woke up from the smell, you reek bestial." He frowned and raised his arm to take a sniff, but seeing his embarassment, she took back her tease immediately. "I'm just kidding. You do snore. You're also smelling, but that isn't what woke me up. And I already shut off my olfactory filters, so I'm fine."

"How do you feel?"

"Pretty okay actually. I have a clogged nose, my throat is itchy, my head hurts and I have a mild fever, but it's nothing I haven't had before. I actually barely even feel my shoulder right now. They've got some strong medicine here, anywhere else outside of the fleet this could've gone badly. Even the _Normandy_ isn't that well equipped to deal with suit breaches."

"What? Why'd you never say anything? We spent the last six months up to our necks in the shit, what if...not what if, you _did_ get wounded. More than once. Are you telling me you could've died from some poor luck all this time?" He was agitated now, the thought got him seriously worked up. Tali's selflessness was one of her endearing qualities, but this was decidedly too much, and it wasn't the first time either. He still hoped he could manage to beat some sense into her regarding this before it ended in disaster one day.

"Oh keelah John, you're jumping straight to the worst case scenarios again. It's really only such a big problem in dextro biospheres, which are exceedingly rare. The only reason that breach in the council chamber was so dangerous was because there's Turians there regularly, and that means there's dextro bacteria. Levo bacteria can't actually do anything to us, with them it's just the misguided reaction of our immune systems making us sick. And the _Normandy_ can deal with that just fine."

"But what about Garrus. Hasn't he gotten his dextro bacteria all over the Normandy at this point?"

"A bit, but the Normandy is a starship. The air is constantly recycled and filtered, so the amount of bacteria floating around in it is kept at a minimum. They're still on him of course, and on the Mako and some other surfaces but...I'll hardly get a suit breach there, will I?"

"And what if you get a suit breach on a mission and we have to evacuate with the Mako?"

"Well , medigel should usually seal those up sufficiently..."

"Should? Usually? We're getting these antibiotics. I want a list when you get out of here, that clear? And don't you dare talking about what it costs."

"B-but...alright, Shepard."

Silence fell for a while, until she asked: "What about Liara and Ashley?"

"They both had to have surgery. Pretty invasive actually. Ashley had her skull opened up..." Tali gasped at that and her eyes widened in shock. "...but from what they told me, she'll be fine. Same for Liara, but she had it even worse. Blood transfusions and...a part of her intestine had to be removed."

"Where are they now?"

"In the ICU. We can't visit. They're probably not even conscious, anyway."

"Keelah..."

Again there was silence, but it was not an uncomfortable one. Again she was the one to break it. "So we did it. We won. Saren is dead. No reaper invasion. At least for now..."

He sighed. "Tali...can we not speak of that right now? Right now, I am just glad that we all got through this alive. We'll cross those other bridges...when we get there."

"Yes, John. " She yawned again. "I feel like going back to sleep. I'll just shut off my audio amplifiers, the snoring should be more of a welcome background sound then." She giggled again. "You're my portable sleep-supporting Tantalus drive core, Shepard."

"Tali?"

"Yes, John?"

"Please stop calling me that."

"Oh! I-I'm sorry, Shep- Commander, I-"

"Tali. Exact opposite of what I meant."

"Oh. Uhm...okay...John."

"Goodnight Tali."

"Goodnight John."


	23. Chapter 23

_John crept through the undergrowth of the small forest besides the highway west of town. He had been at this for an hour now, careful to make as little sound as possible and not stir the vegetation. Finally he reached the back door of Arash's shop. It was mostly a hardware store, but the chubby Iranian had also sold ammunition for the common hunting rifles; out in the rural colonies, that mostly meant outdated gunpowder weapons like double-barreled shotguns and repeating rifles like his stepfather's trusty K-98 he was holding right now. The over two hundred fifty year old german model and similar ones from the time of the world wars were still in use with country folk like the settlers of Mindoir for the simple reason that mass effect weapons of the types which were accessible for civilians tended to make a terrible mess of most animals, especially smaller ones like most birds and rodent equivalents, while not having enough punch to put down larger prey in any humane fashion. The older guns came with different ammunition types and were just as accurate as well as, most importantly, much easier to get a license for – they were primitive and no match for modern weapons, after all._

_Which was exactly what John was counting on. It was a reasonable assumption that any batarian looters would have simply ignored the primitive cartridges._

_Entering the shop through the half open backdoor, the first thing he saw was Arash. Slumped against the wall, with several holes in his chest, the wall behind him a dark red with his dried blood. On the ground, slipped from his now limp fingers, a gun. John did not even shake his head at the scene anymore, he simply stepped over the body and got to searching. There was no time to treat the man with the proper respect. It didn't matter, not anymore. Having shopped here often enough, he knew exactly where to look, and he turned out to have been right. He found three full boxes of clips for his particular gun; 90 rounds. Lots of dead batarians, if he could just keep it together...lots of more scratches for the butt. He had four so far, he'd get the fifth one soon enough..._

“Shepard. Come on, son.”

John startled to consciousness and blinked, his eyes taking a couple of seconds to adjust to the bright morning light. Anderson was standing over him, having woken him up with a firm touch to the shoulder. Shepard sat up on the couch he'd been sleeping on for the last two days, stretched, and yawned long and loud.

“Dammit, Sir. I feel like I could've slept for another eight hours.”

The older man chuckled. “Not like you wouldn't deserve to. But our meeting is in one hour. You can sleep all you want after that.” He glanced over to Garrus and Wrex who were still asleep, taking up most of the rest of Anderson's large living room in his apartment on Zakera ward. “Come now. Get yourself presentable and let's get out of here. I know a good cafe on the way where they make bacon and eggs just like home.”

John grinned. Anderson knew him well. Straining his sore back to reach his crutches, he got up off the couch and made his way to the bathroom, briefly brushing his teeth and applying some deodorant before deciding that he would not trim his beard today either. His usual two millimeter stubble had reached , from what it looked like, an adventurous centimeter at this point, and he kind of liked it. Made him look more...dignified. Perhaps just what he would need for his meeting for the council today. Besides, he was curious what Tali would say. He could still remember how amazed she had been when she had first come aboard and noticed that human men grew hair in their faces.

_Wait 'till she finds out some women do it too..._

Quarians were the only other known sapient race that had hair at all, but they didn't have facial hair, apparently; he actually did not know just where on their body except their heads they _did_ have hair, as she hadn't told him and he had not asked. There was the extranet of course, but he had refrained from looking up pictures of Quarians; he had thought of it, but it felt like invading someone's privacy, in a way. All he knew was that they naturally grew hair on their heads, and that most of them used a chemical from the suit to prevent that, as it was obviously impractical, given that they wore helmets all the time. Not Tali though; she kept it long, as a reminder of her mother.

_Bet her hair is beautiful...dammit._

And there was his mood gone; now that Saren was dead, he dreaded the inevitable moment when she'd tell him goodbye and head back to the fleet. At least he'd get himself back under control then.

Following Anderson, he stepped out into the ward, though not for long as they immediately were picked up by an Alliance shuttle; aircars were still shut down, all traffic in the Citadel's “sky” being military or otherwise official at the moment. They spent the short ride to the presidium in silence, both of them occupied with the view out of the passenger windows; now, with time to actually look around, and in the light of day, the amount of destruction Sovereign's attack and defeat had wrought on the ancient space station could be clearly seen, and it was simply staggering. One of the other wards, he could not remember the name, seemed to still be burning in places; the presidium itself had had its most pressing issues already taken care of, but it was still littered with crashed vehicles, pieces of Sovereign, and just general debris. Stepping out of the shuttle with Anderson's help, he took in his surroundings; large numbers of keepers – where on earth did they all come from all out of a sudden? - were hard at work across the entirety of what he could see, intermingled with workers of all races as well as C-Sec agents and, unusual enough, large numbers of Alliance soldiers. Especially the various pieces of Sovereign had large contingents of armed forces around them, as they had been cordoned off with ample safety distance.

“Lot's of Alliance around here.”, he commented to Anderson as they made their way to whatever cafe apparently , somehow, was open in all this chaos.

The older man sighed. “Yes. I didn't want to bother you with the details too much the last two days, god knows you deserved some rest. You'll hear most of it in the meeting, I suppose. But...it's been bloody. C-Sec has taken heavy casualties. The Citadel fleet has had it even worse; not much left of it to be honest, and if the 5th fleet hadn't gone out of their way to save the _Destiny Ascension_ , it might as well be disbanded.”

“That bad? Jesus.”

“Yeah. And even for that little victory, we paid with a lot of blood. I don't know the exact figures, but last thing I've heard from the 5th were eight cruisers gone, something like two thousand and counting killed and a thousand five hundred wounded. Those Geth are bloody tough bastards. Let alone Sovereign. That thing erased anything it fired at in one volley, 100% casualty rate every time.”

He shook his head in disbelief. The thought that this monster had been just a vanguard...he had to get the council to see sense. Otherwise...it did not bear thinking about.

_We'll cross that bridge when we get there..._

“Still doesn't really explain the heavy Alliance presence. The Turians must be having a fit right now.”

Anderson shook his head. “No, Shepard. The Turians have actually been...forthcoming and full of praise, from what I've heard. They're a people of soldiers, after all. They respect what humanity has done here. What we've sacrificed.” He weighed his words for a couple seconds. “They always said we had to earn their respect. The 5th might've just done that.”

Shepard had nothing to answer that with. He was impressed. Garrus was a great guy of course, but aside from his friend, who had managed to see past his prejudices pretty quick after some initial incidents with Tali and Wrex, he had always perceived Turians as overly rigid, prone to sticking to preconceived notions and difficult to convince otherwise. Maybe he had been wrong, he had dealt almost exclusively with military types, after all. Would certainly be a welcome surprise, for a change.

They reached the cafe, and John's question as to how it still operated in this mess was answered. It had been lucky to not get damaged at all during the fighting, and now it served as the place to go for decent food for the workers and soldiers in this area of the presidium. The place was pretty full, but they found a free table and did not have to wait more than a few minutes until they could order. After receiving their bacon and eggs – this particular breakfast was a love they shared – and digging in, Anderson continued their conversation.

“I've said it before, but, quite the team you've assembled there. Don't think I had ever seen a worried Krogan before.” They chuckled. “He seems a decent fellow though, as far as I can tell after hosting him for two days. An unusual man for his species.”

“I'm afraid so. Wrex is...old. And bitter. He is not a fan of what has become of his people. Don't wanna delve too deep into it without asking him first, but...he used to be a political figure on Tuchanka.”

“Really?”

“Yes. He tried to reform clan Urdnot. Didn't go over too well. That's why he left and became a mercenary in the first place. In some ways, he's as hard a man as you'd expect from a centuries old hired gun, but by and large, he's a good guy. And a good friend.”

Anderson smiled. “You've always had a talent for inspiring loyalty in all kinds of people.”

“Learned that from you, Sir. Just like most of the rest of it. “

The Captain snorted, but John could see that the man was touched. The two of them had known each other for over thirteen years now; for eleven of these years, he had been in the alliance, and Anderson had watched his career from day one, helping him out or kicking him in the butt, as the situation required, whenever and wherever he could. John had no illusions about the fact that without Anderson, he'd most likely not be where he was, and that wasn't even taking into account that Anderson had been among the Alliance forces who had arrived just in the nick of time to prevent the Batarians on Mindoir from getting to the very last of the survivors.

* * *

Trying to cover up his smile at his former protege's words, David kept the talk about the younger man's team going.

“Wasn't the only concerned one, either. Vakarian actually tried to help digging you out, and after he fell on his ass he just sat there and waited. Wouldn't leave until we had gotten to you.”

Shepard grinned. “Yeah, that's Garrus. He's a real brother. Still no bloody idea what he was doing in C-Sec. Don't get me wrong, from what he told me he wasn't bad at the job...at least not when he wasn't busy breaking this or that rule, but operations like this one, they're his _calling,_ Sir. Excellent grasp of tactics. He was actually my second in command for the ground team, at the end of it. Still is, if he wants to stick around. But honestly, by rights, the man should be a Spectre himself. One of the best shots I've ever seen.”

Anderson raised his eyebrows. That was quite the praise from someone like Shepard; N7 training had no shortage of good marksmen, and the man had gotten around doing joint exercises with both the Turian and the Salarian militaries over the course of this remarkable career.

“Heard anything from Chief Williams? Or Dr. T'Soni?”

Shepard took a sip of water before replying. “Yes, I actually spoke with each of them yesterday. They're being released from ICU today, Williams gets transferred to a basic ward, Liara to intermediate care. Ashley didn't have it so bad, they fixed the artery and cleared out the haematoma before it could compress the brain too much. Liara though...she had a mild case of peritonitis after that wound, but they got it under control. She should be out of the hospital by the end of the week.” He shrugged. “Modern medicine is crazy.”

Anderson nodded at that, it was damn true. He was still baffled by the wonders even just plain Medigel could work. Unlike Shepard, Anderson could remember the time before humanity had joined the galactic community. Then he remembered the one squad member they had so far not spoke about, and allowed himself a teasing grin.

“Let's not forget _someone_ , though. John, huh?”

Shepard scratched his neck and gave him a weary look.“Tali? She's doing well, they're letting her go tomorrow. What about her?”

Anderson's grin became a smirk as he tilted his head. “Come on, Shepard. Don't bullshit me.”

The younger man sighed. “I'm not bullshitting you. Yes, we're close. But that's it, Sir. It's better that way.”

Anderson raised his eyebrows, but ultimately shrugged and let it go. He had just wanted to tease the man a little, but obviously he had hit a sore spot there. Not that he should be surprised , when he thought about it in retrospect; he had never once seen Shepard with a woman, or heard him talk about one. He was sure the commander had his 'needs' covered, he was quite the attractive guy after all, but there was nothing to indicate that the man had a whole lot of lady experience worth noting beyond ,most likely alcohol fueled, one time encounters. And a Quarian probably wasn't the easiest kind of woman to be interested in,going by what he knew about their culture and circumstances. He looked at the time, which was running short, especially with Shepard being quite slow in his current condition. Leaving a sizable tip, he got up and gestured the Spectre to do the same. “Come, it's almost time. Let's try and beat some sense into these people.”


	24. Chapter 24

„I don't believe this..."

John touched the palm of his right hand to his face in complete exasperation. Anderson furrowed his brow, similarliy irritated. Hackett's face was completely unreadable. Sparatus rolled his eyes, not making any more effort than John to disguise just how he felt about this conversation. Udina looked like he had eaten something rotten. Tevos had, as ever, a conciliatory expression, while Valern just stared. John couldn't remember the Salarian Councilor ever showing any emotions. Sighing, he tried again.

"A Geth ship? That's what you take Sovereign for? That thing annihilated cruisers and destroyers with a single shot!"

Valern answered. "It is true that this 'Sovereign' was exceedingly powerful, however, that does not prove that it was not, in fact, a Geth creation. It was most likely a prototype, far beyond even the Geth's own usual technology. Our current hypothesis is that it must have been based on recovered Prothean technology from sites in the Perseus Veil that we here in council space would naturally not know about."

"And why would the Geth use this technology just to build one gigantic dreadnought , but then not improve the rest of their fleet, too?"

"We believe your actions in your campaign against Saren forced their hand. They most likely came to the conclusion that striking us before we could properly prepare for their assault would have greater chances of success than taking their time to rearm their fleet to the level they no doubt originally intended."

"Which," Tevos cut in, silencing her Turian colleague who had also opened his mouth with one of her rare, but always effective glares, "...is why we want you to focus on the Geth for now. If they possess this level of technology,,the danger their fleets could pose in the future is immense. This defeat must have stung, but I doubt we have seen the last of them."

At his side, Anderson finally succumbed to his irritation and let his head drop into his hand, his elbow propped up on the table. John lowered his eyes to the tabletop in front of him for a while, contemplating his options before playing his last card, though he had little actual hope to achieve anything with this.

"Councilors, I assure you, Sovereign was not Geth tech, prothean - derived or otherwise. Ask the Quarians, if you won't hear it from me. Hell, if you're willing to have another meeting after she's released from the hospital tomorrow, I'm sure Tali'Zorah would be thrilled to explain in detail just why that is a ridiculous assertion."

Finally, Sparatus composure snapped. "Yes, the Quarians. Who's understanding of the Geth was so adept that they lost their homeworld to them after _accidentally_ turning them into AI. I am not interested in the opinions of these vagabonds."

The atmosphere at the table got even tenser now. John, ignoring the protestations of his left leg, stood up from his chair, resting his knuckles on the table, and glared at Sparatus, his jaw clenched. Hackett, for the first time in the meeting, showed a reaction, raising his left eyebrow. Anderson raised both of his, clicked his tongue and leaned back in his chair. Udina scowled at nobody in particular. Tevos closed her eyes in the manner of a mother plagued by particularly unruly children. Valern's face remained as unmoved as ever.

"That _vagabond_ has a name, which I just told you, and is a big part of the reason you, _esteemed councilor,_ are still drawing breath to insult her and her people with!"

The Turian didn't miss a beat. "Your Tali'Zorah might be the greatest person to ever walk this station for all I care, even the Quarians are bound to produce someone capable every now and then. That doesn't change a thing about her people at large, and it doesn't change the fact that you have your orders, _Spectre_ , and sending one of your followers here to parrot your paranoia will not change that, which is why we will not waste our time with it. Take. A seat."

_My...what!?_

"Councilor Sparatus. We just had six months of you telling me I'm crazy end with me saving your scaly ass in the end, via an action that defied your direct orders, because they were stupid and would have resulted in your death and the deaths of everyone on this station. And now you have the gall to call me paranoid!?" John's voice came out dangerously low at first, rising to a near shout towards the end.

Sparatus growled and looked like he was about to try and bite Shepards head off. "Sit. Down. Shepard."

Shepard did not, he remained standing, not averting his angry gaze from Sparatus eyes. After a couple of seconds, with both Tevos and Anderson becoming visibly uncomfortable, but apparently unable to find words, it was Hackett who made an attempt to defuse the situation before it would come to blows, which at this point John would've been just fine with.

"Please, Shepard. The council has made their stance on Sovereign clear, and the turian councilor's personal opinions on the quarian people are not the subject of this hearing, as distasteful..." - at this point Sparatus took his eyes off Shepard and glared at Hackett instead, who did not appear to give as much as a single damn - " ...they might be. And if the doctors could see you right now, we'd have a mutiny at our hands. So please, do take a seat." He diverted his gaze from Shepard to Tevos. "And perhaps we could proceed to the other subject of today's meeting."

Seething, John obliged the request. Hackett was right, there was no point in butting heads with the idiot. Besides, he was curious what other subject this meeting could have, as Anderson had not told him anything about this; after a quick questioning glance and a apologetic shrug in answer to that, however, he realized that the Captain simply had not been informed of this beforehand, either.

It was Udina who spoke up. "That would be most welcome, yes."

Tevos nodded, evidently happy to move on from the near physical altercation between the two notorious squabblers. "Excellent. Ambassador, we once more extend our formal and heartfelt gratitude to humanity's deeds and sacrifices during the war against Saren and the Geth. The thousands of brave alliance men and women who have put their lives on the line to defend this station, the council, at the entire galactic community, represent everything the alliance has come to stand for. Therefore, we, the council, have unanimously"- at this point both Tevos and Valern sent a quick, steely glance over to Sparatus - "...agreed that humanity has proven itself worthy to join us on this council."

That was a bombshell. Johns head spun, and he leaned back in his seat, speechless for a second. Was this an opportunity? At least one councilor who recognized the reaper threat for what it was would be better than none, but that depended entirely on who made the cut...Udina, the fool, was probably the most likely candidate. In that case, John feared, this might even end up hindering his efforts, Udina was clearly still resentful over the punch Anderson had laid him out with in his own office. The fact that this punch had ended up saving his life seemed to only make it worse. Anderson seemed to be similarly flabbergasted. Hackett was, as usual. a stone stature; but then again, he had evidently known beforehand. Udina meanwhile seemed downright gleeful.

"As humanity's representative, I, in the name of all mankind, am honored by your offer, councilors, and humbly accept. "

_Oh you pompous son of bitch. 'In the name of all mankind I am honored'...Jesus Christ._

His irritation was probably written plainly on his features, but evidently, nobody cared. Not that he expected them to, he was a soldier, not a politician. His opinion on this was utterly irrelevant, and he wasn't even sure why he was in the room for this.

Cheerfully, Tevos continued. "Very well. Our office will be expecting the list of possible candidates we asked you to prepare, and come back to you with our preference as soon as possible."

"Of course, Councilors. Though I can already tell you that I have the support of the alliance parliament, so this should be all but a formality. We should probably get to the details - "

He had heard enough. Interrupting Udina, John shot out of his seat as well as his leg allowed. "You do that. I've had enough of your company for today." He was looking at Udina, but the rest of the council evidently felt addressed as well, as Valern, in one of his rare displays of emotion, blinked and disapprovingly wrinkled his pathetic excuse for a nose, while Sparatus stiffened and clearly prepared to say something no doubt strongly worded but was stopped by Tevos laying a hand on his forearm before looking over to John, conciliatory as always. "Very well, Commander. You are no doubt still exhausted from your exploits and injuries. We expect you to get on your new assignment in due time, but what exactly constitutes due time is, as always, yours to determine, within reason. Take some time to rest."

John bowed his head slightly, trying to ease some of the tension; he had taken it a little too far, he supposed, and slapping away the hand of the only councilor who seemed to actually be somewhat well disposed to him would be foolish. "Thank you, Councilor. You are most kind, as always."

"You're no longer needed either, Captain. The matters we have left to discuss are not related to your duties." , Udina said, probably enjoying the chance to take Anderson down a peg. If the man cared about being unceremoniously kicked out of the meeting, he didn't show; if anything, he seemed relieved, standing up with nothing more but a curt nod to Admiral Hackett.

Who responded by getting up himself.

"And not to my duties, either. I thank you for your invitation, councilors, but I am a busy man, so I will have to excuse myself."

Exchanging polite nods with the politicians, Hackett led the way out of the room, gesturing Anderson and Shepard through the door and towards another room across the hallway. Hobbling after Anderson, John wondered what this would be about now. The Admiral was a disciplined man who kept his cards close to his chest, not making enemies where he did not have to.

_A wiser man then myself, that's for sure. Probably gonna tell us how he really feels about all this. No point in voicing his opinion in there, they had made up their minds from the get-go._

Hackett holding the door open for them, they filed into the room, Anderson standing in a corner while John took the welcome opportunity to sit down on a table. His leg had already gotten better, but not so much that he wanted to be standing if he could help it, let alone walk. The Admiral closed the door behind them and walked over to the window, clasping his hands behind his back while looking outside. Silence fell. Anderson and John both waited for Hackett to about half a minute later, he did. "So. You know the council's stance on the reapers now. I suppose I could have warned you, but there's not much good will left to be squandered between Shepard and Sparatus anyway, and if nothing else, it was entertaining." They smirked at that, cherishing what little humor was to be found in this disappointment. Hackett turned around."In all seriousness, from what I could gather the council is determined to make sure this version of events is the only one that gains any traction in the public. The economy is troubled enough as is after the Geth attack, the stock markets all over citadel space have been in free fall ever since the battle. The people are afraid of a long war with the Geth. Last thing the council needs right now is talk of a menace from the past that is poised to bring the apocalypse."

John snorted. "The reapers wont give a damn about what the council needs, or about the stock markets."

"I know, Commander. But that's not how the council sees it. I know you, and I've known David for more than twenty years. So I trust your word, even if I'd rather not. But for the council, your word is just not enough. Yes, you have that recording of Vigil on Illos, and some parts of your conversation with Saren that could be recovered from Vakarian's damaged visor. But what is easier to believe? Honestly now? That a sadistic traitor would go out of his way to mess with your head by setting up false information, or that an aeons old race of sentient super dreadnoughts is coming to wipe out civilization?"

John deflated. He hated it, but the Admiral was right. "Yeah. When you put it like that, it does sound a little far fetched."

"Which is why you need to find more proof. There has to be something out there, undamaged records from the prothean genocide, ruins of these...Innusannon that prove the cycle, something. I suggest you set your associate Dr. T'Soni on it. You will have the Normandy at your disposal, it is mine to attach and I'm keeping it with you. I will also try to raise awareness on Arcturus, though I will have to be careful. Depending on how the wind turns out to be blowing within the upper echelons, too overt support of your warnings might see me branded as a nutcase, and that won't help our case in the least. In the end, it all depends on you finding definitive proof, Commander."

He laughed humorlessly and shook his head. "More definitive than a literal reaper sitting on the presidium tower? Got it." He straightened himself. "But if that's what it takes, I'll find it. We have no alternative."

"No, " Hackett agreed, "...we don't."


	25. Chapter 25

"Not even a week since the battle and Flux is going again. Priorities, I guess. Not that I'm complaining.".

Tali ignored Garrus' quip and continued to focus on her drink. It was just water, but even water could be captivating when you had your head full. And that it had been pretty much ever since she had woken up after that first night in the hospital and eaten her breakfast with John sitting by her bed until the staff had finally politely asked him to leave because he was in the way and frankly smelled terribly.

The problem was simple: Her pilgrimage was over. She had her gift, had already had in for weeks in fact, and now her obligation to Shepard was over, too. Not that she had stayed because of that, anyway; their mission had been a matter of life or death for everyone. Even her father would have to agree this took precedence over returning to the flotilla. But now that it was done, she had to face the fact that she simply didn't want to go back.

Tali cared about her people, she really did; but it was duty that pulled her towards them now. Everything else screamed at her to remain here. Friendship, purpose, and as much as she was embarassed to even think it, love too. _You've completely fallen for your pilgrimage captain. From another species. Ancestors, this is like it's from some bad vid._ She could not help but chuckle at herself.

"What's funny?" Oh crap. Of course Ashley, sitting right next to her, had noticed how lost in her thoughts she was. And now the seemingly random chuckling.

"I was just...thinking."

Ashley answered her with a mischievous grin. "About what?" Before Tali could answer, she saw John, accompanied by Joker and roughly half of the _Normandy_ crew, limp up the stairs and enter the club, the last one who had been missing from their group. It was clear that his injury was still hindering him, but he already had gone from two crutches down to one, and he did not let any pain show on his face.

_Always the hero..._

Ashley had noticed what she had been looking at. "Ah, yes. I should've known."

"I-no! I didn't..." Ashley's grin just got wider, so Tali sighed and gave up. "Yes. How did you...?"

The other woman nudged her in the shoulder. "Big sister secrets. I know things." Tali turned and looked at her, questioning. "Jesus Tali, it's really not hard to see. From what Joker told me, you've been dominating the betting pool by a fair margin for months."

She gasped. "The...what!?"

"Yes, the crew has a betting pool. A lot of them actually, but one of them is about the Commander, and who will, to quote Joker, 'snatch' him."

Tali wasn't sure if she was blushing or getting redfaced from anger at the insolence of it all. "This ...this...bosh'tet!"

Ashley laughed. "Before you go and strangle him, let me tell you that Joker didn't start it. He was the first one to put his money on you, though. If that makes you feel better."

No, this definetly didn't make her feel better. This entire conversation did not. Hushed, as John sat down with Wrex and Garrus at the other end of the table, she said: " He- he doesn't know, does he?"

"No, no. He's a real dense one. Don't worry Tali. However...why exactly would you worry? Just tell him. I'm pretty sure he would be overjoyed..."

Now this one stunned Tali. "You think? But...he could have you, or Liara, and..." she realized what she had just said. "Oh keelah! Ashley, I didn't mean..."

Ashley just waved it off. "Calm down, you're not _that_ wrong. I'm not completely sure if I wouldve have rejected him, and I'm pretty sure Liara wouldn't have. But he never said or did anything, and before I might have gotten any ideas of my own, it was pretty clear why." She leaned in closer and looked Tali in the eyes."I'm going to say this very bluntly since apparently, you're as dense as he is. You've got that man wrapped around your finger, Miss Zorah."

Tali was stunned. "But...why would you think that? I mean...I'm stuck in this suit...and...he never said anything...and...I have to go away anyway...No, you have to be wrong."

Ash just looked at her skeptically. "Tali, I'm never wrong on these things. And if you don't believe me, ask Liara. She'll agree with me. I'm pretty sure she saw more than she was supposed to when she sucked Illos out of his brain."

"I...I don't know. I have to think about this..."

"You do that, girl." The marine leaned back in her seat and smiled smugly to herself. Before Tali could get lost in thought again, the man himself captured everyone's attention by pounding the table with the base of a strange looking beer glass he had procured from ancestors knew where, causing the amber liquid inside to swish and foam. The squad, as well as the gathered crewmen and -women on the tables surrounding them got quiet and looked to their commander, ready to listen.

"Listen up people. The most important thing first: All drinks are on me!"

He had to wait a couple of seconds for the thunderous cheers that followed this announcement to subside.

"On a more serious note, I'm glad about everyone who is here tonight. It's been a long and tough road, crew. Six months of running around the galaxy, one fight to the next. None of it would have been possible without each and every one of you." He raised his glass. "To the absolute badasses who stole the _Normandy_ with me!"

Thunderous applause again.

"Now. As you can see, I'm a mess. Same goes for the ship after what we put her through. As a result, we will take some well earned vacation. I for one will spend it at the Normandy to make sure nobody else steals it..."

That one got a couple of laughs, but not enough to force him to stop speaking.

"...but everybody who wants to is free to get the next shuttle home and visit their families,just li -"

He had to stop talking for a full minute, so loud was the overjoyed uproar. When he resumed, he was grinning ear to ear. "Jesus people, what's going on? You already knew you'd get leave, half the crew isn't here after all. In fact, I remain convinced the only reason any of you are still here is because you want to spend some time together without being afraid of Pressly's whip for once."

The resuming laughter threatened to drown him out again, so Shepard raised his voice as he began to sit down. "Alright, I've been talking to much! Now drink and then clear off, see you Monday the seventeenth!"

Ignoring the noise of 17 hollering sailors, John finally lowered himself onto his chair, coming to sit next to Wrex,a quick smile of relief flashing over his face when the weight was taken off his legs.

"I think you know it already, but I want to say out loud...you guys are the best damn team I've ever worked with. And some of the best friends I've ever had." In the middle of loud, noisy flux, their table seemed completely silent as they all looked back at him. John raised that beer glass again. "To Kaidan!"

"To Kaidan!"

They drank. Considerably more solemn than before, their commander sat the glass down and looked back up. "Aright, let's get it over with...Wrex has something to say to us."

The old Krogan huffed. "Damn you for making me do this, you sappy pyjak. Listen. I'm leaving first thing in the morning. Passage already booked. I'm going home to Tuchanka. Someone has to convince these idiots to stop killing each other and prepare for the reapers, and if I don't do it, noone will. You've been a good Krannt. We had a good time together, and we did a good thing. You will always be welcome in my halls...once I've taken them back. " He grinned his trademark scary Krogan grin. "Even you, Vakarian." The Turian chuckled, but Tali could've sworn he was touched.

Herself, she was not surprised, Wrex had told her about this beforehand. Still, she felt a pang of sadness. Strangely enough, the Krogan had taken a liking to her, and she had soon learned that underneath the gruff and cynical exterior was a still gruff, but actually caring personality. But her 'Uncle' was needed elsewhere. A predicament she understood only too well. "I will miss you, Wrex."

He smiled at her without showing any teeth; a rare expression from him. "I'll miss you too, pup. By the way...greet Han'Gerrel from me. Tell him he's a pyjak and still owes me two hundred credits."

The next quarter of an hour was filled with Wrex telling the, no doubt heavily embellished, story of how he had met Han'Gerrel during his pilgrimage and how the two of them had been part of the same mercenary crew for a couple of months. Apparently the later admiral was terrible at Skyllian Five. Finally, Joker having joined the table in the meantime, John drew the attention back to himself. "Unfortunately, there is something else serious to discuss before we can all get deservedly wasted. As you might know, there was a council meeting yesterday. Well. The good news is, humanity is getting a seat on the council. The bad news is...it's probably Udina."

Outraged comments ensued, Ashley yelling the loudest. "What!? That son of a bitch sold us out! If Anderson hadn't decked him, we'd all be dead now! How on earth is that weasel becoming councilor!?"

John just shrugged. "Politics. I don't like it either, but since when do the powers that be care about the opinions of the people on the ground?" Ashley huffed, but had nothing to say to that. And neither did Tali, this was just how these things went, as big of a bosh'tet Udina might be. "That's not even the actual problem though," John continued. "The problem is that these damned fools still don't want to see the truth about the reapers." Everyone was floored by that one, except for Wrex who simply chuckled. He was probably too old to still be surprised by the council.

Garrus regained his ability to speak the fastest. "But...how!? There was an actual reaper sitting on the presidium tower! It tore apart a third of the 5th fleet! Spirits, it _rammed_ a dreadnought!"

John closed his eyes. He was clearly getting agitated himself just from speaking about it. "They insist that Sovereign was a Geth ship and that all the evidence about Reapers was misinformation planted by Saren to control the Geth and confuse me. And that he succeeded. I am, apparently, paranoid. My new orders are to hunt down the Geth were I can find them. The reapers are just a myth and therefore to be ignored."

Tali couldn't hold it any longer. "But that's absurd! Even if the Geth were that advanced, the result would be completely different! That thing was not Geth tech! Everyone who's ever seen a Geth from the inside could tell that." John sighed. "I know. I tried to explain that to them, believe me. When I offered them to have you explain it, they flat out refused. Nobody close to me is trustworthy. We're all paranoid together, it seems."

Wrex bellowed with laughter. "I'll drink to that." They did, shaking their heads, and the Krogan spoke up again. "I am surprised you ever expected anything else from them, Shepard. But I suppose some amount of youthful naivete is to be expected from a man who hasn't even hit thirty, even a man such as you. What will you do now?"

John leaned forward. "I still have the Normandy, and I'm keeping it. Hackett knows what is coming, he will support us any way he can. So if the council wants me to hunt Geth...I'll hunt Geth. Now and then. What I'll really be doing, is looking for further evidence and clues on the reapers. We have no idea when they will arrive, but I don't doubt for a second that eventually, they will. We may have stopped their plan A, but we can be damn sure they have a plan B. We need to convince either the council or the individual governments, or the galaxy will not be ready. Ashley, you're still posted under my command. Wrex, as he said, will be leaving. Liara, your expertise would be missed sorely, so..."

Liara smiled. "Don't worry, Shepard. I will continue this mission with you."

"Thank you, Liara. Couldn't do it without you."

John hadn't even finished turning his head to Garrus when the Turian already preempted his question. "Don't even ask. I'm with you, of course."

John laughed. "I wanted to at least keep up the pretense. I've heard relationships deteriorate when you start taking them for granted..." The two guffawed as Garrus punched Shepard's shoulder. All eyes came to rest on Tali, who's thoughts raced.

_The reapers are the biggest threat my people ever faced...bigger than the Geth, even...and if the council is not listening...this is more important than whatever I'd be doing maintaining any ship I might choose, or anything the admirals could ever want from me...this IS my duty...I can stay. I can do what I want and do my duty at the same time for once..._

"Tali?"

"Wh-what?"

"I was asking if you knew where the fleet is, so we can drop you off..." John looked decidedly uncomfortable. _Keelah, he would actually bring me home himself._

"No, John. I will stay with you. This is bigger than anything I could be doing on the fleet. My duty to my people lies here now, regardless of what my father might think about it. I can get the data to the fleet and be declared an adult in absence...it's rare to take an alien vessel as one's ship, but I could have myself officially assigned to the Normandy...if you'd have me..."

John laughed. He had been grinning widely from the second Tali had said 'I will stay'. "Are you seriously asking me that?"

Now she had to giggle herself. "No. And I'm happy to be staying. I would've missed you terribly. All of you, of course!" She quickly added that last part after realizing what she had just said. John seemed to have a sudden pang of pain in his injured leg as he quickly looked down. Joker looked like he was about to explode with laughter, but somehow the death glare Tali gave him managed to shut him up despite her mask being in the way. To her right, she could hear Ashley chuckle. Before she could level a glare at her too, John cleared his throat.

"Tali, I wouldn't have asked for it, but I'm damn happy you're sticking around. It, uh, it just wouldn't be the same without you.", he ended somewhat lamely. The group broke up into smaller chats; Shepard and Wrex discussed something regarding Tuchankan politics, Garrus, Joker and Liara talked about who knew what, and Tali found herself beset by Ashley again. "John, hmm?"

Tali couldn't stop herself from wringing her hands. "I, uh...he, uh, asked me to stop calling him Shepard when we spent the night in the hospital..."

The human lifted an eyebrow and smirked. "You did what?"

"After the battle. You and Liara could not be visited, so he came to me. But I was asleep, so he sat down at my bed and fell asleep, too...I woke up from his snoring in the middle of the night."

They both laughed. "See, your big sister knows best. You really are as dense as he is. But we'll get this thing going, trust me." Tali wasn't sure if she trusted Ashley with this, but she was curious. Could it really be true? He said he was happy she was staying, but he said that to the others, too. And he wouldn't have asked her, he did ask Liara...but he knew how important her people were to her, so that might just mean...

"Hey! Earth to Tali!"

"Hmm?"

"You're overthinking this. Just...damn, you can't ask him to dance, not with the leg. Not that he could dance to save his life even when if didn't have a broken one, but still...oh well. Just talk to him. Drop some hints. Men are stupid, so don't be subtle."

Tali wrung her hands. "I...don't know how to drop hints."

"Well how do you do it on the flotilla?"

"I don't know..."

Ashley furrowed her brow. "Yeah, should've seen that coming. We taöled about that after all...and you're not the type to be experienced with men anyway..." If she even noticed Tali's offended gasp, she decided to ignore it completely. "Well, there's always one way to get it done...we gotta get you drunk."

"Ashley, I don't think- "

"Shut up and do as you're told. You and the skipper fit each other like a glove, I will drag you there kicking and screaming if I have to. There he comes, by the way."

Before Tali could protest any further, Ashley had already gotten up and made her way towards the bar, leaving her seat for John to clumsily lower himself into. Tali shot out of her seat to help him, ignoring his weak protests. "Are you sure it is good for you to walk around so much already?"

He snorted. "It's fine. Hurts a little, but Chakwas says it's okay for me to move short distances."

"You spoke with Chakwas?"

"Yes, I visited the Normandy this morning. The crew is fine Pressly and all the others who aren't here now are already on their way to their homes. Hackett has made sure they won't be facing any charges for stealing the Normandy. Saving the day has _some_ perks, after all." He straightened himself and looked at her. "So, you're staying with us. I know I've said it already, but I'm damn glad. But how exactly is this going to work?"

"Well, you see, usually, a pilgrim returns home and presents their present to the captain of their chosen ship, and if they accept, they are formally added to that ship's crew, becoming vas whatever. With an alien ship...I know it is possible, there are laws regulating this, but I actually don't know exactly. I'll have to ask auntie Raan..."

He furrowed his brow. "Not your father?"

Tali grabbed the edge of the table to keep her hands from wringing as the mere thought of defying her father was threatening to compel them to. "No. My father will be livid when he hears about this. He won't understand it. He will think that I'm being selfish, and childish, and that I am choosing what I enjoy over the good of the fleet. I...I'd rather not face him if I can avoid it."

"Hmm. What if we tried to explain it to him? The admiralty board in general?"

She hadn't even thought about that possibility, but now that he had said it...

"That might actually not be the worst idea..."

John got excited. "It's a _great_ idea! Your people will know that Sovereign was not a Geth ship. The other races won't give a damn about what the Quarians think, but one species made aware of the threat is better than none...and you can deliver your data personally."

She finally gave in and wrung her fingers at least a little. "I'm not entirely...comfortable with his, I'm nervous about facing my father in person. But you're right. If there is a chance that we might convince my people about the reapers, we have to try. And you as my chosen Captain showing up personally might actually help to smooth the waters..."

He leaned over and put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry. It'll be fine."

"What will be fine?" Ashley asked, sitting down next to them, the next round in her hands, and this time there was a drink for Tali, too.

"We'll be visiting the Migrant Fleet to explain the reapers to them and get Tali's legal affairs in order."

She grinned. "Sounds like a plan, Skipper. But this isn't the time for plans. This is the time for drinks! Here, Tali. You're not getting away this time. Triple-filtered turian brandy."

Tali shrugged. "Oh well, I guess I have no choice. Let me get out my emergency induction port..."

* * *

Some hours and drinks later, Tali was properly wasted. The young woman had rarely tried alcohol before, and had never been properly drunk; so this feeling was a new experience for her. And she actually kind of liked it.

"Shepuurd! Wrrex!" She barged in on their conversation, attempting to lay their arms around both of them, failing miserably. John gave Ashley a disapproving look. "Jesus Ashley, how much did you give her!?"

"Just the first one! She did the rest of that on her own!"

"Exactly! Don't give her that look, John! **Burp** Keelah...I didn't drink that much, only three of the brandys...or four...? And two of those funny yellow ones..." Swaying left to right, she got lost in deep thought over this difficult question.

Wrex laughed. "Doesn't matter how much you had, it's been enough."

She poked a finger in his snout and pouted. "Don't ruin my fun! I like this! I...I want to go dancing!"

The old Krogan gave her a skeptic look. "You wanna dance? You can't even stand."

She had already forgotten about the dancing however, realizing instead that this was going to be their last evening with Wrex. She latched onto him and buried her head in his armor's large collar. "I will miss you, Wrex..."

"Yeah...you said that already..." The old man replied slightly awkardly. "Come on pup, don't be so sappy- "

She shot up and angrily looked him in the eye. "Sappy!? I tell you how much I will miss you and you say I'm sappy? You old bosh'tet!" She was about to rant on when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Alright, I think it might be time to get you to bed..."

"What!? No! I'm fine, I -"

John leaned heavily on his cane. "Tali, I need your help. I'm so tired. I want to go back to the Normandy and go to sleep. But I have trouble moving around. Will you help me?"

"B-but of course! Come John, I'll take you home. Goodbye, Wrex. I'll see the rest of you tomorrow!" Helping John towards the door, she wondered what they were all chuckling about. After managing to make it down the stairs with some difficulty on the side of John, they slowly made their way towards the public transport that was finally going again.

"You know Jjjjohn, I've noticed your... faisss hair is...longer than usual.."

"It's called a beard, Tali."

"Be-erd. Ah...So your beerd, it's sooo loong. What ...happened?"

"I let it grew out..."

"Oh, that makes sense..."

"You like it?"

"Nah, makes you look chubby..."

"What? I don't look...I'll have to ask Hannah...or Ashley..."

"Let me... have... a closer look." Suddenly, her hands were in Johns face, poking and prodding and pulling at the beard. She giggled. "It seems...fluffy. I wonder what it f-" Her eyes went wide. "W-we should get back to the ship..." As well as she was able to in her inebriated state, Tali sped up her gait, dragging the limping human with her.

Later that night, after Shepard had ushered her onto her cot, Tali decided she should probably still send her aunt a message ahead so they wouldn't be so surprised when an alliance frigate suddenly showed up at the fleet to bring a pilgrim home, just to take her away again. So she hit the recorder on her omnitool.

"Hey, auntie...I'm coming home. I've got a really good pilgrimage gift. Dad will like it. Maybe he will say something nice...hmm...no. He won't, because he won't like that I'm not staying...oh, yes. I'm staying on the _Normandy_. I want to be vas Normandy. Shepard said he'd take me...he's not a Captain by Alliance rankings, he's a Commander, but he is the commanding officer of the _Normandy_ , so he is a Captain. The Alliance is just silly... Auntie, we will be coming to the fleet to bring my gift and get all the ...adult...things...going. And we need to speak to the board...yes...you see, Sovereign was not a Geth ship. The council won't listen, but we know better. Right? Oh yeah, Sovereign...you probably heard about the attack on the Citadel. We stopped it. We killed Saren. But Saren was just a puppet...of Sovereign...you know...? Keelah...I..." she yawned. "I'll...call you, auntie. Explain later..." She sent the voicemail and was out less than ten seconds later.

* * *

Shaala'Raan let her arm drop onto her desk, baffled by what she had just heard. On one hand, she was relieved – when Tali had sent word that she was serving in the entourage of a Spectre to fight the Geth, she had been worried sick. On the other hand, her niece in everything but blood had just told her that she intended to choose an alien for her captain and...leave the fleet behind, for all intents and purposes. That was so unlike her. Tali was as dutiful and selfless as any Quarian – even more so, most of the time. She had been dedicated to the community from the day she was old enough to have her first suit, going out of her way to tinker around the _Rayya_ and help out even when she had not been assigned for it. That she should suddenly decide to abandon it all...and for what?

_She was drunk, obviously. Probably for the first time. She and this Spectre and the rest of their group probably went out celebrating their victory, and so she got drunk and carried away..._

But then the mention of this Sovereign...Shala had seen pictures and vids from the battle, showing among other things the gigantic super-dreadnought that had led the assault. The sight of alliance warships, known to be sturdy and well maintained, being obliterated in a single shot of that thing's main gun had chilled her to the core. She had never been very tech-savvy for a Quarian, so she could not claim to be any sort of expert on Geth technology, but even she could see that that thing was definitely not Geth. And this thing had allied itself with them? And what had she meant with the traitorous Spectre Arterius being a puppet? What if there were more of them? Perhaps there was more to this than a simple case of a young girl getting ahead of herself. Perhaps , certainly even, Tali knew something she did not, and which had convinced her that her duty to the fleet lay, at least for now, with this human. Commander Shepard.

She sighed and rested her head in her hands. This entire situation was troublesome enough on it's own, but the thought of how Rael would react to his daughter deciding to _not_ return to the flotilla... _keelah._

* * *

_Hey people! So, that is ME1!_

_I'd like thank everyone who left a kudos or comment or simply followed the story! Writing is fun and all, but it feels weird when you think that nobody is actually reading it - fortunately, I don't have that problem thanks to you folks._

_Now, ME1 might be over, but the story will go on in the same 1 week intervalls without interruption - aka, next Sunday! And no, it's not time to get zapped by the bugs yet. Shep and company will have to tackle something else first..._


	26. Chapter 26

Miranda looked out through the huge, tinted windows, observing the constantly shifting color of the star in front of her. It was a different one than the one that had illuminated the large room during the first, and until today only, time she had met the Illusive Man in person when Cerberus had recruited her years ago. In her mind, she pondered possible candidates for which star this might be; but there were dozens of possible candidates in this cluster alone. It was a pointless exercise, as the base was moved after every time anyone from the outside, including even her, the Illusive Man's top operative, had visited, which happened exceedingly rarely. Not that she truly wanted to know – the only thing that knowledge could possibly do was to potentially fall into the wrong hands in case she was ever captured. But the human mind was naturally curious.

She stopped that train of thought and returned to the topic at hand. The Illusive Man could be very patient, but he was not the kind of person one let sit and wait for a reply for too long.

"Shepard did everything right. Saved the Citadel, destroyed the Reaper, and even got the Council themselves through it alive. Thanks to him, the council races finally respect us. Humanity's position in the galaxy is stronger than ever. And still, it's not enough."

She had turned around as she had been speaking, and was now looking into the cybernetically enhanced eyes of the mid fifties looking man in the armchair at the center of the room, who was currently waving his right hand around his holo display, opening, reading and closing communiques at a pace few could have matched. She stepped through a holo display to stand at his side so she would be able to see what he was looking at. "But they're sending him to fight Geth. Geth! While the reapers are still out there!"

Her employer took a deep drag and slowly exhaled the smoke. "And it's up to us to stop them. With the council denying the reaper's existence, Shepard remains our best bet."

"Yes. Even if we found definitive proof of the reapers, the Council would never accept help from Cerberus. But Shepard...he's a hero, a bloody icon. They will follow him, if he can convince them. But he's just one man...and from here on out, he'll have a target on his back. And he probably doesn't even realize." She had studied Shepard's psyche profile and service record extensively. Shepard was a force of nature as a fighter and an inspiring leader – but ultimately he was still a soldier, perhaps an extraordinarily independent one, who relied on the intelligence fed to him by others and would not see the knife in his back coming. The man certainly wasn't stupid or naive by any stretch of the imagination, but he was simply not ready for the machinations that even now were no doubt being set in motion against him – even if, as unlikely as it was, the Reapers should have no further forward elements in the galaxy at the moment, there were more than enough other groups on the galactic stage who had either something to gain by eliminating him, or simply reason to hold a grudge, be it against the Alliance at large, or it's golden boy personally. She sighed. "If we lose Shepard, humanity might well follow."

The Illusive Man looked up from the screen and directly into her eyes. "Then see to it that we _don't_ lose him."

Miranda gestured towards the screen. "I take it that's my new ship?"

He took a swig of his drink and nodded. "Yes. It was initially designed to be multi purpose, so it will be a little larger than it would have to be for just you and your crew, but that awards you greater flexibility. I have hand picked a small team of specialists who will serve directly under you from now on."

He pushed a button and her omnitool lit up, confirming the transfer of multiple files. Seven of them personnel dossiers, a quick glance revealed. The Illusive Man continued. "Since our man will only arrive at the Citadel tomorrow, we still don't know where Shepard intends to go next. But whatever he chooses, he will not set out until at least the end of the week. Him and his remaining squad are still recuperating, the Normandy is in dry dock for repairs and upgrades, and the crew is being partially swapped out, as is perfectly normal after long tours of duty like the campaign against Saren. Which is where our man comes in. He's a distinguished Alliance communications specialist who will make sure the Normandy's systems won't be compromised by anyone but us. You are _his_ handler, too."

He took another drag before looking up a last time. "With this, you have all the tools you should need. I will continue to at least lay the groundwork for the … failsafe we talked about. However, I think we both agree it'd be better if we didn't have to use it."

Miranda nodded, sensing that the audience was over. "Yes, Sir."

"Good." The Illusive Man turned back to his screen. "Good luck, Miranda."

 _I don't intend to need it,_ she though as she strode out of the office.

* * *

John sat at his desk, reading through a data pad concerning some upgrade to the heat sinks currently underway that Adams and Tali had cooked up – not that he understood much of it, but it couldn't hurt to at least skim it over, and it was certainly more interesting that most of the other documents currently waiting for his signature. The post-processing of a frigate's six month long deployment was no joke, especially if it was one as intense as this one had been; countless parts were being replaced, the most complicated of them being the thermal couplings transferring heat from the drive core to the sinks. They had finally been granted some additional instruments Chakwas had requested for the medbay, a thousand little things he never would have thought of were getting fixed that, with the Normandy being a prototype, had proven themselves in need of improvement over the course of the last half year, and Joker had used the chaos to try – and almost succeed – to requisition a goddamn leather seat. More than half a dozen crewmen were leaving the ship, the oldest among them for retirement, another three for prestigious promotions onto positions on ships of the line throughout the fifth fleet, and the rest either for safer, quieter postings at home or civilian existence, some because they were genuinely done with the navy life, others finally caving in to the year long pleas of their spouses.

Putting the pad down, he groaned and massaged his eyeballs for a couple of seconds before looking at the time. He would have to leave soon. Not that he wasn't looking forward to the evening, he was.

As tedious as the past week had been, the week before that had been one of the nicest for him in recent years. With almost all of the crew including Ashley and Joker on vacation, most of them having gone home to see their families, it had basically just been him, Chakwas, and his three remaining alien friends. And the skeleton crew that the alliance had detached to look after the ship, of course. Putting off the work for when the actual crew would return, he had spent the majority of his time either at physical therapy to get his leg back to full strength or relaxing on the shooting range, most of the time alone with himself and some good music, but towards the end of it Garrus, whose own visit home to Palaven had apparently been a short one, had kept him company. The Turian wasn't very inclined to talk about his family, and so they just sat there shooting the shit, both literally (almost) and figuratively. He had gotten Tali to accompany him once, but it was self evident that with the rest of the engineering crew not there, she was positively giddy about having the drive core more or less to herself for once, and the fact that while they had been docked in the Alliance bay the core had been burning but the ship wasn't actually doing anything apparently only made it better, because it allowed her to try out all kinds of experimental settings she had been wanting to do for months. John had given up to try and understand any of it, but he liked to listen to her rambling on about it anyway, and so another significant part of his time had gone by just sitting in engineering or limping after her as she frantically stalked and crawled through the ship, unscrewing coverings and fiddling with wiring in all kinds of places.

At times, he had admittedly been a little worried about Tali getting a little too experimental with his ship, but when Adams finally came back, the man was full of nothing but praise for the work their resident Quarian had done, and now he had this datapad with proposed upgrades, both Adams' and Tali's signatures under it, lying in front of him, so he supposed it all checked out in the end. Shouldn't have doubted.

Liara, not having any family left to go and see, had also stayed close, but she had elected to stay in an expensive hotel on Zakera Ward. Apparently, a maiden needed to treat herself to some luxury every now and then. John didn't blame her, he'd probably would have done the same if he didn't have a perfectly fine bed right here on the ship. All in all, he hadn't seen too much of Liara during the last twelve days, as she was apparently quite busy getting her inheritance and other last matters of the late Lady Benezia in order, and when she wasn't doing that, she was scouring the Citadel's extensive archives and libraries for hints of anything and everything that might help them find more proof of the reapers. She had already provided him with some possible locations to investigate; the latest dossier she had sent him concerning some canyon of which the origin was apparently contentious, the so-called 'Great Rift' on a planet with the name of Klendagon.

Exiting his bathroom after he had given himself a quick once-over, John briefly pondered if he should slip into something fancy, but decided against it. He hated his parade uniform; it wasn't very comfortable at all, and he felt like a bloody christmas tree whenever some event forced him to put it on. So he just grabbed his N7 jacket and cap, gave his room a quick lookover and got going. Passing by the mess, he extended a nod towards Joker, Garrus and Tali, who were eating at the other side of the room, his favorite Quarian sending him an enthusiastic wave in return. Ascending the stairs to the CIC, he didn't fight the big grin that plastered itself on his face. Even if he couldn't allow himself to act on his stupid and potentially inappropriate feelings, simply having her around was a joy in and of itself, and he was glad that he would not be deprived of her company after all. Or her capable contributions to the engineering and ground teams, for that matter.

The CIC was a mess; half the workstations still lay there gutted, their wiring exposed as their communication software was apparently being upgraded and that necessitated stronger processors in every single computer. He hadn't even bothered to read that request, so he had just shot Pressly a questioning glance, and upon receiving a confident nod in return, signed it. Contrary to what was usually the case when the ship was docked in a friendly port, the CIC was bustling with activity; everyone knew that their commander wanted to set out in less than forty-eight hours, and apparently, Pressly would be damned if his own department should end up causing a delay. Shepard's executive officer ran his CIC tight, and even now, he was up and about barking orders at his subordinates. After trading a few words with his second, John turned to leave, exchanging a quick greeting with Lieutenant Mills,their newest communication specialist, who had arrived two days earlier to replace Lieutenant Elsa Olsson who, under some tears, had left to be the new communications chief on the SSV _Tokyo,_ which had taken casualties during the battle for the Citadel when a round from a Geth dreadnought had broken through her shields and grazed her. Shepard hadn't really talked to the new arrival yet, something he intended to remedy before they set out for the Rosetta Nebula, but from what he had read in his file, the man was very good at what he did and would make a worthy replacement for the quick-witted swede.

Having left the ship, John made his way through the throngs of people working at the drydock, at first exclusively humans, but as soon as he left the part of the facility that was assigned to the Alliance, members of all council species. Incredulous stares followed him the entire way, some subtle, others not so much. He pulled the cap deeper into his face and pretended not to notice, until he finally reached the temporary relief of the auto-piloted cab shuttle. John took off the cap, rubbed his face, and sighed. After the battle for the Citadel, the media had turned him into a celebrity. He had pondered wether this might be an opportunity – after all, if the Council didn't want to hear the truth, perhaps the common people would, and perhaps that could force their hand. But he had dismissed the idea. All it would possibly do was to create panic, and quite possibly undermine his strained relationship with the council even further, and so he had answered truthfully when asked but for the most part kept himself away from the journalists. No, he would have to convince the powers that be directly. And so his sudden ascendance to the status of galactic celebrity was nothing but a nuisance. John forced these thoughts out of his mind; this evening, he didn't want to dwell on it too much, for it was one he had been looking forward to for over two weeks, and now that, since the Turian 3rd had arrived to relieve the battered 5th Alliance fleet of guard duty over the Citadel, Hackett had granted his men and women a day of shore leave on the gigantic space station, the day had finally come. He was eating dinner with Hannah and Doctor Chakwas.

As soon as he had somewhat collected his thoughts after the battle, he had realized that the fleet that had come to the rescue being the 5th meant that his aunt was around – whom, while they spoke over vid-comm every now and then, he hadn't actually met in person in almost two years. Hannah Shepard, his mother's sister, was a major part of the reason that he hadn't fallen apart after Mindoir. With his mother and stepfather killed, she had taken over custody, and with her being an Alliance officer and him not only being more than willing, but also having a glowing letter of recommendation from Anderson , still Commander at the time, to back him up, he had gotten to spend the last two years of his minority on Alliance warships, were he had been given care and direction - and a clear path forward. Looking back, he was glad that he had managed to find more reasons to be a soldier than "I want to kill Batarians" , but for a sixteen year old who had just survived one of the most brutal and devastating slaver raids in the Alliance's history it had been more than enough. He had never openly stated that of course. Hannah, Anderson – who had been the one to rescue him and the group of colonial militia he had made his last stand with – and Chakwas, who was a friend of Hannah's since the early days of their careers, which was the reason he had been sent to the ship she had been serving on at the time, would have torn him a new one. Those three had practically raised him after Mindoir; and today, he would get to spend time with two of them. He had picked out the location – a steakhouse he had eaten at with Garrus, Liara and Tali a couple of days earlier. Ashley had still been on leave.

The cab reached the station closest to his destination, and he jumped out, not before putting the cap back on, pulling it so far down this time that he could barely see where he was walking. But it seemed to work; during the three minute walk to the restaurant, nobody bothered him in any way, and nobody could be heard exclaiming "Hey, wait! Isn't that this Shepard guy!?"

He reached the place and entered it, removing his makeshift disguise. He could feel at least some pairs of eyes on him, skeptically appraising if that human really was the one who had been all over the news lately, but not letting himself be bothered was made significantly easier by the sight in front of him. In the back of the room, next to the corner stall, sat two women in their fifties, one of whom he considered a friend, the other just short of a mother. Captain Hannah Shepard looked magnificent in her medal-adorned dress uniform, her blond hair tied in an orderly ponytail. They were so deep in conversation that they only noticed him when he already stood next to the table.

"Johnny!"

Before he knew it, his aunt had enveloped John in a hug of a strength one wouldn't have expected out of the woman, and she wasn't exactly a small person. He laughed and swept her off her feet.

"Hello, auntie."

"Aah! John! Put me down at once!"

He obliged, and all three of them laughed. If any of the other guests had paid the little show any attention, he was past the point of caring. Commander Shepard loves his aunt. Breaking News.

They sat, and Chakwas pushed over a glass of _Hefeweizen_. "Here, we already ordered one for you. They actually have bavarian style beer here. Just as you like it."

He took a large sip."What did you think why I picked this place!?"

Hannah snorted. "Like his father." She was speaking of Bernd, he knew; Hannah had known John's biological father, but from what she had told him, the man had wanted nothing to do with him or his mother and was probably dead by now. John didn't even know the name – he had never asked, and stopped caring long ago. Bernd had been everything a boy could have wanted in a father.

He turned towards her. "God, is it good to see you. I damn near had a heart attack when I realized you were in the battle, too. _Sovereign_ popping our cruisers like cherries..." He shook his head and they fell silent, Hannah's gaze getting lost in her wine glass for a while.

When she responded, she did so quietly, her voice betraying genuine terror even now, almost three weeks later. "It was...sobering, that's for sure. The casualties...and that was them attacking one of the most well defended places in the galaxy. If they had attacked the Traverse with that fleet...it doesn't bear thinking about." She grabbed her glass and took a large swig. "At least the Geth don't seem to have more than one of those monsters. I just hope the big shots get their act together and organize a joint-species campaign into the veil, and soon. The flashlight heads bit off more than they could chew, that's it. I wouldn't count on them making that mistake twice. With the kind of technology they have...if we don't nip this in the bud now, this is gonna be one long war." She drank again. John and Chakwas exchanged an awkward glance.

The grey haired doctor cleared her throat. "Well, Hannah...God, how to explain this...I wish it was that easy."

Hannah raised an eyebrow, and from the look on her face, she already had an inkling that she wouldn't like what she was about to hear.

_Oh, how right you are..._

And so they told her the whole story. John did most of the talking, with Chakwas adding details here and there, especially those of his wounds and follies. It took upwards of an hour, with them ordering, being served and finishing their meal before the tale drew to an end – the present day. Hannah looked at him incredulously. "And the council isn't having any of it!?"

"No."

A deep sigh. "Politicians..."

"Yeah. They insist that Sovereign was a Geth creation - that's the version you were told, that's the official truth now. I am, to quote the turian councilor , 'paranoid'. And so that's what I'll be doing for now. Hunting Geth."

That was a bold faced lie; they weren't going to hunt Geth, at least not most of the time, and their first stop would be the Migrant Fleet, currently located in the Rosetta Nebula. But Hannah did not need to know that – as much as he hated lying to his aunt, the Council might have agreed for him to expand his operations into the Terminus, but they had done so with the Geth in mind. He doubted that they'd be very happy if they found out that he was pursuing his reaper 'paranoia' instead. Especially not if that meant directly talking to a foreign government the Council had shunned and all but banned from their space about the very Reapers that they had made it clear they never wanted to hear a word about again. The only thing that information would do for Hannah would be potentially forcing her to lie for him one day. John didn't want that. He took a sip from his third beer, trying to mask just how irritated he was with the whole affair. It failed miserably.

Hannah gave him a knowing look. "You're angry."

"Livid."

"Understandable. But well...at least these 'Reapers' can't get here now. Right?" Questioning eyes.

John squirmed inwardly. It was important to spread the truth, especially to powerful people – and Hannah, having been promoted to Captain after the battle, had just taken over command of the Tokyo, the same ship Olsson had been reassigned to. It's captain and XO had both been among the dead. But to lay the burden of this knowledge upon her still felt like a terrible thing to do.

"For now, no. But next year? In two years? In five? No idea. The reapers have been doing this, by their own claims, for millions of years. I'd be pretty surprised if they didn't have a plan B. Even if that means they just fly here in FTL and arrive a hundred years later than they meant to. The reapers have time, and who knows what they're capable of. And as long as we're not actively preparing for them...it don't think it'll even matter that much if they arrive some years or decades later."

She sighed. "Yes, I expected you to say something like that." Silence descended on the three of them. John understood only too well what the revelation his aunt had just gotten did to someone. But nonetheless, it was Hannah to break the silence.

"Well. That is...something, but let us not think of that now. There is no telling when we'll be able to get together again."

She poured herself some more wine.

"So, Karin...I already dread the answer, but tell me anyway. Has my nephew finally gotten off his lazy bum and at least tried to get himself a nice woman?"

He groaned. "Hannah..."

Chakwas chuckled, and John found himself not liking the way in which she did so at all. "I suppose it's complicated..."

"Doc..."

"Come now Johnny, you know I don't take orders from you." _Yep, she's definitively had a brandy more than what she's used to. She hasn't called me Johnny in years._

"So, listen. Our John has indeed met a nice woman. The problem is..."

_Oh for Christ's sake , of course that blasted woman knows what's up again._

"Karin," he said, using her first name for what had to be, at most, the fifth time in his life, " if you don't shut it right about now, I'm going to walk out of here."

Chakwas looked at him like a moody child. "You know she's just going to pester me over text until I tell her anyway."

"Then you can do that, but not with me being right there to suffer."

"Killjoy."

* * *

Miranda was just about to start her daily calisthenics routine when her special alarm chimed.

The _Weasel_ stood in orbit over Illium, inert and with her stealth systems engaged. This way, she was perfectly invisible for anything but visual detection – which, in space, was highly unlikely to happen. Realistically, the risk of someone seeing them was about as high as the risk of someone accidentally ramming them – practically zero.

Illium was as good a place as any to wait for Mills to report in, and it allowed her to exchange directional, and therefore practically impossible to tap, correspondence with the head of local Cerberus operations. After all, while supporting and protecting Shepard, preferably without him noticing, was currently her top priority, she still had many other operations to oversee.

Pulling the sleeve she had been in the process of extracting herself from back over her shoulder, she stepped over to her desk and opened the message. She had set this special alarm for incoming texts from Lieutenant Mills. Her workout would have to wait a minute.

It was a simple text message – prudent. Miranda did not expect to ever get anything else from the man, really. In the tight confines of a warship, speech was at a high risk of being overheard even if one took precautions.

_Sent Saturday, 22. Sept. , 18:34_

_Shepard announced next destination. Quarian Migrant Fleet, Rosetta Nebula, for reaper-related talks with admiralty board and quarian legal matters regarding Tali'Zorah. Last not mentioned by Shepard himself, source: Crew rumors._

_Departure tomorrow, 09:00 am_

She sat down and reclined in her chair, putting her feet up on the desk. The Migrant fleet. She had to admit that she hadn't seen that one coming at all, but it made sense in a way. The Quarians would know that _Sovereign_ hadn't been Geth technology – and while Miranda honestly couldn't immediately come up with what the nomads were ever going to do about it, at the end of the day, at least one government recognizing the threat was better than none. It also explained why the man hadn't informed his crew of the upcoming destination earlier – if he was going to piss off the council, it was better to have them hear of it after the fact, and sailors on shore leave were notorious blabbermouths. Miranda briefly considered if Shepard might after all be aware of the potential peril he might be in, and had kept his next move to himself this long for that reason, but then she dismissed it. The man had been seen eating with his aunt and the _Normandy_ 's doctor just yesterday, carrying nothing but a pistol and, from what she had been able to see on the blurry picture that had reached her, not even a light personal shield protector. He had no clue.

_Perhaps I could set up a failed assassination attempt to make him take more care..._

She made a notice to think more about the potential risks, benefits and downsides of such an action later. For now, she got up and began to change into her sports clothing. Putting on yoga pants, Miranda found herself wondering just what exactly 'Quarian legal matters' regarding Tali'Zorah meant. She was as well versed in quarian culture as she was in the culture of all the other species and had of course studied well researched dossiers of all members of Shepard's team, so she knew that Admiral Zorah's daughter had been on her pilgrimage when she had gotten embroiled in the events that would lead up to the battle of the Citadel. One would have assumed that after that was done, she would have left, either to continue her pilgrimage, or to return to the fleet if she should have already found a suitable gift during her service under Shepard. But three weeks after the battle, she was still there. With the Quarian not exactly holding any sort of priority in Miranda's mind, she had so far not paid that fact any heed; thinking about it now, she figured that perhaps, she had simply stayed to spend some time with friends before catching a ride home – it made sense that Shepard's ground team , most likely constituting the bulk of his inner circle, would know of his next steps in advance. The "quarian legal matters" probably simply meant Zorah's acceptance to a new ship and her subsequent official ascendance to adulthood.

Miranda's mind filed that question away as solved and then shifted focus to her mental exercise. Mental acuity under physical stress was a skill to be perfected through practice like any other. Quickly picking up her randomly generated math question from her monitor, she began her burpees.

_365 / (255/17)_

She arrived at the answer within three seconds.

* * *

Vulok Perix stood and watched as his batarian 'partners' loaded the last of the supplies into the ship. Their stink caught in his nose, almost as irritating as their ugly mugs.

Vulok hated pirates. They were unprofessional, cowardly, and unreliable. But they would have to do. And they would. After all, he did not in a thousand years expect these amateurs to get anything done other than dying.

Not that he was going to tell them any of that. After all, the best bait for this operation would be one that wasn't aware of the role it was playing.

* * *

AN: 

Over the last week I remembered that two things from the last chapter actually arent entirely original - the idea of a betting pool on shep's LI first popped up, to my knowledge, in the excellent but sadly unfinished "Quarian with a shotgun" , and Gerrel owing Wrex gambling money is basically a trope now, having been done multiple times, but I dont remember where. 


	27. Chapter 27

Tali stood in the _Normandy_ 's cockpit, looking at the stars of the Rosetta Nebula as the ship rapidly decelerated to sub-light speed. With every light minute they got closer to the Iota Urania system, as the Citadel species called it. Among her people, it was known as _Dreina Queltz –_ the bountiful well. The Quarians had looked to this system for potential colonisation before their fall, which had never come to pass for political reasons, and now, the flotilla often came here for mining operations and to pick up water.

And with every of those light minutes, her anxiety spiked further. Today, she would cement the biggest act of defiance of her father she had ever even conceived of. She could already hear what he would say to her the second he got to her alone – if he was going to be that merciful. It would not have been too unlike Rael'Zorah to chew her out in front of anyone who happened to be around. She exhaled deeply. She would be alright. This wasn't an act of selfish, childish defiance, it was her putting herself to the best use for her people, even if her father would probably not see it that way.

An alien hand settled on her right shoulder, followed by the attached forearm gently brushing against her _realk_. She turned to the left and found John looking at her. "It'll be fine."

"I hope you're right."

Savoring the sensation of his fingers on her suit and half wishing it was her skin instead, Tali got back to looking out the viewport. They had entered the system and where going to be hailed any second now. As much as she knew that it hadn't been the reason for her decision and that she really would have returned if that had been the right thing to do, she still felt somewhat guilty over how happy a part of her was that she was going to get to stay with the _Normandy_ crew – and John. She still wasn't sure what to make of Ashley's insistence that she had him 'wrapped around her finger' - she had made her peace with her dumb fantasy being, and staying, just that, and to suddenly be told that perhaps it actually wasn't, had her frankly terrified, and she had absolutely no idea what she was supposed to do about it. Perhaps she would have to actually listen to her older friend's suggestions for once instead of just freaking out internally whenever Ash brought the topic up. Some day. If she ever found the courage. Maybe next decade.

As much as her father, John, and the dire ramifications of their mission occupied her mind, and as anxious she was, Tali could barely wait for the moment she would set foot on the flotilla again. The _Normandy_ had become her home, yes, but the closer she got to her actual home, the more she remembered all the things she loved about it and the people she had left behind there, and while her happiness over the joys of her new home still dominated, now that the fact was setting in that she was returning to the fleet just to immediately leave it again, most likely for years, Tali could've best described her feelings as bittersweet.

She tried to force down any negative thoughts. She was going to see her brother and her auntie, and who knew? Once her father had heard the full truth for himself, maybe he would find it in him to appreciate what she was doing.

She didn't believe it one bit even as she was thinking it.

Finally, Joker spoke up. "Commander? We're being hailed. Want me to have it patched through to here?"

John had stepped forward, directly behind the pilot's seat, and laid a hand on top of it. "Do it."

There was a brief instant of white noise before a man with the distinct accent of those born and raised on the life-ship _Chayym_ came through, speaking in a brusque tone.

"Unidentified vessel, this is the cruiser _Toonmah._ You are approaching the Migrant Fleet. Send identification immediately! If you do not comply within one minute or change course, you will be fired upon."

Joker looked over his shoulder at his commander. "He's not just saying that, Sir. I just registered energy spikes on more than a dozen ships."

"Mills!" John raised his voice to carry all the way over into the CIC where the communication specialists were sitting at their stations. "I want to answer from here!"

"Yes Sir! A moment!" Barely three seconds went by. "You can speak now, Sir!"

He stepped forward to the console, bent the microphone over to face him and pressed the 'Speak' button. " _Toonmah_ , this is Commander John Shepard of the Alliance on the _SSV Normandy_. I believe we're being expected."

Silence again, until half a minute later, the man on the other end came again, sounding much more amicable now. "Welcome, _Normandy_. You will be received at the _Neema_. You will be directed to your docking bay via a targeting beam."

"Confirmed your beam. Following along now." , Joker patched himself in, and the channel went silent again.

Their pilot whistled. "What a warm reception. Now that they've welcomed us, they even powered down most of the guns they're pointing at us."

Tali sighed. "'Experience has taught my people to be vigilant and not trust easily. Maybe we overdo it sometimes. But keep in mind that there are families with children living on most of these ships. Your trigger finger would be itching too."

The pilot shrugged. "I get it, I do. But this is my ship they're pointing their guns at. I get it, but I don't have to like it."

For a moment Tali had half a mind to point out that the _Normandy_ was Shepard's, or to be really precise Hackett's ship, but she thought better of it. Joker's feelings were understandable, after all. And she didn't want to argue. Not now. The silver shimmer of the flotilla seen from some hundred thousand kilometers away had appeared between the stars now, reflecting the light of the system's sun. As the Normandy rapidly approached it, the blob that was the Migrant Fleet kept and kept growing in size until it finally encompassed and outstretched the entirety of the viewport and single vessels could be made out with the bare eye. She felt her heart swell in her chest and clamped her hands over it. John noticed, and looked back at her.

"It's impressive."

She had no words to answer him, and simply kept bathing in the view of the home she had missed more than the naive pilgrim that had set out had ever imagined, and that she was about to leave behind a second time, this time of her own volition.

"My god...I knew it was big, but...how many ships is the flotilla strong again?"

Tali turned around to see Ashley step into the cockpit, unarmed but otherwise geared up in her suit, the rebreather helmet under her left arm. The look on her face was one of wonder.

"Fifty thousand, give or take."

"It's like...swimming through a school of fish..."

Tali found herself not quite sure what that was supposed to mean. Ashley noticed her questioning look. "Just thousands and thousands of silver and grey slivers all around...it's beautiful, honestly." A cheeky grin appeared on the Gunnery Chief's face. "I'm sure the skipper will be happy to show you a documentary on the subject of earth fish..."

Said 'Skipper' raised an eyebrow. "Chief..."

"Sir."

Tali suppressed a giggle. John and Ashley were far past the point of referring to each other by rank – most of the time.

They flew the rest of the way mostly in silence, only interrupted by Tali pointing out to the other three which of the giant lifeships was which – they were, in fact, mostly identical, but having spent practically her entire life on the flotilla, Tali could tell which of them was which simply by their position in the massive formation. Finally, one speck of reflecting light settled firmly into the center of their field of view and rapidly increased in size as the _Normandy_ drew closer. It was the Neema, an ancient, massive dreadnought of original quarian build, completed more than three hundred years ago, one of very few of it's kind that the migrant fleet possessed and the ship of admiral Han'Gerrel, her father's oldest and closest friend. And, she suddenly remembered, a "pyjak" who still owed Wrex two hundred credits. _It's probably better if I mention that_ after _we're done with what we came here for. Though he'd probably just laugh and hand me the money to give it to Wrex when I see him again. If_ she saw him again; the Krogan had taken off mere days after the battle of the Citadel to take back his place on Tuchanka and prepare his people for the reapers. But there was no time for concern about her 'uncle' to set in, because Joker was already beginning to align the _Normandy_ with the _Neema_. Barely a minute later, the ship was rocked gently, announcing the connection of a docking tube with the _Normandy_ 's forward airlock.

"Well," John said, " let's see what a Quarian welcome home looks like." And with that, he put on his own helmet, and the three of them stepped into the airlock. Liara and Garrus had opted to stay behind, lest any hard feelings between the Quarians and the two old council races should come to negatively influence the important talks of the day.

The decontamination cycle went by in silence; so did the walk through the docking tube, and the decontamination cycle by the _Neema_ 's own airlock. With the suits and helmets on, Tali would have had trouble telling what her companions were thinking even if she hadn't been way too nervous herself to even think about it. Nothing but a metal door separated her from home now, but instead of the triumphant return she had dreamed about for half her life, it seemed what awaited her was one of her toughest struggles.

And then that last barrier slid aside with a hiss. With John to her left and Ashley close behind her, Tali stepped foot onto migrant fleet deck for the first time in almost eight months. Rows of quarians were looking at the trio from all directions, excited chatter filling the air with background noise. Between them and the new arrivals stood an entire squad of armed marines, most of them with rifles pointing towards the ground in relaxed grips, while the one in the center had his hands clasped behind his back, his vocalizer module lighting up as he said:

"Welcome to the Migrant Fleet, Commander Shepard. And welcome home, Ta-"

"TALI!"

A slender shape slithered through the tiny gap between two of the marines, barely evading the grip of one of them who had been quicker to react then the rest. Before she knew it, Tali was tackled so hard it almost knocked her to the ground, and there was precious little she could have done to regain her balance with her arms pressed to her body by a crushing hug. Thankfully, Ashley quickly shot out a strong arm to stabilize her.

She returned the embrace as well as she could and smiled widely.

"Han. What are you doing here on the _Neema_?"

Her little brother finally let go of her and took a step back.

"Training. I guess father asked Gerrel to straighten me out a bit. I'll tell you, he-"

The sergeant leading the marine detachment noisily cleared his throat, interrupting their reunion. "Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, you have returned to the flotilla. I was told you have already announced something to the effect directly to board members, but in keeping with tradition, I'll still have to ask." He straightened himself even more, and when he spoke again, he did so with an obvious effort to talk as clearly and dignified as he could, and Tali had to admit that he didn't do it half badly.

"Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, you have set out across the stars, only to return when you have found that which shall prove you worthy. Standing before us now, do you deem your quest completed? Do you wish to be presented to the captain of this vessel?"

She could feel all eyes on her now, but instead of feeling elated by the occasion or intimidated by the attention, she found herself calmly considering the question she had been asked. It was the same exact same question, formulated the exact same way, that every single returning pilgrim had been asked for over two hundred fifty years now. Usually , there wasn't much to think about as any pilgrim setting foot on a ship had essentially already answered it with 'Yes' by doing so; if they had a different ship on their mind, they'd have gone there. However, with her having come here at John's side and on his ship, she had not actually picked the ship that would be the stage of her homecoming herself. _Did father plan this?_ , a thought flared up, _Did he make sure the meeting would happen on a ship he would like to see me on ?._ It would have been like him. But she didn't find it in herself to be angry about it. There was going to be more than enough fighting with father today no matter what; no use in adding to it by rejecting something purely because he might have had a hand in orchestrating it. She let her gaze wander around the ship. The _Neema_ was ancient, but well maintained; her crew had a good reputation, and the dreadnought's service history was one of glorious battles and victories. Her captain, admiral Gerrel, was a good friend of her father and almost like an uncle to her. Certainly someone she could respect. Whenever and under which circumstances she would finally return home for good...the _Neema_ was a good ship. She had certainly been ranked high among the ships she had considered as potential new homes before she had set off for the pilgrimage.

She realized that she had taken an almost unheard of time to respond, and that the room had gone unnaturally silent. Suddenly made self-conscious, she whipped her head around to the sergeant and hastily responded, barely remembering the words she was expected to say.

"Y-Yes, my search is finished and I have come to claim my place among those who shall be my own."

The man nodded contently. "Very well then. Follow me." Having said that, he turned around and got going, the marines forming up beside Tali and the human guests, who had to walk one after the other as their little formation would have otherwise been too wide for the tight corridors, even with the crew scrambling to make place. With Han, walking behind her, quickly engaging Ashley who was bringing up the rear in an over-the-shoulder conversation much more normal for Quarians,who were used to tight spaces, than to a human, she found herself alone with her thoughts, but not for long; it seemed John was willing to try out this particular Quarian habit.

"That sounded pretty ceremonial.", he said with his external speakers turned up loud enough for her to hear it even though he was speaking mostly away from her – which meant that it was loud enough for everyone in the vicinity to hear, and if Shepard had been more adept at Quarian social situations, he would have known that the conversation he was beginning with his friend was being listened with great interest and would be the topic of many a discussion over dinner today, just like the casual chat her brother was having with Ashley. "What you said back there, I mean."

"Yes,", she responded, happy to calm her nerves by falling into their comfortable routine of explaining their cultures to each other, "every Quarian knows those words exactly. We learn them when we're still children. Just as the pilgrimage is both a sacred tradition and a pragmatic necessity, they are both a ritual and a legal request."

"So how is this going to work? You're applying for the crew of the _Neema_ , and then we have to convince the captain to basically lend you to the _Normandy_?"

It took her a while to formulate an answer; not because he was wrong, or because the answer was in any way complicated, but because the way Shepard's mind casually broke down complex matters to comparative simplicity, be it quarian legalities or a lethal tactical situation, continued to amaze her. "Conventionally, yes. But since our mission isn't exactly conventional...I figured out something different with Raan. Over text and calls." She paused for a second, quite aware that up to a dozen of her people were listening in at any time. "I actually sent the Geth data to father before we even left for Illos. Raan says she would get the others to agree to look at this as me giving my gift to the board, and therefore the fleet, directly. This way, I don't have to first present it to a captain and go through the entire ritualized ordeal surrounding that. With admiral Gerrel being a member of the board and the captain of the _Neema_ , this all taking place on the Neema, and you being an outsider, I will be raised into official adulthood specifically by his blessing, and unless I speak out against it - which would be a disgrace at this point- I will become vas Neema. But until I return, I will, by quarian law, be crew of the Normandy in all but name, and you will be my captain. With you not being quarian and not falling under the board's authority, that means that I would answer to you...and, uhm...only you."

He was silent for a second. "Oh. I'm, uh, honored, Tali."

They walked the rest of the way in silence – it wasn't very far. Barely a minute later, they stood before two big blast doors. Their guide turned around. "Commander Shepard, you are about to meet the admiralty board. I must ask you to leave your weapon with me. You understand."

If John showed any irritation with this, Tali had no chance to see it as she was still behind him when he already unholstered his heavy hand cannon and handed it to the quarian sergeant, grip first. Without any further words, the man connected his omnitool to the door's security system and tapped a few buttons. A second later, the blast doors slid open, admitting them into the room, with their escort staying outside.

Entering the room, Tali found herself in an ordinary courtroom – in ancient times, when the Neema had been a purely military vessel, it had probably served as a recreational space for the crew. Now, it was a place to conduct official business of any kind, be it the ruling of an (in quarian society, exceedingly rare) court case, the registry of a marriage, or meetings of the ship's council of elders.

There were two chairs in front of a table waiting for them, and opposing them, the long table that was bolted down to the ground, serving as the both workstation and place of honor for whatever dignitaries were leading the various proceedings held in rooms like this – mostly the captain and his officers. Not today though; today this table was populated by four of the five most powerful quarians alive, half a dozen marines in the colors of the _Nuulah'Shel_ , the honor guard, standing vigil behind them like statues. To the left, Shala'Raan; Tali's heart leaped in her chest upon spotting her beloved 'auntie", and from the beaming of her eyes under the mask, the feeling was very mutual. Right next to her sat Zaal'Koris ; he was a Geth lover and held ties to the _Nedas_ movement, and so Tali didn't think particularly highly of him; still, she payed him her respects with a deep nod, which he actually returned. The other two were Han'Gerrel and her father. She would have expressed her respect to the man she hoped to call captain soon – or captain in waiting, at least – but the sight of her father took the words out of her mouth,and so she just stood there, looking at and wondering what Rael'Zorah would say. But it wasn't her father to break the silence. Shala'Raan raised her hands from the table in greeting.

"Commander Shepard, " she said, her speech laced heavily in the accent of those hailing from the continent of Leevetirastam, cultivated over three hundred years to preserve some sense of identity in a life forced into suits only distinguished by pieces of cloth and the color of opaque visors, " you are most welcome. A pilgrim's friend is a friend of our people. Even leaving that aside, your reputation as an honorable man precedes you. Tali has already alluded to the matter you have come to consult with us about." She looked at the aforementioned. "It is good to see you, child. Even if you bring grim tidings."

Zaal'Koris had looked at his colleague as she spoke, but turned his head now to address them. "Safe for admiral Xen who hasn't left her ship ever since Tali's gift arrived, you stand before the de facto leaders of the quarian people. I do not remember the last time we have granted an outsider an audience with a member of the board, let alone four at once. You may take this as a manifestation of our respects to you, Commander."

John actually bowed a little. " I am honored, admirals. Thank you for having me, even though I assure you , hearing what we have to tell you is in the best interest of your people."

"I don't doubt it." , Han'Gerrel said, not having averted his gaze from his guest since he had entered the room. "Even though my fellow admirals have already welcome you with fancy words, I wont have it denied to me to officially welcome you on the _Neema_. I am Han'Gerrel, admiral of the heavy fleet and captain of this vessel. I have heard many good things about you, commander. It is a pleasure to meet you in person."

John nodded so deep it almost was a bow again. "Likewise, admiral. Tali has told me in length about the _Neema_ and her glories. I've heard only good things about you from her."

_Keelah, he's laying it on thick. With Korris, that's probably the way to go. But Gerrel? I don't -_

"However, I've heard something different from Urdnot Wrex. He said you're a pyjak who still owes him two hundred credits."

Tali stood stock still, absolutely shocked at the tone in which her captain had just spoken to arguably the second most powerful man in the migrant fleet; and the room mirrored it, falling perfectly silent – for all of three seconds. Then Han'Gerrel began to guffaw, a loud and sincere laughter echoing off the bulkhead forming the walls.

"Ha! Should've known that gnarly old lizard would get back at me eventually. Tell you what Shepard, I'll give the money to Tali when you leave. That way, she can give it to Wrex when you run into him again. Together with my regards."

As of now, nobody seemed to expect Tali to say a word, and that was a good thing, because for a moment, she was utterly speechless at the fact that John had apparently managed to secure the agreement of the most important man in this meeting in all of ten seconds – by _insulting_ him.

Her father of course was not so easily impressed. " _If_ she leaves with them.'" he said, glowering at his decades old friend. He turned to John. "That is all very well, and I am curious indeed to hear what the commander has to say. However, we prepared this meeting to be between us, him and my daughter, but in addition to them, I am looking at an alliance non-commissioned officer I am not familiar with as well as _my son_ , who has somehow found his way into a _formal and classified_ meeting of the admiralty board with a foreign dignitary."

To Tali's amazement, her brother actually shrank a little under the disapproving glances of the admirals. To her side, she could see Ashley and John exchanging a glance, and a nod. Then her friend stepped forward and snapped a salute towards the man who had brought her presence up. "Admiral, Sir! Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. I served with the commander through he entirety of what he has come here to speak to you about. So I'm qualified to act as an additional witness, if required." Since her father had actually returned the salute, Ashley now dropped her hand – but remained straight like a pole. "Though to be honest, that isn't why I came with, Sir. These two will be able to answer any questions. I'm just here to satisfy my curiosity about your people. I consider Tali a sister in all but blood. There is no way I would've passed up the opportunity to see the flotilla for myself."

That one produced some interesting reactions, the admirals exchanging meaningful glances. After a while, Rael'Zorah spoke again, sounding almost touched now. "We are not used to outsiders showing interest in the lives of our people. It is...a pleasant surprise." A predatory edge crept into his voice. "How fortunate that my son happens to be _right here_ , ready to show you around while my colleagues and I converse with the commander and Tali."

She had to put considerable effort in not even snorting as her brother briefly stiffened as if to protest, but then slumped under the stares of the four admirals and confirmed his fathers order, leading Ashley out of the room. A moment after the blast doors had closed behind her and John, Raan extended a hand to point at the table and chairs in front of them.

"Please, sit. There is much to discuss."


	28. Chapter 28

The doors closed behind her and Ashley walked a couple of paces before stopping and turning around to appraise her new guide. The familiar white swirl pattern she knew so well from Tali looked almost as good on a green background as it did on purple. Han was smaller than Tali, but not by much; in general, from what she had seen on the _Neema_ so far, the quarian's sexual dimorphism seemed less pronounced than humanity's; there seemed to be no difference in the average height between the sexes. It had turned out though that Tali, being taller than Ashley herself, was an exceptionally tall Quarian – most of them seemed to be about the height of the average human woman. But then again, with three hundred years of poverty behind them, who knew how well fed they truly were. For all she knew, Quarians might have been two feet taller before the exodus.

"Did you guys use to be taller?"

Even with the suit and mask, she could see that Han was dumbfounded for a moment before answering. "Uhm...yes, actually. How did you..."

"I just guessed that with the way you live, you probably don't get everything you need to grow..." she shrugged, feeling somewhat awkward about having brought the topic up. But Tali's brother didn't seem to mind.

"You guessed right. There is a steroid we call.. oh wait, my HUD just told me you humans need it as well. You call it Vitamin D. And our bodies even seem to use it for similar things. Well, just as the human one, the quarian body needs UV ray exposure of the skin to produce it..."

"I can see where this is going."

"Yeah. The suits, what else."

He began walking and gestured her to follow. As she fell in beside him, he continued.

"Well, you're probably wondering why we don't just take supplements. Thing is, we do. Our bodies just aren't very good at actually processing them. It's because of certain enzymes in the liver...the details would probably bore you. The doses we can make use of are just enough for us to not get bone pathologies, but not to keep growing." He sighed. "Well, we get our first suit at the age of six, until then, we're in bubbles. The lamps in our ships are all modified to emit similar UV rays to Tikkun – that's Rannoch's sun. When we're six and get the first suit...well, there is still enough 'Vitamin D' in store to carry us through some more years of growth, and our livers are actually better at processing the supplements when we're younger. And so we go until, for most people, thirteen years before we stop growing."

He looked over to her, their eyes on about the same level. "So yeah, Tali's a freak. Didn't stop growing until she was fifteen!" He chuckled, and Ashley joined in.

"But...with modern bio-engineering...surely this problem could be fixed?"

They reached a ladder and started climbing. Keeping some distance from Han to not get his feet in her face, she noticed once more that Quarians really didn't seem to care about privacy too much, as the boy simply increased his volume to the point of almost shouting so she'd still hear him over the sound of their climbing and the humm of a generator nearby. "Probably, yes. But we can't afford that, and since at the age at which the problem pops up it only limits our growth, and doesn't give us any actual deformities..."

They arrived at the top and he turned towards her, shrugging. "We just learned to live with it. The ancestors were as tall as your men. But when you've never known anything else..."

Ashley shook her head. "Damn flashlight heads."

He chuckled and nodded. "Hmm. Damn Geth. And damn ancestors for getting us into this mess." He had said _that_ sentence notably quieter, and now leaned in almost conspiratorially. "Don't say that one too loud, though. Especially not to my father. It's a bit of a _controversial_ fact." He chuckled. "Probably better not to Tali, either. Did that once, she wasn't happy."

Ashley just nodded, preferring not to get sucked into a discussion of quarian politics. "Yes, wouldn't want to get her angry. She can be a bit feisty."

That got a good laugh out of him, but it died down relatively quickly. They reached a door; hitting the interface to open it, Han looked at her for a long moment, the eyes behind his visor glowing with curiosity. "You know her well, don't you? You said a big thing in there."

"And I meant it," Ashley replied without hesitation. They entered a large room, and she was pleased to see that her guide had led her to the observation deck. While there were still supply crates stacked at the walls, making the room smaller than it actually was, it had retained it's original function. Sprawled over two rows of sofas and seats sat or stood about one hand a half dozen Quarians, some alone, others in groups, and others as couples, all gazing out at the stars reverently – and at the thousands of ships in front of them. Without thinking about it, she hushed her voice. "We've been through a lot together. I must've told her just about everything there is to know about me." They sat down and she leaned in, giving him a teasing grin even if he wouldn't be able to see much of it with the rebreather helmet. "And vice versa. Mister 'Doctor in the making who won't listen to his dad'. "

Before he could answer, she decided to swoop in for the killing blow. "Besides, I've seen her without her mask."

"You think I haven't?"

"In person."

He stared at her wide eyed for a moment before huffing and turning to look out into space. "You're making fun of me."

"Not at all. She had me braid her hair."

"I _did_ wonder how she managed that...but..."

"It was in the airlock after a full decon cycle, and I had my full hardsuit on."

"Hmm...I guess..."

She leaned back and took in the view of the thousands of ships outside, shining from the sun's light reflecting off their hulls like stars of their own, the further ones hard to make out against the backdrop of actual stars. Who knew how many of the stars she saw were actually ships?

Han had to be used to the sight, but still seemed captivated. "It is beautiful, isn't it?"

There was no more playfulness in the boys voice now, and neither in her reply. "Yes, it is."

* * *

"So. Now you know everything."

Shepard sat back in his chair and rested his hands in his lap. He had spent the last hour recounting the important parts of his hunt for Saren and the harrowing revelation of the reapers to the admiralty, with Tali chiming in at times, either to add in things he hadn't deemed so important or to answer direct questions posed to her by the admirals; from how frequent those were, it appeared having one of their own people here with him to support his claims was just as crucial as he had anticipated.

Silence settled in, Admiral Koris keeping his gaze fixed on Shepard, Han'Gerrel appearing lost in deep thought, and Raan and Rael'Zorah sharing a long glance. Finally, Raan spoke.

"Thank you for your testimony, Commander. Your reputation precedes you, and Tali obviously thinks highly of you. And we knew before you came here that this 'Sovereign' could not have been a Geth creation. " She sighed. "So I think we all agree that as much as we'd like not to, we will have to accept your words as the truth. It appears our people's woes have just been added to."

Koris nodded solemnly. "Indeed. Which only goes to reinforce my stance. We need a safe haven for our people. It is time to..."

"...finally destroy the Geth!" Gerrel thundered. "They have allied themselves with these " _Reapers"_!

Will this finally make you see sense, or do you still want to try and make up with them? Maybe ask the council to send them _another_ diplomatic mission they can destroy?"

Koris puffed up his chest, and Raan put a palm on her faceplace, resting her head on it. To his right, John could hear Tali softly moaning.

Korris launched into a passionate speech. "That may be, however, it is of no importance to the matter at hand! Our people need a home!We..."

Gerrel's fist slammed on the tabletop. "We have a home! And the way there is clear! Our people-"

"Enough, damn it!"

Rael'Zorah's voice wasn't the thundering bass of his friend sitting next to him, but instead it was the equivalent of cold steel cutting the air, and it actually managed to shut the other two admirals up. Shepard could see now why Tali had described him as the kind of person who would relegate others into the background just by their mere presence.

"Will you stop bickering in front of our guest!?" Gerrel and Koris actually looked a bit embarassed. "Those questions will be resolved within the admiralty, as they should. For now there is a different matter to be tended to." The Quarian's eyes settled on his daughter, and in the corner of his eye, John could see her all but squirm.

Raan cut in. "It is clear that the reapers are the biggest threat our people have ever faced. Bigger even than the Geth." The two admirals in the middle stirred at that, no doubt for different reasons, but did not speak up. "Tali has seen this new enemy first hand. She will serve the fleet best by remaining at her post."

Rael glared at the aged woman, and she held his gaze. If Koris had a heartfelt opinion on the matter, he kept it to himself; going by what Shepard had seen from the man so far, he didn't think that was very likely. After a couple of seconds, Gerrel cleared his throat. When he spoke up, his voice held nothing of the bravado that seemed to be the norm for him; instead, he sounded almost apologetic.

"Listen, Rael. I know you want your daughter here with the fleet,with her people. I know you had only the best in mind for her. But she is her own woman now. And if Shepard says he needs her..."

The admiral shrugged.

"Your daughter has brought home a gift the likes of which has rarely been seen, she is doing more than right by her people. And she is still going to be serving her people even if she's not on the fleet, and with the hero of the Citadel to boot. You should be proud, Rael."

When his old friend had started talking, Rael'Zorah had at first simply shifted his fearsome gaze from Raan to him, but at the end of it, Tali's father had shrunk a bit, and his eyes had trailed off.

After a couple of seconds, the man looked back at his daughter and asked his question, his voice betraying the fact that he already knew the answer full well.

"Is this really what you want, Tali?"

Her fingers, which had been fidgeting in front of her waist again, stopped, and she nodded. "Yes, father."

Rael sighed and looked around his colleagues. "Well then, I vote in favor. Any votes in opposition?"

Nobody spoke up.

"So be it. Han, if you would."

Gerrel stood up. "Tali'Zorah. In my position as captain of the _Neema_ , I accept your gift and grant you a place in my crew." He paused for a moment, and Shepard imagined that a big smile was appearing on the man's face; the tone of his voice when he continued proved him right. "And as my first order to you, I attach you to commander Shepard's crew, as his request. Your task is to do everything in your power to aid the commander in uncovering the secrets of the reapers, and to keep the admiralty updated on any and all developments regarding them."

The young woman stood as well. "Yes, admiral."

"In the time of your absence, Shepard will be your captain not just in practicality but in law, too. I know that you will not give us reason for anything but pride." He activated a holo screen and quickly made some changes to the document – not that John could have read any of the Keelish letters. Somehow, he managed to convey a sense of finality in the simple act of pushing a holographic button when he closed the file again.

"Tali'Zorah, from this moment on you are vas Neema. Bear this name with pride." He looked over to Tali's father. "Rael?"

The senior admiral nodded. "This meeting is concluded. Keelah'Selai."

With the official part of the meeting over, Koris and Gerrel quickly congratulated Tali and shook hands with Shepard before leaving for their duties, while Raan, who had waited visibly impatiently for the two men to conclude their business with Tali, wrapped her up in a hug and then dragged her off to the side to speak to her, John found himself confronted by Rael.

In contrast to his two colleagues, Tali's father did not immediately offer his hand.

"Commander. You are being granted the service of one of our finest. My daughter. I trust that you will treat her with the respect and decency a proud member of the Migrant Fleet deserves. Should I hear anything to the contrary, you will have the scrutiny of the entire board to stand up to. Am I clear?"

John stood straight, but not at attention; he would treat Tali's father with the respect he was due, but not suck up to him; he doubted that the man would appreciate something like that anyway.

"You are, Admiral. However, I want to make it equally clear that these worries are unfounded. Tali is a respected and appreciated member of my team. If it weren't so, she wouldn't want to do this."

Zorah nodded and extended his hand. "Very well. Good luck foryour search then, Shepard."

John shook it, and with that, the admiral turned around and walked over to the two women still in conversation. They ceased their talking and turned towards him as he approached.

"Raan, Commander. I would like a moment alone with my daughter."

Raan sighed. "Well, I have to return to my duties anyway. This meeting did take quite some time." She cast Tali one last glance. "Call, child! You hear me?"

With Tali nodding reassuringly to the older woman, Shepard turned and followed Admiral Raan out of the room.

* * *

Tali watched after John and Raan as the door closed behind them. When she turned around, she found that the marines had all cleared out of the room, leaving her completely alone with her father.

_What is it that he needs to speak to me this privately about? He can't go back on his word...he voted in favor...I-_

"Tali."

Her father's voice cut through her spinning thoughts, but it completely lacked the sharp edge to it that his subordinates, and in the last couple of years even his children, were used to. Looking at him more closely, it seemed to her that the man had shrunk; somehow, he looked older than he had during the meeting, or like there was less of him.

"I...want to apologize." He looked away. "I had no right to try to tell you how to conduct your pilgrimage." He turned his face to her again. "And I was wrong to think I knew better. Had you followed my demands..." He trailed off, not finishing his sentence.

Tali stood dumbstruck. "I, uh...it's okay father."

He shook his head vigorously. "No, it is not. I was wrong. You were right." He took a step towards her. "Your...mother...would be very proud of you." His hand hovered over her shoulder indecisively. "And so am I." And finally, the hand came down and gripped Tali firmly, shaking her out of her amazement. She rushed forward, hugging her father tightly. After a moment, he returned the embrace, if somewhat lamely.

"I missed you, father. And I will miss you."

She looked up to him, their eyes meeting through the masks. When he spoke after a long moment, his voice was thick. "I've missed you too, Tali."

They remained like that for what had to be at least half a minute; Tali could not remember the last time she had felt this close to the man. Probably before mother had died. When had they hugged for the last time? Not on the day she had left for the pilgrimage. No, it had bee-

His omnitool chimed, and he pulled out of her embrace. Looking down on his wrist, he sighed tiredly. "Duty calls. Both of us." He stepped over to the door, and on the mere two meter walk there, he not only straightened, but somehow seemed to grow, now once again standing before her as the imposing, legendary admiral Rael'Zorah at his full towering height, looking down even on his exceptionally tall daughter. "Good luck."

With that, he palmed the opener and strode through the door, Tali looking after him, enraptured by the bittersweet feeling their moment had manifested in her heart. She barely noticed John, Ashley and Han coming up to her until her captain addressed her.

"Tali. Liara just called, apparently she's finally ready to brief me on some potential next destinations and actually give a recommendation. Why don't you take that time for yourself and get the most out of our stay here before we take off again?"

Tali smiled and looked to her brother."Thanks, Shepard. I would love to. Ashley, did you...?"

Her friend nodded. "Your brother showed me around. I'll go back to the ship now. See ya later."

With that, the two humans turned and walked back the way the had come roughly an hour earlier. Tali had little time to look after them, her brother immediately rushing up to her. "So. We have however long it takes this Asari friend of yours to brief your captain before you go off again for who knows how long." Han spoke in an upbeat tone, but she saw through it, and it stung her.

"I'm sorry...I know it's not what you expected. But it's the right thing to do."

Her little brother looked up to her before wrapping her up in their second hug of the day. "It's alright. From what you told me in your messages and the calls, and from what your friend mentioned...I understand. Really." The seriousness vanished from his voice. "So come on already and let's at least enjoy the time we have. I promised Sheela and Kroon that I would drag you their way at least for a moment." Her heart jumped at the mention of her cousins, and her brother laughed. "I think Sheela is going to try and get you to take you to the _Normandy_ and show her your bedroom. She won't shut up about it."

They got going, but apparently Han wasn't done hyping her up yet. "And you do realize that since your technically returning from your pilgrimage, you are entitled to a clean room appointment ?"

Tali's fingertips tingled with anticipation. She had not realized that. She gripped her brother by the hand and accelerated her pace. "Come on, I don't have all day! I haven't been in a proper clean room for eleven months!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much for fluff and in betweens! The plot gets going next chapter!


End file.
